The Way it Wuz ..... Talked About!
Date: 06/27/2000
From: SL4ever
SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your fabulous host, SL4ever! And this is The Way it Wuz Talked About, that bi to tri-weekly show where we talk about the days that wuz and look ahead to the days that will be. We have an exciting show for you today! An excellent panel, as always. But first, these messages!
“Has this ever happened to you?
Woman: Hi honey!
Man: Hi. Um, I wanted to tell you that I’m not going to have an affair with my big breasted secretary.
Woman: What? Are you insane?
Man: What do you mean? I thought you’d want to know this. I thought you’d be happy to hear that I’m not going to!
Woman: So you were THINKING about having an affair with her????
Man: My point is, I decided NOT to!
Woman: Why would you feel it necessary to tell me this?
Man: I just thought you’d like to know.
Woman: I hope you like sleeping on the couch, you almsman.
Do you have poor communication skills?
Man: Hi Sweetie!
Woman: Hey there. Boy, you look really fat this morning.
Man: What?
Woman: Don’t turn around!!!! Your ass is way too enormous to see before I’ve had breakfast!
Man <sniffling> : I want a divorce.
Are you an abject moron who is liable to say anything, no matter how incredibly offensive it is? Well now there is a solution! Just try our “Shut Your F-ing Mouth, You Imbecile™” tape for one week absolutely free! If you lose less than three friends or lovers, send us $30! If you it doesn’t work, then you must be losing them for some other reason! Call us today at 1-800-IMA-FOOL and we’ll send you our patented “Shut Your F-ing Mouth, You Imbecile™” tape! Oh, and it’s not a cassette or video tape, it’s duct tape to put over your mouth!
Watch how our wonderful new “Shut Your F-ing Mouth, You Imbecile™” tape works in these situations.
Woman: Hi honey!
Man: <looks lovingly at her>
Woman: Awwwwww. You look so cute! Let’s have sex!
*****
Man: Hi Sweetie!
Woman: <waves and nods sweetly>
Man: I love you! :-* !!!!!
Order our “Shut Your F-ing Mouth, You Imbecile™” tape today and we’ll include a “Swift Kick in Your Ass™” absolutely free!”
SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. First, this episode’s Sliders related bigshot is Doug Molitor.
Crowd: What the hell?
SL4: He was the lead “expert” for Slide It Yourself.
Crowd: Oh. My. God. GRRRRRRRRRRR.
SL4: He also wrote the Sliders ep “My Brother’s Keeper.”
Crowd: Now we KNOW we hate him!
SL4: Next up, the man who had the unenviable task of replacing Jerry O’Connell, Robert Floyd!!!
Crowd: Yeah!!!!
SL4: Btw, he was in Godzilla.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!! Get off the stage!
SL4: Next up, his replacement partner, Tembi Locke!!
Crowd <debates among themselves, finally decide on a reaction> : Yeah!
SL4: And finally, the disgraceful six posts in a row winner of our random post contest, Story Gamemaster, long time fan ficcie writer, and lucky to be living in New Orleans ... Hurrikain!!!
HK: Woo Hoo!!!
Crowd: YES!
SL4: Okay. First, let’s talk about 6-24. What was your favorite post from that day, Mr. Molitor?
DM: My favorite was Britslider’s Garak post.
SL4: I’m a little surprised that you picked a NSR post.
RF: I don’t know why, his entire Brother’s Keeper ep was NSR! LOL!
DM: For some reason I’m sensing a little hostility towards me.
TemporalFlux <from audience> : Hmmmmm. Could it be that your selection for the winner of Slide It Yourself was lamest, most asinine choice of the remainder? And the way you narrowed the field also sucked, btw.
DM: There was a vote for the final winner, simpleton.
TF <rolls eyes> : And we know THAT wasn’t rigged, don’t we?????
RF: My favorite post of the day was your Resident Slider ep, Hurrikain.
HK: :-D
TL: Kind of a chilling last sentence there, wasn’t it?
HK: I aim to please. As for my choice, my favorite was "Where do I stand?" by Tigs. I feel that it was brave of her to voice out her opinion on what was wrong with the board or the world as a whole. She's been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and frankly I think she changed for the better.
TL: I agree. I loved that post.
SL4: Well, what do YOU favor, then?
TL: People tell me I favor Halle Berry.
SL4: I didn’t mean – nevvvvvver mind. What was your post choice?
TL: My personal favorite was KllyWlls’ Not Anything Related post. Very amusing.
SL4: Works for me. But then, anything that mentions pickles works for me. :-P That brings us to a commercial!
