TTCoBS: SpaceTime

Date: 08/23/2001
From: Brand_S

The True Confessions of Brand_S

SpaceTime

Matt "SpaceTime" Hutaff has had a huge effect on this place. His effect is so big that I felt he deserves his own section, as opposed to just a sidenote. I also wanted to counter the misconception that I'm his lapdog. It's not true, and it hasn't been for a long time.

When I first met SpaceTime, it really wasn't much of a meeting. SpaceTime is surrounded by a whole cloud that is pure word-of-mouth. It's like resting your ear up to the ground. You will hear someone coming long before they're even in sight. I'd heard beforehand that he was the webmaster of EarthPrime, he and TemporalFlux were best buds, he and TemporalFlux were relatively equal in status, and that if you didn't kiss his ass at all times, you would be verbally brought to tears by some brutal flamin'.

True. True. True. Half-true.

I first met TemporalFlux in the main "Sliders" chat. It was the best venue at the time for talking to Yeontoo, Sabre_Edge, TemporalFlux, and Blinker. By the time I really got into the swing of chatting, it was September. SpaceTime had already gained that notoriety that comes from flaming newbies and picking on buffyboy. The word-of-mouth was flowing. Watch what you say around ST, or you'll get ass-reamed. He will bend you over a desk like a secretary and fucking go to town.

I, personally, would've been a sitting duck against him. I had just changed my name to "Brand_S." I did it on 9-9-99, and I was the only one who thought it was cool. For me, the Brand_S name was the start of my progression from a naïve newbie to a cynical hater of virtually all, but that's beside the point...

So when SpaceTime slipped into a chat one day I about panicked. One thought was in my head. "Kiss his ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss his ass." Why I didn't leave, I still had no idea. Here's a sample of the kind of conversation I'd have with him...

<SpaceTime> Just saw Requiem. Interesting.
<S> Yeah, Requiem was pretty cool. I like how they brought back Sabrina Lloyd.
<SpaceTime> I thought it sucked.
<S> That was the WORST episode I have EVER SEEN! Who the heck do they think they were fooling?

This hardly ever worked. Whenever I could hear tension in his voice, I whipped out the diplomacy, i.e...

<S> Yeah, Season 5 was pretty cool.
<SpaceTime> Why do you think that? Why? I want to hear an explanation.
<S> Well, I don't know. I just liked it, but I could be wrong. I mean, you're a better authority than me, obviously.

I wouldn't get a response to that for the rest of the chat.

I was also this thick-laying-on on the message board, too. I mentioned something about him recording URLs of buffyboy's posts. I phrased it as him doing something with buffyboy. He responded with something along the lines of "What, pray tell, have I been doing with buffyboy? Explain yourself." I wrote the most self-effacing thing I could. I don't remember half of it. It really doesn't matter, anyway. He didn't respond.

In all this time, I considered SpaceTime a friend, inasmuch as he hadn't flamed me yet. No matter what he said, no matter how much tension I picked up, I still considered the guy a friend. Everything said now about me being his lapdog was really true then. After all, I was afraid of him!

So what changed?

I've always said that in all the time I've known SpaceTime, there was only one time he flamed someone whom I didn't feel he was justified in flaming. It's been guessed as to who it is. buffyboy? CaptMaggie? TemporalFlux? QBall79? Here's the answer...

Me.

One time, I gave CaptMaggie an idea for redoing her site from the ground up on the message board. SpaceTime responded, calling me a buffoon. When I attempted to mildly defend myself, he called me a gimp. All the diplomacy I spent on him went up in smoke right then. I stopped responding immediately. I chose not to perpetuate a potential flame war. (Considering I was just flamed by the guy whose ass I had just spent months kissing, by dropping the issue I think I took it remarkably well.) From then on, I just avoided him. Every once in a while, I'd respond to one of his posts, but just to pique his attention. To me, it was analogous to sticking a penny on a railroad track. Nothing big, but still there. I was still afraid of him, though. I didn't want to anger him anymore than I wanted to anger TemporalFlux.

