The Dominion War - Part I!!!!! (!!!!!)

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Brand_S

Introduction

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing called The_Dominion Sliders Board... and to a lesser extent, the Studios USA board and the #chandler chat room. Today, I, Brand_S, veteran poster, bassist, college-chick magnet, apathetic ignorer of flame wars, and vehement hater of this very board, (Ironic, isn't it?) brings you the first part of a ten part series and gives another "What if?" to add to the series' long list.
What if David Peckinpah competed with Tracy Tormé by executive producing his own Sliders TV movie, and what if he brought a hundred fans to the private screening?
I hope you enjoy what comes next. This story is, in fact, the sequel to another story that has yet to be made.
I'll warn you now. Due to the obscene and poorly-articulated nature of some of the fans here, I'll be swearing, I'll be dehumanizing people I don't like, and this story will be a cross between a large, taut web of continuities and a Byzantine mess that resembles a story at a passing glance. Read at your own risk, and don't say I didn't fucking warn you!
I know this story may accidentally hit a nerve or two. Bear in mind that people I dislike will invariably be killed in this story, but people I like will get axed too. The reason for this is because, well, I'm being realistic. But people will be attacking each other in this story and, for the most part, it's to give my interpretation of some of the inane flame wars on this board.
The following people are the ones I intend to be offended by their portrayal here. Try to ignore the fact that only one out of these people is an L-Person (a term which will be explained later, if you haven't already figured it out).

· Brier_Rose
· DonProc
· Enigma
· gpc
· IMissQuinn
· JBrun94039
· Magnaflux
· MrQBall
· QBall3
· sabermaster
· sliderfanone
· SonGokou2000 (whose promotion is not recognized in this story; the idiot deserves a promotion like Peck deserves a Medal of Honor)
· star.star
· wade1013
· All Bungee Posters/Roody Poos/BaTHS

Try not to take it personally if you have not been included in this story. There are so many people on this board that eventually something had to give! Now, on with the show...

 

PART I
The Making of Riders

[ The scene starts in deep space. A message scrolls up slowly...

»»»
Sliders
The Dominion War
Episode I
The Making of Riders

About a year down the line from now, in a city far, far away...

It is (as always) a period of civil war on the Dominion Board. Rebel posters in support of Sliders, striking from their own computers, have won their first victory against the evil trolls.
During the battle, Rebel posters managed to steal secret plans to a movie about Sliders, a made-for-TV movie with enough power to piss off an entire fan base.
Pursued by stupid, stupid trolls and angry, loyal Sliders fans, incompetent producer David Peckinpah parties inside a restaurant, custodian of a movie that can screw over his people and revoke freedom of intelligence from the Sliders board.
«««

We now go back down to Earth. It is a dark and stormy night. As we speak, David "Peck" Peckinpah, Keith "Lunchboy" Damron, and the cast of Sliders' last two seasons are sitting around a large round table inside S the Great's Bar of Hollywood, California. They're celebrating the end of production for a Sliders TV movie that ties up all the series' loose ends (poorly done in the traditional Peck manner).
We see the back of Peck's neck, where a small scar in the center is bandaged up. ]

Peck: Well, it's been a great few months, but now, production of our movie is all wrapped up! I hear that Tracy Tormé lady is doing a Sliders movie too. Hopefully I'll get to see some of you in it... not that I ever liked that frigid old cow. She never had an original bone in her body!
Rob: Yeah, Pecker, it's been great!
Cleavant: Here here!

[ Kari stands up. ]

Kari: Well, I hate to ruin a good time...

[ Jerry and Cleavant both have a brief mental image of John Rhys-Davies and Sabrina Lloyd. ]

Kari: ... but I better be going. See you later!
Rob: Yeah, I gotta be going too.
Tembi: Yeah, me too.
Jerry: I didn't even want to be here in the first place.
Charlie: Let's go.

[ Rob, Tembi, and the Brothers O'Connell get up and leave. Minutes later, Cleavant suddenly feels extreme discomfort at being left alone with Peck and Lunchboy. He suddenly, silently gets up and runs out of the restaurant.
Lunchboy breaks the silence. ]

