ToFGaL:
Final Round (Finally!)
Date: 07/29/2001
From: Recall317
"Welcome back, ladies and gentleman, to the main event of our Tournament of Flamey Goodness, and LOVE," cried DieselJimRoss over the screaming throngs of fans. "Eight men and women entered in the beginning, and many twists and turns later, we are down to the final two!""I can't believe it, DJR," exclaimed MissingAnnouncerJerryLawler. "After seven long, excruciating months, this Pay Per View is almost over!"
Before DJR could respond, the arena went dark and fireballs exploded at the main entrance to the ring.
[Cue organ music]
"Aaaahhhh! He's here!" cried out Jerry "the King" Lawler.
"Introducing first, from Canadian parts unknown, BlinKane!"
Dressed in his custom black and red outfit, BlinKane confidently strode to the ring, his long hair sticking out from behind the mask he never removed.
"The Big Red Machine has been unstoppable since being forced into the tournament," said DJR.
"Yup, you could say he's "one tuft customer"! Get it, DJR? Hahahaha!" laughed the King.
******
"One tuft customer?! Oh, like THAT hasn't been done," said Blinker.
"Hey! At least I spared you a CRACK joke!" retorted Recall317.
******
o/"If you smelllllllllll what the Scream is cooking!"o/
"And his opponent, RockMScream!"
******
"If you smell what the Scream is cooking?" asked RMScream. "That makes no sense!"
"No more or less sense than the Rock smelling what's he's cooking," muttered R317. "Will you guys leave me alone, I'm trying to write the intros!"
******
"It's been an up and down tourney for the Scream," said DJR. "He cruised through his first round battle only to run into the man he faces tonight. He regrouped and stunned the favorite in this tourney to make it back to this point."
"You can't count the Scream down," said the King. "He's got heart...and great catch phrases!"
"Our two competitors are in the ring and ready to...what the hell?" DJR was interrupted by the start of a third theme.
o/"No chance, that's what you got..."o/
"It's the Chairman and CEO of ToFGaL, Vince McRecall!"
McRecall stopped at the top of the stage leading to the ring, microphone in hand. "When we started this little tournament, our objective was to crown the greatest flame king on the bboard....and this is the final we're presented with? A rematch of a third round fight between two people who aren't even supposed to be here? Nuh-uh. No way."
"What is he saying? That BlinKane and the Scream are second rate flamers? Has he gone insane?" exclaimed DJR.
"He's always been a little nuts if you ask me. Remember that evening gown match between Executive and Silverguy last year? I get sick everytime I think about it," moaned the King.
"If we're to crown a new champion," continued McRecall," it will take more than just a one on one battle. No, a true flame god faces ALL COMERS at ONCE."
The crowd let out an audible gasp as McRecall flashed an evil grin. "That's why, I'm changing this match to a FATAL FOURWAY. Gentlemen, meet your new opponents!"
There was a sound of glass shattering and two new combatants joined the Chairman on the platform.
"Oh my God, King! It's Stone Cold SL4ever and the SpaceTaker!!!"
"AAAAA! AAAAA!!!!!"
*****
"Hold on, hold on, hold on. The SPACETAKER?!?!?!?" exclaimed SpaceTime.
"Yeah, like the Undertaker. The Undertaker is known as UT, you're known as ST. See? It works!" answered R317.
"And on more levels than one might imagine," chuckled SL4ever.
"Hey, save that for the flame battle, Winky," shot back ST.
*****
"Tonight, we will decide once and for all who the greatest champion is. No tricks, no holds barred. Just mano et mano et mano et mano."
With that, Vince McRecall departed and the other two headed for the ring.
"This is unbelievable! The SpaceTaker and that no good spider monkey, Stone Cold SL4ever, will now join BlinKane and the Scream in a four way brawl to end all brawls. And it's coming up....next!"
-------
This is it- final round! Competitors will have all of July 30th (Monday) to beat the living hell out of each other. Remember, there are four of you in there. To be given full marks by the judges, you will have to try and defeat every single one of your opponents. The person who fares the best against the most opponents takes the crown.
Winner takes all.
Good luck...you're going to need it.
R317
Did
I forget something? 0:-)
Date: 07/29/2001
From: Recall317
o/"No chance, that's what you got...."o/"What is the Chairman doing back out here?" asked DieselJimRoss.
"I think we're going to find out!" exclaimed MissingAnnouncerJerry"the King"Lawler.
Vince McRecall lifted his microphone, "There's just...one other thing I forgot to mention. This main event is a LUMBERJACK Match."
"A Lumberjack Match! My God, who will the lumberjacks be?" asked DJR.
o/"Time to play the FLAME!"o/
As his music hit, Triple S made his entrance followed by five others.
"It's the cerebral assassin himself! And he's brought friends! ReKurt317! MissingRyenneShamrock! DieselMickeyFoley! SweetLita! And Capqueline!" exclaimed DJR.
"Just so you know-uh," said Triple S. "If any one of you falls out of the ring-uh, we'll be there to make sure you regret it."
"A Lumberjack Fatal Fourway to decide the champion of ToFGaL. It just goes to show: anything can happen in the Board Flaming Federation! It's going to be a slobberknocker! And it's coming to you all live...next!"
Way
below the radio.
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
Peanut Butter Blinker, PMScream, SpunkTime,It became apparent during my last encounter that the only way to win is to be gayer than Richard Simmons at an all you can eat hot dog restaurant, more disgusting than Tom Green crouched under a cow, and more retarded than the last person off the short school bus.
Unfortunately for you three, I have learned well and I am plenty capable of being retarded. So I’m going to change my plan of attack. I’ll be gay. I’ll be disgusting. I’ll be retarded.
I’m sure this will make SpaceTime happier than a fag with three assholes because he thinks he invented gay flaming. So be it. I like SpaceTime happy. I like my bitches to grin while they suck my dick.
A fair warning to all of you, however. Don’t drop your guard and get knocked unconscious during this combat. Because if I knock someone out, I’m FUCKING them!
Peanut Butter, you woke the Ass Monster. You other two have him to thank for this.
No
color here.
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
SpunkTime,I’ll bet you regret picking “SpaceTime” as your handle. I’m sure you’ve regretted it many times over the years. There are so many fun things that can be done with this idiotic handle. Do you ever weep in your pillow at night, sobbing with the frustration of choosing a handle that can be morphed into any number of cutting digs? What is most amusing is that I’m sure you picked the handle while thinking: “I am the God of Space and Time! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!”
You’re such a sweet little clueless dork.
Anyway, you foolishly picked that one and the possibilities of distorting it are endless. One thing your handle can be turned into is SpermTime. That only requires moving one letter and replacing two others. It is so easy that even a brain deprived moron like you could handle it. But SpermCide is much more fitting. (Yes, I know it is spelled spermicide, nutbrains.) That names fits you best because you are the biggest sperm serial killer in the history of depravity. You’ve killed more babies than the Dallas chapter of Masturbater’s Anonymous. You’ve had sperm (what you call “life giving necter”) shot up your ass, down your throat, in your ears, up your back, down your legs, up your forearm, on your chest, in your face, and other places a heterosexual like me can’t (and wouldn’t want to) even imagine. You have consumed so much man’s milk in your life that your blood is sticky white. PMScream is obsessed with being your favorite pet bitch and you’re obsessed with killing sperm. There’s not a dick you won’t suck, not a load you wouldn’t swallow, not a spermatozoon you wouldn’t lick off a Kleenex in Peanut Butter Blinker’s trash can. You are a relentless sperm miner. God help anyone foolish enough to stand between you and a hard cock. So it’s an appropriate handle for you.
Another good name for you is ShaftTaker. You’ve taken more shafts than a year’s worth of rear wheel drive cars. So many people’s shafts have traveled your Hershey Highway that it’d be more appropriate to call yours the Hamburger Highway. Your asshole is so stretched out that you could squat down and pick up a bowling ball with your hands taped to your head. You’re so loose from taking so many shafts that PMScream has to tie a board to his ass when he fucks you so that he doesn’t fall in. Your anal grippers are so worn out that Peanut Butter Blinker has to stuff a sleeping bag up inside your ass before he can feel some traction. What I’m saying is that you’ve had more dick inside you than Fruit of the Loom. What I’m also saying is that your bun nugget has had more mileage than an Indy Car, been stretched more than Drew Carrey’s belt, and been worn out more than PMScream’s gag reflex. So this is also a perfect name distortion for you.
One more thing, SpitTaster. You can whine all you like about me entering the realm of gay insults. But I’ve already proven that I can flame and get high numbers without resorting to gay and bathroom humor for entire rounds. Now I am conducting a no holds barred contest. A Flame King can only be such if he’s capable of flaming any way and under any circumstances. I can flame with any restrictions in place or with none in place. Each round my style has been different. I am not a one note flamer like you. While I am always adapting and improving, you’re still sounding the single note you’re capable of. And keep in mind, I was hurting people’s feelings with gay insults when you were still eating boogers and flunking kindergarten. I haven’t used such methods before now not because I’m unable to but because I have chosen not to.
Tomorrowing
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
PMScream,Bent over the medical gurney now for our examination is PMScream’s mind. This is not going to be pretty, folks. In fact, I suggest donning Haz Mat suits because to fully understand how he thinks I’m going have to explore the dankest, darkest corners and pull out the most nasty things for closer inspection.
How much ordered thought is our patient capable of? We don’t have to travel far back in time to find a good example of PMScream’s “logic.” We only have to go back to his replies to SpunkTime’s “Bob Weiss fed up?” post. Everyone knows that the two are butt buddies and so will rush to each other’s defense. In fact, PMScream’s dogged defense of every imagined slight committed against SpunkTime surpasses the most ardent lover’s commitment to such an extent that it makes even a bitter cynic like myself believe that there might be romance left in this world after all. PMScream’s ardent devotion to his hero warms my heart.
But PMScream’s humiliating SpunkTime Defense Patrols of the board are well known so I won’t dwell on them here. Instead I’ll examine what he says for insights into his reasoning abilities.
In fact, his first reply to that thread is so moronic that I can only do justice to it by MSTing it.
>That's right. The entire chat with the screenwriter and >the IM with RK Weiss was all from the Imagination of >SpaceTime. I was in the chat too, but because Matt posted >this it definitely must've been a pigment of my >imagination!
