ToFGaL: DMD vs. SQ21

Date: 02/18/2001
From: Brand_S

Slider_Quinn21:

After having seen your performance in the first round, I have all the faith in the world that you can construct superb, powerful flames that will eliminate the opposition.

DieselMickeyDolenz:

Kick his ass.

You both have the 19th. Get ready to get it on! No, not the way YOU'RE thinking.

S

First off....

Date: 02/18/2001
From: Slider_Quinn21

Title-"The Birth of DMD" or "How two prostitutes, a banana, Richard Simmons, a monkey, and Bob Dole can create a fucked up personality like DMD"

___________________________________________________________

DieselMickeyDolenz sat in his semen-soaked bed. Last night, he had been watching the Michael Jackson story on VH1 and Bubbles couldn't control himself.

Of course, this was before the time of DMD. He was just a wet dream in the mind of his creator, EustiSlider. Yes, the same EustiSlider who is the only person in BBoard history to forget which fucking handle he was using. Even Silverguy could get that right, but that's not really important(Which is a coincidence, because that's what Eusti's dad says about the size of his clit)

I remember EustiSlider's arrival. Everyone pretty much hated him from the beginning. And the kinda hate we have for Peckinpah, or Hitler, or N'Sync.

But then I got the e-mail. I've never read it, and it says specifically not to read it, but if I'm going to fear a shemale, it sure isn't going to be Eusti.

So, here it is...

from:AnyCockICanGet@hotmail.com(EustiSlider)

"Hi guys!

Its me, EustiSlider from the BBoard. I'm new here, and I really need friends. You see, I'm a pre-op transexual, and my boyfriend got really mad at me because I look too much like Maralyn Manson. So, I could really use some friends.

If you agree to be my friend, I'll supply you with a Columbian whore of your choice. Either that, or I'll perform whatever sexual favors your want.

Hugs, Kisses, and Cocks,
EustiSlider"

Then, this came soon after.

from:AnyCockICanGet@hotmail.com(EustiSlider)

"Its me again.

Just want you to know, that if you don't like whores or shemales, I'll send you money or booze.

Hugs, Kisses, and Cocks,
EustiSlider"

Eusti was trying to buy out popularity at the BBoard. And it wasn't working.

So, Eusti went to bed, crying over his failure of a life. He was sitting in his bra, soaked panties, and cow milker, jacking off to C-SPAN. He even envied the Executive.

That's when DMD was born. Of course, Eusti was too much of a pussy to reveal his identity, but what'd you expect from the BBoard's resident drunken whore.

He found pleasure(more than from Bubbles) writing little stories about his life and changing the name to his opponent. Every once and a while, he'd go to the CockShack and get some more material, but he was embarrassed that they didn't let guys in, in just their teddies.

But he had out-grown all his/her miniskirts, so who could blame him/her?

So, as the tournament neared an end and dellyone kicked his ass(and all the rectal fucking had made it really tender, causing more pain), Eusti began to feel terrible. He and Bubbles retreated to the Linda Tripp Fan Club Headquarters with a hippo and an aquarium full of hand lotion.

What would become of Eusti???

Find out tommorrow...

Quinn

SQ_21...

Date: 02/18/2001
From: dellyone

You're a few hours early. It's not the 19th yet. It's up to S if he's going to allow your first reply.

dellyone

Did S say Eastern Time or what? [END]

Date: 02/18/2001
From: Real_Slider

.............

Okay...

Date: 02/19/2001
From: Slider_Quinn21

I don't see why he would post it and not allow us to start, but here it is again...

___________________________________________________________

Title-"The Birth of DMD" or "How two prostitutes, a banana, Richard Simmons, a monkey, and Bob Dole can create a fucked up personality like DMD"

___________________________________________________________

DieselMickeyDolenz sat in his semen-soaked bed. Last night, he had been watching the Michael Jackson story on VH1 and Bubbles couldn't control himself.