Lunchboy: So, Pecker, where do we go from here? What's next for the Sliders TV movie?
Peck: Well, I was thinking of doing a private screening.
Lunchboy: For a TV MOVIE?!
Peck: Well, it's good publicity. Jerry will love me for it because I gave him that executive producer credit! Besides, I have a plan. Have you ever been to the Sliders board?
Lunchboy: Once. There was this Brand_S guy I thought was awesome, but everybody was flaming him. I figured it wasn't the atmosphere for me.
Peck: That doesn't surprise me. The people there all hate each other. I figure I could use this to my advantage. [eyes have a strange happy glow] If I bring all those Sliders fans to this private screening, they'll all kill each other, and there'll be no Sliders fans left to worship this old dead show!
Lunchboy: Why would you want the Sliders fans to die?
Peck: I have two new shows coming up. One is a reality-based show called "The Dominion War" in which we trap 100 people between two hotels and watch the "Lord of the Flies" action ensue! The other is a show called "Riders" which is a... tribute to Sliders. Now, fans of Sliders might think I'm ripping off their show, especially since the show's original name was supposed to be "Slidders." If I'm accused of ripping off other shows, it could ruin my career! I've decided the only solution is to... [gets an evil look on his face] kill every Sliders fan on the planet! [starts laughing maniacally]
Lunchboy: Oh, all right. But how are you going to go about that?
Peck: Look how much they hate each other! If we do a private screening, these Sliders fans will see each other in person and get so pissed at one another that they'll kill each other off!
Lunchboy: How can we be sure they'll all show up?
Peck: I'll tell them that if they show up they get to meet the stars of Sliders. They'll stay in the Dominion and Chandler hotels, which are right across the street from each other. They'll also be eligible to win these!

[ Peck puts two briefcases on the table. He opens one, revealing huge wads of cash lined up inside. He opens the other, but we don't see the contents. We simply see the green glow from behind and the look of awe on Lunchboy's face. ]

Peck: Lunchboy, I need you to e-mail 100 regulars of the Dominion Board, including this Brand_S fellow you mentioned. We'll bring them all to Hollywood and watch them slaughter each other. [Peck laughs his morbid laugh] Hee hee hyork hyork hyork!
Lunchboy: [laughing] Mwa ha ha ha ha! ... Um, hey, can we discuss this over lunch?

[ Two days later, we go to Brand_S' house. Brand_S renews his addiction by checking out the Dominion Board. "Enriched" by the knowledge of other Sliders fans, he goes to the bathroom and proceeds to ralph like a bulimic the way he always does after being nauseated by the ignorami who grow like fungus on the Board. He goes back to his computer and checks his e-mail. ]

Brand_S: What? Keith Damron? What's Lunchboy want with me?

[ Brand_S reads the message:

»»»
Dear (insert name here):

You are cordially invited to fabulous Hollywood, California for a private screening of the Sliders television movie spectacular! All your friends from http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi?1&5&545 are going, so you better get your ass in gear too!
You'll be staying at either the Chandler or Dominion Hotels, which are right across the street from each other! You get to meet the cast of your two favorite seasons, Season 4 and Season 5, then you eat lunch with me, Keith Damron! You'll be entered in a drawing to win two very special prizes! We hope to see you there!

Signed,
Keith "Lunchboy" Damron
««« ]

Brand_S: Cool. I've been wondering what Yeontoo looks like.

[ In a library far, far away, the Executive is reading the same message in his e-mail In-Box. He laughs hysterically in response, and pulls out a switchblade. ]

Executive: Flux, the final battle is most definately at hand! Mwa ha ha!

[ Exec puts the switchblade in his mouth but has to sneeze and succeeds only in cutting the corners of his mouth. He grabs the blade again and runs enthusiastically from the library.]

Executive: Ha ha ha!

[ Meanwhile, in the South, Yeontoo, that lovable Southern belle, checks her own e-mail. She's been waiting for a message from Brand_S, whom she hasn't heard from since one of her kids spammed his e-mail account. Instead, she gets the Lunchboy e-mail too. ]

Yeontoo: Jeppers! I do declare, this'll certainly be excitin'! I surely have been wondrin' what S looks like!

[ On a computer not so far away from Yeontoo's house, TemporalFlux is checking his e-mail as well. He sees the Lunchboy e-mail in his In-Box. Just thinking about all the other people who probably got this mail gives him a headache. But he still debates going anyway. ]

TemporalFlux: This will be the *perfect* chance to correct all of the things that have ruined Sliders over the years. Furthermore, all the people who have told me how *wrong* I am are in *alot* of trouble!

[ In Canada, Ed_The_Sock is checking his e-mail and is surprised by what he sees. ]

Ed_The_Sock: So, dere's gonna be a Sliders meetin' comin' up! Da sock's gonna be burnin' some mooks wit da stogie tomorrow! Dat's for damn sure! Buncha friggin' MOOKS...

