ToFGaL: Ringside with the Commissioner

Date: 07/29/2001
From: Recall317

[Cue the violins]

Greetings, friends! It is I, William Recall, Commissioner and Good Will Ambassador for the Board Flaming Federation. Care for a spot of tea? Cake? Splendid!

It is my pleasure to invite you to Ringside. Today we have a smashing good row between four very sporting individuals as they compete in a flaming contest. It sounds a little fruity to me, but these North Americans have always been a strange lot. Ha ha! In any event, I encourage all of you to cheer on your favorite gladiator. From my experiences in the BFF, this is often done my writing illiterate signs and making bizarre gestures with your hands and fingers. In fact, I have one such sign right here. It says, "Coolslider is GAYGAY." How jolly good for him! May we all have a very gay time indeed at this tournament!

Of course, some fans show their support for their favorite by maligning and slandering his opponent. This here is also your forum. Besmirch away!

I see our festivities are about to begin! Remember, clap politely, and enjoy the show!

[Cue the violins]

:-D

Date: 07/29/2001
From: SL4ASS

I knew I was going to cum in hand -er- handy.

TLC... TLC... TLC...

Date: 07/30/2001
From: MissingSliderRyan

DJR looked behind him as a contingent of screaming fans chanted, "TLC! TLC! TLC!"

"Well, King, it looks like that group of fans isn't going to be getting what they want."

"Don't know about that DJR. Look who's the one rallying them up," pointed out King.

DRJ tipped back his black cowboy hat as he looked in the direction to his left. "It's MSR, one of the judges. Well, we know her. Uh... what the hell is she doing? She just jumped the barricade and is making her way over here. She doesn't look amused at all, King."

"Sheesh, that's all we need. Another commentator. An insane one at that. Good thing we've got another chair here. I hope she doesn't mind that it's metal," remarked King.

DJR pulled the chair out for MSR. "She's going to speak her mind once again. I'm so tired of hearing her nonsensical opinions."

MSR stood by the announcer's table and demanded, "What the hell is this? I wanted a TLC match. This is so boring! Nothing's happening in the ring. We might as well be watching a submission match between Regal and the Brooklyn Brawler!"

"My dear, there isn't one scheduled for this Pay Per View. There might be one for the next one during SummerSlam," DJR said calmly.

"He's right, MSR. Just take a seat next to JR and watch. Hell, you can even comment if you want," King pointed out.

"Okay then," MSR said with a smile and sat down next to DJR. "Gimme those extra headphones and mike. I want to make an announcement."

Lawler whispered into DJR's ear, "You know we're in trouble now."

"At least it'll shut her up for awhile."

"We've got some celebrities in the crowd today," MSR began. "Two members of the NANC. Two of which I know the crowd will enjoy are here. Give a warm welcome to....." MSR points to her right to the goofy looking men waving to her from the seats next to the barricade.

".... favorites of yours and mine...."

"King, she's insane! How'd they get in here?"

"Prepare for the stampede! Security!"

"... Please stand up, you two! From the No Acting Necessary Commission..."

The brothers stood up and waved to the disapproving crowd.

"Dammit, security!"

"... The fat kid from 'Stand By Me' and his brother from 'Death By Magic'..."

"MSR, you've gone too far!"

"... Give them a hand... It's Jerry and Charlie O'Connell!"

The crowd became silent momentarily then a deafening ruckus began. Even the four competitors took time out to watch the festivities.

"CON-CHAIR-TO! CON-CHAIR-TO! Oh my God, King! Did you see that? Two people dressed in silver jumpsuits like little gray aliens just did the Conchairto to Jerry and Charlie."

"Get the tables!" ordered MSR, a gleam in her eyes.

Within seconds two midgets dressed in camouflage and wearing the trademark glasses taped down the middle appeared from the crowd, carrying two tables. The tiny tables were positioned in front of the groggy brothers.

"They've come back! Well, MSR I guess you're going to get your wish." DJR smiled.

"Damn straight!" she answered.

