TWIWTA (4-20 thru 23) !!
Date: 04/25/2001
From: SL4ever
PFKAS: Where are you going with that TV?
SL4: Sliders and MST3K are long canceled. The only watchable ep of Friends is going to happen this week. There are only 4 shows left of both Voyager and X-Files. There's no reason to have a >:-#-ing TV anymore! After this season Network TV is going to be a vast wasteland of sitcoms, a format that died 10 years ago, and colorless dramas.
Dexibal_Lector: To say nothing of the fact that it is offensive that >:-# like Cops and Jerry Springer survive year after year with monster ratings while shows like Sliders get wacked every year. We're sick of TV!!! >:-# TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PFKAS: Haven't you even bothered to read about the shows premering next year? It's the circle of life, my brothers. The old has to make way for the new.
SL4: What could possibly be coming out next year to make me keep my TV?
PFKAS: The new Star Trek series is going to have Jennifer Love Hewitt, Reese Witherspoon, and Melissa Joan Hart in it.
SL4: Those three???? In the skin tight Star Trek uniforms?
PFKAS: Yep.
SL4: HURRY UP man! Help me get this TV back in place and plugged in!!!!! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DL: I love TV!!!!!!
The Way it Wuz ... Talked About!
SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your fabulous host, SL4ever! And this is The Way it Wuz Talked About, that show where we talk about the days that wuz and once in a great while look ahead to the days that will be. We have an exciting show for you today with an exciting panel!!! But first, these messages!
“Are you tired of the interminable 7 month wait between meaningful NFL games? Have you always dreamed of having a year round sport? Do you like teams that score less often than George Michael at a all girl college? Having trouble sleeping at night? Tired of those sissies in the NBA always threatening to fight but punching like Punky Brewster when they finally do put their fist where their opponent’s mouth is? Is Major League Baseball just not slow and boring enough for you?
No matter what your problem, the National Hockey League is the answer for YOU!
You’ve probably never seen a game, reruns of Suddenly Susan get higher ratings, so you don’t know what you’re missing!
Announcer: “Cory Stillman shoots! He misses! And that’s the end of the game! Saint Louis wins 2-1. Saint Louis scored on 2 out of 30 shots on goal, San Jose scored on 1 out of 31 shots on goal! Woo Hoo!”
***
Announcer: “Ooooooh! A penalty!”
Fan #1: I wonder what the penalty was? ROUGHING? CHOPBLOCK? PERSONAL FOUL for a LATE HIT?
Fan #2: I’ll bet it was a FLAGRANT FOUL for HEAD BUTTING! :-P
Announcer: “It was a 'throwing stick' penalty! Two minutes in the penalty box!”
Fan #1: Throwing stick? Awwwwww.
Fan #2: What’s next? A Playing Patty Cake penalty?
Fan #3: Don’t look at me, I’m just here for the SLASHING penalties. :-P
***
Announcer: “This is an exciting time of year! Playoff time! We’ve played 82 games over the past 26 weeks to eliminate 14 of the 30 teams! So now we’re down to the best 16 teams in the league! Now we’ll spend another ten weeks in the playoffs to eliminate the other fifteen losers and finally crown a champion! Then, after just 16 weeks off, it all starts again! It’s a great time to be a hockey fan!”
***
The National Hockey league is the sport for YOU! Become a fan today and start sleeping better right away!
Paid for by the “Hockey Doesn’t Suck as Bad as People Think” Foundation! And also the “Hey, At Least It’s Not Wrestling!” Collation.
SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. First, the “star” of the current bomb comedy “Tomcats” Jerry O’Connell!!
Crowd: It’s not the current bomb anymore, “Freddy Got Fingered” only made 7 million and finished 5th this weekend!!
SL4: WOO HOO!!!! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JOC: I can always count on Tom Green to bail me out. :-D
SL4: Next up we have this year’s “Numskull of the Year” runner up, Kari Wuher!!!
KW: Stupid WB network. Next year I’ll win it for sure!
Crowd: HEY! SHE’S BEEN ON ALL SEASON!!!!
SL4: Sorry, but I haven’t quite run this gag into the ground yet.
One person in the back of the crowd: Throw me your tonsils!!
Kari Wuher: No such luck! Peckinbals never gave them back to me.
SL4: Our third guest is the one food spitting boring >:-# diary writing Keith Damron!!
KD: Are you ever going to stop mentioning the food spitting?
SL4: And finally, the current winner of our random post contest, Eustislider!!!!
ZM <from audience> : Crusti!!!!!
ES: Awwwww, hey girl!
Crowd: Woo Hoo!!
