Date: 7/6/2000
From: darkslider

Gentlemen, this is a very special arena just for you two. The rules of Death Match are as easy as RE is when he he sees ANYTHING in a sailor outfit.

One rule.
Do NOT copy any flame in existence. No c'n'p's, studs. All other rules are VOID.

RMS:
You did damn well in Round I, but you were booted due to a vote by the judges. Now's your chance to come back and deliver the "Death Spank" to all. Hit anywhere you want. The point here is to KILL. You've shown that you know how to deliver the thunder with creativity. Let's see you do it again.

Fish_Bone:
You are a definate veteran of Flame Warfare. Your stuff is KING in my book. It's a damn shame you couldn't make Round I. But, here's your shot at getting back into the race. As I said with RM, hit wherever and HOWEVER you want. The point is to KILL. Show as much mercy as nature showed to RandomsEdge when she allowed that human tadpole to live to adulthood....

One day. At the end, I will announce the winner. (This one is gonna be judged by a few who wish to remain nameless, log with Poppa).

I will also announce the winners of Round II along with your results. I'm too damn tired to go through everything tonight.

Capice? NOW GET TO IT!!

-darkslider

Introduction

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

Ladies and Gentlemen... Boy and Girls!...and RMScream's Love Boys!

Welcome to DEATH CARD!

Tonight we will see two great flamers! They will fight for the right
to go to Round 3 of the Tournament! Lets get started!

To your left! Fish Bone!

*Kurt Angel's music starts playing*

*People start to cheer*

And to your right! The mouse-like-best, from the south east!
R...M...Scream!

*Hulk Hogan's music starts playing*

*Small little boys start cheering. One of them has a condom sticking
out of his ass, cheering for RMScream.*

The Announcer: Lets get it on!

RMScream: With little boys?

*Everyone laughs, as some people roll their eyes*

Fish Bone
><)))'>

The Taunt

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

Hey Asslover! Stop harassing that fat kid over there! I know you think "The more, the merrier" and "Bigger is Better", but those statments were ment for women's breasts!

Oh yeah, I forgot! You never seen them before!...other then your mother's chest! I find that sick!

Now it's your turn you little pussy!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

*Off Topic*

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

It seems I made a few typos.

Angel=Angle

ment=meant

This is what happens when you flame someone, and are in a hurry to get some SLEEP!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

The Second Taunt

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

Why do they call you RMScream? I think I know why.

R. = Retarded

M. = MotherFucker, or Mouth Occupied

Scream, because you scream when men fuck you?

OR

S. = Shit-filled, or Snot-for-brains, or SlimeSlurper?

Cream, because you have cream on you all the time? Cream from your penis, or from your male lovers?

Fish Bone
><)))'>

The Ugly Taunt

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

What the fuck? Here it is, the middle of the day! and still nothing from your Simpleton, Squirrel Sucking Ass! Leave those dogs alone! They are going to bit your dick off if you keep attempting to penetrate them from behind! What is wrong with you? Your sick! Are you that poor you can't call phone sex, that you have to rely on animals and other wild life for a sexual experience? How many times have you been caught and shot by farmers for reeking havoc in their barns? Are you going to wait until the end of the day to post a flame? Because your too much of a damn chicken to say anything to me?

Come on you K-Mart Bungler! Put some challenge in this fight!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

Well buddy...

Date: 7/6/2000
From: RMScream

I'm SO sorry that I couldn't post when you wanted me to you insufficient wad of sinus drainage. Some of us have a life, and we don't sit there all day Watching "Freaks and Geeks" reruns, pausing the tape every time James Franco is in a shot and wish that he could "freak" our "geek" like you do all the time. You have to learn that there is a brave new world out there for you to explore you moronic waste of mummified worm testicles. Quit worshipping your Wilfred Brimley shrine and go outside! Take off that old, thin "21 Jump Street" tee shirt that you bought eleven years ago and try on some other clothes. I know the moth holes on most are probably bigger than your testicles (even though they are oh so small) but at least give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, you can always go back to waking up at 4:00 in the afternoon and eating moldy, raw potatoes as you watch Judge Judy from a black and white TV with a cracked monitor while wishing Burt the bailiff would strip you of your clothes and frisk you. It's really up to you. If you want to be a victim of genital acne for the rest of your life, there's nothing I can do to stop you.

