Date:
4/4/2000
From: darkslider
"What was the info you found out, Momma?",
darkslider asked as they walked out of the apartment. After
saying their hellos to Slappy Love Cheeks the porn dealer,and
buying the latest issue of "Continental Sized Juggs Monthly"
ST revealed...
"Well weasel, it looks like the Glory Boys are as weak
within as that made up as that one ply toilet paper sign they
had in the background."
After downing the last of the Jager, the GOD continued: "They're
working to pay off the damages caused by the 'night of sweaty
cantaloupe passion' with Mr. Belvedere, Kojak, and Star Jones.
After the twelfth game of naked
twister, things got out of hand when Kojak and Sabre got into
it over who got to wear the garter and bunny tail next for "Daddy
Belvedere"....once the fighting was done, all of the room
was filled with holes from the 12 inch stiletto heels and completely
covered, just like it's inhabitants with Crisco...", Matt
snickered.." And don't even ask me how the inflatable Gilligan
Doll and the stuffed ostrich are involved in all of it.."
"Hold on", Zach interrupted as he saw a tall, beautiful
woman cross the street in front of them.
"Hey, Poopybottom!!", dark yelled as he ran towards
the woman who turned to greet dark with the biggest smile anyone
has ever seen.
"My MANGOD and reason for being!!" were the words
that escaped her lips, just before Tembi Locke embraced her
loveslave in a kiss that would make John Holmes blush.
"Listen, my hot honey of love, Matt and I need to do some
work. Will you be around later?", Dark asked
"And more importantly, do you have any BOOZE??", ST
interjected.
"Yep, AND I have some info for the two of you..it's about
the Dec 10 Boys..." Tembi said.."But it's gonna cost
you.."
Space and Dark looked at one another and sighed. Dark quietly
replied...."Look, baby, I'd like to help..but we have to
WOR--oh all right..."
Six hours later, Dark came out from the apartment across the
street and smiled triumphantly as he held up what appeared to
be the world's largest moonshine jug.
"What the hell is THAT?", Matt asked.
Zach happily replied, "Tembi's GrandPappy's Moonshine of
Sterility. One swig of this, and we're drunk for about a week,
supposedly. And it should add hair to our chests and make us
sterile. Plus, I have news...."
Space interrupted, "Dude, shut up and give me the alcohol!!!".
With that, he angrily took the jug and took a few good swigs
of the precious juice. After swaggering and nearly passing out,
he finally slurred out "Are you gonna
tell me the news, or should I go and have sex with Lolita again?"
"Dude, I'm over here! Yeah, it appears that one of the
Dec 10 primates was at Victoria's Secret and ran into Tembi.
They were discussing red thongs and hot guys when
our names came up."
"Naturally, we are the SEXIEST MEN alive...", Space
added.
Dark continued, "Right. So, anyway, one of them told my
love kitten that all he wants to do is defect..and get this:
He wants to defect over to us! How
Exec is THAT?!"
"Well, there's an illustrious life in alcohol and porn,
retard. Look at what it's done for us..." Space added.
"Well that goes without saying..but that's not the only
reason..it also related to the size of our..", dark remarked
"Which one?", Space inquired.
"YOU know which one made our life illustrious.." Dark
slyly stated
"No, you simpleton, which one wants to defect???"
Space asked as he took yet another swig of the sweet, magic
nectar.
"I dunno..but does it really matter? She told me that both
are pretty occupied with a little fashion show right now, so
they'll be as easy as Kari on the first date.."
"Sassy. Their asses are ours...now all we have to do is
find those two pederasts. Let's roll.."
The two entered the Sassmobile and began to drive to the most
likely place the Duo of Demasculanization would be--"The
Quilting Bee". The sign outside read TODAY ONLY: TV's MrBelvedere
appears live to show his newest creation
of silkiness and beauty, just the right thing to make a man
feel like he's six months old again-"THE MAN HANDLER".
Below it was a picture of Mr.B proudly holding what
can only be called a travesty of tailoring. It appeared to be
a silk, pink, frilly man-diaper with the bottom cut out..
"I didn't know they were into Infantilism, you fairy",
dark commented.
SpaceTime gave his "partner" a "queer" look,
"I didn't know you were still banging Tembi, idiot. What
do you see in her?"
"Dude, don't start. She just can't get enough..and I'm
not EVEN going to get into the things we do. It's illegal in
all countries but Amsterdam."
Adding as a punctuation to kicking in the door of the "Bee",
Space stated, "Whatever, let's just do this like RandomJudgement's
mom did that Water Buffalo back in the
80's...."
-darkslider
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