Thought's on Doorways

Date: 12/4/99
From: SpaceTime

A few days ago, I received a package from Tf with "Doorways" in it. For those of you who do not know what Doorways is, this guy George R.R. Martin went to ABC with its pilot right when they were going to pick a new show. It came down to "Lois and Clark" and "Doorways." Superman won out, thank God. "Doorways" is a mess and no matter how bad Sliders got, it never got as bad as this.

Below is a transcript of a chat I had with Dark Slider on the subject:

SpaceTime: Tf sent a copy of "Doorways" my way... that TV pilot that people say is the original Sliders (and, might I add, is TERRIBLE).
DarkSlider: Really? What happens in "Doorways" ? That's the escaped convict Sliders, right? What was their world like?
SpaceTime: "Doorways" is a piece of shit. I haven't finished watching it yet.
DarkSlider: TELL POPPA!!
SpaceTime: The chick is ugly, she speaks broken English, doesn't know how the technology works, and blows up a lot of shit.
SpaceTime: Her "owner" is hunting her down.
DarkSlider: Broken English? How does she get the "timer"?
SpaceTime: And the "doorways" are all over the place. They go from L.A. to New Mexico to Denver, CO.
SpaceTime: It's fucking ridiculous.
SpaceTime: The writing is TERRIBLE
DarkSlider: That sounds a little.........I dunno....STUPID! Any other characters?
SpaceTime: The dad from "That 70s Show" was a cop. The ugly chick gets a doctor dude to go with her.
DarkSlider: Any comic relief?
SpaceTime: I'll give you the tape. It's awful.
DarkSlider: Sounds good. I could always have something to complete my shitty video bookends. It can go with my copy of Starship Troopers
SpaceTime: It's like, 25-generation, too, so the video quality sucks.
SpaceTime: And the "slide" itself is fucking gay.
DarkSlider: What's it like?
SpaceTime: You have to see if for yourself.
SpaceTime: The girl's EP is like some fantasy world with organic trackers that wrap around her arm, "Dark Lords" and "Man Hounds." It feels like I'm watching a Marvel Comic.
SpaceTime: IT'S FUCKING BBBBBBAAAAAAADDDDD
DarkSlider: Eeek....
DarkSlider: What other worlds do they land on?
SpaceTime: A world where, in 1970, there was an oil spill in Australia, and some scientists developed a biological cleanup device that ended up eating every petroleum product on the planet.
SpaceTime: This, by the way, is revealed to the heroes by a grizzled peanut oil salesman in one breath.
DarkSlider: That's not too bad....any other worlds? Legend wolrd perhaps..you know with fairies??
SpaceTime: I didn't get that far.
SpaceTime: By this point I wanted to kill myself.
DarkSlider: HA!
SpaceTime: The doctor is so dense about the "doorway" leading to parallel worlds...
SpaceTime: But you know how he figures it out?
DarkSlider: How? The peanut oil tycoon?
SpaceTime: The retarded chick takes him outside, puts him between two mirrors and keeps hitting him saying "Same," then hitting the mirror and saying "Different."
SpaceTime: Then he's, like, "Oh...my...God...this is a parallel world."
SpaceTime: And I'm, like, "I... can't... believe... someone fronted money to make this piece of shit!"
DarkSlider: No shit! Who's Brainstorm was this, anyway?
SpaceTime: George R.R. Martin.
SpaceTime: It's like watching a really awful train wreck.
SpaceTime: It's terrible.
DarkSlider: As bad as BJ and the Bear?
SpaceTime: Sure, I guess.
DarkSlider: Do you know what BJ and the Bear was?
SpaceTime: Some shitty TV show, I imagine.
DarkSlider: It was about a man and his monkey..
SpaceTime: Which one was the monkey?
DarkSlider: Are you watching Doorways now?
DarkSlider: BJ, I think
SpaceTime: Hell no.
SpaceTime: I'd gather that Doorways and the aforementioned show are about on par.
DarkSlider: I dunno. BJ was funny as all hell.

SpaceTime

ROTFLMAO!!!!

Date: 12/4/99
From: TemporalFlux

Couldn't have said it better myself!

And just for notation sake, "B.J. and the Bear" was a monkey show done by Glen Larson - the David Peckinpah equivalent for Battlestar Galactica (Larson can be thanked for the continuity nightmare that is Galactica 1980). Larson is also responsible for that Sci-Fi gem "Manimal" (Please note the sarcasm!). Larson was recently shut down by Universal when he tried to upstage Richard Hatch's attempt to resurrect the series in a movie (Larson wanted to do a movie of his own that had none of the original characters, no recognizable ships, and a different villian - basically all it would have *had* was the Battlestar Galactica *name*! Universal has allegedly nixed Larson's ideas though...and they are now dead in the water)

Tf - Wiping the tears from his eyes ;-D
temporalflux@hotmail.com
http://www.dimensionofcontinuity.com

Bear was the monkey.

Date: 12/5/99
From: JWSlider3

BJ and the Bear even had a spin-off,sheriff Lobo.

P.S. Hey, at least I never watched Knight Rider (another Larson gem if I remember right).

JWSlider3

I think I'll avoid THAT then

Date: 12/5/99
From: Slider_Sarah

not that I was likely to come across it anyway :-)

Sarah.

pping

Date: 5/14/2000
From: Slider_Sarah

LOL! You guys make me laugh!!

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/15309
Nominated by SpaceTime