I wouldn't meet him again for any real period of time until I posted the Dominion War. SpaceTime decided that my work was absolutely ingenious. I was on AIM one day when he invited me through Yeontoo to talk to him. I was reluctant in the extreme. My response to Yeontoo was something along the lines of, "I think I better go now. By the way, he scares me. A lot." Yeontoo offered to stay in the room the whole time. (Yeontoo, again, THANK YOU!)

So I went into this room with Yeontoo and SpaceTime. SpaceTime found my fear of him strange, unfounded, and unexpected. He made it clear that his opinion of me was far too high for him to ever give me reason to be afraid of him. In a turn of events that to this day has shocked the shit out of me, we hit it off almost immediately. The Dominion War gave rise to fanfic after fanfic of his. It didn't take me long to forgive him for that whole "Buffoon/Gimp" thing (although now you know why I gave Chapter 7 of the Dominion War its name).

But because I'm friends with SpaceTime and darkslider, automatically it must be assumed that I always put them first and everyone and everything else second.

Let me explain something. One of the biggest divisions in the Dominion Board is the one between old-timers and newbies. Many old-timers can often be found whining about how the message board is nothing like in the "old days." SpaceTime is a former old-timer who was pretty much gradually excommunicated after his friendship with TemporalFlux crashed and burned. I, on the other hand, am a newbie. Sure, I was here for two years, but that's nothing compared to, say, emzee, Mychand, Chaser9, SlidingCptBridger, QBall79, TemporalFlux, HurriKain, Blinker, or SL4ever. Therefore, for my first year here, half of everything I said went ignored. After all, in the unspoken opinion of the old-timers, I hadn't been here long enough for my opinion to build any validity.

Call me self-centered if you must, but what kind of impression should I get for someone with my point of view? Chaser9, SlidingCptBridger, and various others are all old-timers (although none of the others in the previous list act this way; on the contrary, many of them have been pretty damn nice). Every word I said to them went ignored.

Case in point: Chaser9. When V6 premiered, I supported him fully. I gave all the advice I could, and I generally tried to be as nice to him as possible. I also wanted to apply for a position in V6. I thought it was going places. So, I asked him on the message board about it. I asked him tons of times about it, and only after constant trying did I get a response. As I've said before, said response REEKED of "I don't have time to waste on you." This guy was acting totally stuck-up towards me. Fuckin' fucker. Not long after, V6 collapsed. Chaser9 forgot every word of support I had given him. All he wanted to talk about was how much everyone should feel sorry for him. Over the next year, I tried to be as nice to him as possible when he posted here. INVARIABLY, all I got was ignored. You know by now what I think of that. So when he suddenly attacked my friend SpaceTime (who had said NOTHING of the sort to him up until then), you can understand why I reacted the way I did.
There is nothing about Chaser9 that I like. He is a terrible, élitist person who is more concerned with himself than anything/anyone else. I spent a year telling anyone who asked that Chaser9 pisses me off, and people are still surprised when I flame him. People say SpaceTime bad-mouthed him when he wasn't around. All SpaceTime ever really said about him was that Chaser9 can't write dialogue worth shit. And it's true. Didn't Chaser9 give SpaceTime the rights to V6? If SpaceTime's going to rewrite them, he at least has the right to say what's wrong with something that he ends up changing. I am the one who said all the shit about Chaser9, not SpaceTime. The preceding paragraph is why. Everything about Chaser9's betrayal was caused by my actions, and since people think I'm SpaceTime's ass-kisser, they jumped to conclusions and assumed it was SpaceTime's actions.

#2: SlidingCptBridger. Old-timer. He'd write long, self-indulgent posts of his own. They'd generate a lot of responses, but where he'd respond to those of others, he'd ignore me every time. Maybe some of you remember Crystal Blue. The one time he listened to me was when he asked everyone for their opinion of his site ("Crystal Blue" being the site's name). I just said it was frustrating that, when I accessed it, there was nothing there. He said it was because they decided what he wanted for the site could only work on Internet Explorer, so Netscapers would miss out.
And he was shocked when his visits were only half what he expected and he ended up shutting the site down in his frustration.
The point is, this old-timer ignored me all the time too.