-RMScream

The First Punch

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

You loser! You know more about that show then I do! I wonder why! Because you can relate to being picked on? How sad! Go watch Star Trek, or play with your Pokemon Cards, you malodorous dork!

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth? You might have maybe gotten that High School Diploma you always wanted? I bet you wish it were an item you could get for your birthday! Do you ever wonder if maybe you could have gotten a girl friend had you brushed your teeth once a damn year? I don't think you use your toothbrush right (When you actually use it). It is for your teeth! Not your ass! It's hard enough when you srub the bathroom floor with your toothbrush, and end up making the bathroom smelling like shit! Your parents must think someone takes a shit every minute!

Speaking of your parents...

I feel sorry for your parents. It must be hell trying to figure out which one is the family pet. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. Your parents must get mad at you when you bit visitors! What happens when you hump their leg? You steal food from the dog’s dish, you unnatural, garbage consuming, seal licking, fart inhaling, pig fucking, forgotten firstborn of a redneck's romantic fling at the zoo.

Now, lets talk about your dad! That fat, sweaty, sticky, ignorant bastard of a redneck! Does he still work as a Garbage Man? I bet you thought he worked at Burger King! Because he brought home food from there everyday. Notice
how the food is sometimes half eaten? And smells wrong? He didn't buy it from Burger King! I bet you like it when he sticks his Gummy DICK in your ass!

Now lets talk about your mom! (aka The Town Bitch!)

Unlike your mom, I don't "open up" to everything I see. Your mom is nothing more then a vacuum with fucking tits! If your mom was a car, it would have 3000 miles on it....a day! Your mother's reproductive organ is looser then your blow up doll of Tom Selleck when deflated! Your mom is like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride! Only the bus is so damn Expensive! To me, your mom is more like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one! Is your mom DariaTeen? How many half brothers and half sisters do you have?

Speaking of siblings...

If your mother and father are brother and sister, then what do you call them? Do you call your dad, Father, or Uncle I'm not insulting you. I really want to know!

Calling you gay, would be an insult to queens and fairies, and Feminine People all over the world. You must be the only guy who finds Drew Carey, attractive! Lord knows you disappear into the bathroom for hours, with a picture of Drew in a tight thong! How many times a day do you go visit Chip N' Dale?

I bet your mom is sick of you asking the same question. "Why can't you still breast feed me?". Also, your dad is sick of you asking "Why can't you cock feed me?". Your not going to find Vitamins and Nutrients you need in there! Plus the fact, 32 is a bit too old for you to get milk from your mom! You might also want to get your Umbilical Cord removed. But thats just a suggestion. You don't have to do it. You can go another 10 years before it gets old and falls off. Your mom is also getting sick of you climaxing and falling to the ground every damn time you see a Carrot or a Cucumber! Thats why she can't take you Grocery Shopping anymore!

I'm not going to do that "The day of the life of [insert name here]" crap. I'm going to be original. I talked with your little brother the other day on chat. Today, I got a e-mail. This is what he said:

Fish Bone, I don't think you should make fun of my older brother! He looks out for me, and is my Role Model! I remember when I was five, and he was 10. I was going to smoke a Cigarette, because my friends told me it was cool. My brother RMScream told me, he was still in first grade because he would smoke Cuban Cigars all the time when he was 4! Just because his Imaginary Friend, Jubo Bobo, The Green Prostitute Chimpanzee told him to smoke! He also told my brother to burn down the house. It was a good thing our parents were not home. They might have gotten killed! My brother was inside the house however, with the baby sitter, who would later be known as "Larry The Child Molester". My brother inhaled lots of smoke that day!

