Date: 07/30/2000
From: Chaser9

-It is a quiet weekend day on the board. It's hallowed denizens fill their day with talk of the latest movies or hope for a Sliders movie or some other topic that brings joy to their lives. For many hours, the board has been silent, but that will soon change.

-A swirling green vortex opens set against the backdrop of the horrid white background of the bboard. From this vortex steps a somewhat familiar face. Dressed in a long flowing white robe, sporting short hair and a goatee, Chaser9 returns from a long journey. He approaches the huddled denizens of the board who seem almost shocked that he has returned.

"My children. I have returned from my journey throughout the multiverse. I have learned many things. I come to bring you true enlightenment, through the teachings of Slidology. By using the examples set forth by The Sliders, we shall attain true enlightenment and peace of mind. So come and join me. Cast off the shackles of your oppressive lives. Lay down your flaming swords and barbs, and let old transgressions be forgiven as we start a new life based in the wonderful world of Slidology."

-The board denizens are overcome. Many are unsure as to how to take the words that flow from Chase's mouth. They touch some, others are confused and some realize they would follow this man to the ends of the Earth.

Chase looked across the assemblage of posters and spoke, "So who will join me in a new way of life?"

Amen brother!!!

Date: 07/30/2000
From: SL4ever

Can I hear an amen?!?!?

A few Slidology axioms:

1) Be an annoying, spiteful, >:-# The more nice, kind, generous, and overall decent person you are, the stupider and more pointless you death will be. (For instance, Arturo was a decent person but not the nicest person in the world, so he had a pretty stupid but not horridly stupid death. Wade, the best of the best. And she got raped, imprisoned, beheaded, and tossed into a fishbowl. The same holds true for the other two.)

2) It's okay to steal as long as it's from yourself.

3) Change your personality once a year, whether you need to or not.

4) Take one glance at situations involving total strangers, pick a side, and jump right into the action.

5) Only one of every set of four of us is EVER allowed to have sex. If someone else in your set gets lucky first, get a subscription to Swank magazine because you're SOL.

Can you feel the love yet???? I'll be back with other Slidology philosophy! :-P

A vortex? A white robe?

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Tigs

Dude, I totally thought we went over the need for a little origionality in the "let's start a cult biz."

<shakes head>

Nice rules tho'

Woooooooah, far out man

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Slider_Sarah

Wait, I'm not still asleep. Strange.

Um...

Sarah.

I think we could use some more rules...

Date: 07/30/2000
From: ThomasMalthus

a. Always meddle in the lives of people you meet, it will either work out for the best or they will die and you won't get the blame, which leads us to

b. Never feel guilty about anything you do.

c. If someone wants a ride with you, let them, but only take them to where you stop next.

d. When in Rome, do as the Romans, then figure out that the way the Romans do it is the wrong way and preach to them about how your way is better.

e. Always, always trust a bunch of gun-toting revolutionaries.

f. Speaking of guns, always pick up some weapons if they're available and then disgard them for no reason.

g. When you travel, never take anything with you, like clothes or food. What would be the point?

h. Stop at a stranger's house and find out if there's a locket under the bed; if there is, it's actually your house.

i. Don't be surprised if your close relatives don't look the same from week to week.

j. If your friends stop hanging with you, stop caring about them, especially if they've died or become captured somewhere.

k. When a friend starts acting like a completely different person, never suspect that it might actually be someone else who just looks like your friend.

l. If you are good with technology and know how to repair one piece of electronic equipment, you will immediately be able to know how to fix or operate any piece of electronic equipment, no matter how sophisticated or foreign.

m. Ignore your past. Make up new pieces of your past periodically.

n. Your drink is drugged.

o. When you are facing a bunch of rock-and-roll vampires who have brainwashed your friend, be careful of their guitars that shoot out electricity.