So you’re saying that YOU, the biggest suckass second banana in history, dwarfing even Ed McMahon in your ability to weld your lips to your hero’s anal orifice, should be taken seriously when you rubberstamp something SpunkTime says??? I’d be more willing to believe Bill Clinton when he’s talking about pussy than you when you’re talking about something SpunkTime said.
>How could I have been so stupid!
That’s easy, you’re the best at it! Your single-minded determination to be the most idiotic mouthbreather to ever curse this planet has made it easy for you to be so stupid.
>I wish someone "trustworthy" could have been there so I >didn't have to be SO SKEPTICAL! Thanks for clearing the >air, TF!
I think that someone who spends so much time with his entire mouth inside someone else’s ass should avoid talking about clearing air. Your breath has to smell worse than Shaq’s feet.
>I love it how certain people bash everything SpaceTime >posts.
Oh yeah. You love it so much that you got your panties in a knot and spent all day replying to this thread.
>He's just trying to give people some information on the >events that happened tonight(or did they?). He is SUCH a >terrible influence on the Sliders community. It is his >fault the show was cancelled. It's his fault Charlie >O'Connell can't act. Matt is the reason that the Sliders >movie will most likely never be made.
I hope you don’t try these specious arguments with your boyfriends during lover’s spats. I can see you now:
Boy George Michael: PMScream, when are you going to cough up your half of the rent? We’re a week late already!
PMS: Oh sure! All the worlds money problems are my fault! It’s my fault the DOW is down! It’s my fault that gas is $2 a gallon! If I don’t give you the rent today this building is going to go bankrupt!
> Blame it all on him. Matt really "fucked over" the >sliders community with his awesome EarthPrime.com and >travelogue. I think he should be shot.
For future reference, if you’re going to go an on sarcastic rant, don’t break character and call his site awesome. I understand though, you can never pass up a chance to bury your lips between his ass cheeks.
>Just because this information came from Matt, it OBVIOUSLY >must be TOTALLY FALSE AND SHOULD BE CHASTISED AND >CRITICISED! People must treat him like a lower level >citizen because he is clearly the SCUM OF THE EARTH.
“lower level citizen” ?? The phrase is “second rate citizen.” If you’re just trying to be nonconformist you had better stop before you hurt yourself.
> </sarcasm>
</Oh /really? /I’m /sure /no /one /could /tell.>
>TF, I have nothing personal against you, in fact you seem >like a nice enough guy, but this kind of thing bothers >me. I have befriended Matt over the past year
NO WAY!!! Really???? Although, I would call the disgrace you’ve become much more than friendship. SpunkTime should be wearing a condom for what you’ve allowed him to do to your reputation.
>and he has been nothing but a good friend in return.
Nor am I surprised. An egomaniac like him loves to have ass osculaters like you around to counterattack detractors with the tenacity of rabid chipmunks.
>He is one of my closest friends from the b-board. In fact, >he's the one who brought me here.
God, we GET IT! You love him. More power to you. Do you have to go into graphic detail about which of you spoons on the outside every night?
>I don't like the personal attacks against him everytime he >posts.
Then tell us, o worshipful one, how do you feel about his relentless personal attacks against other people?
>Can't you just let what happened in the past STAY IN THE >PAST? Let bygones be bygones, for Christ's sake.
This is such an intellectually constipated statement that Temp talked about it at length. We’re talking about SpunkTime here! The person behind the most outrageous and harmful hoax in Sliders Bboard history! A hoax that is very similar to the subject matter of the post you were replying to and you’re saying “let what happened in the past stay in the past” ????? What the FUCK? That’s like saying don’t bring up the fact that the defendant murdered someone with a lead pipe ten years ago when he is on trial today for murdering someone with a lead pipe!
After the atrocious “joke” he played on the board the question is not why are people skeptical of what SpunkTime says but rather why should anyone ever believe something he says again!
By your logic you would stay with a man no matter how many times he cheated on you because the past is in the past. And, apparently, you will continue to kiss SpunkTime’s ass no matter how many times he farts in your mouth. You’re a sweet child, PMScream, and it’s okay if you forgive your man for whatever he does. But don’t expect the rest of us to share your enthusiasm for that lying sack of shit.
Let us linger over your thought processes just a little while longer to marvel at your utter stupidity. One other thing that stuck out when I forced myself to read this drivel:
Your philosophy is 'We’re friends because he treats me well.' Well, whoop de shit! Is that your definition of friendship? Anybody can listen and not say out loud that they despise you and only make fun of you behind your back. Don’t you see the joke you have become on this board? You have no identity beyond being SpunkTime’s bitch. When people think of you, which they rarely do, it is only in connection to him and how you rush to his defense like a protective mother wielding a broom. Ask yourself this question, if you really believed in your heart that SpunkTime liked you as a friend, would you feel it necessary to defend him as much as you do? You do it because you feel like you have to prove you’re his friend and to curry favor with him. Not only is that sick, it’s sad. Very sad.
Electrified.
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
His penis is three inches long.His ass weighs 30 tons.
His gay love is real.
But he’s a snot.
Gay Eye“Peanut Butter Blinker, where are we going?” Harry Nutts wanted to know. He was a 30 inch tall robotic cock and had been Peanut Butter Blinker’s companion since the banishment.
Peanut Butter Blinker rubbed his eyes and stifled a tear. “We need to find the Dick Fairy. He’ll make me a real good gay slave and then SpunkTime will love me and take me back in.”
“But the Dick Fairy is just a fantasy. Something to put little gay boys to sleep with at night. He if he was real then Don Johnson would still be getting movie roles.” Harry Nutts protested.
“I’ll never stop looking for Him.” Peanut Butter Blinker insisted. “I’ve been looking for one form of dick or another all my life, so this is just a natural extension. When I was young I looked for dog dicks. Later it was horse dicks. Then I progressed to Yak dicks. Mmm Mmmm MMMM! But the tiniest, cutest little wee wee I could find was SpunkTime’s. That’s why I adore him and will do anything to get him back.”
“Next time don’t try to drown his real boy, PMScream, with your cum and maybe he won’t banish you.”
“I couldn’t help it, the bitch was just so sexy in his sailor cap! 7:-P~~~~~~”
They were surrounded suddenly by 50 soldiers, who appear from behind trees and bushes. “No one may pass without giving up a shot of ass.” The leader proclaims.
Peanut Butter Blinker glanced at his companion. “Don’t look at me!” Harry Nutts shouted. “I’m all dick, baby! No brown eye here!”
Peanut Butter Blinker faced the leader entreatingly.
“Please. Don’t ask me for the bun nugget! Where everyone else has a brown eye I have a golden eye! It is a special gay eye that only my beloved SpunkTime may partake in. I’ll do anything else! But don’t ask that of me!”The leader shrugs. “Are you any good at blow jobs?”
Harry Nutts giggled. “Are you kidding? He can pull a fully loaded 18 wheeler by sucking on the bumper! He can suck the gray out of Bob Barker’s hair! He can suck the porcelain off a sink! While he’s sucking your dick you need to keep everyone 20 feet back away from your asshole. He once sucked PMScream up into SpunkTime’s ass because PMScream got too close. His middle name is not Vampire for nothing! He’s sucked the LIFE out of two people!”
The leader grins. “All right! Blow all of us and we’ll let you go.”
Peanut Butter Vampire Blinker glances around. “It looks like there’s about fifty of you. Cool. This won’t take long.”
“Fifty?” The leader laughs and the others follow suit. “There’s another 200 in the trees behind us.”
Peanut Butter Blinker shrugs and gets on his knees. “Who’s first?”
Harry Nutts sighs. “We’ll never find the Dick Fairy at this rate!”
SL4Ever,
I'm not gay. :(
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SpaceTime
In fact, I'm more than a little insulted and just a little hurt that you'd attempt to debase me simply on the merits of my sexuality.Wait, scratch that. I'M MORTIFIED.
Mortified, you say? By SL4Ever's words? Lord, no. From this:
http://home.att.net/~zippyman/
See, I took SL4Ever's pointed barbs the first time around. I returned them and I annihilated. But in the interim between then and now, I stumbled across SL's ATROCITY of a page. I was ill-prepared for what I saw.
Tinkerbell, I'll overlook the picture. That's outside the realm of my interests. Sure, I've made fun of QBall's male-pattern baldness, Darkslider's microphallus and a variety of other disgraces on the BBoard Gallery, but I mean, really, what's to say about that picture that isn't immediately conjured in everyone's mind? The shirt? The aviator glasses? The Pose of Love™? All those things widen eyes, but what truly boggles is that you ADVERTISE that your computer wholesaler of choice is HEWLETT-PACKARD.
Short-Round, what were you thinking? Don't you understand that their computers are shoddy, poorly made and even more poorly packaged with software made only to frustrate and annoy?
WHY DO YOU TORTURE YOURSELF SO?
Enough balderdash. I wish to focus on two things:
- The background color.
- YOUR FATHER'S SITE.I know you're usually busy stuffing pie into your face, but what astigmatism in your eye figured that BRIGHT, UNRULY cyan was your optimal background color? Did you say, "Hmmm, I really feel like BLINDING the four people that visit my site with the Executive of colors? Or were you too busy trying to get your G-D HP compact disc drive to work so you burn the "Main Street Electrical Parade" for your road trip out to L.A. that it skipped your mind?
#00FFFF is to computer monitors what Oprah is to the planet - a travesty of the senses. Although #00FFFF does have the distinct advantage of not weighing a metric ton.
Now, brushing past Rembrandt's foray into law enforcement and links to several unpublished "novels," we come across the links section. I'll forgive the BLATANT refusal to place the EP.COM banner up and enjoy a symbiotic link to the Sliders Site of Love™ and instead beg the immortal question - "THUNDER ARRIVING?!"
Look, Chestnut, I know you appreciate sailors with your apropo decision to admit your flagrant homosexuality, but the sweet allure of "Bong-Bong" is something only hard-pressed military men like Darkslider listen to. The ravages of Vietnam wear on him like any man trapped in a tiger cage for 19 months, but still...
Click on this for a larger picture of a picture that is already 8 TIMES LARGER THAN ANYTHING ON THE WEB? I shudder to think, but my DOGGED DETERMINATION to see what's next pays off - and a MIDI file BLASTS out of my speakers while the picture scrolls by courtesy of some Java Applet from SATAN.