Of course, this was before the time of DMD. He was just a wet dream in the mind of his creator, EustiSlider. Yes, the same EustiSlider who is the only person in BBoard history to forget which fucking handle he was using. Even Silverguy could get that right, but that's not really important(Which is a coincidence, because that's what Eusti's dad says about the size of his clit)

I remember EustiSlider's arrival. Everyone pretty much hated him from the beginning. And the kinda hate we have for Peckinpah, or Hitler, or N'Sync.

But then I got the e-mail. I've never read it, and it says specifically not to read it, but if I'm going to fear a shemale, it sure isn't going to be Eusti.

So, here it is...

from:AnyCockICanGet@hotmail.com(EustiSlider)

"Hi guys!

Its me, EustiSlider from the BBoard. I'm new here, and I really need friends. You see, I'm a pre-op transexual, and my boyfriend got really mad at me because I look too much like Maralyn Manson. So, I could really use some friends.

If you agree to be my friend, I'll supply you with a Columbian whore of your choice. Either that, or I'll perform whatever sexual favors your want.

Hugs, Kisses, and Cocks,
EustiSlider"

Then, this came soon after.

from:AnyCockICanGet@hotmail.com(EustiSlider)

"Its me again.

Just want you to know, that if you don't like whores or shemales, I'll send you money or booze.

Hugs, Kisses, and Cocks,
EustiSlider"

Eusti was trying to buy out popularity at the BBoard. And it wasn't working.

So, Eusti went to bed, crying over his failure of a life. He was sitting in his bra, soaked panties, and cow milker, jacking off to C-SPAN. He even envied the Executive.

That's when DMD was born. Of course, Eusti was too much of a pussy to reveal his identity, but what'd you expect from the BBoard's resident drunken whore.

He found pleasure(more than from Bubbles) writing little stories about his life and changing the name to his opponent. Every once and a while, he'd go to the CockShack and get some more material, but he was embarrassed that they didn't let guys in, in just their teddies.

But he had out-grown all his/her miniskirts, so who could blame him/her?

So, as the tournament neared an end and dellyone kicked his ass(and all the rectal fucking had made it really tender, causing more pain), Eusti began to feel terrible. He and Bubbles retreated to the Linda Tripp Fan Club Headquarters with a hippo and an aquarium full of hand lotion.

What would become of Eusti???

Find out tommorrow...

Quinn

Premature ejaculation

Date: 02/19/2001
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

Slider_Quinn21 went to his computer. Reluctantly stopping his 'Richard Mulligan in a Speedo' screensaver, he punched in the URL for the Dominion on his Opera browser (what a rebel). When the screen came up, he could hardly believe his eyes. The Round II arenas were finally up! This was the moment he'd been waiting for. He'd been obsessing over his opening flame for days. A spell check here, an added paragraph there. This was his chance to prove himself a real man. His narrow escape from sliderules had merely served to whet his appetite for destruction, even if it was only his own.

He quickly opened WordStar and brought up his flame. Select All. Copy. Then back to Opera. Reply to ToFGaL: DMD vs. SQ21. Paste. Post Reply. Yes! He had posted first! The only problem was that he'd shot his wad too quickly. His sister had admonished him about that repeatedly during their "sessions," but Quinn had yet to learn how to hold back, how to maintain even a modicum of control.

<waits for Quinn to look up "admonish" and "modicum" in the dictionary>

One of the judges calls Quinn's quick-draw to his attention. What could he do? A repeat session usually appeased his sister, so he thought, "I must post my flame again!" And post he did. After all, this wasn't just any opponent he was facing. It was DMD. And DMD was also Eusti, the man whose love he'd sought for nearly a year now.

Oh, it had started innocently enough, I suppose. A questionable remark here. A subtle overture there. But Eusti had steadfastly refused to even entertain the possibility of a relationship. How DARE he? He must not know what he's missing! After all, this was QUINN! There was a REASON the neighborhood pets stayed clear of his yard, and he was determined to show DMD what that reason was.

With the help of his digital camera, a box of Kibbles 'n' Bits, some duct tape, and a bottle of chloroform, Quinn proceeded to flood the inbox of eustislider@hotmail.com. When the restraining order arrived at Quinn's home, he decided to change his approach. If he could not have Eusti, he'd put all of his energy into slandering the one man he loved almost as much as Alan Thicke.

