ToFGaL™: RMScream vs. Executive

Date: 01/20/2001
From: Brand_S

titznboobz:

You got almost all 10s in the last tourney, so I have some high expectations for you this time around!

Exec:

You're probably not gonna read this, but if you do, just remember, this guy's friends with Space and dark, and agrees with their Exec-sentiment. You know what to do!

Now, go to infinity... and FURTHUR! All posts dated 1/21/2001 are valid!

S

Executive is my dad...

Date: 01/21/2001
From: RMScream

Well, not really. Though I did hear he tried to start a rumor a few years back that he was the father of Madonna's child...No, not THAT Madonna, the Koala Bear named Madonna who resides in the San Diego Zoo. I heard they got it on ALL NIGHT LONG. I guess Exec will do anything to prove he is a "man." Hell, how couldn't you expect that from the guy who's motto is: "There's no A in Executive, but there is in bare-chested man, anal lovin', and shaft-up-my-bum?" It disgusts me. With all that being said, I know he has tried to get some help. But, after years of blowing money (and other things) on self help books by Susan Powder, Richard Simmons, you still can't "Stop the Insanity" and "Lose 500 pounds in 500 minutes." Even a little "pound crunching" time with both of them didn't work for you. I've seen an overweight walrus with an underbite and a case of ricketts carry his weight better than you. And the level of stupidity frightens me. To think that society hasn't weeded people like you out sickens me to no end. How many times do I have to explain to you where babies come from? Also, you'd think that after countless hours of research you would have found out why the car goes "vroom-vroom." If you ask me why McDonalds is spelled with an M and not a Q one more time I will kick your ass you worthless goob of imitation velveeta cheese. Do the world a favor and lock yourself up in a secluded dungeon for the rest of your life. That is all.

-RMS

Prima Facie

Date: 01/21/2001
From: Blinxecutive

Well, Exec sends word that he won't be participating:

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/985/5409/1

So Scream and I figured we'd get some cheap thrills out of slamming each other harder than Exec with a Gary Coleman blow-up doll.

Fellow judges: IGNORE MY POSTS. This is only a drill. Owing to his worthless opponent's COWARDICE, RMScream has become one of the Four™ by default.

=====

It's funny, isn't it?

I'm named in honour of Executive. EXECUTIVE. A man whose most glorious achievement is figuring out how to open a jar of pickles with his dick. Namely, by keeping thoughts of an ALL-NIGHT ORGY between Sylvester, Tweety and that NAMELESS OLD HAG from his mind long enough to get some play out of the woeful thing.

Yet it's STILL a more honourable pedigree than christening myself after the sound I emit while fantasizing about "sliding" into Richard "RM" Mulligan's Empty LOVE Nest.

AND I DON'T MEAN THE HOUSE, DAMMIT.

It's not like Scream's psychoses end THERE, either. Fuck, they don't even end at his amatory excursions to the North Pole to play "ice fishing" with the resident penguins' "INLETS of DELIGHT."

You see, he was hoping for Santa Claus.

Reality can be a cruel mistress, my friend Mr. Scream. Crueler even than your own ex-paramour Bill Mumy of "Lost in Space." Five years playing a Minbari on 'Babylon 5,' and he STILL dumped you when he learned of the bone growing out of YOUR head. Like your parents told the Russian genetic engineers, "it has to be good for SOMETHING more than growing hair!"

They were right. It makes an excellent battering ram for shattering your C64 monitor.

Go on. Stretch your atrophied neck muscles, call off your hot date massaging parmesan cheese curds into Janet Reno's sweaty pubic hairs, and prepare to obliterate the messenger of your DEFEAT.

- Blinxecutive 7:-P
http://slidersweb.net/blinker

STINGER: "Executive is my dad." I don't want to THINK about what that makes Exec's pal, the 70-year-old shellfish-raping androgenous Swedish librarian...

Story Time...

Date: 01/21/2001
From: RMScream

Well, it's time now for a little story. Being that his handle is Blinxecutive, I imagine him as a lowly manager in some third rate establishment. Even though it has the credibility of "The Bottoms Up Club," you act like it's the most important thing in the world. Your employees, however, feel that you are the most worthless peice of feces on earth. One of them has written a poem about you.

