Date: 06/08/2001
From: SL4ever

I thought it might be interesting to look deeper into some of the guest stars who have passed through Sliders, arriving from a mediocre career and heading towards film oblivion. What has become of these acting giants? How did they perform in the Sliders ep they appeared in? Most importantly, what the >:-# was the casting director thinking? No one epitomizes those questions more than Jeffery Dean Morgan, so it is with revulsion that I make him the charter member of this new series of posts.

Name: Jeffery Dean Morgan
Role: El Sid
Appeared in: “El Sid”
Distinguishing Characteristic: Couldn’t be less menacing if he were an 80 year old blind quadriplegic Smurf.
Acting Ability Rank: 1,345,678 (24 ahead of the average third grade play cast member, 788 below William Shatner)

“El Sid” is a lot like “Inherit the Wind.” Except, that is, that “El Sid” had nothing to do with the Scopes Monkey Trial, it was filmed in living color, and Jeffery Dean Morgan was in it instead of Spencer Tracy. I know Spencer Tracy, I have seen many of his movies, and Jeffery Dean Morgan is *NO* Spencer Tracy!

Another difference between the two is that “Inherit the Wind” didn’t suck. “El Sid,” unfortunately, did suck. It sucked like a hooker the first morning back to work after a month long vacation. (much more, unhappily, about hookers below) It sucked like outer space. It sucked like a nuclear powered vacuum cleaner. What I am trying to say is that “El Sid” SUCKED.

The thing that sucked the most was Jeffery Dean Morgan. His single minded dedication to sucking was so successful that he overshadowed a script appalling enough that it would embarrass a “General Hospital” writer, a plot so contrived a “Saved by the Bell” fan wouldn’t believe it, and a premise that was a direct “Escape From New York” ripoff. Jeffery career high watermark in suckiness single-handedly elevated El Sid’s pain quotient to such a high level that “El Sid” tapes are now being used by the CIA to torture hardened criminals who have resisted all other forms of encouragement. I hear that “El Sid” tapes are even more successful in breaking the toughest prisoners than “Waterworld” AND “A Simple Plan” viewed back to back!

Yes, it was Jeffery Dean Morgan that made “El Sid” so special. This is the highlight of his career so far. This Z movie actor has been in three blockbuster Hollywood movies and some trainwreck for TV called “The Burning Zone.” His first movie role was in the 1991 movie “Uncaged.” This one star rated bomb about five prostitutes who plot revenge on the murderer of their friend was unwatchable even under the influence of Ecstasy. Jeffery next stuck his head above the fenceline in 1994’s “Undercover.” This one and half star rated soft porn excuse to show women in their underwear is about a murderer who has targeted an upscale brothel for his dastardly deeds and is more painful to watch than a testicular tumor removal operation. But Jeffery Dean Morgan was not done punishing unsuspecting moviegoers. In 1995 he appeared in “Legal Deceit.” This two and a half star rated nightmare saw Jeffery break out of his murdered whore movie typecasting and instead play a blackmailing, murdering cooperate executive in a movie so awful that it premiered in theaters one Friday and was being sold on video at Blockbuster the very next Monday.

Since then there has been nothing but sullen silence from Jeffery Dean Morgan as far as Hollywood movies are concerned. Either he is as dead as his emotional range onscreen or he has finally found a role he can be convincing at ... night janitor at “Steak ‘N Shake” perhaps. His departure from the big screen is a tragedy because there are so many dead harlot stories left to tell. There is only so much Charlie Sheen and Hugh Grant to go around, so the movie world has sorely missed Jeffery Dean Morgan.

The only question left is why on EARTH the pre-Peckinbals Sliders executive team chose Jeffery to stumble around the set of “El Sid,” sneering unconvincingly and failing to menace the most timid hearted watcher of the episode? Is it because of his damn the torpedoes heading straight for an Oscar movie career up to that point? Did the original script call for Michele to be a whore who gets murdered? Was it that you can’t find just anyone capable of uttering a line like “All I have to do is lean on him and his windpipe is gone.” with a straight face?

We’ll never know why he was chosen. But we do know exactly who to find if there is ever a need for completely non-threatening oaf in a movie such as “Die, Streetwalkers, DIE” or “I Pity the Whore XII.”

Despite Jeffrey’s best efforts, “El Sid” wasn’t the worst Sliders ep of all time. But his performance is bad enough that I suggest hiding the remote and lashing yourself to your easy chair if you want to make it all the way through to the pleasing moment when Michele finally rids herself of Sid by ventilating the poor bastard.

If only I could as easily rid myself of the nightmares.

 

What are your thoughts on Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Opposing viewpoints are as welcome as additional bashing.

Bring back JDM!

Date: 06/08/2001
From: Recall317

He's no JRD, but we clearly need more JDM! Truly, he is underrepresented in the great Slider archives. Sure, his lone appearance was in a subpar episode, sure he makes Paul "The Big Show" Wight look intelligible, but he is a richly comic character if utilized properly.

I for one will include him in a fanfic this year. Maybe not anytime soon, but I will find a way for El Sid to make his ...um...triumphant return!

R317

Great review SL4! Might I suggest the story of how Appolonia was casted in "Slide Like an Egyptian" next? That ought to be interesting!

You dare besmirchThe Burning Zone?

Date: 06/09/2001
From: MissingSliderRyan

He acted better on there than on Sliders. Granted his part on Sliders was short and not really well developed, but it was enjoyable. Actually, he looked hotter and had a better developed character on The Burning Zone. Too bad he died and didn't come back to life at the end of the show.

Oops, I digress that was about Nick. :-D

Oh, about JDM, he played a decent character until he got replaced along with Tamilyn Tomita. That sucked big time. I loved that show until then.

MSR

P.S.

Saw Evolution and there was a Ratboy moment. Bwahahahaha Mulder and Ratboy overlooking the Russian gulag. Fun movie to watch.

Meow !

Date: 06/09/2001
From: Stax_

I get it.stax

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26047
Nominated by Recall317