To CRACKfinity And Beyond

Date: 03/07/2001
From: Blinker

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/5210/tv_slider.html

I'd cut 'n paste you all some highlights from the page... but where to begin? His gushing reviews of "Genesis," "Just Say Yes" and "The Chasm"? His effusive praise of JOC, COC and Kari's "top notch" acting and total silence on Cleavant? His condemnation of Season One as boring, obvious and saddled with a dead-end concept?

Let's just say you've gotta read these for yourself...

- Blinker 7:-O ~~~~
http://slidersweb.net/blinker

"From the beginning I've thought, and still firmly believe, that the original concept is restricting and unworkable. I don't think you can do 'every' episode about parallel versions of earth, and doubles of the characters, and maintain a fresh and interesting show..."

Oh my Lord!

Date: 03/07/2001
From: EustiSlider

>> Data World, by Joel Metzger, is another high concept outing. The sort of thing "Sliders" never did when it aired on Fox. Episodes like this create a great sense of "place" and are the staple of cult tv, because they demand repeated viewings, and benefit from them.

This is the exact type of moron that Peckinpah was shooting for. Fuck the idea of a show that would appeal to people's intellect.

I know people here have trounced JOC's acting from post-Guardian on, but I've always maintained that he simply performed the way he was directed to, as an action hero. This guy's "review" reinforces my point:

>>Quinn is the shows central character, principle hero and most impressive character. Especially in Season Four. The Season Four opener gave Quinn a background not-too-different from that of Superman (parents send their special baby to safety from doomed planet) and the similarity did a lot to make Quinn very much a superhero.

Mindless, unfeeling action hero. That's what they wanted, that's what he gave them. ugh.

Eusti

Boy I love CRACK...

Date: 03/07/2001
From: SL4ever

...what would we do for humor if so many people weren't smoking it????

To retain my sanity

Date: 03/07/2001
From: HunterD_Raven

Or what little of my sanity is left, I must parody this level of stupidity
" I was never a fan of Sliders. It was more a show my friends all liked and I saw occasionally."
Appearntly he has smart friends

"To begin with, the pilot failed to impress me. It seemed like a dead-end concept."
kind of like Dragnet was a dead-end concept. or Star Trek, I mean really how many diffrent aliens can there be?

"Season Three seems to have had the worst episodes of all."
Well, he has some minute understanding of the show!

"The stand-out exception (which I only saw two weeks back) is the two-parter that introduced Maggie."
-Because it wasn't a movie ripoff, unless you count all those big 'end of the world is coming' movies, but who ever saw them anyway?

' This is a real epic.'
-I believe that Epic is latin for 'steaming pile of monkey crap'

"The stories are interesting and "big"."
-And we all know, who needs decent acting/script when you have 'big' stories?

"The regulars are likable and gel together wonderfully."
-Appearntly 'likable' is Canadian slang for 'make you want to choke the life out of most of them'

"Quinn has evolved into a superb hero."
-OK, I can't even think of a witty line here, my mind goes into traction due to shock of this statement.
What's the world coming to when a good human-like character is replaced by a 'hero' and people love it?

"More in tune what what you would expect of a 1990's sci-fi show."
--And this is a GOOD thing?!?

" Before this, it seemed like a lost show from the 70's or something."
--And we all know nothing good was on in the 70's!

"From the beginning I've thought, and still firmly believe, that the original concept is restricting and unworkable."
Like X-files, i mean how many X-files can there be? Sooner or later wouldn't one get solved?

" I don't think you can do "every" episode about parallel versions of earth, and doubles of the characters, and maintain a fresh and interesting show."
--But doing every episode on the same earth with the same history, that has unlimited potential!

"As it stands now, Sliders is more and more about the actual act of sliding than it is about the worlds that are visited. Which is better. Sliding is an interesting concept."
--So the idea of slideing is great, let's just ger rid of those pesky explanations of why the world is different!

"And the very fact that each episode is set on a seperate world opens the format up to a variety of sci-fi concepts that would stretch credibility if all played out on the same earth."
--But the concept is dead-end and very limited
Does ANYONE understand this guy at this point?!?

"And best of all, we now have the backstory arc, with Quinn and co. trying to rescue Wade and defeat the Kromaggs.
Brilliant."
---Once again my understanding of Canadian slang isn't that great, from this I think Brilliant must mean 'totally stupid bullshit'

"Strengths:The big strength of Season Four are the scripts. High concept sci-fi stories. Cleverly told. Then there is the cast: Jerry O'Connell and Kari Wuhrer are two charismatic, likeable, attractive leads. O'Connell has matured into a perfect "hero."
--I'll make a witty comment when I am done laughing....probably within the year, but don't bet on it!

"Impressive Characters:Quinn is the shows central character, principle hero and most impressive character."
--Yeah I mean the proffesor & Remmy where just so boreing 'Blistering idiot' this, and 'Tears in my fro' that!