Anyways Fish Bone, my brother is still a nice person Everyone is nice to him, because he is nice to them! He helps old ladies across the street, only to be ran over by cars because he would help them cross when it said don't walk. He thinks when it says "Don't Walk", that you can run. But still, he has a nice heart! Like I said, people are nice to him as well! Like the time RMScream went to a mind reader, and got half price!

Well, thats all your brother had to say RMScream. I agree You are a nice person, with a good soul. Bad Brain, but Good Heart!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

The Parody

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Fish_Bone

Guess what boys and girls! RMScream made a new hit song that has been doing.....ok on the music charts.

It's actually a song parody of "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight" by the Cutting Crew. So if you loved the song, be prepared to be....bewildered. Watch as RMScream talks about his life, as a ugly ninny, and how hard it is going through
life not being found attractive by women.

"I Just Cummed On My Hands Tonight"

Lyrics: By RMScream

Guitar: By Nick Van Eede

Sung by RMScream

Oh I, I just cummed on my hands tonight
I've must have been horny in bed!
I just cummed on my hands tonight...

I keep looking for something I can't get (Loving from Women)
Rejection from Ladies all around,
And I don't see an easy way to get pussy!
Her picture, it sits on my bedside table,
The curtains are closed, no one is looking!
Who would've thought that a boy like me, would be reduce to this?

Oh I, I just cummed on my hands tonight
I've must have been horny in bed!
I just cummed on my hands tonight

Oh I, I just cummed on my hands tonight
It must've been some kind of intention
I should have persuaded a whore (Or my mom)

*Guitar Solo*

I keep looking for some cheap hooker
High-Priced Whores, lie all around me,
And I don't see an easy girl who would go out with me!

Oh I, I just cummed on my hands tonight
I've must have been horny in bed!
I just cummed on my hands tonight

Is there any just cause for being desperate like this?
I'm so lonely, I would fuck my sis!
I try to let go, but then blow it again (...or blow myself)
I've found some moisturizer, it's my final mistake!
She's lovely and foxy, I'm gonna Masturbate
Because I've been thrilled by fantasy and been having good times!

*Another Guitar Solo*

Oh I, I just cummed on my hands...

It was a long hot night
I made it easy, my hand made it feel right
But now it's over, the moment has gone!
I followed my hands not my head, I know I was wrong!

*Really bad ass Guitar Solo*

Rock on RMScream!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

How trite of you...

Date: 7/7/2000
From: RMScream

Couldn't you come up with something better than animal fucking and Your momma jokes you repugnant antelope anus. I thought that you would be able to stop getting an erection when you see Meridith Baxter and wishing that you were in her "Family Ties" and write something original you dimunitive sack of rotting cockroaches. You are really pitiful. I thought you said you were getting help for your hopeless addiction of devouring edible panties and trying to suck on the penises of your G.I Joe action figures. You have to understand, they aren't gonna get it up!!! Snake Eyes isn't going to put his "one eyed snake" up your bum, and it's time for you to realize that. Also, I feel the reason you talk about my parents and try to make incest jokes is because that is what you fantasize about, my friend. You get off on imagining yourself as a member of the Tanner family as they make your ass hole a "Full House." I thought the object of this war was to attack EACHOTHER. But, realizing that you had nothing to attack me for, you decided to go for my family you ugly piece of slug droppings. Why make fun of my people? Hell, you're girlfriend is an asmatic, hermaphroditic dwarf with bow legs and an ass that is big (and ugly) enough to be seen three states away. If I were you, I would conceal the fact that you like to stradle her and sing "ride em' cowboy" as you two commit acts against the law in most states. But, it is your decision to do such horrendous things you dirty mouse penis. Whatever you do, good luck in the future you shit faced piece of monkey arm pit sweat. See you around.

