ToFGal Round IV: SpaceTime vs RMScream

Date: 07/02/2001
From: Recall317

[Cue the theme to Rocky I]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Gods and trolls, it is my great pleasure and privilege to introduce tomorrow's competitors in this semi-final round for the Heavyweight Title as ToFGaL's Flaming King (which is an interesting visual in of itself.)

In the red corner, weighing in with virtually two metric tons of vitirolic and acidic posts, the self-proclaimed God of Flaming, the Titan of Tinseltown, and the Blue Fairy to his friends, SPACETIME.

[Crowd goes wild. Chants of "ST" fill the arena.]

And in the yellow polka-dotted corner, the challenger, he puts the cream in scream, his friends call him RyRy, but the women call him daddy, RMSCREAM.

[More cheers. "RyDaddy! RyDaddy!"]

For the next twenty-four hours, these two Kings of Kerosene will attempt to send each other to that great barbecue in the sky. The rules are simple. The competitors will have the whole of July 3rd to roast, baste, and sauteé one another. Only posts made on that day will count. (The judges will not concern themseleves with geographic differences.) Winner will advance to face the victor in the SL4ever/Blinker fight.

So forget the 4th of July, the fireworks are coming on the 3rd this year. The bell is about to ring...

**Addendum. If one or both competitors are unable to brawl on the 3rd due to holiday planning or whatnot, simply reply and we will postpone the match. If the fight takes place as planned, judges will need to submit their scores to me in the next week. The sooner we get the scores, the sooner we can potentially move on to the next round. Send scores to trumano18@yahoo.com

Yes, yahoo.com. We don't own everything yet, but it's not for lack of trying!

Questions

Date: 07/03/2001
From: RMScream

Why does ST insist on running his nipples through a cheese grater while masturbating to his "Brat Pack" lunch box for the "maximum pleasure" it brings?

Why don't you get that pear shaped mole removed from your ass? I know it is supposedly your little "G" spot, but it really turns me off when I'm making out with you.

Why do you claim to be a GOD of the bboard, when in reality you're only a god of the " Frequent Kidney stone passers who still live in their parent's basement at the age of 45 and have a fetish for monster trucks and their drivers covered in turkey gravy and who tend to take pictures of their own feces and compare them to photos they've seen at the 'Shits from the Yannamammo' website" club? A club that consists of two people: You, and Bob, a mentally challenged "man" from across the street. You often get angry with him when he eats his feces instead of taking photos of it and putting it on the web.

Why are you so arrogant? It can't be your looks. It surely can't be because of your wonderful personality. I can only think of one thing. Father DiDominicis's Good Boys Camp. Going there for two weeks has boosted your self esteem and warped your self opinion. Those nights of Roasting chestnuts on your "open fire" have made you full of yourself, as well as another object...

Did the above make any sense to you? Because it didn't to me!

Why am I so damn GOOD LOOKING?

Why do women attempt to seduce me DAILY? I can't stop them!

Why am I wasting my time putting effort into this so called GOD? I could be maintaining my dijon mustard collection right now instead of writing this. Though I don't actually have a dijon mustard collection. I wonder if anyone does. What would actually consist of this collection? I would guess Grey Pupon would be a staple. Remember those commercials? "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Pupon?" HAHAHAHAHA

Why am I talking about Grey Pupon instead of flaming? Because I CAN. Because it won't matter. Because THERE IS NO WAY I WILL LOSE. I AM THE NEW GOD, ST. STEP ASIDE.

EAT *MY* FAT, FAT DICK,

-RM

I have A Secret

Date: 07/03/2001
From: RMScream

I can't contain it anymore. ST LOVES ME! I know you have told me to keep it a secret, but I cannot hide it. I love you, Sexy Daddy SpaceTime (he insists I call him that). Now I must post the song you wrote to me. I know it was supposed to be between us, but I must make this common knowldege so I can make fun of it. Here it is. This is how ST feels about me. It kinda has a "Boys II Men" vibe.

NOTE: We all know how ST is. This isn't for the faint of heart.

Bum Bum Lovin'
By: SpaceTime

FOR RMSCREAM. I LOVE YOU!

<Verse 1>

Light the candles, close the door
Now get down on your "all-fours"
Relax, take it slow
In your anus, my schlong will go
Boy are you ready?
Cause my "Mr. Winky" is! (Oh Yeah)

Take off your clothes, open sesame
Because your bum-bum lovin' will be SO good to me!

<Refrain>

I wanna...Put it in your butt! (baby)
Gonna make your ass bleed...with love...
Please let me...guet you up the butt! (sugar)
The pleasure you recieve will come from me...
We'll do it all night
I'll make it feel all right
And when you start to cry...
I'll just add more KY!
That doesn't stand for Kentucky, but it means I'm gonna fuck ye! (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

<Verse 2>

Boy you lie in bed, and in I slide
Gonna make your asshole six inches wide
Though it hurts at first, you'll have a blast
Then soon after that your shit'll come out really fast!
Ry Ry, there's no need to deny me
Just 'cause you have no vaginey (oh yeah!)

<Refrain>

<Deep Barry whiteesque voice>

Baby, I love you.
I just want to put it in your butt.
Just bend over and let my willy inside of you.
It won't hurt but for a second.
I just want to please you.
Let me express my love.
My devotion will come through,
When I stick it in you.

<Repeat Refrain>

FIN

WOW. That is all I have to say about that. Now the secret is out. ST is really a homosexual and likes anal sex VERY much. He will have to find it somewhere else, though. I prefer the feeling of a warm vagina to that of a cold, hard, penis. ST is even hornier than I am. Poor bastard.

