Date: 10/11/2000
From: SL4ever

Mystery Sliders Theater 3000!!!!! (Now with host segments!)

SL4ever: “Who’s got the popcorn?”

Timmy Big Hands: “I do.”

SL4ever: “Who’s got the horrid episode?”

Henry The Wonder Dog: “I do.”

SL4ever: “Then let’s get biz-say!!!!”

TBH: “Um, just a minute. Don’t you think we need to explain what’s going on to the audience?”

SL4: “Oh, very well. We committed the ultimate bboard sin, we made a post asking who people liked more, Wade or Maggie. The resulting flame war made 6 people leave for good, hurt the feelings of 12 others, broke 7 FCC regulations, and ruined the word ‘vapid’ as far as board use goes. As punishment, we were locked in the Story Cave and forced to watch and riff every single Sliders ep. After that, we have to start on Airwolf, so we are not going to be rushing through Sliders, I’ll tell ya.”

HTWD: “Are you still talking about that? Get your hot ass in the theater!”

Post Traumatic Slide Syndrome

Remmy: “Man, I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe.”

SL4: I’ve seen a peanut stand, a rubber band, I seen a needle that winked it’s eye...

Remmy: “We get this one world, right ... full of snakes and bats.”

HTWD: Which was fine. But it was also full of snakeskin boots and batskin rugs, which are SO out of style it isn’t even funny!

Remmy: “This crazy shaman, he was after Q-ball’s brain.”

TBH: Until he saw Wade’s breasts.

Dr. Whelan: “When he said he wanted to take Q-Ball’s brain ... how did that make you feel?”

SL4: Like hurting writers who perpetuate lame therapist stereotypes like “how did that make you feel?”

Remmy: “How did I feel?”

HTWD: HEY! Who’s the shrink here??? *I’M* the only one allowed to repeat back what the other says!!!

Dr, Whelan: “Yeah.”

Remmy: “I guess I was happy that he wasn’t after my brain, I mean, how would you feel?”

TBH <mimicking Dr. Whelan> : I would have felt like running to the nearest closet and hiding amongst a woman’s petticoats like the limp pansy I am ... but that is not very helpful, is it?

Dr. Whelan: “My feelings are not an issue here, Mr. Brown.”

SL4: No need to get snippy, Freud. You ask a stupid question, you get a stupid rejoinder.

Dr. Whelan: “Now you said earlier that you, you were at the end of your rope, yes?”

HTWD: YES I AM. I’ll tell you, if Wade magically changes outfits ONE MORE TIME without ever bringing along ANY luggage, I am going to SNAP!!

Remmy: “Yeah, no kidding doc. I mean, my boat’s been rocked one too many times.”

TBH: Are you trying to say that your cake’s been sliced one too many times or your shrimp’s been peeled one too many times?

Remmy: “That’s why I’m hoping that you can help me sort through this thing.”

SL4: No problem. You’re nuts. That will be $235. Please pay the secretary on the way out.

Dr. Whelan: “Yes, I can see why. The strain of adjusting to all of these different planets.”

HTWD: You’re believing this way too easily doc. YOU must be nuts!

Remmy: “It’s the same planet every time, just different dimensions.”

TBH: You think a three-dimensional world is hard on you, doc, imagine having the freedom to move in 12 dimensions. I got lost going from my couch to the bathroom.

Dr. Whelan: “So what precipitated this crisis?”

SL4: It all started when I saw momma kissing Santa Claus.

Remmy: “Okay, I guess it all started a couple weeks ago.”

HTWD: Oh god, I can smell a flashback approaching a mile away!

<Scene change to a park during daylight. Quinn and Wads emerge from the vortex.>

Quinn <helping Wade up.> : “You okay?”

TBH: Well, actually, I have this very painful pimple on my ass... oh, you were asking Wade. Neeeever mind.

Wade: “Yeah, I think so.”

SL4: Though I would be even more okay if you were asking me naked.

TBH: Idiot. She doesn’t love him anymore, this is season 2.

