The Way it Wuz ...... Talked About!
Date: 07/12/2000
From: SL4ever
The Way it Wuz ... Talked About!
SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your fabulous host, SL4ever! And this is The Way it Wuz Talked About, that bi to tri-weekly show where we talk about the days that wuz and look ahead to the days that will be. We have an exciting show for you today! An excellent panel, as always. But first, these messages!
“Clerk: Excuse me, you haven’t signed the back of your credit card, so I’ll need to see your Driver’s License.
Man: What? <looks at items to be purchased> I have a bag of Cheetos and a Swank magazine. You think I boosted a card so I could go on a Cheetos and Swank buying spree? That’s right! You’re a genius! You caught me! I’m a criminal mastermind and I’m going to risk going to prison for 6 years so I can get free snacks and reading material! I’m sure this is beyond your rudimentary powers of comprehension, but the reason I don’t sign the back is to make it HARDER for criminals; who will use my card to actually attempt to acquire something worth more than $8.79, I can assure you; to succeed in their endeavors! Because if I sign the back, I’m giving them a blueprint to practice my signature over and over again, so they can sign my name with accuracy and I’ll have a harder time proving it wasn’t me who bought a Cheetos FACTORY, because the signatures will be the same! If there is nothing for them to go by, they’ll just scrawl something which will look nothing like my real signature and I can prove what I bought and what I didn’t! Here! Keep the f-ing Cheetos and Swank, I’m going somewhere else!
Do you lose your voice more than once a week due to lengthy rants?
Woman: HEY! Do you see that sign??? You can READ, can’t you? That says TWELVE items or less! TWELVE! Do you see how many I have in my basket??? Twelve! Yes! That’s right! If I had thirteen I wouldn’t be in this line, would I? Then why the >:-# are you in front of me with sixteen items in your cart? What? NO, I am NOT going to calm down! I’m tired of people being in the express line with more than the authorized amount of products! Don’t turn away from me! <!!!!SNATCH!!!!>
<melee results in two housewives rolling around on the floor, flinging press-on nails and purses everywhere.>
Clerk: Um, ma’am? A six-pack counts as ONE item, not six!
Woman <getting up, pressing her ribs back into place> : Oh. Never mind.
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Man: Damn this bank line is long. Lunch hour is almost over.
276 year old woman at teller: I’m here to deposit my pennies. <leans 6 foot tall jar against counter, pouring out the first million pennies onto counter surface> Ah 1, ah 2, ah 3, ah 4, um. Gollywilikers. Lost count. Ah 1, ah 2-.
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276 year old woman: AIEEEEEEEEE! <thud of unconscious body hitting the floor like sack of fresh potatoes>
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Woman: This commercial is taking too long! I hate long commercials! **BZZZZZZTHPH!!!!!!**
Announcer: AIEEEEEEEE!!!! <thud>
Woman: Thanks Pistol Prod™!!!!!”
SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. First, making a return visit, the real Professor, John Rhys Davies!!!
Crowd: We’re blistering idiots!
JRD: Yes, you are.
SL4: Next up, annoyance to some, beloved by others, last seen as a no-eyed snitch, Bennish!!
BE: Fat stogs for everyone! Woo Hoo!
SL4: Next up, the other official cretin behind Slide It Yourself, who doesn’t have a single Sliders writing credit to her name, not even something horrid like Easy Slider, Patrice Wright !!
PW: You’re not a very nice person, are you?
SL4: And finally, the current winner of our random post contest, creator of the hysterical Gate Heaven website, savior of old Sliders posts, the wild haired man himself, BLINKER!!!
Crowd: YEA-HA!!!!
Blinker: 7:-P~~~~~ Oh, and it’s Gate HAVEN, you supplicant.
SL4: Okay. First, let’s talk about 7-8! John, first blood to you, sir.
JRD: I liked Blinker’s census post-
PW: Jesus God Almighty! 16 seconds into the show and the sucking up begins!
BK: Hey, hey! Let the man finish! 7:-D
JRD: As I was saying, my poor judge of Sliders script ideas, Blinker’s census was effective, made the point, and got a whopping 57 replies. Pretty good for a three day stretch.
BK: I was tired of all the negative vibes. We’ve never had an anti leaving post that I’m aware of.
BE: Well, I thought Sleepingtiger’s post about who she wasn’t was amusing.
SL4: I thought so too. But it was interesting that she mentioned all the most unlikely people she’d be, but she didn’t mention that she wasn’t DoctorQuinn, which is far more likely.
JRD: You’re right! She didn’t, did she? Hmmmmmmm.
BK: I’ll have to be clannish and go with Qball’s ficcie post. There was not a whole lot happening this day, really. X-Men movie posts, some stuff about Young Indiana, a couple inane TIP posts, not a whole lot happening.