“There I was. Standing in line at McDonalds, waiting patiently for my turn. The enormous man in front of me ordered six meal deals and ‘supersized’ all of them. So he was entitled to six free apple PIEs. The drooling idiot behind the counter brought the six apple PIEs over, along with the rest of the massive order. It’s my turn next, and I was still flabbergasted that someone could order six meals just for themselves. The shame! But I managed to verbalize my order of four supersize meals, which entitled me to four free apple PIEs. The idiot behind the counter replied that they were out of apple PIEs and I would have to take Peach instead. I answered, not in the shrill scream it was falsely claimed at the trial I did, but in a normal tone of voice, ‘what do you mean you’re out of apple PIEs???? I just saw you give that man over there six motherf-ing apple PIEs, how can you be out if you’re handing them out by the crateful??????’ A reasonable question. The clerk said something about that’s why they were out, but I wasn’t even listening anymore. I was thinking about being forced to eat four nasty peach PIEs. I’d rather eat insulation, which is about what the four of them tasted like as I stuffed them down my gullet. I was so furious about this outrage that I marched right into Snidely Stevens office and screamed like a girl until he took the case and won me 15 dollars and seventy-five cents! Snidely WILL FIGHT for you! He did for me! If you’ve suffered massive food trauma in the past four years, call Snidely today!”
SL4: And we’re back. Tembi, what did you like from 2-25?
TL: I found the Slider75’s “Is Wade a boy’s name” post amusing and entertaining.
MTwain <from audience> : I TRIED to tell SL4ever last week that Wade was a boy’s name!
SL4: That’s true. And not even a week later there was a post about it. I still think of it as a girl’s name because I don’t know any boys with it.
RF: Go ahead and name your daughter that and get her laughed at all her life, if you wanna. But I wouldn’t advise it.
SL4: So what was your choice, Robert?
RF: I liked the TemporalFlux post about the girl who played Logan appearing in an upcoming ep of the Invisible Man. I like that show anyway, and it’d be cool to see her in it.
SL4: Sighhhhhh. Just when we thought we were rid of her.
RF: I’m surprised she didn’t mention her work on that show when she was on this show last week. That would have been a great opportunity for her! Instead we had to find out from Temp.
SL4 <loosening collar> : Um, heh heh, maybe she forgot. Anyway! Next!
DM: There wasn’t much to choose from, only 16 posts all day long. Of them all, I’d like to say that it was nice to see Sliding Cpt Bridger back on the board. So his post was cool.
HK: For this day I liked two posts equally as much. First, "Helping Hand: Chapter 10 repost" by Slider_Sarah. I've been following her reposts of her fic closely, and her writing is great. And I want send a special shout out to my towel grrl ;-)
TL: Oh God, not you on the “suck up train” now too.
SL4: We love her here, deal with it. She pays us well. :-P
HK: My other choice is "Tournament, you SISSIES" by darkslider. This should be very interesting. A FLAME WAR WITHOUT TROLLS, YEAH BABY!
DM: You picked a flame war post as the best?
HK: Oh, do smeg off! What do YOU know? The one time you got to pick anything really meaningful, look at what you picked? Besides, this is purely for sport, a way for posters to test their flaming skills.
SL4: So you’re going to be polishing the flamethrower?
HK: LOL! I'll try to stay away from this one because I can't flame to save my life. What about you? You’ve been known to incinerate someone every now and then.
SL4: Flaming talent is like being a Spawn and using those powers. The more you use it, the less you have left. So I’ll save my flaming talents for a moron like RandomsEdge, who is the intellectual equivalent of ham salad and who likes to post intentionally offense replies.
RE <from audience> : I know you are, what am I?
SL4: I rest my case. Hurrikain, you do the honors for this commercial break.
HK: We’ll be right back after these messages!
“Do you get rejection letters like this?
Dear ‘Author’ MWA-HA-HA-HA!!! We can’t even say that with a straight face!
I’d rather pour Ajax in our eyes than read a word of your novel. This was the worst piece of trite, incoherent, rubbish it has ever been my traumatic horror to be forced to read, and I could only get through one page of that trainwreck you laughingly called a ‘novel’ !!!
WHATEVER you do in life, don’t EVER attempt writing again! I’ll PAY you to never write again!
Despite your included SASE, I am not returning your manuscript because it is now my life’s work to stamp out every copy of it in existence.
I have called all my friends in the publishing business and warned them of you and your ‘manuscript.’
Oh, btw, me and my publishing company are not interested in publishing your ‘novel.’