<Arturo emerges with a shout of “Incoming!”>

HTWD: No need to shout, we could feel the air you displaced well before your shout reached us.

<Arturo gets to his feet just in time for Remmy to land right on top of him. Arturo groans in pain.>

TBH: It’s okay, Prof. Look on the bright side, it could have been your double.

Arturo: “That does it. From now, Mr. Brown, you go through the vortex before me!”

SL4: Well, that WOULD save me from the smell of your cologne, Odor De Arrogance.

Remmy: “And have you fall and crush me? Forget that.”

HTWD: That was a no-brainer if I ever heard one.

Arturo: “Well, at least it looks peaceful enough.”

TBH: It always does at first. Then the cannibalistic cat worshipers come and fed our ears to the Cat God and there is plenty of noise after that. Not that we can hear it very well at that point...

Quinn: “Wait a minute ... This is Bernie Massey’s old Pontiac, he got rear ended just before we left.”

SL4: So this dude has strange taste in cars and even stranger sexual tastes, what’s the connection?

Quinn: “And that’s Mrs. Randall’s place.”

HTWD: Wow! Imagine there being another Mrs. Randall’s place on a parallel world! It is a staggering thought!

Remmy: “What are you saying?”

SL4: Apparently he is telling you something about every one of his tedious neighbors.

<Quinn rushes past them and leads them to his front yards and the infamous squeaky gate.>

TBH: If he takes us through another million tests and “jokes” I’m gonna be forced to jump into the screen and beat his f-ing >:-#!!!

Arturo: “Your house, yes?”

SL4: WOW! There is another a Quinn’s house on a parallel world! Amazing! They MUST be home!

Arturo: “May I remind you, that we’ve all been fooled before.”

HTWD: For instance, I lost $20 yesterday on that stupid can’t crush an egg between your locked palms scam.

Wade: “Why are you always so negative?”

TBH: Some people just like to crush people’s hopes underneath their size 12s, sweetie.

Arturo: “Hope forever, Miss Welles, expect nothing.”

TBH: ... and annoy your friends to no end by verbalizing your own dark, negative view of the world.

Remmy: “So what do you think, Q-Ball?”

SL4: I think it takes a big man to wrestle a bear. OH, you mean about is this home?

Quinn: “I think ... we’re about to find out.”

TBH: Yeah yeah, sure, sure. Just like you did in the Pilot. The gate test worked smegging well in that one, didn’t it?

Quinn: “Cross your fingers.”

HTWD: Am I imagining things or did this exact same scene play out in the Pilot? Right down to “cross your fingers.”

SL4: You’re not imagining it.

<Quinn reaches for the gate and opens it. It squeaks like a salesman’s wife’s bed after a three weeks sales trip.>

Wade: “It squeaked.”

SL4 <risimg.> : Well! They’re home. The series is over, let’s go guys.

<SL4ever sees that neither of the other two are moving so sits back down sheepishly.>

<Mrs. Mallory emerges from the front door of the house.>

TBH <mimicking Mrs. Mallory.> : I’ll be home in an hour Tim and Robert. I want you both naked and waiting in bed- Quinn! You’re home! Woo Hoo! ... um ... I’m so pleased you’re home but now is not a good time for you to come into the house. I’ve met a ... couple ... guys since you were gone...

Quinn: “Mom.”

MM <rushing to hug him> : “Oh my god.”

HTWD: So this is the infamous “oh my god” statement we’ve heard so much about? Funny, it didn’t send chills down MY spine. Must be a dog thing.

TBH: You rawhide sniffer! The infamous use comes later!

MM: “I knew you would come home again.”

SL4: So now’s a good time to tell him that you’re not really his mother, right?

TBH: No, now’s not a good time because someone who actually has a brain that works is still running Sliders at this point.

Remmy <narrating.> : “And that was it. After 18 months of wandering, we were finally home.”

TBH <mimicking Remmy.> : Which sucked because I discovered that passing-through doubles had wiped out my bank account in my absence. In fact, I owed 53 million dollars for bounced checks.

<scene change to whirling Earths.> Quinn: “What if you could travel to parallel worlds?”