SL4: Okay, let’s move on to 7-9 and get it out of the way before the commercial, since there were slim pickings, only 16 posts, that day too. The Bboard is pretty much a ghost town on weekends.
PW: My post of the day was DarkSlider’s flame war results post.
JRD: You waste your time following the Flame Tourney?
PW: Of course! I’ll bet you that 90% of the board does, they just don’t want to admit it. If there was a way to check the hits per post, you’d be surprised how many hits those Flame Posts get.
BK: Do you know the first thing about intelligent interchange? What you just did was you set a burden for yourself. You made a statement, ‘90% of the board reads the Flame Tourney.’ Now, any reasonable, intelligent person knows when they set a burden for themselves they have the obligation to meet that burden. So give us one grunion of proof to support that statement!
PW: It’s obvious! Come on! People just don’t want to admit it! I don’t know why, either. I don’t think the Tourney does any harm.
JRD: Has any heard a peep from Kllywlls since StokerChick stomped a mudhole in her ass in the first round?
<studiowide silence>
JRD: I rest my case. She left in disgrace, ripped to shreds. Not only by what was said about her but by what she’d found herself saying, after being a peaceful poster.
BK: I say again, how could you know that? Have you talked to her? Does anyone feel the need to meet the burden of their statements anymore?
SL4: Okay, the Tourney is either evil or the greatest thing since the Gong Show. Moving along, what post did you like John?
JRD: I admit that I have a weakness for trivia, so I liked Coolslider’s trivia answer post. I know, not much there other than some answers, but I like to follow the “cool trivia” :-)
SL4: On that cool note, we’ll have some cool commercials!
“It was a beautiful pizza! Mountains of beef, bacon, sausage, onions, garlic, cheese, olives, anchovies, hot peppers, turkey, chili, more cheese, grapefruit, and more cheese! It was the perfect pizza! It took two waiters to carry it to my table! I was starving too, because I’d been too busy all day to get anything. So this was my treat, the perfect 60 inch, fifteen pound pizza! I pulled out the first steaming slice and CHOMPED down on it with gusto! Unfortunately, the molten lava they call cheese clung to the roof of my mouth like slither on a green snake and caused 6th degree burns. The burns were so bad I can now blow my nose through my mouth! I hired Snidely Stevens and he got me 17 million dollars and a plastic mouth roof. Snidely WILL FIGHT for you! He did for me! If you’ve suffered massive food trauma in the past four years, call Snidely today!”
SL4: And we’re back. Anyone else have a 7-9 comment?
BK: I thought it was interesting to see who’s been watching Sliders since the get-go, so I liked Slider75’s post.
SL4: I’ve watched it from the beginning. I wish that I’d been a net head so I could have been on the boards since the beginning. That would have been cool, especially being a part of having it come over to SCIFI. I didn’t even know it had survived. I was flipping channels one day and saw an ad for it on the SCIFI channel and that’s how I knew it had been renewed. And Sliders is why I first got online. They were flashing the scifi.com addy every third commercial and I was intrigued.
PW: That is all absolutely fascinating, SL4ever.
SL4 <glaring at PW> : Anyone else with 7-9? Okay, 7-10 it is then. Finally, a weekday. Bennish?
BE: I don’t remember much of the 10th, man. I scored that morning and the rest of the day is a daze. I mean, haze.
SL4: The posts don’t disappear when the day is over. They can be read anytime.
BE: Oh. <scans board quickly> I liked all the birthday posts! Apparently 7-10 is the day most of the Sliders fans were born.
SL4: Oh, shut up. You just picked up the first thing that caught your eye.
BE: I saw enough to know that Kllywlls replied to them, disproving your ‘left in disgrace’ theory.
SL4: That wasn’t MY f-ing theory! That was John’s!
JRD: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
BK: Well, I liked Chaser’s "What would you like to see post" . Even though SOME people would rather see something besides Reflections. Grrrrr.
SL4: Hey, he asked, I picked. It looks like Reflections wins by that mile though.
JRD: Mine is a tie between Stacker_chick’s gloomy post and the new CoolSlider trivia post.
SL4: Um, that’s Stoker, not Stacker. And I've seen her flame, so don't piss her off!
PW: Anyway, I liked SpaceTime’s Exposition post. It was amusing, at least. But most of what he says is, in one way or another.
BK: What was that you were saying about sucking up?
PW: It was just an interesting post! That’s all!
BE: You want to take warm showers with him, don’t you?
PW: NO! Not even lukewarm ones!
SL4: We better go to commercial she digs herself any deeper.
“Man #1: I can’t believe that Marvin Harrison is getting 6 million a year just to catch footballs!
