TWIW, Eleanor Rigby edition... [QB8]

Date: 05/18/2000
From: Charmed007

[ Fade in on a classy bar, somewhere in Europe. Agent Charmed-007 is perched on a leather stool. ]

CHARMED: I'll have half a teaspoon of tap water,please.Shaken,not stirred.

BARTENDER [sarcastically]: You sure? That's awfully rich and all... shouldn't you be watching your figure?

CHARMED: You seem to be taking care of THAT quite nicely...

BARTENDER: Hey, I'm just trying to FIND the damn thing!

CHARMED: Look,I'll make up for it tomorrow by binging on steak,PIE,Olestra,and those little butter packets that come in restaurants.That way I'll be right next to a public washroom where I can throw up in blissful anonymity!

BARTENDER [shuddering]: One "H2O," comin' straight up.

NARRATOR: We'll return to Charmed007 in "Starve and Let Die," right after this musical interlude.
=====

Ahhhhhh, look at all the CharmedClass handles.
Ahhhhhh, look at all the CharmedClass handles.

Season_5_Liker,
Tells us that Di
Could be used
To much greater
Effect,
Instead of being Pe-ecked;

I_Am_Not_BB,
Wonders just how much
Ms. Wuhrer can
Rake in per show?
Plenty of do-ough;

All the CharmedClass handles, where do they all come from?
All the CharmedClass handles, where do they all belong?

Cuffyboy's famous,
For posting soooo many
Polls that Brand_S
Does the same:
Drove him insa-ane;

DariaTee-een,
Screws every guy
In her class
And then calmly says, 'What?'
Man, what a slu-ut;

All the CharmedClass handles, where *do* they all come from?
All the CharmedClass handles, where *do* they all belong?
Ahhhhhh, look at all the CharmedClass handles...
Ahhhhhh, look at all the CharmedClass handles...
=====

CHARMED-007 [strapped to a table]: Do you ecshpect me to talk,Matty?

SPACETIME: No, actually I expect you to post a thousand bullshit NSR topics that NO-ONE 7:-#ING CARES ABOUT. And BTW, *no-one* - BUT NO-ONE - calls me "Matty." [flips switch]

CHARMED [squirming to avoid the oncoming laser]: Look,maybe we can make a deal.I'll help you out on a prank!ANYthing!

SPACETIME [flips switch again, stopping the beam in its track]: All right, howsabout this. You use an alternate handle to masquerade as a concerned friend who reveals you're a self-destructive bulimic. Since you're already well-established on the board, it'll save me the trouble of developing a new such persona from scratch. We build it up for a few weeks, then your exquisitely believable death by starvation and/or overdose is announced to a flood of condolences!

CHARMED: Hey,that could work!I have this Daria handle I haven't admitted to my ownership of in a few months!

SPACETIME: *Sassy.*

=====
Sliders_Final_Four,
Shoots Wade a flame
And then claims
That her handle
Was hacked...
Is that a fa-act?

Charmed Zero-Seven,
Making it look
Like she's painfully
Starving to death,
While on Crystal Me-eth;

[Bizarre mumblings, that if played backwards, constitute Matt saying "Charmed is dead" over and over]

All the CharmedClass hoaxes, where *do* they all come from?
All the CharmedClass hoaxes, where *do* they all belong?
Howwwwww, to foil all the CharmedClass hoaxes...
=====

SPACETIME: Oh, and you might want to do something about your distinctive habit of capitalizing every word in a post title.

CHARMED: Nahhh,I'm sure no-one'll pick up on it.

[ Unnoticed by her tormentor turned co-conspirator, Charmed vacates her own body and is replaced by Blinker. ]

SPACETIME: Okay. Fake concerned friend reveals your hospitalization for eating disorder - I'll goof on her the whole time, to make the whole thing seem more natural - we build it up a while, and then you 'die.' I am the SHIT! Now, you got all that?

BLINKER: Uhh... yes, it would seem I do.

SPACETIME: KICK-ASS.

[ Our peripatetic poet Blinks back out. ]

SPACETIME: Dude, this is AWESOME! Now I can tell 007 all my plans, without having to worry she'll escape and use the knowledge against me!

CHARMED: Ugh,I think I just fainted again.Hey,would you have any buckets of lard lying around?

- Blinker 7:-I
http://welcome.to/gate_haven

Hmmmm. -----> http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/20523/6

Wow! lol

Date: 05/18/2000
From: Doctor_Quinn

But, umm, Blinker...just how many handles do *you* have?
j/k

 

The good doctor

Bwahahaha!

Date: 05/18/2000
From: FogBoy

Charmed-007 shall be destroyed. And the world shall be SpacTi... wait, no... the world shall be MINE! Yeah, that's more like it!

BWAHAHAHA! Don't just sit there, cackle! BWAHAHAHAHA!

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Date: 05/18/2000
From: SpaceTime

"It's funny because it's true." - Fat Tony

Blink, you ever gonna get back on AIM?

Space

LOL!!!

Date: 05/18/2000
From: Fish_Bone

...I hope Blink does not "leap" into me....Uh oh.

Fish Bone
><)))'>

Fine,Guys

Date: 05/18/2000
From: Charmed07

I'll leave this board and go straight to the teeny-bopper boar for C,where I will blissfully discuss stupid things like whether or not Pacey will be with Joey.Where I belong,right?Anywayz,I can see I'm not wanted here anymore.It's okay.I understand.

I did have alot of fun here until March.Six months on this board was great,just the last 2 that really sucked.

There's alot of people I'll miss,and some I won't.I might pop-up on the JOC board for time to time,but otherwise I'll be staying away from here.I just can't handle it all anymore.I need for it all to stop.

Now, Blinker

Date: 05/18/2000
From: Execrable

As a member of the Illuminati (and by that I mean I have a light bulb above my head, illuminating it), I feel I must object to your ill-researched post.

Furst, and most importantly, the water. As any 10th year biochemist knows, water is made of two things: water and sand. As such, it cannot have caloric intake, since water is a zero nutrient liquid and sand is simply too yucky to eat. How did I know what "caloric" meant? Simple. Fux doesn't have all the almanacs around...

So Charmed could drink all the water she wanted and not gain any weight that couldn't be pee-peed out... mmmm... pee... yellowest of the yellow liquids... anyways. So I caught you being wrong, Blinker! CAUGHT YOU! You are WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG! n' stuff! Charmed could drink a whole lot more than a teaspoon and continue her bulimic rampage.

I don't see the need to take this furthur. Except to say that because you are wrong, Fux is ALSO wrong. It's part of the Adiabatic limit!

Execrable

NEVER announce you are leaving!

Date: 05/18/2000
From: Salah_2

Furthurmore, NEVER announce you are strapped to a table with a laser heading your way.

T h e
B r a n d _ S . . . O o p s !

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/20737
Nominated by Blinker