p. If you are teaching someone something for a specific purpose, never let your friends know about your purpose until after the fact, even if they lecture you til they're blue in the face against it. (See "The Guardian")

q. Find a member of the opposite sex and make out like crazed weasels, then when you move to a new town forget about them. Repeat.

r. Impersonate people who look like you, even when you know little to nothing about the other person. Their dumb friends won't catch on.

s. If a bunch of gun-toting revolutionaries aren't around, always trust a crusading scientist/inventor/vampire hunter who wants to change the status quo.

t. You can change people easily, sometimes even in a few days.

u. Start off on a trip to somewhere, then forget why you were going and go somewhere else.

v. Abandon your friends and run off with a woman you just met for a little bit of money.

w. If there is only one person on the face of the earth, they will find you.

x. A bunch of barbarians/bikers/pirates can easily take over the world.

y. Landing in an empty alley is always bad news.

z. Rotate out members of your group of friends and put new ones in, sometimes mere hours after the last one was rotated out! And if you get rotated out, too bad!

I am feeling the power of the Cult of Slidology! Must make movie called "Battlefield: Earth Prime"!

ThomasMalthus

Hmm...

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Informant

Do I get a robe if I join?

First off

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Jenneration_X

If a Vortex appeared on the BBoard, I would Past out Before Chaser even said anything, to see a TV show Come to life.... Second, Slidology???? Who do we worship? A quartet or people just like us who, had Forgotten the Person Who Founded the whole thing in the first place. Does a Mr. Mallory ring a Bell??? It was like the first few episodes Yeah,,,, They remembered him But After that it was like " Oh Screw that Quinn Guy, We've got another one!!!" So Would I join him??? Most likely, No.. But it would depend on all the Circumstances that are involved w/ the Slide, Like who all is going and what kind of mood I'm in
Jenn

LOL TM, Sarah.

Date: 07/30/2000
From: SL4ever

Oh! And I want a robe too! A plush one!

:-P

question

Date: 07/30/2000
From: SouthernSlider

If I join and get a robe, do I have to give up my beret?

SS

My children . . .

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Chaser9

Robes for all and also I believe berets and doo rags are a part of the glorious teachings of Slidology.

And on that note my children, may I invite you to join me on a wonderful journey through the sacred vortex. We shall journey to a higher plane of existence, a veritable paradise where we might follow the precious teachings of our beloved Sliders and give praise unto them through the wisdom of blessed Arturo and the teachings of blessed Mallory, blessed Brown, blessed Welles, blessed Davis and the blessed Beckett.

So come my children join me as we seek to make a better world, a better life.

May the Sliders protect us.
--Chaser9

In that case...

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Informant

Give me my boarding pass, man!

Do I get a funny new name? Can I be Brother Vortex Tail? Unless you can think of a better name.

I will join you in this new way of life

Date: 07/30/2000
From: slider75

I've wanted peace and harmony in this board for a while.

Praise L. Ron Chaser!

Date: 07/30/2000
From: Brand_S

I dunno if I'll join, though. I mean, if I do, there's only a 25% chance that I'll ever have sex in my life! (Odds are, of course, significantly higher for me, considering I'd probably make my other three group members look like comparative nerds.)

Will there be punch? Will we be sliding into the back of a comet's tail? I'll get the compound in Waco ready!

S

<starts to chant>

Date: 07/30/2000
From: DoctorQuinn

Yes, I will be a disciple of the vortex. <continues humming and starts to burn incense.> On one condition, there will be no sacrificial hair cuts. I refuse to shave my head.

<inhales incense and starts coughing>

I always wanted to be in a cult,

Date: 07/31/2000
From: nole9

but no one would ever have me.

Bring forth my white robe, fetch me my ATM card, we eat like kings tonight.

What do you mean I should wait until I'm on another earth before I use my ATM card. Ohhhhhh.

At least I like the 25% odds, they are an improvement.

Go Slidology.

As long as it ain't Heavensgate, I'm in!

Date: 07/31/2000
From: sliderules

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Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/22389
Nominated by Blinker