#3: HunterD_Raven, Informant, Slider_Dee. I don't have any real dislike for these three, but they pissed me off royally on a consistent basis when they did that "Heated Debate" shit. The ONLY time I was included into the debate was when I requested some form of attention. All I got was a post that said. "Hey S." That was all. No rebuttals to my arguments. No nothing. I would labor for hours submitting my researched, thought-out views, and these three would all respond to each other, each sticking like crazy-glue to some partisan biased shit, but none of them ever listened to a word I wrote, despite that I constantly made an effort to be as bipartisan/non-partisan as possible. Every time one of them talks about how open-minded they are (which is often), I can't help but roll my eyes.

ALL of these people are old-timers. When I got to be friends with SpaceTime, I was still foaming at the mouth against QBall79 and Mychand for their ignoring of me as well.

· ALL of the old-timers who pissed me off so much by ignoring me were people whom I'd been previously told were "great," "nice," and other shit like that. When they didn't listen to a word I wrote, I sure didn't pick up on any greatness or niceness.
· SpaceTime and darkslider have given serious consideration to every word of mine they have ever read. Unlike the belittling way I've been regarded by those mentioned, these two LISTENED to my opinions and gave me honest answers.

Why should I have all this automatic reverence for the old-timers? Maybe there's an unwritten law that they're "great" and "nice," but what the FUCK have they ever done for ME?! All I got from the aforementioned people was condescension in their few moments of listening to me. SpaceTime and darkslider, on the other hand, regarded me as an intellectual equal and treated me the way you're SUPPOSED to treat friends. So why the fuck do YOU think I like SpaceTime and darkslider so much, and I spend just under 300 words in this post alone telling you why I will NEVER respect Chaser9?

Now, I don't want to stereotype or overgeneralize. There are many, many old-timers whom I still like and respect. But I've been told throughout my time on this message board that people like Chaser9 are respected and I should/MUST respect them. I was also told that SpaceTime is basically the Antichrist and that if I respect him, I'll go to Hell. When the former is nothing but a dick, and the latter regards me on an equal level, I don't give a fuck what you say... I'll support the latter.

But, as I've been emphatic about, an ass-kisser I am not. I trust darkslider before I trust either SpaceTime or TemporalFlux. There are shitloads of stuff SpaceTime has done that I don't like. One of these was the long-standing soap opera between him and TemporalFlux. I've been told to stay out of this, as I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. But I have been used as a political tool between these two already, so I've been involved. (Besides, someone asked me this, so I'm answering.) Basically, SpaceTime and TemporalFlux went from sucking each other's dicks to each trying to spread the message that the other is the Antichrist. I mean, I can't even count all the 1999-2000 posts where each touts the other's website as the greatest "Sliders" repository ever. Then their relationship goes downhill and it turns into each trying to convince everyone that the other is the worst thing to ever happen to the show's community. The few remaining loyal "Sliders" fans left don't deserve to put up with this shit. But, I guess I'm like a kid whose parents divorced. As great as it would be to have them get back together, it's all out of my control, and things will never be the way they were before. I still try to be the best friend I can be to TemporalFlux and SpaceTime, since they are both still my friends. I've made my share of huge mistakes, but you do the best you can.

^_^

Date: 08/23/2001
From: Tigs

After lurking for a few months, I started posting in January of 1999 as 2v. My first post was a snarky reply to BritSlider's Maggie poem. The poem was actually pretty funny. With some encouragement I started writing fanfic and posting it. Boy was it bad. The ideas were interesting, but the execution needed some work. I spent my first two years whining about how ignored I was. How unloved. How I didn't fit with the "oldtimers" or the "new guard." Nowadays I'm not so sure that's bad.