-RMScream

The Kill

Date: 7/7/2000
From: Fish_Bone

You really are a dumbass! A person with your IQ should have a low voice too. You have the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale! You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. It's people like you who give the handicapped a bad name. Your so dumb that under "Education" on your job apllication, you put "Hooked on Phonics". And thinking Johnny Cash is a pay toilet is just down right stupid.

Why the hell are you even on this Planet? You prove that God has a sense of humor! You're as useless as that little tape worm in your pants, you call your penis! Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others about the dangers of doing crack while Pregnant. I certainly hope to God, you're sterile! But, If you ever become a parent, can I have one of the puppies?

Now lets talk about your damn sad excuse of a appearance!

A four-hundred-dollar suit on you, would look like socks on a rooster thats on drugs! You don't look like a cheap whore. It's true, It's true. You look like a cheap whore that just woke up after sex with a whole entire football team! And your not going to get girls with that glass eye of yours, with a fish in it. Your so damn greasy, you fall off the crapper! You must slip and fall in the shower! Even then, the grease on your body stays! Your so greasy you sweat crisco! Thats greasy! Does Texaco buy Oil from you? Or sould I say off of you.

I bet your sick of people telling you "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception!", or "God damn your butt-faced, Hideous!" or maybe "It's Halloween again?". It's not your fault your fucking ugly. I blame your mother personally. Your so ugly you look out the window and get arrested for mooning. They didn't give you a costume when you tried out for Star Wars.

Bottom Line: You are a shriveled up, rat nipple. Or at least you look the part.

Well wouldn't you know it? Your mom gave me a e-mail an hour after your brother sent one!

Here is what she said:

Dear Fish Bone,

I just heard the news from my youngest son. Why are you going to talk shit about my son? He would never hurt anyone! He is a sweet young man, and a Lion in bed. Please don't say anything bad about him!

A week ago, he started crying about how a guy named DieselMickeyDolenz said bad things about him, and how he "won the fight". This hurt me deeply. I asked this guy if he would apologize. He said no! So I told him, I would give him the best blow job he ever had! He called me a dirty hussy tramp! I called him Master in bed last night Well, to get to the point, I want to tell you, I would rock your world everyday if you would not dis my loving son, RMScream.

Thank You,
Love, Hot Mama

Now my reply:

Dear Loose Bitch, who is the town slut,

I am sorry you feel the way you do. I am deeply sadden about your dilemma. I'm sorry but I must decline your proposal. Due to the fact, you probably have more STDs then I have of money. I think you should sit down and have a talk with your loser of a monkey (son) and tell him about how life is not fair. If life was fair, Ralph Macchio would have won an award in all of his movies. If life was fair, Bill Clinton would have died of aids. If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking, "Do you want fries with that?"

If life was fair, Richard Nixon would be in this Flame Tournament. If life was so fair, Jerry O'Connell would live in New Orleans, where some gothic boy, would give him a hard time everyday. IF life was so god damn fair, your son would have been born with brain, and would not only have received enough oxygen, but would have had a mother who knew what the word "Faithful" meant!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

Dark, please cut me a little slack...

Date: 7/7/2000
From: RMScream

It says I posted it on 7/7/00, and I know the deadline passed at midnight, but as I was about to post it at 11:55 PM on the 6th, my connection timed out. I got busy signals for a few more minutes, and was not able to post my last flame until 12:02 am on the 7th. Please do not discredit this post, because I worked on it for over 40 minutes. I would have posted it before deadline had I not been disconnected. It is 12:04 AM as I write this. Please cut me slack. You know I wouldn't make this up.

-Ryan

Hmmm...

Date: 7/7/2000
From: Fish_Bone

It seems our last defending posts did not make it on time.

Great match man! LOL!

Fish Bone
><)))'>

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21913
Nominated by darkslider