The Way it Wuz ... Talked About!
Date: 06/19/2000
From: SL4ever
SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your host, SL4ever! And this is The Way it Wuz Talked About, that weekly show where we talk about the week (or several days in this case) that was and look ahead to the week that will be. We have an exciting show for you today! An excellent panel. But first, the audience participation part of this show. Does anyone have any questions for your fabulous host???
“Um, yeah! Is this gonna be another one of your deals where you do something twice and then we don’t hear from you for six months?”
SL4: Anyone at all? Anyone have a question for me?
“Yeah! What the >:-# is happening with Slide Wars, you mendicant?”
SL4: Anyone with a question? Last call on questions!
“I got one! When does the smegging show start?”
SL4: Right now! Right after these messages!
“Are you tired of the steady drip, drip, drip of nasal diarrhea? Does it always seem to hit you right before a hot date or a meeting with your big boss? Are you tired of standing in line behind seventeen people and suddenly your shirt is soaked and you don’t have a single tissue anywhere on your person? Stop the embarrassment now! Never get laughed at in public again! With DesertNoz™ you actually have a chance for people to be willing to be seen in public with you! Our new patented formula has been tested successfully on Barbra Streisand, and if it works on her it will work on ANYone! We guarantee a 3% reduction in the frequency of your nasal explosions! Try DesertNoz™ today! You can finally go back out in public with new DesertNoz™!!”
SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. First, you know him and love him as Professor Arturo, John Rhys-Davies!
Crowd: YEAH!!!!!!!!
JRD: Thank you, thank you. No no, you can adore me later. Please.
SL4: Next up, you know him and loathe him as Colin Mallory, Charlie O’Connell!
COC: Wazzup???????
Crowd: Booo. Take an acting course!
SL4: Next we have Sliders writer and the genius behind those asinine journal entries from season five, Keith Damron!
One person from crowd: Yea.
SL4: And finally, the former Sliders hottie and currently in Sports Night hell, Sabrina Lloyd!
Crowd: :-P!!!!!!!!!
SL4: Okay. First, let’s talk about 6-15. What was your favorite post from that day, John?
JRD: Oh God, you HAVE to go with the pool party! You know how it is, you have plenty of booze, plenty of succulent grilled food, fairy dust starts getting tossed around, the next think you know you’re naked, you smell like wine coolers and peanut gravy, and your head is in a woman’s lap. It doesn’t get any better than that! Just look at the replies it got, man!
KD: You’re speaking my language, good buddy.
JRD: Oh do smeg off! I was talking to everyone here but you!
SL: Well, the party was fine, but I liked Tigs’ poem. Especially with as hectic as my life has been lately. It’s nice to slow down and breathe.
JRD: That was okay. I was a little too drunk from the party to make heads or tails of it though. The first two kegs of banana vodka were tolerable, but that third had me under the table!
KD: I liked Cryin’s post about Executive!
<Total silence. A cricket three blocks away chirps, realizes with embarrassment that it is the only thing making noise, and heads off to the bar across the street.>
JRD: Are you totally off your rocker? ANOTHER BB fight about/with the most annoying person on the planet, Executive?
KD: Executive is annoying?
COC: Oh, I guess people who are also annoying don’t notice.
KD: Then how did YOU notice?
SL4: So, what did you think was the best post of the day, Charlie?
COC: I liked Slider Quinn’s BB survivor post. It has the potential to be a very amusing post series.
SL4: Oh my god. What a horrid TV show that is.
COC: But you said backstage that you have your father taping it for you every week.
SL4: Oh, I watch it religiously. Hey, I can recognize how horrid a show is and still be addicted to it, can’t I? Talk to a smoker sometime! You’ll never see a smoker say, “Smoking is <cough cough!> good for you! <hacks up a lung> You betcha!” They know it’s bad for them, but they’re hooked.
KD: Oh course you wouldn’t “see” someone say something! LOL!
SL4: Hardy har har, food-in-your-beard-boy!
KD: You’re never going to let me live that journal entry down, are you?
SL4: Not as long as I draw breath. Anyway, we have time to mention a few more posts. I liked Sarah’s fan fic post.
SL: Oh, you always suck up to her. How much does she pay you? Jesus God Almighty, it’s disgraceful!
JRD: I also liked Random Judgement’s post, despite the fact that he put that tedious “all read” in the title.
KD: How exactly does one get voted off a board? Enough votes and the person gets their feelings hurt and leaves? How does it work?
SL4: You’d be surprised what can happen with some mayonaise and six friends. That’s all you need to make anyone leave!
SL: Wouldn’t you need a straw too?
SL4: It’s more fun without one. Back after these messages!
“Hello. Two years ago I suffered horrible trauma. I walked into a Dunkin Donuts with a fierce éclair craving. This was an ardor of biblical proportions for those luscious, sweeeeet, cream filled, chocolatey Long Johns! I’m talking carnal LUST! I HAD to have one! Right then! The sloth behind the counter didn’t hurry up ... sniff. Excuse me, this is such a painful memory ... so I h-h-had to w-w-wait a minute longer than I should have for my 16 éclairs! So I sued the stuffing out of Dunkin Donuts and Snidely Stevens, attorney at law, got me 85 million dollars! Snidely WILL FIGHT for you! He did for me! If you’ve suffered massive food trauma in the past four years, call Snidely today!”
SL4: And we’re back. Moving on to 6-16. Sabrina, what was your favorite post of that day?
SL: S, I liked the Dellyone post about Sole Survivor the best. Sure, it was short, but I giggled. And God was that ep hideous! I was at this Hollywood party a couple years ago, and the trick was you had to bring the worst two minutes of your career on tape, and everyone watched them all and laughed. The crowd made it through 30 seconds of Sole Survivor and I won first prize and everyone’s pity.