-----

Asshole Boss
by: Chuck Nipply

Your bald head shines, on your nose thick glasses rest
Face structured in a way which people can attest:
You look like a mole who's hopped up on crack
And every time you speak, tempts me to raise my hand and smack

You're doing us a "favor" by employing us here
If so, then why do we detest you every time you're near?
Deep within your mind set, you think that you're the hoss
In reality, I know you're just my asshole boss

"The customers complain," yeah, about you, dumb ass
"You're the reason we lose money," have you been smoking grass?
You're so annoying, you bug people to death
And worst of all, you have really bad breath!
(Asshole Boss) tries to bug old ladies
(Asshole Boss) into buying nacho trays
(Asshole Boss) tries to tell us what to do
(Asshole Boss) I'll boot your ass with my shie

So, you think you're so good at running this place?
That's why you've gone bankrupt, you fucking disgrace.
I just cannot stand the way that you act
Was ""favoritism" listed as a clause in the contract?
You're such a retard, yeah, I hope you die
Not really, but I would like to punch you in the eye

When that day comes, where I finally quit
I'll tell you the truth, you worthless piece of shit
You're not a nice guy and to save you's a cause
That I wouldn't take up cause you're my as

Story Time (Disreguard above ST post)

Date: 01/21/2001
From: RMScream

Well, it's time now for a little story. Being that his handle is Blinxecutive, I imagine him as a lowly manager in some third rate establishment. Even though it has the credibility of "The Bottoms Up Club," you act like it's the most important thing in the world. Your employees, however, feel that you are the most worthless peice of feces on earth. One of them has written a poem about you.

-----

Asshole Boss
by: Chuck Nipply

Your bald head shines, on your nose thick glasses rest
Face structured in a way which people can attest:
You look like a mole who's hopped up on crack
And every time you speak, tempts me to raise my hand and smack

You're doing us a "favor" by employing us here
If so, then why do we detest you every time you're near?
Deep within your mind set, you think that you're the hoss
In reality, I know you're just my asshole boss

"The customers complain," yeah, about you, dumb ass
"You're the reason we lose money," have you been smoking grass?
You're so annoying, you bug people to death
And worst of all, you have really bad breath!
(Asshole Boss) tries to bug old ladies
(Asshole Boss) into buying nacho trays
(Asshole Boss) tries to tell us what to do
(Asshole Boss) I'll boot your ass with my shie

So, you think you're so good at running this place?
That's why you've gone bankrupt, you fucking disgrace.
I just cannot stand the way that you act
Was ""favoritism" listed as a clause in the contract?
You're such a retard, yeah, I hope you die
Not really, but I would like to punch you in the eye

When that day comes, where I finally quit
I'll tell you the truth, you worthless piece of shit
You're not a nice guy and to save you's a cause
That I wouldn't take up cause you're my asshole boss

Goodbye, you moron, please send my regards
To the retards in hell that made you a boss
If some day our paths ever meet
I'll have more success than you, you moley piece of "sheet."
I hope you know that I'm better than you
Don't have too much fun training "little Drew"
After all this time, I have to say this
Blinxecutive, I want you to drink my piss!

-----

That's not where our story ends, though. Our lovely mole actually has a woman...uh...man...we'll just call it a "person" that he's in love with. Even though he's as romantic as a cigar store indian, person eats it all up. Their love is pure and true. Here is a little "work of art" that our hero wrote to his beloved

-----

I Love You
by: Blinxecutive

I love you, yeah, you're really cool
I love you cause you have brown stool
I love you, yeah, you're really great
I love you cause you sleep in late

You're the Colleen to my Greg (They're from Survivor)
You're the Andy to my Conan (You're the sidekick)
You're the Adam Carolla to my Dr. Drew
You're the Whitney to my Bobby (They're both drunks)
You're the Jennifer to my Brad (Aren't they hot?)
You're the Goldie to my Kurt (Together forever)
And last but not least, you're the Ellen to my Anne (Or the Anne to my Ellen. Either way, it doesn't matter. Wait, didn't they break up? Shit, never mind then)

I'll show you forever my endless love
I know that it fits just like a glove
Now you know I'm just trying to rhyme
I don't know if anyone thinks it's a crime
No matter what I say, this much is true
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you.

-----

Person, known as wildabeast, loved this "symbol of love." After she recieved it, she showed Blinx her own special "symbol of love" all night long.

The song went on to fame, being known as the dumbest song ever written. It even won a People's Choice Award for "Song for which the writer should be shot." Blinxecutive was then shot in the huge bubble he calls an ass.

==========

This has been another episode of story time. Tune in next time when we highlight the dangerous world of Midget Tossing!

-RMS

"Executive is my dad"... MSTIED!