-RM

I Have A Secret (finished post)

Date: 07/03/2001
From: RMScream

I can't contain it anymore. ST LOVES ME! I know you have told me to keep it a secret, but I cannot hide it. I love you, Sexy Daddy SpaceTime (he insists I call him that). Now I must post the song you wrote to me. I know it was supposed to be between us, but I must make this common knowldege so I can make fun of it. Here it is. This is how ST feels about me. It kinda has a "Boys II Men" vibe.

NOTE: We all know how ST is. This isn't for the faint of heart.

Bum Bum Lovin'
By: SpaceTime

FOR RMSCREAM. I LOVE YOU!

<Verse 1>

Light the candles, close the door
Now get down on your "all-fours"
Relax, take it slow
In your anus, my schlong will go
Boy are you ready?
Cause my "Mr. Winky" is! (Oh Yeah)

Take off your clothes, open sesame
Because your bum-bum lovin' will be SO good to me!

<Refrain>

I wanna...Put it in your butt! (baby)
Gonna make your ass bleed...with love...
Please let me...guet you up the butt! (sugar)
The pleasure you recieve will come from me...
We'll do it all night
I'll make it feel all right
And when you start to cry...
I'll just add more KY!
That doesn't stand for Kentucky, but it means I'm gonna fuck ye! (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

<Verse 2>

Boy you lie in bed, and in I slide
Gonna make your asshole six inches wide
Though it hurts at first, you'll have a blast
Then soon after that your shit'll come out really fast!
Ry Ry, there's no need to deny me
Just 'cause you have no vaginey (oh yeah!)

<Refrain>

<Deep Barry whiteesque voice>

Baby, I love you.
I just want to put it in your butt.
Just bend over and let my willy inside of you.
It won't hurt but for a second.
I just want to please you.
Let me express my love.
My devotion will come through,
When I stick it in you.

<Repeat Refrain>

FIN

WOW. That is all I have to say about that. Now the secret is out. ST is really a homosexual and likes anal sex VERY much. He will have to find it somewhere else, though. I prefer the feeling of a warm vagina to that of a cold, hard, penis. ST is even hornier than I am. Poor bastard.

-RM

Where's the secret? And answers.

Date: 07/03/2001
From: SpaceTime

Charo, it's no suprise to ANYONE that I enjoy a good man-ass on occasion. Just because you post a little ditty I sent you when you were still in GRADE SCHOOL shouldn't elicit more than a mild guffaw since most posters here have heard me talk in explicit detail HOW I PLUNDER TENDER, TENDER ASS WITH MY MASSIVE TOOL.

I didn't say *I'm* a massive tool. That title belongs to Informant. No, I'm talking about the PYTHON in my pants that desires NOT the love of Francine, but of FRANK.

However, while I will not dismiss my early 90s love for pop-R&B, I dare you to find one person, ONE PERSON other than ME that you've talked to about your trip to a BACKSTREET BOYS concert a few weeks ago. Going to a concert like that is a cry to NAMBLA that you need a t-shirt, pronto. It's also PROOF that girls aren't high on your list of priorities, Honus.

I, however, have no qualms embracing you in TRUE GREEK STYLE. Just don't try and attack me with a part of my lifestyle that I LOVE. You don't see me jumping all over your Dukes of Hazard Trading Card collection, DO YOU?

Now, since you've asked more questions than BEA ARTHUR ON SPEED, allow me to answer them:

I am a beautiful creature. GLORIOUS IN EVERY WAY AM I. I would never sully myself by removing MY LUCKY MOLE. While you try in vain EVERY day to pluck that pencil thin mustache from your MALFORMED HEAD, I bask in the beauty that is the Mole. The Mole, incidentally, is God. I am merely its humble vessel upon which it resides. Any latent Godliness I embue is FROM WHAT YOU CALL THE G SPOT.

Why does any man grate his nipples while looking at Judd Nelson?! BECAUSE THERE IS NO GREATER PLEASURE. His soft, rebellious eyes. The scene where he talks about the cigarette scar on his arm... MAGIC. While you gaze LONGINGLY at your Web*ster Thermos, I take pride that I'm looking at a REAL man... a man that DOESN'T BACK DOWN TO ONE-DIMENSIONAL TEEN OPRESSION.

As for YOUR looks, Jonas, I can only assume that having JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE'S BABY BATTER ON YOUR FACE CAN ONLY IMPROVE YOUR APPEARANCE. It also explains why girls initially repulsed by your big, dry lips and unmanageable hair flock to you now. For there is nothing DUMBER than a trend-following TEENAGE GIRL.

Go back to your mustard collection, Pierre. Go work your piddly job that earns you less than my UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK. Go do anything but try and think of yourself as a flamer. You are a flamer in the RAGING HOMOSEXUAL sense, but anything else is a figment of your dulled brain pan.

Go hang out with the rapists. And the retards. And Informant.

DAMN!

Date: 07/04/2001
From: RMScream

I got home at 11:15, then got sidetracked and didn't get the chance to make one last attack. :-/ Oh well, I gave it my best. I know ST did too. Nice job, my friend. I think it will be a close match. The appointed winner will be a deserved one! Excellent match!

-Ryan

No knockout

Date: 07/04/2001
From: Recall317

This one will have to go to decision! Congratulations competitors! As soon as the judges rule, I shall announce the results.

R317

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26236
Nominated by Blinker