Picture after picture flood my eyes. Instead of them welling up from patriotism, I'm befuddled at the webmaster's insistence to SCAN BELOW 5 DPI.
The awards are like those on SliderCentral's site - numerous but overall without meaning.
Thunder Duck, however, is a GOD and I will be proud to host his pictures on my site any day, AS NOTHING OF ORIGINALITY OR MERIT RESTS ON ITS SERVER.
So, while I'm puzzled, that you would debase me, this BBoard AND this fine nation with abstract and chuckle-free bigotry, rest easy tonight that my eyes are useless thanks to your world-famous color schemes, and my ears blown from the over-amped MIDIs you crave.
- ST
SL4Ever:
Bye Y'all!
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SpaceTime
SL4Ever may be the master of pushing the limits of post lengths with his tome-length snorefests formally known as "The Way It Wuz... Talked About!" But while exceeding these boundaries only tops his ability to "push the limits" of his Depends, it would only be a matter of time before the strain of posting so much nonsensical drivel (not to be confused with my inane ramblings - at least they're coherent) got to him.Such strain burst the dam in February, 1999, when SL4Ever posted a little missive I like to call "Bye Y'All" (seeing as it *is* the title).
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/4574
Fuming not only from his inability to discern that Twizzler, the NO HOLDS BARRED GOD OF FLAMES, was indeed me, SL4Ever's ass blasted gallons of noxious fumes onto his T-Square and X-Acto over the cancellation of Mystery Science Theater 3000, a decision that even hard-core fans will admit was putting the show OUT OF ITS MISERY.
The above post relates not only SL4Ever's growing dissatisfaction with the pickle's DEMANDS that he eat the mustard first but his Rage™ over SciFi's programming schedule. While such hatred is UNIVERSAL, it drives poor Dexx into a paroxyism of AntiSass™, gurgling maniacally and doing the one thing, the one true DEFINABLE THING that made his life acceptable.
He ANNOUNCES HE'S LEAVING THE DOMINION.
Chad, it's one thing to spaz like Mychand and bolt whenever someone treats her like anything less than a goddess. It's one thing to wait until 2001 and announce you're leaving, where your derisively cliché proclamation will elicit the guffaws and Executive clones it so rightfully deserves. But you left in 1999! Back when it wasn't gauche! BECAUSE AFTER TEN SEASONS A SHOW WAS PUT TO BED.
"I have made many great friends ... and really enjoyed my six months on this board," you wail to whoever will hear you, unaware that you will sheepishly return quicker than QBall's hair receeds up his scalp!
Villalobos, leaving is one thing. Posting you're leaving is another. CHASTIZING SOMEONE FOR POSTING A DEPARTURE POST AFTER HAVING DONE SO ONESELF is little more than a true reflection of how you behave.
Laughably.
I could raze you for your childish attempt to goof on RMScream (hosting a TF "day" has already been done on this board - last year - and it wasn't planned), I could goof on your PAINFULLY REPETITIVE and derivative attempts to write Blinker into a story (I did it, Sabre did it, Jorge did it, Blinker did it, EVERYONE'S DONE IT, and far better I might add). But why bother?
You posted a "farewell" post and came back, thus robbing you of all power.
Any barb tossed at any of us is deflected because of such nonsense.
You have no weapons.
You have only the childish toss of a "gay" joke. Something also done, with great aplomb, by people better than you.
If *I* may quote a board friend of mine who is long gone:
Eat a fat, fat dick.
- ST
[Enter
RecallY2J]
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Recall317
5...4...3...2...1...o/Come on!...You know I gotcha...BREAK THE WALL DOWN o/
"It's a run-in by RecallY2J! And he's got a microphone!" exclaimed DieselJimRoss.
"Welcome...to ToFGaL is RECALL. Before this little toruney continues, I've got just one thing I'd like to say to SL4ever. Would you please...[audience joins in] SHUT...THE HELL...UP!
You whine and you moan about how you're not gay enough to win a flame war. It's not your sexual orientation that you have to worry about. I'd be more concerned about how GODDAMN BORING YOU ARE. You go on and on and on...just get to the freaking point, SL4ASS!
Speaking of ass, hey Space, how's it going? You know, we're holding a women's flame tournament over at the JOC Board. Maybe there you finally can get some ass. Oh wait...what I meant to say was, GET YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU. You think you can win with those last two posts? I mean, you've resorted to attacking his screen color. [laughs] How lame is that?
RMScream...nah...too easy.
Blinker, you may be the only competitor that the legions of Recallaholics can cheer for. Of course for them to do that, you might want to POST SOMETHING TODAY.
You guys can do better than this. Give us something to make this a tourney the fans will never...eh...eh..eh...EVER forget!
RY2J
Slide
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
And now, we’re pleased to bring you the exciting new bboard soap opera “All My Dead Babies.” Let’s watch...There is a knock of the bedroom door. “Come on, you two! Time to go to work!”
Two forms stir on the bed. The sheets, stiff with dried cum and shit, slid off the bed and hit the floor with a crackling noise that sounds like peanut brittle shattering. PMScream rolled over and kisses Spunktime. “Morning, baby.”
“Brush your fucking teeth!” Spunktime snaped irritably. “You never did after I dropped a gallon of cum down your throat! You’ve still got dead babies in your mouth. I can see them clinging to your teeth and crying out in horror.”
PMScream sniffled, hurt. “Well your breath smells like Marge Schott’s cunt.”
“How would you know?”
PMScream grined fondly. “Don’t you remember the time I cleaned her up with my tongue after you fucked her?”
SpunkTime brightened. “Oh yeah. Best ten bucks we ever earned, buddy!” He slaped PMScream’s naked ass cheeks. “Ain’t no joy like a big butt boy!” He exclaimed gleefully.
PMScream got out of bed, revealing his back. 40DD tits were tattoed on his back. Dried blood streaked down from his gaping anus and down his legs, intermixing with the shit stains on both butt cheeks. “Boy am I glad you got back last night! I can’t shit right if I don’t get fucked every couple days. My asshole was tightening up.” He sat on the toilet. There was a sound like a water hose gushing into the toilet bowl, it lasted several minutes. “Man! I didn’t realize how much cum you shot up in me last night.” Then there is a more solid sound. PMScream gets up, not pausing to wipe. “Ahhhh, now that’s more like it! The shit cums right out when you stretch me out like that!”
SpunkTime gets out of bed, prompting hysterical laughter from his lover. “What is it?” SpunkTime snapped.
“You fell asleep and left the elephant dildo in your ass again!”
SpunkTime craned around and saw the two foot handle protruding from his ass cheeks. “Hee hee. I’m always forgetting it’s in there! Remember the time I dressed without noticing and DungSlider went to fuck me and got mad because the dildo beat him to it? HHHH!! Boy, he beat me with this dildo like a red headed stepchild!” SpunkTime caresses the dildo fondly for a moment. Then he took a minute to pull the entire 17 feet out of his ass. He tosses it aside, it hit the wall and stuck there.
SpunkTime slid on a pair of lace panties and then cursed.
“What’s wrong, fluffy?” PMScream inquired as he applied his neon yellow lipstick.
“I’m on my fucking period again! Third time this week my ass is bleeding! I have to do something about this.”
“Maybe you could stop begging me to fist you with our Michael Clarke Duncan hand replica.”
SpunkTime rushed over to PMScream and slapped him. PMScream cried out, sounding like Celon Dion hitting a high note. “I’m sorry, baby. I was just trying to make a joke.”
“Don’t even JOKE about that!” SpunkTime whined as he pulled a tampon out of the economy sized box next to the bed and inserted it. “What I meant was I need to start using the Ass Master again to tighten my buns.” He caressed his bulbous ass. “These darlings are my pride and joy! Look at them now! You used to be able to set a two liter bottle on this ass and it wouldn’t fall! I used to be able to grip a flagpole between my cheeks and carry it a mile! Now I couldn’t carry a straw to the bed and I’m bleeding three times a week! I’m a disgrace to fudgepackers everywhere. I was on the cover of ‘Flaming Ass’ THREE TIMES in a row!”
“You’re still my favorite ass.” PMScream replied supportively.
SpunkTime snorted. “Of course I am. I broke you in. You were a virgin before I fucked you. And I was the first shot of ass you ever had. Mine is the only ass you’ve ever had. So of course you love it.”
PMScream hesitated.
“Mine is the only ass you’ve ever had. RIGHT?”
“Um, sure! Of course!”
SpunkTime is enraged. “You’re lying!” He rushed over to the bed and pulled a paddle from underneath the mattress. “Tell me the truth or I swear to the Dick Fairy that I’ll throw away this paddle and NEVER spank you again!!!”
“Well ... I fucked Peanut Butter while you were gone.”
“You fucked Peanut Butter Blinker???” SpunkTime shouts. “I can’t believe this! I’VE been working him for two years trying to get a shot of ass so I can find out why everyone who’s had him calls him ‘Peanut Butter’ and he lifts his shorts for you! This is outrageous!”
PMScream bit his lip coquettishly. “Well, if you stop being mad I’ll tell you why everyone calls him Peanut Butter Blinker.”
SpunkTime grinned, revealing brown and yellow teeth. “Deal.”
“It’s because that’s what his shit looks like all over his back after you fuck him. Just like crunchy peanut butter.”
“HHHHH!! In that case, I should call you Beef Stew PMScream! HHHH!!”
(Interlude)
Due to popular demand...
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
... I now bring you briefer flames.SpunkTime sucks.
PMScream blows.
Peanut Butter Blinker stinks.
I now return you to our regularly scheduled grandiloquent flames.