Date: 01/21/2001
From: Blinxecutive

And PAY ATTENTION THIS TIME, you shit-eating pigeon rapist. THIS is the art of the Flame™ made MANIFEST.

NO, not "ManFest 2000" with guest "performer" Elton John, you SICKO...

=====

Well, not really.

>>> Oh, YES! Way to start ANY good flame: BACKPEDAL!

Though I did hear he tried to start a rumor a few years back that he was the father of Madonna's child...

>>> So? Exec fantasizes about Ciccone... RickyMartinScream's the one who molests *CICCADAS.*

No, not THAT Madonna, the Koala Bear named Madonna who resides in the San Diego Zoo.

>>> News flash, buddy: EXECUTIVE LIVES IN NEW JERSEY. But heyyyyy... hold on a minute. *You* wouldn't happen to be in the California region now, would you?

I heard they got it on ALL NIGHT LONG.

>>> You're confusing the koala bear with the panda from the terrible Simpsons episode "Homer Vs. Dignity," and Executive with YOUR OWN ROBIN WILLIAMS-DESIRING SELF.

I guess Exec will do anything to prove he is a "man." Hell, how couldn't you expect that from the guy who's motto is:

>>> "Apostrophe in 'who's,' except when it's supposed to be spelled 'WHOSE.'"

"There's no A in Executive, but there is in bare-chested man, anal lovin', and shaft-up-my-bum?"

>>> Strangely enough, though, there IS one in "RMScream!" Coincidence... or DIABOLICAL MASTER PLAN?

It disgusts me. With all that being said, I know he has tried to get some help.

>>> Not much of a concession, coming from someone whose idea of "getting some help" is procuring some sweet, sweet masturbatory lovin' from each of those "jumping jack" Beatles on the "Help!" album cover.

But, after years of blowing money (and other things) on self help books by Susan Powder, Richard Simmons, you still can't "Stop the Insanity" and "Lose 500 pounds in 500 minutes."

>>> Yeah, Exec, you should be ashamed! RM managed to blow TWICE that many pounds in just FIVE MINUTES exploring London, England's transvestite red-light district!

Even a little "pound crunching" time with both of them didn't work for you. I've seen an overweight walrus

>>> Yep, now he's jackdrilling to the cover photo on "Magical Mystery Tour."

with an underbite and a case of ricketts carry his weight better than you. And the level of stupidity frightens me.

>>> Oh yes... the infamous level cut from Wolfenstein 3D in which one had to face a legion of slobbering Randomjudgement'sMomScream clones.

To think that society hasn't weeded people like you out sickens me to no end.

>>> It sickens you so much that YOU AREN'T GETTING ANY END?! From ANY MAN WHATSOEVER?! Damn... that's just FREAKY.

How many times do I have to explain to you where babies come from?

>>> Apparently from whatever Flame School set YOU loose on this tourney.

Also, you'd think that after countless hours of research you would have found out why the car goes "vroom-vroom."

>>> Hey, Exec isn't the one who mistakes "exhaust pipes" for "fun holes"...

If you ask me why McDonalds is spelled with an M and not a Q one more time I will kick your ass you worthless goob of imitation velveeta cheese.

>>> Quick, kids: how do you spell "RMScream" starting with Q?

Do the world

>>> RapingMatlockScream's Kariesque ambition...

a favor and lock yourself up in a secluded dungeon for the rest of your life. That is all.

>>> Oh, gee. Can I breathe again?

- Blinxecutive 7:-P
http://slidersweb.net/blinker

Oh yeah, dude: words of advice. No matter HOW MANY TIMES you deliberately "drop the soap" in the privacy of your home shower, that POTTED CACTUS you call a husband ISN'T GOING TO TAKE THE HINT... And for FUCK'S SAKE! It DOESN'T MATTER whether you can flawlessly pound out the theme song to the "$40,000 Chain Reaction" with a pair of elephant dildos! THE ONLY THING YOU WILL *EVER* HAVE 40,000 OF IS GENITAL BLISTERS COURTESY OF INFANT CHIMPANZEES!

HHH! Great post...

Date: 01/21/2001
From: RMScream

For me to poop on!!

There. That was it. My comeback. You like?

Seriously, that was some funny shit, man. If I didn't already advance to the next round, and I wasn't studying for finals, I would have attempted to counter it. It would have been hard, though. Question for you: Why the hell didn't you enter? You would have given Space and I a run for our money! You are about fifty steps above some of the "contestants!" Excellent work, my man.

-RMS

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/24709
Nominated by Blinker