SL4: Okay. So Eust, what stuck in your craw this week? Let’s start with 4-20.
ES: Well, for starters I was shocked that you only got one taker for your cage match post! Only one person on the entire board has the courage to Flame Spar with you?
SL4: Well, I guess taking SpaceTime to the limit frightened everyone off. SpaceTime’s been there/done that so he gets a pass. But I don’t understand everyone else.
KW: Wait a minute! HE didn’t sign up either!
ES: Hey, I would have, but I have to save my flames for Blinker in the next round.
KD: Don’t worry about it, you have at least six months before the next round starts.
ES: You’d think so, but as soon as I sign up for something like this, the next round would start and I’d be >:-#-ed! I can’t take the risk.
SL4: Oh well. I don’t know how else to even the odds. I already offered to take on EVERYONE simultaneously, the only other thing I can do is offer to stay drunk the two days it goes on.
KW: How could we tell the difference?
SL4: Hardy har har. So anyway, this is a comedy show but I do want to mention in all seriousness that I was very sorry to hear about JLBanker’s grandmother.
ES: Hear, hear.
SL4: Moving on, any other comments about 4-20?
KW: Well, I liked Hunter’s post about what he was pondering. Especially the joke up front. That was funny.
JOC: No it wasn’t!
SL4: Oh, god yes it was! We ARE all pondering that!
JOC: What was so funny about it? You don’t have to ponder how to get me on subway tracks! Put the script to “American Tomcats Fingering PIE 2” there! I’d HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! :-P
KD: I get it. Hee hee. Very funny, Jerry!
JOC: I already told you, I have a personal manager! Quit sucking up to me!
KD: What about a press release writer?
JOC: I’ve read your journal entries. I’d tell you to write about me accepting a Bedazzled 2 role and you’d end up writing about the time you dazzled a green snake with a corn cob.
SL4: So I guess that’s all we have for 4-20. What about 4-21, Kari?
KW: Before we move on, I thought Real_Slider’s post about the cop killer was interesting. It didn’t get any ratings, but that’s probably because this is a sticky and very flamable issue.
JOC: Speaking of flaming, didn’t you once tell Real_Slider to go stand in the middle of a road?
SL4: I didn’t know he was Qball79! I thought he was the moron incarnation of Real_Slider!
TIP <from the crowd> : What if I told you *I* was also Qball79?
SL4: You’re still an annoying bastard even if you are Jim Carrey in real life!
TIP: SMOOOOOOOKING!!!!!
SL4: Nice try, almsman. So now, Kari, what about the following day?
KW: It was interesting that the first three posts of the day were about shows other than Sliders.
JOC: I don’t know. Buffy moving was huge news, so I’m glad RMScream brought that up. I was pissed. I think that shows changing networks is outrageous! Show some >:-#-ing network loyalty!
ES <stares at JOC until he can get his voice back> : Well, I liked the Farscape post. That was outrageous that their ep ripped off one of the worst Sliders eps ever. What’s next? Someone’s Frelling head in a fishbowl? Whoever wrote that script is a horrid human being.
KD: <whistles innocently>
SL4: Well, personally, I was happy to hear that Krispy Kreme’s plans for global donut domination continue to move forward. :-P~~~~~~~~ They’re invading Canada as we speak, and now they’re in Exxon stations, as Informant reported.
KD: I prefer Dunkin’ Donuts myself.
SL4: YOU would, mendicant. All reasonable people know that Krispy Kreme kicks >:-#!!! Who wants cakey donuts???? Not me!! Blech. Gimmie a Krispy donut any time! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JOC: One more thing, for some reason the SF channel ignores all my emails now. But I think everyone else should email them and ask that Sliders return to the five days a week lineup as Temp asked in his post. As he said, it HAS to be emails that keeps unwatchable >:-# like Friday the 13th on the air.
SL4: It’s scary to think about what you consider unwatchable, Jerry. More after these messages.
“Arturo: “Thinking, Miss Welles.”
TimmyBigHands: Thinking about how I want to lick your shirt off your body like you were a luscious lollypop! Mmmmm, lollypops.
Producer: Um, Timmy, your line is “Thinking about how I can betray all of you and keep the glory to myself! MWA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!”
TBH: Look, I think that portraying Arturo as the sex crazed maniac we all know he is works a lot better than that lame >:-# SL4ever wrote for me to say!
SL4: Hey! I like the line I wrote you to say!
TBH: That’s a shock.
SL4: That’s it! You want a piece of me, punk?
TBH: Sure thing! <gets up, rips chair from theater floor, and swings it.>
SL4 <ducking under the swing> : Ha! I'll bet you thought you were going to break my nose with that, didn’t you? HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! <loses balance and slips face first on the floor.> Ow! I think I broke my nose!