If
I Think of Love
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Blinker
(Recording courtesy of Chuck Berry, SordidLyrics4ever, and "Rigor Mortis :-P~~~" Records)=====
[music gears up]
I was strollin' through Vienna and I needed a dead body to play
I'm a horny necrophiliac who's finally admitted he's gay
Roll over Beethoven, gonna fuck you again today!Your temperature's freezin', yet your tongue it sure is "blowin'" my "fuse"
Your heart isn't beatin', but I'll give your aorta its dues
Roll over Beethoven, I've still got your lungs to abuseI got the asshole pneumonia,
I need a shot of burning hot wang
Yet all I can think of, is my (de)composer's icy thang
Roll over Beethoven, you're one sexy corpse to bang[chorus:]
Well if you'd like to try this,
Go dig up Schubert and STRIP his BODY
Roll it over and MOVE on up now,
Go for cover and REEL and ROCK it
Roll it over,
I love my Beethoven, cuz he keeps my dick amused[instrumental break]
Early in the mornin' I'm a givin' you the warnin',
Don't you gimme no Judgmentalist Blues
Hey diddle diddle I was "playin' my fiddle"
Didn't got nutt'n to lose
Roll over Beethoven, Tchaikovsky's the next one to useEncircling his "glow worm"'s the fro of a Spinning Topp
He's one crazy partner, man you oughta see his gangrenous cock
Until that falls apart, the LOVIN' will never stop.Roll over Beethoven...
Roll over Beethoven...
Roll over Beethoven...
Roll over Beethoven...Roll over Beethoven,
And fuck me from my head to my shoes --[instrumental playout]
=====
- Blinker 7:-P
http://slidersweb.net/blinker
Funkatation
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
<Smart assed Peanut Butter Blinker broke my previous reply title code. Okay, borg boy, let's see you discover which album I'm using NOW! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!>The Dicks of our Lives
“I have something to tell you.” PMScream sniffled fearfully.
“For the love of the Dick Fairy, what is it NOW?” SpunkTime snapped.
“I’m pregnant.”
SpunkTime grinned broadly and jumped up to hug his sweetie. “We’re going to have an ass baby! Woo Hoo!!! I love you! :-* :-* :-*”
PMScream giggled. “Tee hee! That tickles!”
“Hey, wait a minute!” SpunkTime drew back as he remembered something. “I have balls the size of George Bush’s brain! I’m impotent. How did you get pregnant?”
“Oh, I forgot about that.” PMScream whimpered and took a step back.
SpunkTime growled, “tell me or I’ll make you stop shaving my back!”
“But, but I’ll get a rash when I fuck you!”
“That’s your problem.”
PMScream relented. “Do you remember when your mother visited a couple weeks ago?”
“Yeah, so?” SpunkTime sat heavily, not liking where this is going.
“Well, I called her an old biddy so she slapped me down, grabbed our John Holmes strap-on replica, and dryfucked me. No lubrication, not even some melted chocolate or something. Sniff.”
SpunkTime sighed. “You moron, a strap-on dildo can’t get you pregnant!”
“It can’t?” PMScream nibbled his lip hesitantly. “Oh.”
“Who else has fucked you recently?”
PMScream shuddered. “Well, there was the time last week that the dog next door, Buffy the Tire Sprayer, chased me down and fucked me because I called him a Blinker and he got pissed off at the insult.”
“If you weren't such a good swallower I’d put you out my misery, you numskull! DOGS CAN’T GET YOU PREGNANT EITHER!!”
“Oh.” PMScream gave up. “Okay, I think I know who the father is. Remember when I went out to buy those thick Italian sausages, cucumbers, carrots, and watermelons? I got the sausages at the butcher shoppe and Matt the Butcher gave me a beef injection while I was waiting.”
SpunkTime grimaced. “You cumbucket.”
“Oh, wait a minute, it was an oral beef injection. Even I know you can’t get pregnant that way! Hee hee.”
“You slut.”
“I know who it is.” PMScream remembered. “It’s Peanut Butter Blinker. Last week he was looking all sexy in that LEXX outfit of his and I couldn’t help it! I knocked him down, ripped off his clothes, and TOOK the dick! He didn’t want to fuck me but I HAD to have it so I TOOK it! It must have been him.”
SpunkTime reached for the phone. “You might as well face it, you’re addicted to dick. You have a serious problem. I’m going to have you admitted into a decocks center. You need help, you freak.”
PMScream nodded sadly. He felt a rumble in his intestines and went to the bathroom. A minute later there is a operatic scream, the sound of anal ripping, and then a splash that sounds heavy enough to have been caused by an anvil. After a minute, PMScream has recovered enough to speak. “I’m not pregnant! It was just a false alarm! All this getting fucked must have packed my shit tightly up inside me and made me think I was preggers! Giggle!”
Sinister
Denial
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
SpunkTime,Thanks for the free advertising of my website. :-* (Don’t get too excited, I was just kissing the back of your neck.) Especially the link. Lord knows my humble little site needs all advertisement it can get. It warms my heart to know that you’ve been to my website. Especially since wild horses could never drag me to your site. I will NEVER visit your website. You couldn’t make me visit that piece of shit with a shotgun. From what I’ve been told it reeks like your ass so it would be a gold mine to ridicule. But I’ll never know because I’ll never visit it and I’ll talk about it no further lest I encourage someone else to visit it. And furnish a link, as you so thoughtfully did? Please. You’re the tool here, and you played your part very well with the free advertising. Thanks! :-*
Oh. What is this? You’re not gay? It’s too late to crawl back into the closet now, cumbreath. Just stay in bed with your Plain looking roommate, keep Animal Planet on the TV 24 hours a day, and stay openly gay. If you try to deny what you are, after so many years of male love obsession, you’ll just look like a damned fool. We wouldn’t want that, would we? Speak for yourself!
I just have one word for the rest of your soggy jabs so far. YAWN!!!!!!!
Wake me up when you show up for real, Flame Nurse.
Beautiful
Date: 07/30/2001
From: RMScream
Excellent job in your posts, SL4ManAss. I expected this from you. You should be given some kind of award.If there were an award for writing the most posts and being totally unfunny in all of them, you would win it. You can post all you want, but fifty thousand posts doesn't equal funny. I've seen funnier things come from the asshole of an anally raped bull.
You win the Fans of Dave Coulier award for "most loyal member". When he was down in the dumps after Full House was cancelled, you made him feel all better, boosting his self esteem by reciting his bad jokes and playing old reruns of "America's Funniest People." You especially made him feel better with your...Wood. You certainly made his house a full house.
For some reason, you think this is a competition on who is the gayest. Though you would CLEARLY win that, this is NOT the object of flaming (well, not THIS kind of flaming). The object is to actually be FUNNY. A crosseyed llama with four left feet and a case of tourettes could come up with such wonderful insults as "You put it in your butt" and "You like to eat men boners. HAHAHAHAHA." Get with it, Gargamelle, you have to have FUNNY homosexual references.
Try to become funny or don't bother posting anymore. Please spare all of the judges from reading your uninspired drivel.
-RM
[Enter
ReKurt317]
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Recall317
[Hit patriotic music. Red, white and blue fireworks explode as ReKurt317 heads for the ring.]In my time, I've competed in my share of tournaments, including one very big tournament. You may have heard it. It's called the Olympic Games. And let me tell you- ToFGaL is no Olympic games.
Oh, it's true. It's true.
For starters, the Olympic games are named after the home of the Gods. Despite your delusional yammerings, I don't see any gods here. I don't even see any winners. Which I guess is to be expected when you've got Canadians like Blinker in here. Hey, here's a little tip for you: Before you ask to host the Olympic games, why don't you try winning one first?
Now I pride myself on my three "I"s. Intensity, Integrity and Intelligence. But I have three "R"s for SL4ever.
Redundant, Rehashed, Revolting
I am literally cringing while reading your attacks. Man, your spiel is getting even older than SpaceTime's.
Speaking of SpaceTime, what the hell happened to you? I've seen Charlie O'Connell show more emotion than you have in this tournament. I mean, you got beat by RMScream for cryin' out loud!
RMScream...man, I don't even want to waste a paragraph on you. Why don't you go back to the lightweight division and fight Brand_S and Recall317, two guys so pathetic that they can't even compete in their own tournaments.
It's a sad, sad day when this is what qualifies as superior flaming. And that's true.
It's damn true.
ReKurt317
3744
+ 22292 = 26413/11
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Blinker
But /12? Ya got me. Ask RMScream; he's the self-styled expert on music that everyone despises.=====
"Good luck...you're going to need it."
With those words from Recall317, the flag was dropped and the championship round was ON. Within nineteen seconds, an eager SL4ever had shot off his first four loads... and clicked the 'reply' link to get started on his flames.
Thrilled by the prospect of "facing" all "comers" at once, Space hurried to SL4's web site in the hopes of scoring some quick riffs.
What greeted him was a veritable CORNUCOPIA of potential flame fodder.
There was the address itself. "ZippyMan." It inexplicably gave ST the image of an overcaffeinated Nintendo character with his schlong caught in his fly.
Space smiled. Pleasure.
There was the T-SHIRT, which, despite an inopportune fold obscuring half of the "Y" (and a semen stain cutting a swath through the neighbouring "A"'s right leg), Space could SWEAR spelled out GAY GOP UNCHAINED.
This explained a *lot* about the nature of SL's "campaign contributions" to John McCain.
There was the HAIR, which gave '4ever the look of Mr. Rogers' flamboyant cousin after being liberally slathered in wood varnish and twenty bottles' worth of Vidal Sasslessoon.
There was the fact, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, that the man was posed FULLY CLOTHED AT HIS WRITING DESK with a BAR OF SOAP POISED TO SCRUB HIS ARMPIT.
Space briefly pulled his soiled #FF88EEy from his ass in order to place it in his mouth, Dr. Evil style. No, none of this would do. None of these obvious, frontal attacks would suffice.
Space never did ANYTHING frontally.
Instead, cackling maniacally at his own sublime cleverness, he pounded out a couple desultory paragraphs lampooning THE HEWLETT-PACKARD CORPORATION and the page's FUCKING BACKGROUND COLOUR.
"Now, what else?" pondered ST, pausing briefly to sensually lick more of the Green Gooey GLORY from his finger. "These stories, maybe. Isn't there supposed to be one about an insane, hallucinating murderer with half of his brain sliced out by a knife sucking down water from a filthy backyard spigot? Maybe I could masturbate to it before I write any more."
He clicked. But something was wrong. DREADFULLY wrong.
Two things, actually.
(1) The novella he'd randomly chosen, "Gateway to the God Machine," contained almost a dozen words of more than three letters.
(2) There were only two illustrations, and in no way did *either* depict the penetration of a yak. The fact that SL4ever *thought* they did when he selected them is irrelevant.
In other words, the story was NOT one of the instructional magazines that ST received every other month. It *did* have several elements in common, including the "bee scene" and the bald men with brightly painted lips, but these were not NEARLY enough...