He studied the compleat writings of darkslider. He registered a false handle and headed to the Dominion to post this little nugget of inspiration:

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21219

A post in which Quinn displays the uncanny ability to confuse the colors teal and turquoise. Sadly, this attempt brought him no closer to the GLORY that was Eusti than he had been before. His would-be lover ignored him then just as he does now. Dejected, Quinn began fantasizing. In Quinn's twisted world, Eusti would e-mail him offering sexual favors. And that's the way things would have remained for Quinn if not for darkslider's Tournament of Pee. Quinn signed up hoping desperately that his object of obsession would be 'mated' with him. Alas, the first round began without EustiSlider. Without his sexual idol, Quinn was quickly handled (though not as he would've liked) by SingularVisions. Little did he know that Eusti was entered in the contest under the handle of DieselMickeyDolenz.

Then came the Tournament of Flamey Goodness and Love™. DMD was not a contestant, but he was a judge. Oh to have his approval. He must try once again to summon the THUNDER. He succeeded only in summoning gas, but it was enough to carry him to the second round. Turns out DMD had been drafted into the tournament and put against the triumphant Quinn. SQ21 was in heaven. Now his lust would have to be acknowledged. Now DMD would be forced to reckon with the pure sexual energy that was Slider_Quinn21.

Well, I'm here now Quinn. And I'm no more impressed with your opening volley than I am with your spelling of the word 'Millennium' (http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/24453).

Now, for the love of Tormé and everything that is holy, will you PLEASE stop making these blatant attempts for my attention and my affection. I'm no more interested in you now than when you mailed me that magazine with the nude pictures of Bea Arthur. You know, the one with the PAGES STUCK TOGETHER! Go back to your Transformers, your Holly Hobby lunchbox, and your shrine to Josie and the Pussycats and LEAVE THE FLAMING TO THE PROFESSIONALS!

That is all.
Diesel
Mickey
Dolenz

Birth of DMD Part 2

Date: 02/19/2001
From: Slider_Quinn21

DMD(Eusti) was having the time of his life. He was finally accepted in a place other than his chat room devoted to gay fans of "Gumby".

And all for giving the story of his life in flame form! He was on cloud nine!

Now, Eusti isn't that bright. I won't mention how dumb, but he's somewhere in between George W. Bush and Forrest Gump. In his flames, he would use really big words to make himself look smart. Then, he'd make the other person look stupid, by acting like they had to look up the big words.

But he didn't need a dictionary. His "word a day" edible panties did their job.

But then came the slip up. He was fondling the cat, as usual, while typing in something at the JOC fan board.
___________________________________________________________
Before I continue, I must say this first. Why in the fuck hasn't Eusti's ass been kicked for visiting the JOC board? Its okay for the girls, but why is Eusti allowed to stick with both? He's not a real girl yet!

That pisses me off.
____________________________________________________________

Well, Eusti was sitting in a darling little matching bra/panty outfit, drooling over Jerry, wondering when his tits would come in. He was trying to remember the last wet dream he'd had about Jerry, so that he could post it.

And he chose to post under the DMD handle. Why?

Who gives a fuck? Even Jennifer Lopez wouldn't enter Eusti's mind! Hell, even Hannibal Lector wouldn't EAT Eusti's mind! His wet dreams of homosexual porno and Roseanne Barr are too much for any normal human being to take.

So, he wrote DMD on the name. Typed his dumbass excuse for a post, and signed the post.

The only problem was that "DMD" signed the name as Eusti. As I said before, he's the only person dumb enough to do this! Silvergay could do it! TIP could do it! SpaceTime can do it! Even the most fucked up poster in the world, RandomsEdge could do the fucking job!

But Eusti couldn't...

But, alas, Eusti went on with the charade. He wouldn't let this wonderful dream end!

But he was so sad that he was forced to be so mean all the time. Maybe it was the Estrogen pills he was popping like Certs, but he was too emotional to keep making fun of people.

