Moral
of the Story -----> Paradise Lost!
Date: 01/29/2002
From: Blinker
• Joey_Starr wins a working timer from a Crackerjack box!
• MissingSliderRyan wins a shovel, so she can teach Jerry how much REAL chicks "dig" the spacesuit!
• Recall317 wins Scott Smith Miller's attention!
• DieselMickeyDolenz wins The Arachnids' "Rubber Thorax"!
• TemporalFlux wins an MP3 of "Crappy Hour," as performed by Brud Peckinsnip!
• SL4ever wins a tape of Colin Mochrie (not to be confused with Colin Mockery, the national pastime of Slidonia) pantomiming the concept of a scorpion burger!
• Slider_Quinn21 wins an all-expenses-paid trip to the afterlife! And, uh, back again! Of course!
• Vigeant wins a GOLD STAR for his wacky, hilarious, and uniquely formatted reply! Okay, that and because he hasn't posted in a while and it's good to see him around!
• The_Seer wins a Sliders VHS collection in which the original timer has been digitally inserted over the Egyptian version in all scenes where it appears! Of course, the benefit of this modification to "The Breeder" was negligible, so we *also* inserted the original timer in place of the symbiont!
• ThomasMalthus wins Miss Cleo's Award of Predictulation Excellence for correctly forecasting Recall's post!=== MORAL OF THE STORY: PARADISE LOST ===
BLINKER: Hard to believe we're finally here, isn't it?
SYNTHIA: Standing ready to riff the most hilariously inept episode of all time?
BLINKER: No, being ready AT ALL. A whole week between posts?! I should be ashamed!
SYNTHIA: You do that. Meantime, I learned that mutant nemerteans have safety ropes for tongues.
BLINKER: Either that, or the stagehands were still learning the ropes. [rim shot amid pained groans from audience] Anyway, this episode taught me that worms are allergic to mail carriers.
SYNTHIA: Allergic? Huh???
BLINKER: Okay, the creature is driven mad with hunger by the stresses of its reproductive cycle, right? As observed by the villains when they find the dead mailman, right? So WHY IS THE MAILMAN'S BODY STILL THERE?!?
SYNTHIA: Well, you know how those worms are. Always eating with their eyes. Or rudimentary chemosensory organs, as the case may be.
BLINKER: It could've at least dragged the guy off to its cave like it did everyone else. But wait! It gets better! The inexplicably discarded mailman is then hauled off to serve as a plot contrivance, because Sheriff Jerk needs a corpse as bait to lure Arturo into the cove.
TRUDY [eyes wide as dinnerplates]: The cove... the COVE...
BLINKER: So the Professor runs around the beach for a few minutes, and guess what? THE WORM *STILL* IGNORES THE DEAD MAILMAN!
THIRD SEASON EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DAVID PECKINPAH: Well yeah, but we tried to make up for that by having the body inexplicably vanish in the long shots.
BLINKER: Ugh...
SYNTHIA: Anyhow! Speaking of mail, let's take a look at viewer feedback for our last few segments. [pulls out a big bag o' letters]
THIRD SEASON EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DAVID PECKINPAH [recoiling from Synthia]: AAGH! [runs from room]
BLINKER: QandD. Er, Q.E.D. [turns to readers] So what'd YOU learn?
- Blinker 7:-P
http://slidersweb.net/blinkerIt's news to me too, Quinn.
http://slidersweb.net/blinker/sounds/toldyou.mp3
I
learned that...
Date: 01/29/2002
From: SL4ever
... BT likes to eat Roast Beast.... that people living forever stories always suck!! (ref. check Star Trek: Insurrection) It doesn't seem to matter whether the people trying to live forever are good OR evil.
I also learned that big worms only work in Dune.
But the moral of the story is this: Even people blessed with long life find themselves stuck in >:-# jobs like mailman or waitress.
A
simple lesson
Date: 01/29/2002
From: TemporalFlux
We all learned that using the "Rag doll" function on the CGI program does not give the appearance of a real man being eaten by a giant worm. Instead it...well...makes him look like a rag doll. ;-)Tf
temporalflux@hotmail.com
http://dimensionofcontinuity.com
Do
you really want to know...
Date: 01/29/2002
From: MissingSliderRyan
what I learned from Paradise Lost?
Playing Caption This! with some of you was an awesome experience. Actual watching of this episode makes my eyes roll, my mouth says things without thinking and my mind wanders... er... what were we talking about again?