"GHAAAAK!" screamed Space. "It's PONDEROUS, man, fuckin' PONDEROUS!" he raved, unknowingly aping Casey Kasem. ST clawed at his eyes, terrified by the impenetrably arcane world that yawned before him.
Time to cut his losses.
He made a brief, token attempt to parse the story snippet on the front page.
"Off... Ice... Officer... Remb-b-b-brandt... Bruh... Bruhhhhh..."
No go. He chalked it up to "Rembrandt's foray into law enforcement," and sank faster than the decline of "The Simpsons" to the bottom of the page. Safely delivered from the POLYSYLLABLES OF UNHOLY TERROR, Space clicked the first link he saw and found himself deposited on SL4's father's page.
At last, SALVATION. "Dex Senior has the same name, right?" he quavered. "So if I flame *him* instead, the judges'll still count it...... right?"
ST took a moment to wipe his brow, which was as flushed as the last of his prized "She-Ra" toilet paper.
"Man, that was close. At least I've still got Fo-Evah's 'Bye, y'all' post to dissect. Maybe he'll be off-balance enough from my failure to deliver ANY ATTACK WHATSOEVER thus far that he'll fail to *remember* slamming me NOT for announcing I was leaving, but for ATTACKING OTHERS FOR DOING SO, THUS MAKING MYSELF A HYPOCRITE ON A LEVEL WITH THAT DUDE WHO INVENTED THE HYPOCRITICAL OATH.
"...nah, even SL4EVER couldn't be THAT moronic."
- Blinker 7:-#
http://slidersweb.net/blinker
The
Pattern
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SpaceTime
Wow, get a regular night's rest and, sure enough, SL4Ever's managed to use his Grand Moll Seizures to an advantage by THROTTLING NONSENSE from his keyboard, Blinker's posted a parody of a song only RDWebster has any familiarity with AS IT IS OLDER THAN TIME and RMScream tosses a lukewarm entry into the mix, relatively funny but still not reaching for that all-special Rage™.Ryan, I saw more Rage™ when Dexx here realized that Tom Servo would no longer grace his TV screen. Drink a bottle of tequila, BITE THE WORM and reapproach with your new "attitude."
Damn, SL, I know your "usage" of Sabrina's eighth grade pictures (thanks go out to Eustislider for that) is partially responsible for your ability to type 4000 words of gibberish a minute, but Christ. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. The whole "gay" thing? IT WAS PLAYED OUT IN THE LAST TOURNAMENT. I know you're always two steps behind, what with it taking you five minutes to extract yourself from the Porn Chair of Lust™ and another ten to stop by the fridge and rearrange your "magnetic poetry" so that YOUR FRUSTRATIONS AND ANGST AT BEING A SHUT-IN are more properly developed, but even a lobotomized Slider120, who knows NOTHING of writing except that hitting his head against his desk produces "funny letter patterns" on the screen would tell you that you're not only BEATING A DEAD HORSE, you're apparently trying to FUCK IT IN THE ASS.
A wise man once said that an idiot with a degree is still an idiot. I'd pose to you that a redundant douche who changes the topic he writes on is still a redundant douche.
In truth, you could have written just the ONE POST proclaiming our "funny new names" (HEE! HEE! I GET THE SWINGS NEXT, BOBBY!) and nothing else and left it at that. EVERYTHING ELSE IS USELESS, RECYCLED SWILL THAT BORES. I try to make it through your obtuse text and your even more obtuse sexual shenanigans and fail, because my mind goes limp and my eyes droop at the HIGH LEVEL OF RETARDATION presented. And yes, RMScream is as gay as the day is long, but hell, pointing that out is about as eye-opening as proclaiming that you worship at the Altar of the Tufted One. No surprise is elicited. No strength gained from the revelation.
THAT is why you fail. Again and again. You lost to me once, you lost to Blinker, and now you will lose to ALL. Your Gods have proven themselves their betters of you. I'll give you an "A" for effort, Jughead, but I've said it before and I'll say it again: quantity does NOT equal quality. Maybe if you'd thrown all caution to the wind in the last round and become the SUPER GAYGAY LOVETOY I know you've always projected inwardly, you'd... well, YOU'D STILL BE HERE, FOLLOWING THE LEADERS AS THEY PAVE NEW GROUND.
Well, in this case, a paving of more recycled material.
Personally, I look forward to Chapters 19-415 of the SL4Ever "saga" where RMScream and I are... *gasp* homos! Doing funny, silly homo things like fuck each other in the ass! HAHAHAHAHA! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Wait, SL, are you gonna try and teach any of us how to flame next?
NO. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW AND NEVER WILL. Even your clam of a brain has given up on that approach.
Blinker may feel the need to reveal what was swimming in the mind of every BBoard poster who read my first salvo because he feels we're all too friggin' stupid to realize THAT THE PICTURE IS AS MUCH OF A MESS AS YOU ARE. I will continue to laugh not at your looks, but at your words.
Writer. Novelist. Author.
You are all and none at the same time.
I'm gonna "borrow" something Chaser once said:
Here's how it's going to go:
Step 1: One of the players will post 8 times in 5 seconds, thus proving that he spent HOURS AGONIZING ABOUT PARITY, THEME AND HUBRIS (i.e. SL4Ever)
Step 2: An alternate member fo [sic] the opposite group will respond.
Step 3: Either that response will be backed up by said rambling loon or SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROYED by those who oppose him.
Step 4: The cycle will continue. Blinker will use the skills he learned while training at the School of Sass™ and dribble something from his mouth onto the page. RM will fade in and out with the Ambivalence only shown by one other... and SpaceTime will bitch and moan and bitch and moan AND BITCH AND MOAN about how this is all a derivative mess worthy of SL's web page.
Step 5: Chris Deaver gets tired of the bullshit and goes to eat a snack, spend time with his fiance` and enjoy day to day life.
Step 6: A new post/attack will appear and we go back to Step 2.
Yes, throughout all this CHASER9 WILL EAT AND SPEND TIME WITH HIS FIANCE. Why?
Why not?
- ST
Fantastic
Date: 07/30/2001
From: RMScream
I could deal with SL4Ever's idiotic rantings. That is expected of him. The chances of him winning this are as good as Mario Van Peebles taking home an Oscar. It is pretty much a three way contest. I can even deal with SpaceTime's holyier than thou antics, with the posting of an unbearable "Pattern." One that is almost as unbearable as the pattern of his sexual behaviour. One that includes a tri-weekly rotation of his Brother, a bananna, and a life sized cardboard cut out of Ian Zering with a hole poked through its crotch.Let's be honest. These two shouldn't even be here. I mean, if you LOSE, you are supposed to be OUT. They have taken advantage of Recall's generosity, just as ST has taken advantage of rabbit's holes in his grandparent's back yard, and SL4Ever has used the opening of a soda can to HIS advantage (those cuts hurt, don't they?). If one of you win, well if ST wins, everyone knows SL4ever is just her out of pity, it won't be a deserved win.
Now, Blinker, someone who actually WON last round (*SHOCK* A winner in the final round!? Who would've thunk it?), seems to have run out of ideas. His admiration of me has taken its toll on his flaming abilities. He's old, trite, worn out, and now must use a style that I have perfected and became the KING of. The rhymed word/song/lyrical insult. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Yes, I am flattered, much like Blinker's buck-toothed second cousin when attempts to seduce her at the family reunion ("Hey, just cause we don't LIVE in the mountains of West Virginia doesn't mean we can't go by their rules of conduct!"). Flattery and making a play for another man, however, do not win flaming competitions. That might win a "flaming contest" down in the South Beach of Miami, but not HERE. In this contest, you must have style. Copying MY STYLE is not original. You showed similar originality during your stint as a goateed regular at the "Java 'n' Jazz" coffee house. Your "everyone-else-is-doing-it-so-why-can't-I?" outlook is as bright as the old bare bulb that dangles in your walk-in closet of "Hollywood Collectables." A closet which includes "gems" like strands of hair from Eugene Levy's Unibrow, a sample of faded pop singer Jeremy Jordan's seman (from the night of Lovin' you had back in '93), the residue of Frank Stallone's hocker caught in a napkin, and Tom Green's cancerous, shredded, testicle. It is sad to see you stoop this low. What was once a formidable and great flamer has been reduced to second-rate, carbon copies of my work. A sad day here, folks.
It truly sickens me to see this happen. With things changing like this, what's next? SL4ever posting something that is actually funny? SpaceTime deciding his status as a GOD is getting old and deciding to become the poster child for the "New and Improved VD handbook, est. 2001?" MADNESS, I TELL YOU. MADNESS.
-RM
The
banishing of the ASS.
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
<Nope, not SpaceTime>SL4ever: Get back in the cage! You’ve proven that you are the GOD of gay flaming, but SpunkTime is getting too turned on! Get back in the cage and stay there!
SL4ASS: Hee hee. I rock! I surpassed the greatest gay flames in history and had people cringing in their seats.
SL4ever: We’re not trying to make someone throw up. Jesus, why did Blinker wake you? It’s all his fault! Now stay in the cage!
SL4ASS: Sniff. I just wanted to help you win. “decocks” center for the dick addicted. Hee hee!
SL4ever: Anyway, back to the show.
****
Wow. You other three have actually attacked someone besides me. I expected that you’d devote most of your attention on me because you recognize me as the greatest threat and I was not disappointed. You both dismiss me as an unimportant and weak flamer, yet you’ve devoted 95% of your time and energy to attacking me. And you can't even get attacking each other right. Even when you do attack each other it is mostly in defense of me. I'm flattered.
Sniff, sniff. What is this I smell? Fear. The fear of false gods worried if they’ve done enough to topple their biggest threat. You’re doing the right thing. Just worry about attacking me. Your other opponents are inconsequential, I’m the one you must worry about.
SpaceTimeThanks for defending me against Blinker but I don’t need your help against machine memory boy. That’s twice today that you’ve done me a favor. Are you aware that you’re supposed to be flaming me, not helping me every time you turn around?
It’s interesting that someone who continuously cries like a colicky infant about how redundant and repetitive I am still finds using the trademark symbol behind every third word amusing. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Spacey. There was time, back before your iguana brain transplant, that using that symbol behind a word was mildly amusing. Not laugh out loud amusing (unlike your self delusions) but it could induce a smile if not overused. But that was a long time ago in a place far away. Please, for the love of God, spare us that tedious bullshit™ from now on.
