Looking at the smoldering pile that was once the ABL mess hall, EustiSlider frowns. The quest for the Holy Fedora had turned into a bitter disappointment. Inside the Cave of Appropriate Headgear, the ABL had found the message left by RKW. It was a map. Following the map's instructions led the ABL onto the Paramount backlot. The Holy Fedora, as it turned out, was just a leftover prop from a ST:TNG "Dixon Hill" episode. It was powerless.

In the ABL's absence, the mess hall had been destroyed and the BFA had declared victory. Well, at least TIP and Silverguy had been killed in the attack by that damn beret, so the quest wasn't a total loss.

QBall79: Damn those Dec-10 Boyz! I knew we should have included an inflatable Punky Brewster in our bid. The nudie pix of Emanuel Lewis just weren't enough. At least we weren't here when it happened. Chaser9 just checked in. Apparently the DRC escaped harm, too.

EustiSlider: Any signs of Nobuyuki?

QBall79: Just a note. Something about turning the BfA mess hall into a drive thru.

EustiSlider: I missed the last war. I joined the ABL this time because I couldn't just stand by and watch people wear those silly berets. Qball, how did you get involved with the ABL?

QBall79: It all seems so long ago. I was recruited by BritSlider....

. . . . .

CROWD: A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her!

Blinker: We have found a witch. May we burn her?

CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!

QBall79: How do you know she is a witch?

SlidersCentral: She looks like one.

CROWD: Right! Yeah! She looks like one!

QBall79: Bring her forward.

WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.

QBall79: Uh, but you are dressed as one.

WITCH: They dressed me up like this.

CROWD: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...

WITCH: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.

QBall79: Well?

Blinker: Well, we did do the nose.

QBall79: The nose?

Blinker: And the beret, but she is a witch!

SlidersCentral: Yeah!

CROWD: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!

QBall79: Did you dress her up like this?

Blinker: No!

SlidersCentral and HunterD_Raven: No. No.

Nobuyuki: No.

Blinker: No.

SlidersCentral and HunterD_Raven: No.

Blinker: Yes.

SlidersCentral: Yes.

Blinker and Nobuyuki: Yes. Yeah, a bit.

SlidersCentral and HunterD_Raven: A bit.

Blinker: She has got a wart.

QBall79: What makes you think she is a witch?

Sliding_Cpt_Bridger: Well, she turned me into a newt.

QBall79: A newt?

Sliding_Cpt_Bridger: I got better.

SlidersCentral: Burn her anyway!

CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...

QBall79: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

Blinker: Are there?

SlidersCentral: What are they?

CROWD: Tell us! Tell us!...

HunterD_Raven: Do they hurt?

QBall79: Tell me. What do you do with witches?

CROWD: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...

QBall79: And what do you burn apart from witches?

Blinker: More witches!

Nobuyuki: Shh!

SlidersCentral: Wood!

QBall79: So, why do witches burn?

[pause]

Sliding_Cpt_Bridger: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?

QBall79: Good! Heh heh.

CROWD: Oh, yeah. Oh.

QBall79: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

HunterD_Raven: Build a bridge out of her.

QBall79: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

HunterD_Raven: Oh, yeah.

QBall79: Does wood sink in water?

Nobuyuki: No. No.

SlidersCentral: No, it floats! It floats!

Blinker: Throw her into the pond!

QBall79: Wait! What also floats in water?

Blinker: Bread!

SlidersCentral: Apples!

Nobuyuki: Uh, very small rocks!

Sliding_Cpt_Bridger: Cider!

SlidersCentral: Uh, gra-- gravy!

Blinker: Uh, churches! Churches!

HunterD_Raven: Lead! Lead!

BritSlider: A duck!

CROWD: Oooh.

QBall79: Exactly. So, logically...

Blinker: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.

QBall79: And therefore?

SlidersCentral: A witch!

CROWD: A witch! A witch!...

QBall79: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.

CROWD: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...

(QBall79 places the witch and the duck on opposite sides of the scale)

QBall79: Right. Remove the supports!

(The scale stays balanced)

CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch!

CROWD: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...

QBall79: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

BritSlider: I am BritSlider, leader of the Anti Beret League.

QBall79: My liege!

BritSlider: Good Sir, will you come with me and join the ABL?

QBall79: My liege! I would be honored.

BritSlider: What is your name?

QBall79: 'QBall79', my liege.

BritSlider: Then I dub you 'Sir QBall79, Knight of the ABL'.

. . . .

QBall79: The rest is history, really. The others joined after we ate the duck. We should be going. The Dec-10 Boyz may not be finished, and we have a war to win.

EustiSlider: Right! But I don't think we'll be hearing from the Boyz again soon, I bought them passwords for voyeurweb.com's bestiality section and sent them a box of gym socks. That should keep them busy for awhile.

If you read LoB - Second Strike, you'd know that it was Sober Edge and Mister Chuckles who blew up ABL HQ trying to attract the interests of the Legion of Booze.

ST

I do so love Monty Python's Search For The Holy Grail!

BWAHAHAHAHA!

--Chaser9

Hehehehehehehe.

Sarah (she of the pale powder blue beret with lilac anti-nuclear sign)

A large portion of that sounded very much like an episode of Xena in which they were going to burn Pandora's granddaughter, who was keeping Pandora's Box with her. Just a thought.

SlidersCentral
http://go.to/SlidersCentral

Its a *very* slightly modified scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (as was the initial Holy Fedora post). If you liked the post, see the movie. It's one of my favorites.

--Eusti

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/19749