Date: 6/27/2000
From: darkslider

Okay, here's the situation:

Enclosed are the Rules, Judging and other things that will help you understand the Tournament.

I've also seen some of you asking if I will participate. The answer? No. It would be hardly fair for me to participate AND judge. BUT, if the winner should seek to CHALLENGE me, I may be so inclined to indulge his/her wishes.

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RULES:
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This tournament is similar to the real deal in an actual flame war. Meaning that there is only ONE RULE. You DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, cut and paste a previously existing flame as your entry. We've seen what happens when the same material is used over and over. RandomJudgement's inability to keep his finger out of his eye long enough to wipe the drool off of his pink SHE-RA training bra is a testament to the reuse of the same retarded genetic material.

Other than that, there are no other rules. I want to keep the "flames" in their natural form. Fast and without much restraint. So, you can FLAME in any form you wish, at whatever SPEED you wish. Song Parodies, stories, etc are all accepted and even looked forward to.

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JUDGING
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Since Space stepped down to enter, I will be the only judge. UNLESS there is another who would like to assist with me. It CANNOT be a participant for the aforemention reasons that I am not in it.

At any rate, you will be judged on originality, quality, humor, and SASS. That's right, SASS. Sass is the sum total of the post(s). The SassScale is from 0-10. "10" being ultimate in Sass "Sasstronomical" if you will. A "0" meaning you NEED TO STOP. No, not just flaming..just please...STOP.

Whoever gets the highest overall score is the winner of the bout. No, no redos. All judgements are FINAL. Why?? BECAUSE I SAY SO, DAMMIT!!

Do not worry about favoritism. That is NOT at play here. I started this to see a pissing contest, NOT a place for me to pat my friends on the back. I would just as soon see RandomsEdge beat Space if he was capable.....as if that could happen....

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Flame Battles:
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Tomorrow morning at 12am, I will post TEN SEPARATE POSTS. Each will have the names of the opponents for that particular battle. Your flames will be the replies to that post, and only that post. This will keep me from going insane with trying to keep up with the chaos that will occur.

Your topic of the flame is your opponent. You have ONE FULL DAY to flame. Flame as MANY TIMES as you wish. The AMOUNT will NOT be JUDGED. The overall "flame essence" will be. (Trust me, flaming like a loon means SQUAT if you have zero substance behind it, ESPECIALLY if it means that you are going against one SUPERB FLAME.)

Furthermore, Do NOT worry if your style is new, or dissimilar to any other. I LIKE that. I will give MORE points for skill than anything else.

I want you to hit them with ALL YOU'VE GOT. Throw every absurd word you have, every 80's washed up star, every damn OBSCURE REFERENCE, or what have you, against them. I want BLOOD and FLAMES.

I wish to be Emperor Niro. I want to fiddle while your opponents BURN from your attacks.

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Randomization
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All of the opponents were chosen at random. I got REALLY drunk and threw them into a bucket. I then pulled each name out, and after the last one was pulled, I promptly puked all over the place, including the bucket.

The beauty of the "randomization" of battles is that some of you know NOTHING of the other. So, anything you say can't be taken PERSONALLY. This is a TOURNAMENT. Not a WAR. TAKE NONE OF THIS PERSONALLY. IF you do, well that's your damn business, and YOUR CHOICE. Just know that whatever you're hit with, THROW BACK. Don't sit there flabbergasted at the GAUL of the person instead of retaliation. It's all in fun...sort of...well fun and a chance for me to see some of my friends get SPANKED.
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Round I Setup
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Here's the setup for ROUND I. This again, was DONE AT RANDOM, as evident in some of the bouts. Lord knows that I would NEVER put some of you two against each other...

Round I:
------------------------------------------
Jorge vs. Prime2099
CoolSlider vs. vance454
dellyone vs. Nobuyuki
Fish_Bone vs. Sabre_Edge
SpaceTime vs. TimeFluxEMC2
Stoker_Chick vs. KllyWlls
DieselMickeyDolenz vs. RMScream
RandomsEdge vs. Brand_S
Slider_Quinn21 vs. SingularVisions
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And Finally
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You have ONE DAY to prepare. And then tomorrow, Wednesday June 28th, 2000 is the DAY. During that day you can post AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT. But, at the end of tomorrow, it stops. I will judge the flames and announce the winners on Thursday, along with the battles for Round II, and more information, if I deem it pertinent. Oh! If you have any further questions, e-mail me, post here...or get ahold of me on AIM.

Let me also say that I've reviewed the challengers and I see some that I never knew were into flaming. All I can say is that's DAMN BEAUTIFUL. I look forward to seeing you massacre your opponents and tearing their heads off in the same fashion Executive did to his Malibu Barbie collection when he found out that no matter WHAT his mom told him, a man resembling a sweaty gorilla in underoos was NOT sexy.

AND FINALLY, Let me address some of you:

Stoker--I look forward to seeing whatcha got. Kick some ass.
Fish_Bone-----Me, Matt and the big Jesus? LONG story! I'll tell you ALL about it after the tourney...! It's good to see you in the ring, man! Good luck.

Everyone else, good luck! I look forward to seeing quite a few of you in action! I've often wondered at your "flaming
prowess".

ENOUGH! Now, get to WORK, go PLAY, or whatever. Tomorrow, you BATTLE.

-darkslider

Lets rock Fish_Bone, good luck END

Date: 6/27/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

SE

Oh, I reckon I'm gonna enjoy this! <END>

Date: 6/27/2000
From: Brand_S

.

A complete stanger? Makes it easier <end

Date: 6/27/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

DMD

<dellyone shakes hands with Nobuyuki >

Date: 6/27/2000
From: dellyone

May the best one win.

dellyone

Good luck Stochi!<end>

Date: 6/27/2000
From: KllyWlls

-Klly

Good luck, dellyone.

Date: 6/27/2000
From: Nobuyuki

This will be interesting, to say the least.

Zach

Date: 6/27/2000
From: Yeontoo

Dear Darkslider,

You honestly need a second judge to help you, and I wish that I could volunteer. The only problem is the use of curse words in the place of actual vocabulary.

oh well, Maybe SliderDee?

blessings,
Yeontoo :)

You too Klly...

Date: 6/27/2000
From: Stoker_chick

...Just wanted to apologize (before 12), I just got into the city from work, and I can't get to a computer again until around 5 p.m. tomorrow, so my posts will be delayed, not out of weakness, but out of a 5 a.m. to 4 p.m. job.

Don't worry, I will not take this handicap as a threat, only as an even more worthy challenge.

May the force be with you.

Stoker

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21700
Nominated by darkslider