Man #2: No doubt! He is WAY overpaid! That really pisses me off!
Man #3: Um, excuse me, but who gives a fat flying rat’s booty how much athletes are paid? You’re not paying it.
Man #2: Come on, man! Look at ticket prices! The fans are paying for it! And that’s too much money for catching footballs!
Man #3: The average football stadium holds 65,000 people. For 8 home games, that’s 520,000 tickets. Even if each ticket is $40 a pop, that’s only 20 million dollars. And that’s being generous on both counts. NOW, chop out the 40% the visiting gets of the gate, and we're talking only 12 mill at the max. Meanwhile, the combined TV deals are worth 60 million per club per year. The networks pay the lion’s share of team salaries. So the commercials you don’t watch because you’re going to get more beer pay the majority of that 6 million a year. In addition, I know for a fact that neither of you have EVER gone to see a game live, so you pay none of the salaries. So, again, who gives a >:-# how much they get?????
Man #1: Don’t confuse me with the facts! I’ve already made up my mind!
****
Woman #1: I cannot BELIEVE that Sally finally dumped Roger! She should have dumped him after that food and sex orgy he had last year!
Woman #2: Sally dumped Roger? YES!!!! I HATE Roger!
Effeminate Man: Hate is not a good word. But I loathe him! He is SUCH an ass!
Woman #3 <coming up> : I don’t know Sally. What department does she work for?
Woman #1: No, silly! We’re talking about Lieutenant Hospital! We all tape it and watch it at night. It’s better this way so we can rewind and watch the breath taking acting over and over again.
Woman #2: And also to replay the dialogue when it’s moving too fast for us to comprehend.
Woman #3: OH. <backing away> Neeeeeeever mind.
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Man #1: Gosh, did you see Survivor last night? I can’t believe they finally got rid of that annoying bossy >:-#!
Woman: I’m having a party later to celebrate!
Man #2 <coming up> : I can’t wait to see who gets voted off the island next!
Woman: Before lunch you said it was mindless voyeurism, and I hated your guts instantly.
Man #2: Let’s just say I didn’t eat lunch during lunch.
<group hug!!!> : Welcome to our clique!
When you get tired of being mentally superior to 98% of the world population, stop by Drive Thru Frontal Lobotomies R US and become a happier person!”
SL4: We’re back. We’re throwing in 7-11 since the weekend was so skinny. Blinker!
BK: Duh! Resident Slider! I’m not archiving it on my site because it reeks like a Louis La’mour novel written after he turned 165.
JRD: Actually, they were all bad, no matter his age.
BK: Point.
SL4: Yeah, HK is stringing us along nicely. What about you, PW? I’m almost afraid to ask.
PW: First of all, I want to know what is up between FunnyManJake and PunkyPower? Jake seems to have some kind of animosity towards Punky. I don’t get it. How can you be mad at ANYone named “Punky” ??? It’s impossible! Punky. Tee hee!
SL4: You just forfeited your pick for the day. John?
JRD: Since I won the vote, my favorite post is the one by Timerbunchanumbers about who the favorite Slider is.
Kari Wuher <from audience> : I thought his next post SUCKED!!
JRD: There’s always a sore loser.
SL4: And Bennish, last but not least. Well, actually you are least. But go ahead.
BE: Well, I like DarkSlider because he comes across as a bigtime toker like me and it would be cool to hang out with him for a semester. BUT, strictly from a post standpoint, TM’s new fan ficcie looks good so far! So that would have to be my post of the day.
BK: Btw, how come you’ve called him “Bennish” all ep? Every single other actor who has come on here is called by his or her real name, but you’ve dissed this man by calling him by his character name. Is this because, perhaps, you don’t know what his real name is and are too lazy to do something called RESEARCH before posting?
SL4 <glancing at watch> : Oh, gee, that’s all the time we- **BZZZZZZTHPH!!!!!!** AIEEEEEEEE!!!! <thud>
BK: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! Thanks Pistol Prod™!!!!! Teach him to avoid my questions!
JRD: Jolly good show!
PW: Woo hoo!!!!
BE: Look at’em twitch! Heh-ha-heh-ha-heh-ha-heh-ha.
BK: Join us later this week when Peckinballs, whoever is willing to be on stage with him, and the 2nd replier to this post will be our guests! Anyway, as always, the real stars are the posts! Goodnight everybody!
“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you by Dime Loafers! Now you can own expensive crappy shoes!!! By Percy Snotapple, feel better about your own wretched life in seconds! And by Slappy the Adult Clown, if you want good wholesome adult fun, nobody’ll do it like Slappy!!”
“Keep the f-ing Cheetos and Swank, I’m going somewhere else!”
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/22071
Nominated by Blinker