During the great depression my reality filter was full of holes. I spent an obnoxious amount of time feeling sorry for myself very vocally to a number of "friends." Some of them washed their hands of me and others stuck through it. Once I got a new reality filter it took me awhile to figure out how to see through it. I still felt pretty sorry for myself only now I was also annoyed by others feeling sorry for themselves so I offended a few friends untintentionally and a few aquaintences fully intentionally. I'm not an angel. I've taken the "high ground" and whined. I've taken the low ground and whined. And then I started to take stock of all aspects of my life through the new filter (that was like a year long process).

Now I'm left with my common sense, my instincts, and my past actions. I can't change what I've posted, who I've offended, or who I was. I do have regrets, but I also know that in order for people to view me differently I need to be the one who moves on. Let the rest follow as they will. I like this board because it gave me a chance to start writing fiction that wasn't poetry. I didn't usually get the responses I wanted from the people I wanted, but my writing has grown and so have I. I'm still around for two reasons: it's a good place to practice my craft and some of the people who post here are still friends.

I've done the bitterness thing. I've done the bitchy thing. I've also done the sublimate my own pain to help others thing. Ok, you've been hurt. You've been bitter. Does moving on involve leaving the boards? Or can you move on while staying a virtual slider? One of the hardest lessons I learned on this board was that not everyone was going to like me. Boy was that ever a tough pill to swallow. I badly wanted everyone to like me. I was ignored by the old guard and the new guard. I bailed for awhile; oh, not totally, but the JOC board was a lot more fun at the time.

What's my point? I think we all need reality checks a couple of times a year. For me, that means reevaluating what I do and why I do it. Then checking that against other people's perceptions. I guess, that's what I am seeing in these posts. But understand, you aren't the first or last person who will be ignored no matter how hard you try and there are new people who feel ignored by you.

Wouldn't it be nice if we were all here for the warm, friendly atmosphere?

ktf
Tigs

Wow. :-)

Date: 08/23/2001
From: SpaceTime

S,

The last thing I deserve is my own section (massive ego-feeding and all). However, it's written and appreciated. Very much appreciated, buddy.

We all face things here and as a result we project certain images that are usually a poor reflection of who we really are. I admit to being a major ass - I just didn't realize it went back as far as early 1999.

I guess when you joined the BBoard I was going through my own issues and found that trolls and idiots were a nice salve on the wound of a failed relationship. And, like many people here, I found that the "brand name" (no pun intended) determined the posts I should read. I honestly don't remember being a condescending prick to you but let's face it, you all kind of blur together when I do it enough. :)

I'm glad that despite all the fearful admonitions about striking up a conversation with me, the crude BBSA relgious references and the Joke, we managed to become friends because I truly value that friendship. I think it's because we can both look past the fandom and just concentrate on being people that makes our relationship so good. Sometimes it's good to not have to take someone so seriously.

I think it's fair to say that your friends are a reflection of who you are, and I think that having you and darkslider as two of my closest friends (online and otherwise) is a good indication that I have chosen wisely, and that I place emphasis on quality. Two friends, not lapdogs. We lift each other up when someone needs it. That's not cronyism, that's *friendship*.

Brand_S, as much as you feel the need to look for approval, know that you will never need to ask for mine, because you will always have it. I'm sorry if I've stuck you in patchy situations, particularly with TemporalFlux. There's nothing I'd like more than to see things go back to the way they were. I know that it can't be all peachy, like pre-Joke, but I'm far too tired of waging senseless battles at this point. I'm ready to bury the hatchet. Always was. Maybe you'll be the one to broker it. Who knows.

I'm not proud of my unofficial title of "Pissed Off Asshole" but that is the mantle I wear. I'd much rather be a curmudgeon who grunts about idiocy between BBoard-related fan fictions and EP.COM updates, but as Tigs says, only time will tell. You can't erase what you done (here in particular). You can only hope that when you move on, so will everyone else.

Take care,
ST

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26587
Nominated by Joey_Starr