[ In some undisclosed location (probably a middle school computer lab), sliderfanone checks his e-mail as well. Although it takes long periods of contemplation and comprehension, he eventually realizes that one of the people behind Sliders is getting him to go to California, and that Brand_S will probably be there. ]

sliderfanone: finally a chance for revenge against BRAND_S AKA 1 IQ!!!!! hes a little boy who [if sliderfanone were a smarter person, there would be an ellipsis here]

[ That day, 100 people went to 100 airports, boarded 100 planes, (except in the case of KllyWlls and a few other LA residents) and headed for Hollywood. ]

NEXT: 1st Blood From a 2nd Rate PoS

One of these six posters WILL DIE! Who will this unlucky person be? (Hint, hint, hint: Who do you THINK it'll be?!) Also, witness the first meeting between HunterD_Raven and Jerry O'Connell! Let's not forget "When Exec meets Flux!" Find out who Ed's first stogie-victim will be! And throughout all this, Yeontoo maintains an aura of perfect niceness! Finally, Brand_S becomes a god, but can sliderfanone stop him? (That'll be the day.) Find out soon, baby!

OH yeah, baby!!!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Blinker

When am I comin' in??? Huh?? Huh?? Huh????

ROTFLMAO!!!

- Blinker 7:-D
http://welcome.to/gate_haven

MR. S

Date: 3/15/2000
From: jlbanker

You really need a hobby... or a job one or the other. Something to occupy your time :)

Yipee!!!!!!!!!!! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Date: 3/15/2000
From: KllyWlls

This is sooooo awesome S!!! You ROCK!!!!!!!!!

Ok.. that sounded very much like Quintarr...umm..

Hey man..that was so cool! I can't wait for the next part to come out!

-Klly
*Sitting on the edge of her seat*

write write write write write write!!!!!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Slider_Sarah

I can't wait to read more!!!! LOL!!!!!

~Sarah.

LOL! But we don't ALL hate each other...

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Afl

...do we?...(chirp, chirp, chirp)....Guys?....(chirp, chirp, chirp)....Hello?....(chirp, chirp, chirp)....Hey!....OH C'MON PEOPLE! Somebody has to like somebody else here! *grin*

You definitely do have a lot of time on you're hands, Brand S. So when should be expect Part II? *grin*

AfL :)

What is this

Date: 3/15/2000
From: McHenry

you could have spent more time talking about the show then the fans... HAVE I TAUGHT YOU PEOPLE ANYTHING!!!!!!!

dude

Date: 3/15/2000
From: sfparadox

that is good. Can't wait for the next one. Too bad I probably won't be in it but still can't wait.

It is great so far.

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Maximilli0n

Wow it is good. I can not wait to see what happens next. "When Exec meets Flux" will be sweet.....

"Right On Right On!!!"
-Maximilli0n
shawn_ashley12@hotmail.com

Pretty cool

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Informant

I want part 2!!!

YES!!!!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: HurriKain

Can't wait till the next one. I wonder what will happen between Hunter and JOC? :-D And if JOC and Hunter get into it, can I join in?

HK

BRAVO!!!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: HunterD_Raven

It will be fun to see how i react when i meet Jerry :)
Just promise me if i die i go out in heroic style....or atleast get to screw maggie beforehand (LOL)

HunterD

You've got my attention now!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: dellyone

Can't wait for the next part! Hunter and JOC in the same room. Let the royal rumble begin.

dellyone

Very cool

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Hyperspace

I as well am interested in seeing the meeting of Executive and TF. You should place some of the other fluxs in the story as demented TF clones created by Executive to destroy TemporalFlux.

What do we have; mindflux,TemporalFluxxx,TemporalFlux1,and emporalFlux1

lol

Can't wait for The Dominion War - Part 2

Hyperspace

Cool!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: CharmedClass2005

I can't wait for the rest!

Exxxxcellant

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Stax_

Praise . Will that ensure my survival ? stax

Punk Rock!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Stoker_chick

Fan-fiction in its most literal state.

Hell, way to work in the vulnerability of suspense S!

Oh, and major snaps for the Star Wars homage.
However, this is ironically seeming to live up to its expectations.... Looking forward to quite a ride.

Stochi :)

Great Start!!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: fantess

I can't wait to read some more!!

This looks cool already, S! <end>

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Nobuyuki

end.

Oh Yeah!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Yeontoo

Dear Brand S,

What a begining! So well received too! This is funny! Keep up the good work! I am so looking forward to more! (even if I am forewarned!!)

Blessings,
Yeontoo

Da sock likes what da sock sees

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Ed_The_Sock

Mooks are gonna get burned!

One word fer ya . . . STOGIE!

Ed_The_Sock
http://www.edthesock.com

 

damn

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Nerd_Bro

talk about entertainment!!!

Shazaam!

Date: 3/15/2000
From: slider409

looking forward to the next one.

They Should Make That Into A TV Movie

Date: 3/15/2000
From: Quinn_Mallowry_III

I really enjoyed this, man. It's got more creativity than Pack and Lunchboy combined. I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't mentioned. I've been a regular poster for a while, I've just been busy lately. Anyway, great story.

LOL!!!! >>

Date: 3/15/2000
From: vortex62

what a great start!!!:-)

Vortex62
www.earth62.net

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/18696
Nominated by JorgeCis