"MSR, you must have set them up. Well, I'll tell you what, The King is impressed. This is entertaining."

"Get the ladders!" MSR ordered once again.

Another pair of midgets appeared, one with multicolored hair, both wearing black see through shirts and carrying a couple of ladders. The ladders were set up on opposite sides of the tables. The aliens threw the brothers atop the tables.

"Tables... Tables... Tables...." chanted the rowdy crowd.

The midgets took off their shirts and climbed the ladders.

Flashbulbs went off as the two hit the air.

"SWANTON!" cried DJR as the brothers went smashing through the tables to the delight of the crowd.

"My work is done here. Now the four of you do something different and interesting or you're all losers in my book."

With that last comment, MSR stood up and made her way to the concessions stand.

MSR

Will it post here then?

Date: 07/31/2001
From: MissingSliderRyan

* no text *

Group hug! Group hug!

Date: 07/31/2001
From: SL4ever

* no text *

Group hug! Group hug! (repost)

Date: 07/31/2001
From: SL4ever

First of all, I’d like to thank my three opponents for a spirited battle. Blinker and SpaceTime already know this, but RMScream, hopefully you’ll take everything I said in the spirit of the game.

Favorite moments/kudos:

Blinker: It occurred to me that someone could get suspicious of my bizarre reply titles and, knowing that I’m obsessed with connecting things and having hidden meanings, would search them together to discover which album I was using. The album was Lisa Germano’s “Slide” and it was the next song on the list that Blinker used as his first reply title. Which, of course, ruined me using the rest of the album. It was a clever sabotage on his part. I lied about using another album instead with made up song titles for my next couple posts hoping that Blinker would waste time searching for a nonexistent album to sabotage me again. He didn’t fall for the bait.

SpaceTime: I love this, the longest runon sentence since StokerChick was flaming: “I know you're always two steps behind, what with it taking you five minutes to extract yourself from the Porn Chair of Lust™ and another ten to stop by the fridge and rearrange your "magnetic poetry" so that YOUR FRUSTRATIONS AND ANGST AT BEING A SHUT-IN are more properly developed, but even a lobotomized Slider120, who knows NOTHING of writing except that hitting his head against his desk produces "funny letter patterns" on the screen would tell you that you're not only BEATING A DEAD HORSE, you're apparently trying to FUCK IT IN THE ASS.”

LOL! You’re not trying to say I got a little carried away, are you?

RMScream: This line really tickled me. Of course, I'm a sucker for food jokes. "I have a brain, you have a lump of ground chuck that you call your "Ground Round of Greatness."

Judges <at the risk of seeming to suck up> : I loved the new thing of the judges coming in and smacking us around. That was a neat wrinkle and the ones who did it cuffed us around very decently.

Third skit I ended up not using due to popular demand: “One Wife to Rid.” Considering how ugly it was, I’m kinda glad you guys stopped me. >:-D

I think I speak for most people when I say that I’m glad this tourney is finally over. But I disagree with anyone who thinks it wasn’t worth doing. It’s not as if the board is an open room and we are all physically there shouting out these awful things for all to hear and none to avoid. The posts are clearly marked and easy to avoid for anyone who wishes to do so.

Also, the board is really slow right now, some days we’re lucky to have 2 or 3 posts. During some really slow periods we have as many as 5 days worth of posts on the front page. So I welcome ANY posts, even the most retarded. Anything that keeps the board alive and keeps people coming here is a good thing. Things are not the way they were a couple years ago when “worthy” posts were pushed off the page in less than a day so any unnecessary posting was annoying. These days most posts get at least 3 days on the front page and then another 3 days on the second page. So this harmed no one and kept traffic on the board so that other posts might be happened upon. As long as no one takes offense (and I would be shocked if any of the four of us did) I don’t see the harm and there is actually some marginal good spillover effect to people not interested in the tourney.

The last thing anyone else wants right now is to read more from me so I’ll shut up now. My thanks to both hosts and all participants of the tourney over the last 7 months with what was an enjoyable diversion for me.

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/26414
Nominated by Blinker