Some more fun with Executive!
(Princess) Diana Davis
Date: 6/16/99
From: Executive
Entertainment Weekly's detailed pre-season article
on SLIDERS had Tembi Locke mentioning that her Diana
Davis character would be no-nonsense and cold, but
she also pointed out that Dr. Davis will show more
warmth as she travels to other dimensions. In the
meantime the prim and proper title of Princess Di
suits her for these reasons:
[But not because the character has the same first name as Princess
Diana?! You say nothing about that below! And all this time I thought
stating the obvious was all you were good for. Well, I guess that means
you're not even good for that now.]
* Diana Spencer has been dead for almost 2 years, so
any such use of that kindly woman's name shows no
disrepect at this point.
[It's always good to not "disrepect" people. Care to tell
us what "disrepect" means? It must be Executive-ese. Equally
funny is that you are saying that the "...title of Princess Di
suits her for these reasons" and then say that Diana Spencer has
been dead for 2 years! My GOD! What a revelation! The title suits the
character because she has been DEAD FOR TWO YEARS! Do the sliders know
they are travelling between dimensions with an animated corpse? This
continuity fits in just perfectly with your characterization of the
sliders in CRISIS where (among other things)Rembrandt can walk through
doors and walls!]
* Diana actually hadn't even been a princess for
several years since she divorced Prince Charles. She
therefore gave up the title of "princess" and all
the benefits that came from being part of the royal
family.
[WOW! Diana Davis was a princess married to Prince Charles and gave
up her title! After all, you said the title of Princess Di suits her
for this reason and the previous one. How do you pick up on these subtle
nuances in the scripts?!]
What would be a perfect episode of SLIDERS for our
Princess Di to loosen up? Well, how about "A Current
Affair" in which I heard that Maggie will date the
President of the U.S. (By the way, does that mean
the sliders will be in Washington, DC or is the
White House of that Earth located in California?)
Imagine this scenario:
[Unless you're Executive, the cognitive functions necessary to imagine
a scenario of this stupidity could not be achieved without a complete
frontal lobotomy and a blow to the head with a sledgehammer. Then again,
that might explain how Executive turned out the way he is.]
Two of the sliders come out of the wormhole but
Quinn and Maggie are nowhere to be seen.
[They were the lucky ones...]
DIANA: "How much time until the next slide,
Rembrandt?"
REMBRANDT: "1000 hours and change. Where are the
others?"
["1000 HOURS AND CHANGE?" What sort of stupid line is that?
When has Rembrandt ever talked like that? Oh wait, this must take place
in that universe of Executive's ("He's not only the creator of
HIS fictional world, but he's also a resident"). As for the location
of the others, I'd have to guess they were warned Exec was writing this
and decided to jump ship for something more pleasant, like a Krommag
breeding camp.]
DIANA: "The quantum fluxuation of this particular
vortex must have placed them at least a mile from
here."
[Gee, I bet we all saw that coming.*guffaw* She didn't even need 1.
any scientific instruments to determine the fluxuation of the wormhole,
2. To look at the timer, or 3. Any time to make her calculation mentally.
I guess it is just the obvious solution. *snicker* BTW, Exec, do you
have even the slightest understanding of the technobabble you're spewing
here? I doubt you do since you don't seem to have ANY understanding
of science in the least.]
REMBRANDT: "Yeah, it was one hell of a bumpy ride! I
just hope Dr. Geiger didn't have something to do
with it."
DIANA: (putting her arms around him): "I hope this
doesn't sound awkward, Remmy, but in the short time
I've known you, I find you very attractive. And with
6 weeks we have more than enough time on this
world..."
[AHAHAHA. How subtly written. "We just lost our two friends, the
main villain may be behind it, and who knows what danger we may be in.
Hey Rembrandt, let's make out!" You haven't lost your touch, Executive
(unfortunately).]
REMBRANDT: (interrupting): I like you too, girl, but
now isn't the time. We gotta find Maggie and
Q-Ball!"
["I like you too, GIRL"? You really captured the essence
of Rembrandt there.]
DIANA: (sighing as she lowers her arms): "Is it any
wonder why you once ran from a jealous boyfriend and
jumped on top of a moving train?"
[Such smooth, flowing dialogue! I'm surprised she didn't summarize
all his adventures, just to be even MORE thorough. "Is it any wonder
you drove into a wormhole and ended up in a communist USA where you
and the others, then...."]
REMBRANDT: "That woman was an obsessed fan of mine
on that world. You weren't even there... Look, let's
go find them."