Spare us also your rehash of the anti gay flames I used against Blinker last round.
It’s also interesting that someone who openly despises and flames Chaser finds himself so impoverished of imagination that he has to resort to quoting the man. Since you’ve sold out you might as well go ahead and quote Temporalflux and Executive next the next time you need help.
PMScream
I agree with what everyone else has said. That first reply (I won't justify it with the word "attack") was really weak, man. You sounded whiny and hurt. I didn’t hurt your feelings, did I? Poor baby. I guess your Daddy SpaceTime hugged you and made it better. Because I was starting to worry that you were going to cringe under your bed the rest of the night and wouldn't be back.
What are you doing in this tournament? Your first contribution was 235 whiny words where you beg me to bow out before I hurt you some more, plead to the judges that I’m not amusing (why would you think I was? I’m tearing you a new asshole! Of course you don't think that's funny!), and complain about my style while doing the same thing yourself. (anally raped bull? Oh, and speaking of redundant, how else would a bull BE raped? They are male, moron.) You also conveniently ignored my first attack since that didn’t fit what you were whining about. The first attack against you was not a gay flame but instead focused on your inability to think coherently.
As for the twaddle you just posted, let me first say thank you as well for defending me against Blinker. It seems that it is like Father, like Son. Like SpaceTime, you can’t comprehend that when you attack what someone has said about me you’re helping my cause. Idiot.
Other than that, I was especially interested in these comments: “Let's be honest. These two shouldn't even be here. I mean, if you LOSE, you are supposed to be OUT. They have taken advantage of Recall's generosity,”
Excuse me? Blinker can logically make this argument but for you to do so once again demonstrates that you have the brain of a retarded flea. Blinker beat you like a rented mule when you face him before. He. Beat. Your Ass. Which, for someone as dimwitted as you, means you lost! This is not a difficult concept for most people to understand, PMScream. You were only allowed back into the tourney through the same generosity you just complained about! And because you were beaten so badly last time, what makes you think that the result would have been any different this time? If it had been just you and Blinker it would have been a match against someone who didn’t even participate in the first round against someone who lost already to that very person! What’s the difference between that and three people who’ve lost already against someone who skipped the first round?
In addition to what you said not making any sense, you knew the setup of this final round in advance and you could have bitched out. You didn’t. But since you didn’t get out while you could, shut the fuck up about the rules and how we all got here. You have no room to talk. Not even SpaceTime, the biggest complaining board bitch of all, has complained about rules and setups he knew about in advance. The fact that you complain about us when you’ve taken advantage of the same generosity SpaceTime and I have proves that you are both a moron and a hypocrite.
That’s enough for the replies, now, back to the offensive.
SpaceTime
is cool!
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
It’s true! He’s cool!PMScream: I wanna be as cool as SpaceTime when I grow up!
Unfortunately, SpaceTime is a store bought cool person. He is fast food cool. He is flavor of the month, sit at my feet and be amused at how much of an asshole I can be cool. His fabricated style is to be discarded as soon as the herd starts in another direction.
Did you know you can always tell a cool person by his CD collection? It's true! Well, at least it's true for those cool people who aren't so cool they've eschewed purchasing music altogether in favor of partaking in the mass digital discount.
First of all, you have to understand the concept of exposure-control CD storage. Different levels of coolness get stored in different ways. The highest level of storage is that which allows for maximum visibility of those CDs in your collection that will let everybody know how "with it" and cool you are. Usually, this takes the form of a slotted CD monolith display. SpaceTime's monolith is affixed to the wall next to where he keeps his urine bong so that his guests are sure to have every opportunity to notice it. This is where SpaceTime keeps his flavor of the month CDs so every crack whore, reprobate, and scuzzbucket he invites over to his house can see how cool he is.
The second level of CD storage is reserved for those passing fancies and one-hit-wonder CDs that SpaceTime HAD to buy at the time, but which now are generally considered passé. Seeing as SpaceTime never really liked this music anyway, usually these CDs wind up in a box at the back of the closet, never to be listened to again as their due-date has come and gone. Spin Doctors? Are you out there? Hello? Bad Religion? Live?
The third level of CD storage is the Embarrassment (aka Danger) level. There are certain albums that are so unhip, so utterly uncool, that if SpaceTime were ever to be caught with these CDs in his possession, he would be stripped of his Cool Personhood for eternity. I’m talking about albums so heinously uncool that even PMScream would rend his garments and banish himself forever from SpaceTime’s presence. This includes such varied groups and artists as Cinderella, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Journey, John Hughes movie soundtracks, Air Supply, Taylor Dane, certain Prince albums, Wham/George Michael (SpaceTime did actually like these and would still listen to them if the cost of being caught doing so were not so high) and so on. These CDs are hidden under SpaceTime’s rat infested “crash” futon, and in his crawlspace along with his Green Lantern comic books and Airwolf videos.
Hey PMScream, the next time you’re over at Spacey’s apartment how about (if you can stand the stench) looking under his futon and seeing for yourself that I know what I’m talking about?
I can hear SpaceTime now. “This isn’t true! I burned my Vanilla Ice CD!”
ROT(o)F(Ga)LMAO!
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Blinker
Since I haven't spared a word for him yet, I'll deal with Random's Mom's Cream first...Tennille, could there be ANYTHING more ridiculous than your attempt to claim a patent on use of "the rhymed word/song/lyrical insult"?! Just because you parlayed something autobiographically titled "Chester the Molester" into a ONE-SIDED ROUT AT MY HANDS can't erase the fact that I was spinning golden oldies into COMEDIC BRILLIANCE *aeons* before SpaceTime dumped you here like the sack of shit you are.
Oh, wait: I forgot the shinoli.
Here's an example from two years and 15,000 posts ago, RIMBAUD:
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/11070
> In this contest, you must have style.
> Copying MY STYLE is not original.But poorly imitating the style perfected by ST, dark, DMD, myself, and practically everyone else on this board *is*? Oh. Well in that case, touché.
> You showed similar originality during your stint as a
> goateed regular at the "Java 'n' Jazz" coffee house.Huh? What the fuck kind of insult is that? "You're unoriginal because you have a goatee and drink coffee at a coffee house?" And WHOA... exactly how many brain cells did it take to devise that clever, darkly twisted name "Java 'n' Jazz"?
If you managed the feat with less than two, stand proud.
> SpaceTime deciding his status as a GOD is getting
> old and deciding to become the poster child for the
> "New and Improved VD handbook, est. 2001?"Could well be. It'll contain information on picking a better password for your two dozen alternate prank handles than "SlIDE."
=====
So anyway, Verlaine: what were you spending your time on *before* that woeful day you befell us, pray tell? Maybe your resumé'll shed light on the tale...
R. M. SCREAM
1295 BACK DOOR WAY
SHITSVILLE, CALIFORNIA
90210- = EMPLOYMENT HISTORY = -
1994: i was bornne in the anus of a sea cucmber. it waz warm nn co-Z inside but my BIG DADDEY SPANNKTHYME sez the worlld needzed 1 more 3rd rate flammer 2 playg you all wit liek, baceless arrowgance. so here i am! luv me
1995: workkd as mcdonalds guy. held mpyself bak as advysd and didnt spit n onyon rings. only pee'd. termnashun was amicabble. onest.
i hav barnaclez on miy legs!
1996: tere waz no 1996 it was a leep yearr
1997: ths year i wurked az a personal hoe to rozee odanonnel. i was also secaturz wen she was feelin kinqy. rosey's "gardens" wer shal we say "well watured" by yorz truly
1998: im a cashyear at gross'ry stor. u know, puttn stuf in platsic bags. 1 day i ran out and substuted uzed condomm from my pawket. managment & i mewchually agreed it wuz time 4 me 2 muv on 2 othur projex.
1998 1/2: legz r amputayt'd after fayld attempt 2 copulate wif elevatur shaft (WEL WY R THEY CALLD SHAFTS THEN, DAMMMIT!?!) unbowd, i use dayly vuwings of debby doz the 3 tenorz to n-larj my peniss into 6 inch wyde, 3 ft tall pogo stick. ambulashun restor'd!
hartwarming huh
1999: c 1996
2000: sliderz borde hird me t2 be spaztim's premyur lacky. ther gonna B payng me soon. spays-daddy swor it by the tranzlusent pink callus's on my foot. haha tho its also a hed get it? meentime im gonna waste da frunt page by postin shiznit like dis one:
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26052
RYNANANnNnN <---- signature in smeared fecal matter
------------
R. M. Scream=====
Uh, folks: the next time I decide to take a look at this guy's past... somebody put me out of my misery.
- Blinker 7:-O
http://slidersweb.net/blinker
Lovely
Date: 07/30/2001
From: RMScream
Good Ole SL4Ever has given us two more Nuggets of GOODNESS. Ripping on me and ST. I can see why you would rip on Papa Space. With his constant attitude problem, seemingly having a stick in his ass, and he has been seen running around the streets crying out "My Lord, please find my oodles of noodles so I can place them in the holy banister of justice and apathy to complete the task of taking over New Brunswick and claiming what is rightfully mine, the green can of goobledegook supreme! I must exercise the GLORY!" whatever that means.Insanity like that actually makes ST sound minutely NORMAL compared to what he is like in real life.
Insane drivle like this makes me wish there was an IQ minimum for people that want to reproduce. People like ST surely would have never been born if my dream were to come true.
I must now quoth the great SL4Ever:>>Blinker beat you like a rented mule when you face him >>before. He. Beat. Your Ass.
Hmm... He did, huh? Why don't we take a look at the scores for our battle.
-----
Ratings:
RMScream: 9.5 - 8 - 4 - 10 - 10
Blinker: 9 - 10 - 8 - 10 - 8RMScream = 8.3
Blinker = 9-----
Now, If the score were, say, 10-2 in favor of Blinker, then you could say he Killed me. BUT, some LOON decided to give me a 4 instead of a decent score. A score of 7.5 by that judge would have given me the victory. Get your facts straight, you glue-sniffing waste of sperm.
As far as us flaming you the most because you are the hardest competition, that is even more of a misconception than the time that Martha, the AT&T phone solicitor, called and you took her asking you if you wanted to change companies as her asking you out on a date. You will never feel the touch of a woman, hoss. Call me stupid all you want, but the fact of the matter is that I hump women, you hump telephone poles. I have a brain, you have a lump of ground chuck that you call your "Ground Round of Greatness."