"The Season Four opener gave Quinn a background not-too-different from that of Superman (parents send their special baby to safety from doomed planet) and the similarity did a lot to make Quinn very much a superhero."
--I never realized it before, but he's right!
I can picture it now
Peck: I see Quinn as Superman, GO WITH IT!

"The other impressive character is Maggie Beckett. A gutsy military lady with a gung-ho attitude to the slides."
Well, if you take off the 'Gung'...

" Jerry O'Connell and Kari Wuhrer are the best two actors in the show."
--Once again comments will come after I stop laughing.

" Wuhrer is a very strong actress and absolutely gorgeous to boot!! No bad combo. "
Appearntly Stong, as in her ability to keep from toppeling over due to her to-heavy figure.

"Just Say Yes, by Richard Manning, shouldn't be a classic. Not really. Since, on paper is seems like such a lame, cliched idea."
--Hey, he's finally makeing sense!

" However, the script and execution make this another utterly delightful hour of television."
--Well, it lasted for 2 sentances anyway!

" With Kari Wuhrer and Charlie O'Connell doing some absolutely top-notch acting."
--Once again, when I'm done laughing.

"Back onto a world where Kromagg's were defeated, but are --
--As opposed to the worlds where they where defeated and then loved & cared for!

"This sets the scene for some gripping Father-Daughter discussions."
--Where he explains it's "the Birds & the bees, Not the humans and the Kromaggs MORON!"

" But wait... there's more:"
--You also get a juicer for just $19.95, that's right, just $19.95!

"Kari Wuhrer (again) gives a top notch performance"
--Appearntly the notches are on his bedpost, thus explaining why he gives her & S4 such positive reviews!

"Data World, by Joel Metzger, is another high concept outing."
--On the level of such other high-concept movies as 'Porkys' 'Revenge of the nerds' and 'deep throat'

" The sort of thing "Sliders" never did when it aired on Fox."
--Ok, I give you the opportunity to insert your own witty comment.

" Episodes like this create a great sense of "place" and are the staple of cult tv, because they demand repeated viewings, and benefit from them"
--THAT'S IT, Data World brainwashed him! Oh wait, he'd need a brain to be washed, nevermind!

"The Chasm, by William Bigelow, was -when I started writing this review- my most recent episode. And, as with so many others in this season, it really blew me away."
--Just like Kari did to get this review

"But, best of all, the episode plays fair by providing a satisfying solution to the mystery."
--Ok, it's official, I'm never gonna stop laughing

Quick

Date: 03/07/2001
From: SweetOne

Somebody slap that moron.

SweetONe

Think of the hit count...

Date: 03/07/2001
From: Recall317

...this guy is gonna wonder what's going on by the sudden surge of interest in his page!

R317

PS. Eusti- your observations were dead on. I have always maintaned (believe it or not) that JOC is a very good actor- when he chooses to be. I just hadn't thought that he was doing what was asked of him before. Makes sense!

Hunter- Very funny reply!

The only thing I can figure...

Date: 03/07/2001
From: ThomasMalthus

...is that the site is actually run jointly by Kari Wuhrer and Jerry O'Connell. (And by "jointly", I mean that they both had to have smoked a lot of joints to think that anyone would take this crap seriously.) The picture is a dead giveaway (why just those two and not the whole cast?). And the only person who I've ever heard use a semi-coherent sentence to praise COC's acting is Jerry. It therefore must be them.

ThomasMalthus

Date: 03/07/2001
From: HurriKain

Japanese Announcer:
BIIIIIIITSUUUUURRRAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

BS2K: IamtheBitchSlapper2000andI'mreadytosmackthesebitchesup. Pleaseinputtarget.

HK: This jackass. <Inputs URL and Webmaster info.>

BS2K: <loading>. OrderReceived. I'llberightbackafteIputthishointohisplace.

And with that, The robot rolls on...

<BS2K theme(sung to the tune of "Speed Racer")>

Here it comes
Here come BitchSlapper
It's a danger on wheels
It's a demon and he's going to be slapping after someone

It's comin' for you so you better run and hide
That big ol' hand he's isn't built for no high fives
So that the odds are against you and you lost your class
<SMACK-SMACK>
And bet your life that BitchSlapper will beat your :-#

GO BitchSlapper
GO BitchSlapper
GO BitchSlapper GO!

It's off and rollin' as he goes for from down the street
It's gonna catch you and it'll smack for the next few weeks
The morgue is waiting just ahead

GO BitchSlapper
GO BitchSlapper
GO BitchSlapper GO!

I totally Agree with him...

Date: 03/07/2001
From: Jenneration_X

Quinn was a hero. Kari is a good actress, Cleavant Sucked and deserves no reckonition!! And all this exists in a world called "Crack-mania!!" and you too can join!!

