The Way It Wuz: Season Premiere [QB1]

Date: 04/05/2000
From: Blinker

-- THEME SONG --

In the now-deleted postings,
Of Ninety-Eight A.D. -- (lalalala)
There was a guy named Blinker,
Who is otherwise known as ³me² -- (lalalala)

He took over this post from SL4,
A poetic review of the week before;
It did a good job cleaning up the place --
But the others needed mo-ore,
So they shot him into spa-ace...

³GET -- ME -- DOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN!²

We¹ll send him each day¹s postings, (lalala)
The newest we can find -- (lalalala)
He¹ll have to sit and rhyme them all,
While he goes out of his mind -- (lalalala)

The only thing that can save poor Blink
From being driven around the bend -- (lalalala)
Is spending a couple measly disconnect-filled hours on cheap Yahoo chat at work,
With a couple of his Sliders friends:

BBOARD, ROLL CALL!

dark -- ³Expired yogurt for brains: ²
Isaac -- ³Outta sight!²
rdwebster -- ³Immature pukes!²
HTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ -- ³Yeahhhhhhhhhh, Flame War Baby! ...hey, stop that!!! I was kidding!!!²

You¹re wondering how he sleeps at night,
What with all those flame attacks -- (lalalala)
Just repeat to yourself, ³It¹s just a post,
I should rea-a-ally flame Ex-Lax!²

On The Way It Wuz, April Fifth of, Two Thousand!

- HOST SEGMENT -

[ The garish Day-Glo bridge of the Satellite of TWIW. Synthia phases in unnoticed. ]

SYNTHIA: Uhh, what¹s that enormous machine labeled ³Quantum Blink² supposed to be for?

BLINKER [with a start]: AHH! [adjusts shirt collar] Well, I¹m, uh, not quite sure yet. All I know is that *whatever* it is, it *isn¹t* a quantum flux accelerator that I¹ve constructed with the goal of escaping from the Satellite!

SYNTHIA: So what is it?

BLINKER: It¹s a coffeemaker.

SYNTHIA: Ooooh! Mind if I have a cup?

BLINKER: Ummmm... uhhhh... not at all. But *first,* how Œbout you zip down to Zone Forty-Five and pick up your ³World¹s Naivest Hologram² mug?

SYNTHIA [saluting as she vanishes]: Will do!

BLINKER: *Whew.* Now then, how to avoid explaining what the Machine does until such time as I can work the bugs out of it, thus ensuring I won¹t be killed when I activate the 7:-#ing thing... [thinks a moment] Aah! I¹ll use the Machine to escape the Satellite! Then when she gets back, I won¹t even *be* here! It¹s foolproof!

[ He throws the switch. A blue light, similar to that seen in SlidingCaptainBridger¹s immensely cool demo shot, snakes from the device and envelops his body. ]

SYNTHIA [fades back in]: Wait! WAIT!! You still have to riff your posts, or the Satellite gets it!!!!

[ The blue light fades out, and a grumbling tufted guy takes pencil to paper. ]

- THE GOOD -
The Dominion War¹s all wrapped up... BWA HA HA!
And one of the best parts, methinks...
Is that perfectly none
(And not even Ep One!)
Of THESE Wars has portrayed Jar Jar Binks! 7:-P

- THE AD -
SL showed us all TimmyBigHands-Dot-Com,
Which caused me to laugh ¹til I wheezed!
Nonetheless, MY choice for this site¹s domain...
Would¹ve been TorgoBigKnees!

- THE BUGLY -
What¹s that mosquito-ish whining I hear?
Why, it must be the shrill tones of TIP!
If his lips he won¹t zip
I shall yank out my whip...
And slice ³TIP-B-GONE² into his rear!

[ That done with, the Quantum Blink process resumes and our hero zaps to another region of time and space. ]

SYNTHIA: Waaaaaaait a minute... I don¹t HAVE a ³World¹s Naivest Hologram² mug! I handed it over to those hoodlums who said they were mugging me!

TO BE CONTINUED...

- Blinker 7:-D
http://welcome.to/gate_haven

STINGER: ³TIP:Conviently SciFi has collapsed all time zones into the only time zone that matters the eastern time zone!!!!!² (THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! ³Auuuugggghh!!!²)

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/19537
Nominated by Blinker