Have a good day.
Have you never been able to get your writing published anywhere else?
There is finally a place for you! The Sliders Bboard Story Game wants YOU to participate! No one can be turned down! Everyone, no matter how horrid a writer you are, can take part! Listen to these bboard celebrities talk about the Story Game!
Temporalflux: Get that stupid microphone outta my face! I don’t even know what the Story Game is!
Blinker: The Story Game is awesome! It’s a lot of fun and the writing is all top notch and coherent! And I’ve never written about anyone hiding in a toilet! <lower voice> Where’s my money? That’s the last time I’m reading THAT.
Slider_Sarah: The Story Game? Um, something nice about it? Oh dear, my pineapple and cheese on toast is ready, cya later!
Thomasmalthus: I haven’t >:-#ed up a Story Game in at least 3 episodes! It’s safe to come play now!
So go here and sign up today! Leave your soul with the receptionist on your way out.
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/1217
(bboard celebrity voices were impersonated)”
HK <tapping fingers together al la Mr. Burns> : Ex-cel-lent.
SL4: We’re back. Hurrikain, you’re first this segment. What post did you like best from 6-26?
HK: I will have to go with Informant's post about a recent e-mail from Cleavant. It may not be much but it does raise some questions about the movie's status.
RF: I liked that one too. Sniff. No one ever e-mails ME about the movie! :-(
HK: Maybe they’re afraid it will end up like Godzilla.
RF: Anyway, I liked Coolslider’s observation about Net Worth. I never noticed the name connection either. Sharp eyes, Coolie!
SL4: I want to mention here that, while I find Doctor_Quinn an amusing handle because of the Medicine Woman angle, I laughed out loud when I saw Lil_Sassy_Slider!! I know all about being attached to a handle-.
PFKAS <standing up in audience> : What about me, you mendicant? You weren’t all that attached to me!
SL4: Shut up, you’re dead! Handles taking a dirt nap don’t get to speak! Anyway, while I know about being attached to a handle, Lil_Sassy_Slider wins hands down on amusement factor.
TL: I liked Jessie Mallory’s post about the numskull in the bar who gave her a questionnaire before he’d date her.
SL4: That was funny! And maybe the guys who read it who do the same thing, you know who you are, went and shredded their own questionnaires!
TL: I don’t think it will make a bit of difference. That’s not why I picked it. I just thought it was, as Tigs said, appallingly funny. Thus worthy of mention.
SL4: What do you mean it won’t make a difference?
TL: Well, take this post here. Right now, at the very second this is posted, this is the most current post. It is the leading edge of the bboard. But tomorrow it will be 10-20 posts back from the leading edge. The day after tomorrow, it will be off the front page, and a day or two after that it will be far enough back that no one will EVER look at it again. When was the last time you went a month back and looked at any posts? Yep, that’s what I thought. This post will be only read by the people who pass through this board during the next couple days, and that’s it. So this post or any other is not going to make a difference.
SL4: That’s depressing. But look at it this way, maybe this show gets people to go back a couple days to find out what the smeg we’re talking about. So this is a public service! :-D
RF: No, this is just foolishness. A minor dance to entertain the zombie masses who are burned out from a hard day’s work and need some mindless passtime. Which is why it’s okay that it’ll only be seen for a couple days.
SL4: You two seem to associate value with length of exposure. If you worry about posts being buried, you’d never post anything, because what does it matter? It will be buried in two days, so smeg it. Why post anything ever? No, the value is in the moment. Who cares how long it lasts?
HK: Um, when did this turn into the Depressing Philosophy Hour? <checks watch> I haven’t laughed in almost sixty seconds. Let’s get cracking!
SL4: Hmmmm. Know the one about the how do you get 50 cows in a barn?
DM: Oh lord, I’d rather talk about buried posts!
SL4: Or your buried career maybe? Opps, look at the time! That’s all for this episode. See ya next time when Sabrina Lloyd and Jerry O’Connell make return visits. We’ll also have a behind the scenes bigshot, and one lucky poster, whoever ends up with post #15525, to be democratic about it.
HK: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
SL4: Sorry dude, but we need to spread the wealth. Posters can only win once a month. Anyway, as always, the real stars are the posts! Goodnight everybody!
“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you by Joe’s Sloppy Fudge! No one makes better fudge! By Percy Snotapple, feel better about your own wretched life in seconds! And by Slappy the Adult Clown, Slappy promises you good clean adult fun like you’ve never had before!”
“SL4: You two seem to associate value with length of exposure.”
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/21690
Nominated by Blinker