Announcer: Ever wondered what the producers of Mystery Sliders Theater 3000 left on the cutting room floor?
HenryTheWonderDog: Which went about as successfully as the “reunion- BRAPPPPPPPP!
TBH: Woa! I didn’t even know a dog COULD belch! Jesus, Henry!
HTWD: Tell me about it! That’s the last time I have a McGaines burger. Ick!
Announcer: Well now’s your chance to catch all the outtakes! All the bloopers! And all the practical jokes!
Maggie <dropping shirt> : “Hey Wade. How about some hot tongue to tongue action?”
SL4: What????????? This wasn’t in Requiem!
Wade: “Sure! That’s about all I’m capable of now. I give good head, you know.”
SL4: I don’t believe this! I gave Requiem half a timer rating???? I’ll have to up that to 10 timers! WOO HOO!!
Maggie: “Come’re girl. Who needs Ryder on Friends?”
<SL4ever faints>
<TBH and HTWD bust out laughing> TBH: Poor guy! Fooled by editing in one of Kari’s preSliders movies. Hee hee.
Announcer: So if you want to see all the outtakes, bloopers, and practical jokes for all three eps of Mystery Sliders Theater 3000 call now with your credit card in hand and we’ll send you MSlidersT3K’s “Too Hot for the Board!!”
TBH: This is ponderous! I can’t work under these conditions! I have >:-# you money, SL4ever! Do you know what that means? That means I can say >:-# YOU and walk off this mother>:-#-er any time you piss me off too much!!!!”
SL4: And we’re back. I could have done without THAT ugliness, but my backers wanted to squeeze more money out of the franchise, so what can I do?
ES: Is everything for sale these days?
SL4: It was official that everything was for sale when we saw poor ole Fred Astaire on the ceiling with the vacuum cleaner. :-( So back to the posts, what do you think about 4-22, Jerry?
JOC: Not enough posts about me.
SL4: Well, we only had 8 posts all day. One of those was a double (or alternate if you’re a season five lover) and two more were TIP being her usual annoying bastard self. Not much room for you, Jerry.
JOC: What double post? Slidemania did separate posts for a year ago and two years ago.
SL4: Um, well, of course I knew that. We just see a lot of double posts ... hey, a lot of work went into those two posts. SM had to do a lot of surfing and tallying for that. When I have the time, I like to see those roundups.
KW: Well, there WAS Donner’s link to his moist excellent review of the new Tom Green “movie.” That was hysterical. The only thing you have to question is why he didn’t know it would be horrible ahead of time? There are movie critics who quit their jobs rather than go see this movie! You HAD to know it was going to be worse than having a nail drilled in your head.
SL4: I’m with Fogboy, too. The Critic!! WOO HOO!!!!
ES: And there was one of the most annoying TIP replies ever in phatboy_isthe_bomb’s post that day. It was worth going to the board just to see that and fan the flames of seething hatred a little higher!
SL4: So that brings us to 4-23. Eust?
ES: I thought CoolSlider’s What the F post was good. He raised some excellent What the F questions about that ep. I think he should do a What the F about each ep! There has to be at least one point in any of them , especially the last two and half seasons, where you ask yourself that question. Of course, it takes someone like CoolSlider to really get ‘em for the glaring errors! :-P
SL4: I liked that post. I also liked the cartoon Brand_S posted the link to. The Duplex is funny sometimes anyway but this one was amusing with some Sliders associations.
KW: I know! Dogs reading books are ALWAYS funny!
JOC: That wasn’t the funny part you moron! The funny part was those noses! Hee hee. Did you see their huge noses??? Also, since I’m nosy, I’ve been wondering what this mysterious thing Sliderlynn wanted to talk to Tigs about was! It was so important she posted twice. Is Tigs a ME fan or does she prefer Duckster? I’m sure between me and him we can get the information out of her. :-P
Tigs <from audience> : I have claws!
JOC: I have cat nip!
SL4: That’s all the time we have today, so you two can sort it out backstage. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to read HurriKain’s latest installment of Resident Slider. Join us next time when some cool people and whoever writes post 19470 will be our guests! Goodnight everybody!
“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you Hooked On Monica! If you can’t get fat, airheaded, interns with loose morals out of your mind, we have the cure for you!!! By Dean R. Koontz!!! Pick up his latest book of right wing paranoid fantasies today and we’ll guarantee the same basic plot as his last 25 books or your money back!!! And by Slappy the Adult Clown, for hot clown action, look no farther than Slappy!!!”
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/25640
Nominated by Blinker