KD: Hey, I thought that ep rocked!
COC: Now there’s a surprise.
JRD: Callie’s Slidecage post with Chris Rock was hysterical. So that one gets my vote.
SL4: I thought that the post about whether you liked Jerry or Quinn or neither was interesting. I don’t remember seeing that question before, dividing actor and character like that. When you get a new Sliders question a year after the show ended you have to take notice.
SL: Oh, and just to add to my earlier comments, there was another post asking if I should have punched the bi- er- Maggie in Sole Survivor. The answer is, not only should I have punched her, I should have beaten her like a rented mule. LOL!
SL4: Any other comments about 6-16? I know there isn’t time to comment on every post, but we have a little more time for this day.
COC: I liked Brand S’s post. And he was a naughty, naughty boy there at the end! :-P Pretty much anything amusing gets high points with me these days.
JRD: There’s more to life than entertainment, you blistering idiot!
COC: Name me one person who goes to the board with the intention of getting pissed off, rather than entertained?
JRD: Executive.
COC: Okay, name another!
SL: Real Slider.
COC: Yeah, yeah, but that’s all.
KD: Me.
COC: Isn’t it time for a commercial?
“How many times in the last week have you been on the precipice of a homicidal rage while driving? How many times have you muttered the phrase, ‘*)%#&*(%&#*^#&*^#T* slow drivers!’ or ‘He didn’t get over in that lane until he saw my turn signal! That sorry *&^%$%*)@*#^&*^%!!!! Honey, pass me that LAWS rocket launcher!!!!!’ Does your steering wheel have indentations of your death gripping fingers? Have you visualized the torture-murder of more than three other drivers in the past week?
Doctors we’ve paid say that holding in your road rage can lead to projectile indigestion. We can’t help you pay for new rockets or bazooka shells every week, but we CAN do something about your violent stomach problems. Just send us $29.99 for shipping and handling and we’ll send you, absolutely free, a month’s supply of Stomachcaine™, the opium byproduct that is guaranteed to calm your boiling stomach or none of your money back. Our motto is. ‘get your stomach too >:-#ed up to care if you’re angry all the time!’ Available for a limited time only. Act now before we get arrested and closed down!”
SL4: We’re back. We have time for one more day, 6-17. Charlie, what post from that day stands out in your mind?
JRD <jumping in, much to COC's annoyance>: It was a tie for me that day, S. I’ve been following Hurrikain’s Resident Slider story so that was a treat. And the soaked, drunk, trashed, sauced, thoroughly inebriated Slider Sarah football post had me rolling on the floor.
SL: Oh God, not you too now!
JRD: I can’t help it if she’s hilarious when she’s had fifty or a hundred pints.
SL4: Think there’ll ever be drunk surfing laws?
KD: You better hope not. Nobody will ever believe you’re sober when you post >:-# like this one here.
COC: I liked the post about who people liked, me or my character.
SL: Now there’s a surprise.
COC: Well, I did! It was cutting, hard hitting, entertaining, informative, and it got people involved. The subject matter was thrilling, and it’s a question that can, and should, be endlessly debated. The only part I didn’t understand was the bit about the “bad memories.” That was bizarre.
KD <eyeing COC evilly>: I liked Informant’s comment in that post. MWA-HA-HA-HA!!!!
Informant <from audience>: I would swerve through oncoming traffic to hit your ass, so don’t get too jazzy up there!
SL4: Well, that’s all the time we have today to discuss posts. We’ll catch up on 6-18 and 6-19 soon. Let’s look at the week ahead, 6-19 through 6-23. We’ll probably see posts about the upcoming eps, The Breeder-
JRD: Holy Christ.
SL4: The Last of Eden.
SL: I think I’m going to be sick.
SL4: The Other Slide of Darkness.
KD: Giggle! That title gets me every time, boy. Hee hee.
SL4: Slither.
SL: That one is unwatchable and it has ME in it!
SL4: And Dinoslide.
KD: Proving once again that we would rip anything off, even ourselves!
SL4: We’ll probably also see hideous posts from TIP, the second most annoying bastard on the planet behind Bryant Gumbel, something or other amusing from Blinker, several amusing rants from the Hunt Man, perhaps another poem from Tigs, and much more.
SL: I’m looking forward to all the fan fics currently in production. Now I just have to Slide to a world where I have time to read them all!
KD: That’s very sweet. Fan fic!
SL4: You’re just mad because straight amateurs make your last two and a half seasons look SAD.
KD: Um ...
SL4: One last question. What BB handle made you giggle or even just smile when you first saw it?
SL: I thought “Sliderkitty” was cute.
COC: TheObsoleteMan was kinda clever. He didn’t know what day he was posting in recently, but I thought his handle was interesting.
JRD: Come on people! “Bosox_beans” ??????? Anyone who comes on a board, with the power to chose any letter-number combination conceivable, and they select “bosox_beans”???? That wins hands down in my book.
KD: I don’t know about all that, but I thought RajunCajun was a riot!
JRD: You are a sad, sad wanker.
SL4: That’s all for this episode. Join us next time when Jerry O’Connell, David Peckinpah, and Logan will be three of our guests. But, as always, the real stars are the posts! Goodnight everybody!
“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you by Flaming Nutz™ anti-itch cream. By Al Cheatham, Tax Attorney. And by Slappy the Adult Clown, hire him for your party today and see what funs really about!”
“KD: You better hope not. Nobody will ever believe you’re sober when you post >:-# like this one here.”
|