MissingSliderRyan:
Ep. 23: The beginning of the heartless bastard Quinn: Remmy: Here's what I used to take out Quinn's heart. It's not like he's going to use in anymore.MissingSliderRyan:
Cleavant: I have seen the future. All our careers are going down in flames unless we leave this show now. SL, JOC, JRD: You think?Blinker:
"After 1949, there were 27 caption pages saved to MSR's hard drive. SINCE 1949, there have been three."DavidPeckinblink:
"Woo Hoo! Drunken one-armed hillbillies ALWAYS boost ratings!"Recall317:
It feels like we were just in this cave...oh yeah, LAST EPISODE.Callie21V:
The "No Planning Necessary" method of cave detonation gives a new meaning to "Jerry-rigging."DieselMickeyDolenz:
Awww, c'mon Remmy! Lemme ride on your shoulders again.DieselMickeyDolenz:
Oh yeah? I am too tall enough to kick your :-#!DieselMickeyDolenz:
A world where your show's worst nightmares will come true. [In reference to the Sci-Fi World logo]Blinker:
Peck wanted this as the last shot of the series. Parker leaps out of the photograph... and we learn that "Quinn Mallory never returned home."Recall317:
"You must destroy the film for this episode. Destroy it utterly!"
MSR
Ah,
"Paradise Lost"...
Date: 01/29/2002
From: The_Seer
Action Quinn at his finest.******
What I learned from "Paradise Lost" is how lost Quinn is when it comes to trying to pick up women. The only thing Quinn got out of using the pickup line "I have the world record for tire changing" on the guest star babe of the week was her dead boyfriend's watch. No sex, not even a kiss, just a stupid watch! Even Mallory must have better pickup lines than that.
I
know, this episode sucked.
Date: 01/29/2002
From: SpiderMonkeeDolenz
Sucked.... LIKE A FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yeah, that was lame, but not as lame as Paradise Lost. An episode that teaches us just because something looks and smells like excrement, it can still have value when eaten with your hands.
-SPIDER MONKEE-
If
I can get prizes for it...
Date: 01/30/2002
From: ThomasMalthus
...Beginning Text must be destroyed!! (Hey, it's officially a Blinker classic now.)...I may have to continue with this predicting things that already happened racket.
Anyway, what I learned from "Paradise Lost" was that the people making up episode titles were trying to tell us something from this point on.
Paradise Lost- You liked the show about travelers to parallel worlds which dealt in serious sci-fi, had thought-provoking stories and interesting characters? Fuhgedaboutit. You're stuck with idiotic plots about worm excrement being the source of eternal life now.
The Exodus- Namely, the mass exodus that will come when the beloved John Rhys-Davies is fired and replaced with the beloathed Kari Wuhrer.
Sole Survivors- Oh, so a few of you stuck around, huh? Don't say we didn't warn you.
The Breeder- (Shudder)
ThomasMalthus
The
Moral of this sad, sad episode is
Date: 01/30/2002
From: Joey_Starr
BT and driving can kill a friendship.
don't piss old people off! Even if they look young. Also that if sliderseth really likes a particular season then you should be afraid to watch it!!!!!
Now if I can find a way to counteract the Geritol in their blood stream then we may have a way to stop those old farts!
JS
Schemin' away!
Moral...
Date: 01/30/2002
From: Slider_Quinn21
If you peek here, you will surely die...Casey Brown(the editor) is probably Peckinpah's son, because he sure isn't an editor...
Okay...
I'm going to try this
Date: 01/30/2002
From: Alternity_Orange
What did I learn from Paradise Lost? A valuable lesson in plot construction. How do you take the classic Stephen King device of a small coastal town full of secretive townspeople with and make it even better? Just add a giant worm and have the people eat shit! Hemingway would be proud.
You
brought something to mind AO...
Date: 01/30/2002
From: SL4ever
...how much I hate BT!! HA HA HA HA!!!...do the townspeople, when they're mad at each other, shout out, "Don't eat shit and die!!!"
I'd
like to thank the academy...
Date: 02/03/2002
From: Vigeant
the producers and the gaffer, man was he great.I proudly will wear the gold star on my head until the thing biodegenrates and becomes compost.. er.. on my head.
Executive Producer of Moral Of The Story: Hi, I'm Barry Nevilleston and I want all of you to know that we are revamping the 'Moral of the Story' show which all of you enjoy with great regularity on our network. During this retooling period I'd like to point out a few things that will make this show much more popular and fun for all.
1. It will be much less preachy
2. It won't make you feel bad about yourself
3. At the end there will be a musical number featuring skating bikini babes singing a song requested by you, but rigged by the network.
*next week*
Blinker: Hello Dahlings and welcome to the latest edition of Moral of the Story and I want all of you to say your moral for this lovely episode of sliders which we were all witness.(Planted Man in the audience walks up)
Plant: Oh please, let me do it.Blinker: Okay, Rick.. er.. audience member.
Plant: (reading from cuecard) I think that we learned from this thing that plants are good. And we all like plastiwrap.
Blinker: er... right. Anyway, and now for the Blinker Bikini Babe's (TM)(C) rendition of 'The Good Ship Lollypop'!
Plant: Hooray, that is truely my favorite song.
Blinker: Ya-huh.
Vigeant
The Incredibly Exciting Humor Site (Yes, Blinker, I know you liked the second -ly but a group vote turned out that I was the only one who liked it)
http://www.greenghoulie.com/humor
"Our museum's touring exhibit is everywhere, except near you."
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/27382