[And I'm sure he would have been quick to tell her ALL about that incident
from his life. And what does the woman being obsessed with Rembrandt
have to do with him running from her boyfriend? She was addressing how
he jumped on the train to escape the boyfriend, not the woman! How about
this version-->
DIANA: (sighing as she lowers her arms which she placed around Rembrandt
for no real reason except that Executive can't write to save his life):
"Is it any wonder why you once ran from Executive and jumped in
front of a moving train to avoid reading one of his stories?"
REMBRANDT: "That guy was an obsessed fan of mine. You're lucky
you weren't even there... Look, let's go find them."
*In those days, Exec's obsession was with proving Logan couldn't be
Quinn's double because they didn't look alike. Of course, he lost that
argument as well.
This may be why the actress who played Logan had a restraining order
put on Exec, since his inability to tell reality from fantasy resulted
in him jumping through her living-room window and trying to strangle
her, all the time drooling and screaming "I won't let you hurt
Quinn, you B***h! The police arrived in time to save her and hauled
the blubbering lunatic away, but only after losing two men to his insane
rampage.]
Diana points in the direction they should go start,
and the two start walking.
[Walking where? :) Nah, I won't play that line again as I did in CRISIS.
Also, "...should go start..." is very awkward wording.]
At that moment Diana is thinking that making a pass at him was a bad
idea,
[The question is, will Executive ever think that everything he does
is a bad idea? Now if only Executive had thought that as well. Come
to that, "Will Executive ever think..." would be a good way
to end that sentence.]
while The Cryin Man thinks the following:
[To be conveyed by the use of cgi thought balloons added in post-productioon
over a close-up of Cleavant with his head tilted, as he is deep in thought.]
"That woman has a great body, but that overbite
could be dangerous. If there's a good dentist on
this world, I'm going to have her teeth fixed. I
just hope my ATM card works here!"
[Whoa! What genius! You sure gave Don Rickles a run for his money with
that bit of humor! I'm sure the NBC will be calling to give you your
own sitcom after the REAL executives there read this! It could be the
next HOMEBOYS IN SPACE!]
T h e
E x e c u t i v e
And who could forget Ex's claim to being an entrepreneur! But he
didn't rise to the dizzying heights of "welfare-recipient-who-uses-library-resources-to-post-about-tv
because-he's-too-cheap/poor-to-get-his-own-internet-access-and-too
dumb-to-use-a-library-to-learn-about-anything" without a few set
backs. Here are some of Exec's past jobs:
Executive's Pizza - Slogan: "Your pizza delivered in 30 minutes,
or its your fault!"
[Alternate: If you complain, its because TF turned you against us!]
(c.f. Exec's inability to accept fault for his mistakes).
Went belly-up after the place burned down because Exec
insisted the fire-inspector was wrong and did what
he (Executive) thought was correct. Three minutes later the place was
a raging inferno.
Bookstore - Only sold books Executive has read. Went under because
they only sold 2 items: TV Guide and cheap porno magazines.
Psychiatrist - Barred by the APA when it was found he caused more mental
problems than he aleviated. Also, he was more screwed up than the people
he was supposed to be helping. (c.f. every post he's ever written).
Secret Agent - Was unable to assume other identities without bragging
about the fact he was an undercover agent to people who would expose
him (c.f. his new handle Daniel_2 which he used to attack TF and impersonate
me).
Author - Hustler wouldn't publish his stories. (c.f. Exec's literary
skills).
Weapons Developer - While his story CRISIS was good at inducing illness
in just about everyone, it was discovered that he had not planned for
this effect and that he was just a lousy writer.
Complaints Department - Kept reversing the complaint, as when he was
overheard saying 'No, its YOUR fault it was broken
before you bought it.' He also thought it meant
that he was expected to complain about TF to everyone
who approached him to return merchandise, etc. (c.f. his propensity
for getting insulted, then taking the insult he got and using it on
the original insulter as though it were a clever comeback. Well, for
him, it is about as clever as he gets.)
Air Traffic Controller - caused many plane crashes by telling the pilots
not to announce when they are leaving (c.f. his repeated "advice"
to people not to announce when they
are leaving the board. Best to ignore the fascist's
attempts to control others, as he can't even run his own life, much
less anyone else's.)
Suicide Hotline - On his first night, 5 people killed themselves. Two
were wrong numbers and the other three were fellow employees who had
to endure a 3 hour shift with Executive. (c.f. Anyone's who's ever met
Executive)
Eventually I may even add some more of Exec's posts to the list of posts
proving him a liar, troublemaker and twit. It's not like there's any
lack of evidence. I'll just wait till he amasses
a ton more (It should take about 2 weeks).