HTWD: I’d settle on the first world in which governments are still ruled by monarchs to avoid this hideously tedious election process.

Quinn: “The same year, the same Earth, only different dimension.”

SL4: Are any of those dimensions where the critics who gave the loathsome “Reindeer Games” a good review came from?

Quinn: “A world where the Russians ruled America.”

HTWD: Or, even more unlikely, a world where Wade is a commander of the entire West Coast rebellion.

Quinn: “Or where your dreams of being a superstar came true.”

TBH <mimicking Elvis> : Thank you very much. Uh-huh. Make it a double fried banana sandwich, please.

Quinn: “Or where San Francisco was a maximum security prison.”

SL4: Why would they mention their most awful early episode in their opening credits? If I was Torme I would have burned every copy of that ep and denied it’s existence.

Quinn: “My friends and I found the gateway.”

HTWD: Which, ironically, squeaks.

Quinn: “Now the problem is finding a way home.”

TBH: And additionally, of finding if any other world has discovered the secret to keeping Bryant Gumbel off TV permanently.

To Be Continued...

Ah, yes....

Date: 10/11/2000
From: SouthernSlider

You haven't missed a beat, SL. Just keep it up.

But, uh, the line is "Hope for everything, Miss Welles, expect nothing." not "hope forever....."

<you haven't missed a beat....just a line>

SS

The CRACK is BACK.

Date: 10/11/2000
From: Blinker

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!! 7:-P~~~~~

SS -- he's going by the production script as posted on Earth62.net. It doesn't always match the aired version, especially given JRD's penchant for the ad lib.

- Blinker 7:-P
http://welcome.to/gate_haven

MM <rushing to hug him> : “Oh my god.”

HTWD: So this is the infamous “oh my god” statement we’ve heard so much about? Funny, it didn’t send chills down MY spine. Must be a dog thing.

You do understand....

Date: 10/11/2000
From: EustiSlider

That you're one of the few that can riff favorite eps like the Pilot and PTSS and not get skewered for it. ROFL, man. After this, Requiem should be almost too easy.

--Eusti

I see....

Date: 10/12/2000
From: SouthernSlider

Well, I'm glad JRD ad libbed on that line. It sounds better with 'everything' rather than 'forever'.

SS

hehehe...

Date: 10/12/2000
From: HurriKain

This is Funny. Want more. I forgot why i was mad at you... oh yeah...

Your :-#ing SG PLOT TWIST You left me with!
>:-(

but i guess i'm over that...

HK

SL4ever bein ein...

Date: 10/12/2000
From: ThomasMalthus

...verdammt gut parody-writer, ja?

Heil to you, SL. You capture the zeitgeist of Sliders perfectly. Keep it up or else you'll be verschnitzen*.

*Yes, I did make this kervrummena word up.

ThomasMalthus

Quinn: “Wait a minute ... This is Bernie Massey’s old Pontiac, he got rear ended just before we left.”

SL4: So this dude has strange taste in cars and even stranger sexual tastes, what’s the connection?

Bwhahahahaha...

Date: 10/12/2000
From: dellyone

SL4ever,

A round of applause for another awesome beginning. I won't be able to watch PTSS with remembering what you wrote.:-)

Remmy: “Yeah, no kidding doc. I mean, my boat’s been rocked one too many times.”

TBH: Are you trying to say that your cake’s been sliced one too many times or your shrimp’s been peeled one too many times?

Hmm... does that mean that Remmy has learned to swim by now? Just wondering.

dellyone

Back for another round!

Date: 10/12/2000
From: TheOne19

I don't think you could have picked a better ep. to follow up the MSTing of the Pilot. More, please!

TheOne19

In a word: BOOYAH!!!

Date: 10/13/2000
From: sliderules

God, I watch too much Sportscenter. Anywho, keep it coming Sl4Ever, this is very funny, as usual. Did I mention to kep it coming?

sliderules
"Arturo: MY WORD! Another world where pies are forbidden to be made with apple! Quinn my boy, activate the timer early!!"

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/23449
Nominated by EustiSlider