The truth is, The three of us are ALL BETTER THAN YOU, SL4Ever. Both ST and Blinker defeated you handily, and I defeated ST, something you could NEVER, EVER DO. You say you are "stooping to our level" with Gay insults. Another false statement. You are actually raising your personal bar in a lackadasical attempt to mimic our GLORY. Nothing more, nothing less. You are clearly doing a horrible job of it, though. It takes you 20 posts to say what takes me 2 posts. That is because I am SMARTER THAN YOU. Of course that isn't saying much, as Billy, the 45 year old retarded man down the street has more intelligence in the drool that emanates from his mouth than what you have in YOUR ENTIRE BODY. Quit while you're ahead.
-RM
[Enter
Capqueline]
Date: 07/30/2001
From: capaqu
Ho hum. <yawn>Boys, boys, boys… WHAT A BUNCH OF WIMPS!
You call this FLAMING??? You consider these flimsy barbs to be ATTACKS?????
Name calling??? Gay themes???? Fecal references?????
With *so much* ammunition out there for each of you to use against the others...
*THIS* is what we are dealt???Your *best* attacks are actually defensive moves. I want to see offense! ADULT offense.
Come on, now... KICK some ass. Notice I did not say *kiss* ass! Much too much of that already. Such a fixation you all have!
You are sounding a bit juvenile. But then, boys *will* be boys.
<sigh>
GET TO IT MEN! I EXPECT MORE!Capqueline demands satisfaction!
Eating
Pattern
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Blinker
Before I launch back into SpaceTime (no, not in the way that he LONGS FOR), some quick asides to the other wretched excuses for skinbags populating this tournament:SL4ever: I never thought you could sink lower than the one-note "gay" manifesto that made up your first 300 or so replies in this round. Clearly, I was wrong. "SpaceTime is cool" is in fact exactly what the wannabe-ironic title promises: a post bearing NO VITRIOL. You could feed the damn thing to TWIGGY and her system'd hold up.
Please. Slide back into HoMode. Then give it up AGAIN. In and out... in and out... that's right.
AS FOR the Never-Ending Manifesto, the only response worth making is "DO NOT DARE to diss the LEXX costume. It makes me Stanley H. Tweedle. AND HE IS KING."
RMScream: As giggly as it is to watch you and Dexy the "Midnight Runner" tear each other to shreds over which of you I destroyed with greater ease, the fact is: I slaughtered BOTH of you. Get over it already.
> BUT, some LOON decided to give me a 4 instead
> of a decent score.ROTFL! Now THAT is the funniest thing I've read so far. Man, I sure hope that "loon" has a vindictive streak. 7:-D
But onward. Ever onward.
=====
[ The following was inexplicably posted by SpaceTime at http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26380/44. I can only assume that he thought it would bolster his "calm and rational" gentleman's debate with Tf, what with pointing and laughing at the man's WZard profile having gone nowhere.
WRONG, Ichabod.
Note that the following links were almost entirely pulled from the Hall of Fame (thanks, Eusti -- see, ST, when I suck up to judges THERE'S CALL FOR IT.) I frankly don't have time to dig further... though come to think of it, the fact that such a miniscule selection of posts proves the following points so readily rather speaks for itself. ]
CRITERIA FOR NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1) A grandiose sense of self-importance -- exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.
"I'm a BBoard GOD" - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/19882/17
2) Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.
Well, seeing as ST apparently counts becoming some sort of futuristic megalomaniac as 'unlimited success and power' and cheap sex on a stuffed yak to be 'ideal love,' I'm guessing BvE can quite handily be slotted in here. Don't ask me for further details; I only ever replied to the fucking things to encourage the bastard to leave, A BLESSED EVENT WHICH HE SO CRUELLY TAUNTED US WITH THE PROMISE OF.
3) Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
"I can count on two hands the number of people on this board whose opinions matter." - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/16278/1
4) Requires excessive admiration.
"That's horseshit. Darkslider and I have put way too much time and effort into this story - a story that involves YOU people on an epic scale - and no one replies? What the fuck is that?" - SpaceTime about FUCKING RERUNS of B v. E, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/24087
5) A sense of entitlement -- unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
"Is it so fucking difficult to post "HAHAHAHAHA! [end]"? Nope. So why not do it so people don't have to listen to me beg for attention?" - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/24188/2
6) Interpersonally exploitative -- takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
"You recently told me you have a chance to pitch for X-Files (which again...how can I believe?)...what was the first thing you asked after that? You asked ME if I had any ideas for something you could pitch!!! ROTFLMAO!!!" - TemporalFlux, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/20995/18
"QBall could have pressed the Cleavant CDs with his ASS, for all I care." - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/20995/16
7) Lacks empathy -- is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
"I, on the other hand, see [the BBoard] as a place where when the kid falls off the swings and cries and everyone else laughs at him." - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/16278/1
8) Often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
"Are you just jealous that everyone genuinly likes Qball, Blinker and TF so you had to make them look bad? I can't think of any other reason for doing this." - Mychand, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/16239/5
9) Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
"You deserve my respect? Why?" - SpaceTime to COMPSLIDER, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/16278/1
But please, Piet. *Do* continue focusing more on your Chaser9 vendetta than on ANY OF YOUR ACTUAL OPPONENTS. It's sure to GUARANTEE your victory!
- Blinker 7>:-#
http://slidersweb.net/blinker"My patience is wearing thing. [sic]" - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/24212
PMScream's
holy logic and one fine idiot
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
* no text *
Enthalpy
Date: 07/30/2001
From: Blinker
* no text *
Opalescent
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
* no text *
Hit
the music…
Date: 07/30/2001
From: MissingSliderRyan
* no text *
Flaming
Checklist
Date: 07/30/2001
From: SL4ever
* no text *
Hit
the music......
Date: 07/31/2001
From: MissingSliderRyan
[Note: This has been eaten once before on this thread and on the next one. Lucky number 3?]
o/` Here comes the money. Money, money, money, money, moooneeyyy o/`Shane O’Mac makes his way to the runway in front of the TOFGAL sign, raising his hands and turning around, modeling his trademark black jersey.
“What the hell is he doing here?” demands DJR. “The owner of the WCW is here to stir up trouble once again.”
"Oh yeah," added King.
Shane lifted the mike and announced, "Fans of the BBF, don't you think you've had enough of this? I think we need a change. Hit the music..."
[ECW theme song plays]
Stephanie, the Billionaire Princess, sashays her way to the runway in a black tank top and short short black miniskirt. She waves to the crowd as she takes her place next to her brother.
"Now what does she want?" King asked.
"Whatever the Princess wants she gets," DJR answered.
Stephanie flashed her trademark smile, pointing to the crowd. "All of you have seen these four as adults, but have you seen them as children? Roll the film."
[Old video starts to roll as a female begins a voice over]
"GRP Observational Study #1269."
[Scene of four 5 year olds in a playroom.]
"As we can see, the one called RMScream is cowering in the corner of the room, clutching a terry towel and rocking back and forth. It was brought to my attention that this child has been nicknamed Random Screaming for his seemingly random outbursts. The child was found abandoned in a run down orphanage and had been there for at least two years without the comfort of an adult. See the characteristic rocking behavior of the child. The same has been seen in rhesus monkeys in early studies of separation of babies from any adult monkeys. Sad case."
[Scene of RMScream crying underneath a low table]
"This child crawled underneath this table after the one called SpaceTime ripped the towel from his hands and threw it under this table. RMS, being unaccustomed to this new experience, began his wailing when he became stuck. The other boys taunting him for an hour until they became bored with his high pitch screaming."
[Scene of SL4ever playing with crayons and talking to one of the caretakers]
"SL4ever has been insistent for the last two hours in trying to get what he wants. Substituting colors into the sentence, "I want a [insert color] ice cream." I’m amazed that the caregiver hasn’t smacked the shit out of him yet. But then again it might be that this is that deaf caretaker they hired just for him. Too bad SL4 doesn’t know that. I don’t think it would have mattered since this child has been shown to be obsessive-compulsive."
[SL4ever is talking to the teddy bear Teddy Ruxpin]
"SL4 has been transfixed by the mouth on this bear. He sits for hours staring at it whether it moves or not. The amount of batteries used has been tremendous. The caregivers believe that this child will never be able to shut his mouth when he starts talking and won't quit until he gets his way. As I see it, he's going to be die young if he talks like that to the wrong person."
[Scene of SpaceTime coloring drawings]"This one called SpaceTime is interesting. He behaves one way when someone is watching but reverts back to his natural state of chaos. If you notice, he wails in disgust when one of the caretakers corrects him and tells him to color within the lines. SpaceTime has ripped up his drawings almost all the time after telling the caretaker that he likes them."
[Scene of SpaceTime standing on the table]
"Here SpaceTime is spreading his message of loving his fellow children all the while berating them for their ignorance and other petty things."
[Scene of Blinker running around]"This child named Blinker has been a pleasure to watch. Alfalfa here reminds me of Mary and that special gel from "Something about Mary." At this point, he's ripped off his clothes and thrown blue paint over himself. See the various imprints on the wall. He's slammed into the walls several times seeing if he can make a border of himself around the room. Amazing, there hasn't been brain damage. Stupid but persistent."
[Scene of broken glass and a crying Blinker]"Didn't I say stupid earlier? Well, this proves my point. Blinker ran through the glass door leading to the hallway once again. It's got to be his hair that sucked all the intelligence out. Most children would learn by operant conditioning that running at a glass door has the consequence of getting badly injured. Well, at least the hair can be made to fall on his scarred face if it needs to be.
This is Cassie Ryan, GRP Director."
[End video]
"Well, you've seen them as they were younger and you can see why they turned out the way they did," Stephanie proclaimed.
"By the way GRP means Group Retardation Program," Shane sarcastically added.
The two left to Shane’s music.
MSR
Sabotage?!
Date: 07/31/2001
From: Recall317
"What happenned to the lights, King?" asked DieselJimRoss. "It's like someone cut the power!""Oh no! What will happen to the final posts????"
o/ No chance that's what ya got... o/
"I hereby declare that posts 25-29 may be reposted as to be counted in the final tally. I also declare the missing posts 31-33 (one of them by me) also eligible. I know others tried to post after and absolutely nothing happened. I will take you gentlemen at your word, and allow you to repost anything that completely disappeared," announced Vince McRecall.
