TTCoBS: My Beginning

Date: 08/23/2001
From: Brand_S

The True Confessions of Brand_S

My Beginning

The first time I actually posted was two months later, after much lurking. Someone had just written a funny joke as a post, and the only reply was from Cryin. It was a decidedly rude one, though, saying something like, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." I was just wondering where this mofo got off saying that sanctimonious crap. So I responded and defended the poster, while at the same time telling Cryin that I thought his rudeness was unnecessary. (NOTE: In the sporadic times I've talked to him since then, we've gotten along much, much better.)

After looking around some more, I found some feuding between TemporalFlux1 and SlidingCptBridger. I had no idea TemporalFlux1 was a troll. In fact, I was somehow convinced that he was the same person as TemporalFlux. Not good. My opinion of TemporalFlux wasn't that high at the time. Then as now, every other idiot was futilely attempting to undermine his authority. I figured, with all these people trying to do that, could it be that HE was the badguy? To summarize: I reached the conclusion that everyone was condescending and stuck-up to everyone. What the fuck kind of community is this?

I made my first article a few days later. I reigistered my most commonly-used handle at the time: "s_the_great." I introduced myself in a way I thought would be best: I described in detail my opinion of the show, what it was before, and what it was at the time. At the end, I appended some mild criticism of the whole message board. The title: "A Very Long Sliders Rant." No, the Rants were not HunterD_Raven's invention, at least not the on-topic ones. Mine. All mine. And it was LONG. LONG!

I mentioned in an appendix that I felt that a lot of the people there "come off as stuck-up and condescending." One of the replies I got was from TemporalFlux. He magnanimously introduced himself and humbly apologized if he had given me a bad impression of him. In retrospect, I thought he was being much nicer than I would have been in that situation, but at the time, being a little bastard, I was unable to appreciate it. I abruptly explained that I was simply going from my point of view at the time. I had made a grievous mistake: Starting my time here on bad terms with TemporalFlux. His standing on this message board has never needed any introduction... so you can see why soon after I felt like such an idiot. What I didn't realize at the time was that my appendix did probably the most irritating thing you can do on a message board: it tried to create the pretense that I, a new person, am above the rest of the board in some way. That my handle at the time was "s_the_great" didn't help any either. I really shouldn't have been surprised when that part was poorly received... but the other commentary made up for it. One response said, "Perfection is... this post exactly!"

Funnily enough, at first glance TemporalFlux had no idea what to make of me. (It's a rarity when TemporalFlux, being probably this message board's foremost scholar, doesn't have any given person here fully sized up.) You see, I did not know how to spell Logan's last name. I thought it was "Sinclair," because that's what my ears picked up from "Double Cross." I also thought the plan for season 5 still involved Derek Quade. Wrong on two counts. But the whole Derek Quade thing was still an extremely obscure piece of information. Flux had no idea how I knew about the latter but flubbed the former. So, Flux, if you're still wondering, the answer I just explained. I checked the IMDb back when it listed "Derek Quade" for Robert Floyd, but I never looked for any info on Logan.

· TemporalFlux
I always had a high opinion of TemporalFlux. As everyone knows, he busts his ass to bring us the best Sliders information there is. His accomplishments can be described by virtually anyone who has been here for a year. Personally, I always liked the guy a lot, but I was always afraid of him. I started off on the wrong foot with him in the beginning, but eventually we ended up hitting it off. I have made it my personal goal never to instigate a fight with TemporalFlux. He is one guy I never want as an enemy. That's one of the things that has always driven me to do whatever he says, no questions asked, but he's a really nice guy, so I don't mind at all.
He and SpaceTime caused me one vital problem, though. Both of them have always placed a high degree of trust on me, which caused me to compound in myself the huge amount of doubts I already had. I didn't know if I could be trusted, if I deserved to have their trust. When the two of them started the huge feud that has them fighting to this day, it all got worse from there for me.

What you have to remember about me is that being ignored has a huge effect on me. When someone who is supposed to be my friend or an agreed-upon "nice guy/girl" does it, I consider it the ultimate act of rudeness. None of you are better than me and none of you are smarter then me, so don't EVER pretend I'm not there when I am. Nothing is more rude than that. Nothing else says, "I'm too good to give consideration to what you say. Maybe if you were COOL I'd listen to you, but you're not, so fuck off."

I got 14 replies for my trouble (including a nice one from QBall79). That's what first started my addiction. From then on, whenever I did something, I needed approval. Approval became a drug for me. And that's a problem I still have to this day on every message board I visit. Nothing destroys my confidence more than a silent audience. That's why I'm writing this. It's also why I'm going to do what I'm going to do when I'm done posting this.

· QBall79
QBall79 was one of the first people to welcome me to this message board. When I saw how popular he was here, I decided that I wanted to be just like him. He seemed popular, but still a nice guy... then I started trying to talk to him in chats and on the message board and he started ignoring me. After a good solid year of this, my opinion of him gradually slid from "My Hero" to "Fuck Off, Asshole," with no small amount of help from certain other friends of mine who had a problem with him. Since the whole thing involving me attacking Mychand, though, I've made my peace with him. I have a relatively high opinion of him now. He's a pretty cool person who just happened to wind up on my bad side a few times.

So, soon after, feeling stupid from starting tension with TemporalFlux, I tried to make up for it by integrating myself into this place as much as possible. I learned how to tell the myriad handles apart, and I even started reading fanfic. At least I tried. I eventually gave up. When a writer can't get "your" and "you're" straight, for me it has the effect of a Charlie Horse.

One of the people I met was named "misswells." Nice girl, younger than me. Her birthday is very close to mine. A week to the day, I think. She joined this place a few days after I did. When her birthday was approaching, she broadcasted it like crazy. I said a few things about mine as well, but not to the same extent. You can imagine how I felt when this girl's birthday came and she received attention and birthday wishes from all, and July 11th came and s_the_great got... nothing. NOTHING. This little bitch whom I had WEEKS on got all the attention in the world and I got NOTHING! What the FUCK is wrong with these morons?! Is it too much to ask that I be acknowledged for more than one fucking post? I swear, I make one rant, then everyone here forgets I exist! I was going to vent this little fit of anger, but I thought better of it.

Eventually, I also noticed one overwhelming trend. The whole message board REALLY hated David Peckinpah. Not knowing who he was, I wrote a post asking why... but it came out wrong and the whole arrogance thing reared its ugly head all over again. BAD. TemporalFlux wrote one of the longest posts I've ever seen, detailing what all David Peckinpah did that was so bad, while adding an appendix of his own that was to me what "Survivor's" Sue was to Kelly in the final episode. Crestfallen, for the very first time, only weeks after I joined, I turned in my resignation and left. Yeah, that was the very first time I tried to leave. TemporalFlux actually wrote a nice e-mail that dissuaded me from leaving. Now it was I who had no idea what to make of him. It didn't take me long to learn that TemporalFlux knew exactly what he was talking about. Too bad I was too confused to figure out whether the guy liked me or didn't. As most of you have figured out and agreed to, TemporalFlux's word is law. Nothing puts you on the blacklist sooner than losing your standing with him. Good thing I'd never really have that problem.

Well, don't just leave us hanging!

Date: 08/23/2001
From: Blinker

> Nothing destroys my confidence more than
> a silent audience. That's why I'm writing
> this. It's also why I'm going to do what
> I'm going to do when I'm done posting this.

?

- Blinker 7:-I
http://slidersweb.net/blinker

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26581
Nominated by Joey_Starr