Geez, Season four? good? Quinn a hero? I'd much rather prefer the good ol' Quinn in Eggheads.. Ya know the one who relied on Arturo for the skimatics of how things worked.. He went down with one hit!! That big guy punched him and he went down!!

I gotta hand it to Kari though, Her acting is helluva lot better than her singing, even though both were unbearable!!

That guy was smoking some serious joints!!

~J~

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

Date: 03/08/2001
From: PHOENIXZERO

So what if I said that stuff? It's true dammit! And yes, Kari is great in the sack, too bad she gave me VD, bitch....

Heh, now if I could be serious for a moment.....

There!

LOL http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/5210/start.html go there and you will see by the pic of him on the page that he's an idiot! ;)

LOL! HK...

Date: 03/08/2001
From: QBall79

Where do you get all those gadgets? Where can I get some?

Q-Ball79
http://www.slidersweb.net/

Japanese Announcer:
"All your bitch are belong to us!"

Forgive me.

Personally

Date: 03/08/2001
From: Stax_

I agree with Fogboy .

GoooOOO Fogboy.stax

Date: 03/09/2001
From: dellyone

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/5210/tv_page.html

For the love of Highlander, it's spelled Duncan MacLeod not Duncan MacCloud.

His review of BattleStar Galactica was um... entertaining.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/5210/tv_bstar.html

Less-Than-Impressive Episodes: "Fire In Space", which I saw a few nights ago, is probably the weakest episode of the run. The only episode to focus on Boomer, it sees him totally overshadowed by the "cute robot animal"! It also features the pointless artificial threats of Adama being felled by shrapnel and facing surgery, while Starbuck and Apollo risk floating off into space. Nonsense.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He must not have liked it since Starbuck didn't save those that were trapped in the fire. Muffy, the monkey in the daggit suit, saved them by following the scent of mushies.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Impressive Characters: Starbuck is not only the best thing about this show, he is also one of the all time best TV heroes.

On paper, he's really nothing special: Thomas Magnum with a lazer gun. A fun-lovin' kid in grown up clothes. One of those guys who's very self-deprecating and doesn't attempt to come over all heroic. Yet, when the going gets tough, there's nobody tougher.

A cliché.

What makes it work is Dirk Benedict. He is a perfect leading man. Casting him is what made Starbuck impressive.

The casting is also the key to the Apollo/Starbuck friendship. As written the guys are no different to Simon And Simon, Balki and Larry, or - even - Rio and Wiley from Air America. Heroes and best friends. One is sensible. The other is fun loving and (apparently) irresponsible. Except (of course) when he's needed. Then we see that he's really got a heart of gold, and courage to spare, and he'll do whatever is necessary to protect his buddy and save the day/girl/mission/whatever.

Apollo and Starbuck are just like those other partnerships.

Just like them.

Except that Richard Hatch and Dirk Benedict are as perfect for the roles as any actors have ever been for any roles. Ever.

Apollo really does seem sensible and dull. You can't help but like the guy, even though you'd wish he'd lighten up. Starbuck is the guy you'd hang out with, even though the pace would probably kill you. Apollo is the guy you'd confide in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I like Starbuck a lot, but there isn't a story without Apollo. Balki? <rolls eyes> At one point he lambastes Apollo then likes him later. What's funny as hell is the fact that he lists Rick Springfield, who died in the first ten minutes of the Pilot episodes, Lloyd Bridges, Commander Cain of the Pegasus, and Robert MacNee, Count Iblis, as regularly or semi-regularly high calibre actors. He even posts "Patrick Macnee is present throughout the series as a manifestation of evil." Umm.. these guys only appeared in two episodes so I find it laughable that they would be even called semi-regulars.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three Things I Really Don't Like About This Series:

That fact that the best Starbuck adventure didn't air on the show at all. "Return Of Starbuck" a Starbuck solo-adventure, aired on Galactica 1980 instead. Annoying. Had it aired here, then it would be listed up there as one of the best episodes and Judith Chapman would be listed as one of the outstanding guest artists.

The other two things were blank.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eh? If it aired on BSG then where the hell would the continuity be? This was a setup for Galactica 1980. Just that statement makes this guy a complete moron.

I just wonder what he would have said about Quantum Leap.

dellyone

AAAAH!

Date: 03/09/2001
From: Vigeant

A computer teacher that uses GEOCITIES to host his site..

"Okay class, today we are going to learn about the on button..."

heehee

I think we all know who wrote these...

Date: 03/09/2001
From: sliderules

It's pretty obvious who was the brains behind these reviews. David Peckinpah, and the execs of Sci-Fi. Who else could it be? :P

sliderules
"Dude, you have got to get me some of this!"

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/25213
Nominated by Blinker

Discuss this post in the HoF Forum