He had to give up the DMD handle...

So, he decided to make it into a contest. He modeled it after his little contest earlier that week, where he tried to see if any of his family recognized his post-op self.

They didn't, so why would the BBoarders?

So, Eusti was thrilled as people guessed who he was. He was near climax when he saw names like "TemporalFlux", "SpaceTime", and "HunterD_Raven" affiliated with his own.

Could it be true?

Obviously Eusti needs to look up the word "sarcasm". Its not on the panties? Too bad...

So, the big day came(no, not Eusti's new pussy coming in). He revealed himself as Eusti, and was so excited.

But no one cared. He was forced back into the shadows of Big Cocks Magazine headquarters, where he'd try to jack off with his new vibrator.

Its a shame too. Eusti's mom said he had so much potential. So much energy...

Such a waste.

So, as EustiSlider/DMD/RuPaul'sLover sit by their computer, reading this. I want that shemale to know one thing...

You don't belong here. You never did. You have nothing to contribute here. You're a waste of skin, that could've been used to make beautiful women.

So, when you walk down the street and all you see is transexuals, fat old women, and Linda Tripp, thank Eusti.

Maybe, after I whip his ass(Don't get excited, Eusti...not in that way), he'll go away and die...

The sooner the better, bitch
Quinn

PS-There's no such thing as the Easter Bunny, so stop hiding your painted testicles in your neighbors' yards...

You sad, strange little man.

Date: 02/19/2001
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

More drivel from the brain-dead one. I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

Desperate for something to use against me that has ANY foundation beyond his fantasies, Quinn has decided to attack my adoption of a second handle. Lest we forget that he himself registered Blinker_Quinn21 in the vain hopes that people would read his post and confuse it with something humorous. "Gosh, this doesn't seem amusing in the least. But if Blinker wrote it, it must be funny. I just laugh and pretend I get it."

Ordinarily, people live and learn, but you, you just live. I was going to try to spare you the embarrassment of having your private life put on display, but you seem to want to do this the hard way. (Not THAT kind of hard. Don't let your mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.)

You see, Quinn would never be accepted on the BBoard if they knew the things you had "revealed" in your pleadings for my affection. Now I know why some animals eat their own young.

Quinn, it seems, is a product of a childhood few could hope to escape from with their sanity or their morality in tact. His parents pawned him off on a used car salesman for a $20 discount on a '63 Corvair. The salesman, in turn, traded Quinn to a maker of child bestiality films for the hefty sum of three photographs of a nude Susan Olsen caressing Tiger on the Brady Bunch set. From that point on, Quinn's live became a collage of leather, sweat, and every animal that could find a perch in one of his orifices or another.

Quinn's third testicle made him a fan favorite. This was good because it kept him useful and, therefore, worth feeding and keeping alive. But eventually it took a toll on his body and his mind.

I'll get into this further at a later time, but for now I must return to work. Yes, unlike you, I have a real job. I'd appreciate you allowing me to do it undisturbed. After all, how would you like it if I started yelling down the alley while you're giving blowjobs to transsexuals? Feh!

DMD

10:58 p.m. EST

Date: 02/19/2001
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

Now where was I? Oh yes. The history of Slider_Quinn21 in his own words, as told to me through numerous e-mails begging for my affection.

Though Slider_Quinn21 thoroughly enjoyed his on-film romps with Rover, et al., time was taking it's toll on his body and mind. Eventually, puberty hit. Well, it hit most of him, but for some reason it completely missed his genetalia. Yes, while the rest of him continued to grow, he retained the penis of a six year old. Not to mention his own dwindling member.

Soon, the curtain calls stopped coming. His keeper canceled Quinn's subscription to the gerbil of the month club, and eventually put him out on the street. What life can the streets offer a thirteen year old washed up bestiality pedophilia actor? Sure, he tried prostituting himself, but with his history and the beginnings of the mad cow hysteria, even Daria Teen wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. And due to his puberty problems, he had far less than a ten-foot pole. Still, Quinn managed to stay alive by volunteering to clean public restrooms with his tongue or performing the occasional "hide the Kimoto dragon" trick for spare change. Eventually he was forced to return home. His parents accepted him back into their home only upon receiving guarantees that they wouldn't have to cough up the extra $100 for the Corvair.