"That's the final word from the CEO himself! Get reposting! It just goes to show: anything can happen in the BFF!"
-----
Ugh...damn you board! DAMN YOU!
R317
Commencement
Date: 07/31/2001
From: RMScream
I had a run in the other day that I think reminds me of my opponents. Two men and a "woman" graced their presence at my place of employment the other day. They walked hand in hand in hand, clearly a threesome. One of the guys had long blonde hair pulled in a pony tail. Bloody craters where enormous blackheads once resided were on his nose. The other guy wasn't much better. Smiling at me with his three green teeth, he talked with a lisp. He had long, greasy black hair. Then there was the woman. Jet black hair, and a tattoo of an eagle on her chest, she was the perfect example of a grungy whore. The three of them had a simple, happy existence together. Outsiders look upon them with shame and disgust, but the three of them share a bond. A bond of being three strange, strange people who have sex with each other.I liken you three to them. SL4Ever is the grungy bitch, who is tagteamed by ST, the three toothed hillbilly with a heart of gold and a crab infested penis. Blinker fits the blonde grease ball. He is refined and dignified as a crack whore in a torn evening gown.
A sickening visual has entered my head. The two men tag-teaming the grunge goddess. She enjoys it as much if not more than the two guys. Though Blinker secretly wishes to screw his male counterpart. His black hair and bacteria infested mouth turn him on in ways you can't imagine. The three of them are so happy together.
Why did I make this compairson? Because it is the closest thing imaginable to the truth. These three tarnish the name of every human being on the planet, including, surprisingly, Danny Bonaduce. Even HE looks good compared to them. It is truly sad.
In closing, I am the ONLY choice for the victor of this tournament. My opponents are all poor excuses for flamers and human beings. The only way to do justice to the name of ToFGaL is if I am the winner. These three have had the insult abilities of an unconcious dung beetle. I am without a doubt the BEST. BOW DOWN TO THE NEW FLAMING GOD!
-RM
Enthalpy
Date: 07/31/2001
From: Blinker
So, SpaceTime... I'm still here. 11:22 PM. Must be a record on par with your twenty-five cattle milkings in one HOUR. Too bad they were BULLS...Well, Maura, seeing as how you've always been so big on lists for organization... let's tackle a doozy from part of your incessant bitch-tirade against Tf.
[ http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26380/23 ]
=====
> Most of EarthPrime's content is not Matt Hutaff.
Right.
- 40 episode capsules
- 13 reviews
- 60 alt-worlds written up in the travelogue
- all the art&design
- the bulk of E211 (I'll give Tf his due; he helped me out with the story for 2 S6 episodes, I even named the ep "Flux" after him)
- The Travelogue itself
- SIY
- Cleavant interview
- Comic scans
- Dominion Hotel photographs.=====
Now first off, I feel it would be helpful to establish just what this list represents. From the first couple entries, which count only direct contributions to the site by you yourself, I would think it's fair to say that we're enumerating......... direct contributions to the site by you yourself. After all, this WOULD best serve to rebut Tf's claim that "most of EarthPrime's content is not Matt Hutaff," right?
Well in THAT case, WHAT ARE THE COMIC SCANS DOING IN THIS LIST?! In the next paragraph, you even ADMIT they don't represent your work (since then you'd have to count the identical project by vortex62 WHICH YOU STOLE FROM UNDER HIS NOSE, STOPPING ONLY LONG ENOUGH TO RUB IT IN BY LINKING TO HIS UNFINISHED WORK TO SUPPLEMENT YOURS. And that's not even COUNTING the dozens of script outtake pages Tf has typed in, WHICH YOU LINK TO AS WELL, AGAINST HIS EXPRESS WISHES, EVEN AS YOU LAMBASTE HIM AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.)
I'm not done yet.
- 60 alt-worlds written up in the travelogue
- all the art&design
- The Travelogue itselfCould someone tell me just WHAT *this* little troika represents? Take away the write-ups and the design, and what is there LEFT of the Travelogue?! The fucking INTRODUCTION?!?
Yeah, yeah, I know. Just another excuse to pad the list of your "contributions."
- Dominion Hotel photographs.
Matt. The damn things were DROPPED INTO YOUR MAILBOX.
- SIY
But no credit for Jorge and Yeontoo? "...I stubbornly held the opinion that I didn't need a team to flesh out the story. I was wrong, and what you see beneath is the sum of our efforts."
- 40 episode capsules
- 13 reviewsRight. Compare to Expert's *48* capsules and Recall's *17* reviews. On these critical sections, Tf's comment about MOST of your site stands quite firm.
NOW I'm done.
WITH THAT LIST.
Oh, ST: don't even THINK about countering that most of *my* site was contributed by others. Firstly, I never claimed otherwise. And SECONDLY, I am PROUD to archive the efforts of the board's fanfiction authors and cappers... but I ACTUALLY GIVE THEM PROMINENT CREDIT. *YOU* go from bragging:
> Look, I've never made a claim that my site is a
> bastion of originality. I have given a shout-out
> to every contributor to my site on the "About EP"
> page since its inception.[ http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/20995/16 ]
to:
> I took [Tf] off my "Special Thanks" section
> on a page I doubt anybody reads.[ http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26380/23 ]
...thus proving that your vaunted "shout-out" policy is as much bull as anything Executive has ever written.
Oh, wait. You ALSO claim in that above post that EP *IS* a bastion of originality!!!
> With the exception of the comics, all of that
> stuff is ORIGINAL work.Ugh. Before I sign off to enjoy the SLEEP OF THE RIGHTEOUS, I figured it'd be fun to leave y'all with a couple snippets from the "Ben Folds Five" mailing list.
The Joke was a one-time thing? Right.
Some things NEVER change.
=====
[ http://www.fmaynard.com/bff/list/9711/bffdig.635.html ]
Hey guys,
While I was at the HORDE festival in Columbus, Ohio, I got a chance to see Ben Folds with my second favorite artist Neil Young! It was awesome. Especially when I got to meet BF5 and go backstage with them.
I love "Brick" and "Cigarette," especially the way they make you depressed. Quintuple AWESOME.
When I got backstage, Ben was lighting up a crack pipe! YEAH! I KNEW Ben did crack because where else does those songs come from? Anyways, he passed the pipe around and got to smoke CRACK WITH BEN FOLDS!
BF5 is the COOLEST band I've ever seen. ROCK ON BEN! ROCK ON!
Jim Masterson
masterson@msn.com=====
[ http://www.fmaynard.com/bff/list/9711/bffdig.635.html ]
Hey guys,
I've been a lurker on the armchair for quite a while now, and with all this news about Ben possibly being gay, I have to come forward.
Guys, Ben is gay, or at least experimented. I know this because, well, I've been with him. It was a couple of years ago, before they started reaching mainstream popularity. I figured I could let the Armchair know because we're all fans of BF5. Ben doesn't particularly hide the fact (I've seen him with guys at a couple shows), but it's pretty low-key and he doesn't like it publicized.
Why tell the group? Because we're the big fans, and I know the secret is safe with us.
- -tf
[TF, eh? Matt did indeed know Tf from the Netforum during this period, in case you're wondering.]
=====
[ http://www.fmaynard.com/bff/list/9801/bffdig.794.html ]
Subject: the prankster revealed
Remember those nasty rumors about Ben that were started a few weeks ago? Remember the stir that was caused when it was rumored that Ben was caught kissing another man backstage at one of his shows? Remember how ludicrous it seemed that a fellow fan was able to go backstage and smoke crack with Ben? Well, the perpetrator of these elaborate hoaxes is a fellow by the name of Matt Hutaff. His email address is:
hutaff@scf.usc.edu
I think everyone on the Armchair should send Matt an email (short or long, it doesn't really matter) and let him know just how much we appreciated his clever use of humor at our expense.
Brant Jones
=====
- Blinker 7>:-#~~~~~
http://slidersweb.net/blinker"Darkslider and I look down from our perch at Sassacello and smile. You have done well. You reply to posts and those replies are heard. The GODS are pleased." - SpaceTime, http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/24139. What was that about narcissistic tendencies again?
Flaming
Checklist Repost
Date: 07/31/2001
From: SL4ever
RMScream:SpaceTime’s buttbuddy: Check.
Gay flamer revenge: Check. (big time)
No separate identity: Check.
Abject moron: Check.
Defense against lame attacks: Check.
SpaceTime:
Gay flamer revenge: Check. (big time)
Pseudo Coolness: Check.
Defense against lame attacks: Check.
Blinker:
Gay Flamer revenge: Check.
Abject moron: Check.
Defense against lame attacks: Check.
Hmmmm. Looks like I achieved all my goals! Not a bad day’s work.
All in all I’d have to say that Blinker came the closest to achieving my level of excellence. SpaceTime was behind him (watch your back, Blinker!) and PMScream started very weakly and come on a little as the day wore on but was too far behind the rest of us. Everyone started off obsessed with me, which is wise because I was your greatest threat. You knew that and you acted accordingly, no matter what lip service you gave me otherwise.
It was a wise strategy and now we’ll discover if it was an effective one.
Thank you for being my hapless punching bags. Thanks also to all three of your for the unnecessary help in defending me against each other, and a special thanks and :-* to SpaceTime for the free advertising of my website with the additionally helpful link. You’re my favorite tool, a tool which I seem to keep finding new uses for. Are you any good at ironing?
See you in your nightmares!
All
done?
Date: 07/31/2001
From: Recall317
SL4ever- do you wish to repost #25 and 27? Or are you finished? If so...JUDGES- please send me your scores. Order them by rank and give me a number value from 0-10 (10 being highest) for each competitor in case of a tie breaker. I know there's a lot to read through, but the sooner we get this done, the sooner we get this done. :)
Once I've got the final tallies, I will make the final post crowning the victor (and give the full play by play, of course.)
R317
I'm
all done.
Date: 08/01/2001
From: SL4ever
I didn't realize what had happened in time to save those other two posts so I don't have a copy to repost.
Gee,
Blink...
Date: 08/01/2001
From: SpaceTime
How do you really feel?- ST
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26413
Nominated by Blinker