Back at home, he was reintroduced to his older sister, Smegma. Smegma was delighted to have a new plaything that could also double as a place to keep her ferret on cold nights. She taught Quinn the joys of Sweet Sister-Lovin'. She simply strapped a decent sized appendage onto Quinn and then she was ready to ride! The meals may have been lousy around that home (I mean, how many different ways can you fix road kill?), but there was LOVE, and isn't that what's important?

Quinn discovered Sliders quite by accident, mistaking "My Brother's Keeper" for a show about familial bondage. He took one look at Charlie O'Connell and fell madly in love. [You know, Quinn tries to take me to task (among other places, which I'll have nothing to do with) for posting on the JOC board. But in truth, doesn't it just make sense to post on the board with more females than males? Perhaps Quinn isn't secure enough in his manhood to see the logic in that.] He began to watch every week hoping to see his man in action, masturbating wildly when Colin spoke, bringing himself to the verge of exploding whenever Colin would fight or, heaven forbid, RUN! He needed more than to just watch Sliders. He must participate.

Quinn found his way to the SciFi Sliders board, after several stops at sites like poopeater.com, familyhead.com, and onceyouvedoneadonkeyyoullnevergoback.com. He registered the handle Slider_Quinn21. The "Slider" part of the name is pretty standard. He registered as Quinn instead of Colin to try to mask his lust. Why the number 21? He'd seen that on the results of his I.Q. test. This placed him somewhere above 3king3, but below Keanu Reeves. Besides, his first choice of handles, ColinIsHung, seemed too obvious, even to Quinn.

More later....

DMD

Finale

Date: 02/19/2001
From: Slider_Quinn21

This will be my final post. Even though I can guarantee that you will be waiting until 11:59 to press "submit" and post, I've got better things to do.

And that's why flaming you will be so hard. Because you're such a sad, sick little creature.

DMD's recent flame displayed a very confused little "it"(I'm not sure which gender "it" is anymore)

Now, DMD must be confusing me with one of the little boys he meets on the street, begging for cock. If you travel throughout the United States, he's the only homeless man in America with the sign "Will work for Cock".

But that's a story I'd rather not get into.

Then, there's the part about me choosing my name. This was actually a part of his choosing of HIS name.

You see, everyone knows that Eusti made his name after his secret obsession with both ElectricPeterTork and the Monkees. He'd woken up early each morning to watch "The Screen Gems Network" showing of all the movies.

And he loved Davey. So much that he tatooed it on his "member". And he adored that tatoo so much that he kept it after it was severed by a German protitute named Zha-Zha.

But he couldn't show his pure obsession, could he? Of course not. So, he took a vote among his transexual friends on his lesbian chat room, and they chose Dolenz...

What a story!

So, I hope that Eusti can get the help he desperately needs....

Because if you don't get help at Charter...please get help somewhere...

BTW. Times Up, Bitch...
Quinn

End game

Date: 02/19/2001
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

Given his difficult life, I should be more understanding of Slider_Quinn21's advances. I usually try to be civil about it. And to be fair, when someone said that he wasn't fit to fuck pigs the other day, I stuck up for him. I told them that given his childhood vocation, he most certainly was fit to fuck pigs.

Enough of this. Quinn, I have told you for the last time, I have no interest in you, your collection of Conrad Bain nudes, or your book of "21 Ways to Blow a Goat." From now on, I'll thank you to keep me out of your fantasies.

That is all.

DMD

Told you so...<end>

Date: 02/20/2001
From: Slider_Quinn21

.

Uh huh.

Date: 02/20/2001
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

Like I didn't wait the last half hour waiting to see if you were going to post again.

LOL! Great job, man. You've improved from the last round to say the least. May the best flamer win. Wait, I don't like the sound of that...

DMD

<extends hand>

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/25063
Nominated by Blinker