TWIWTA Season Premiere!
Date: 04/01/2001
From: SL4ever
SL4: Thanks for coming to this production meeting for The Way it Wuz ... Talked About!
PFKAS: No problem.
Sliding_Skull: Wouldn’t have missed it. In fact, it would have been impossible to have missed it.
Dexibal_Lector: Do you have anything to eat?
SL4Beaver: I just have one question. Why are we doing this instead of the MSTie ep?
SL4: To be perfectly honest, that ep is so boring and simultaneously makes me so angry that it is hard to do more than a little at a time. But I have a little free time right now so I have to do SOMETHING. It’s time to start the second season of TWIWTA!
PK: So let me get this straight. Last August you were tired of TWIWTA so you did your first MSTie post. Now you are tired of MSTing, so you're back to TWIWTA?
SL4: I'm not tired of MSTing, I'm just tired of Requiem. I'll get back to it soon.
SL4B: So who are our guests going to be this show?
SL4: The only person we have locked up is Nobuyuki. He won the season finale last year. Who else should we go for?
PK: How about Sabrina Lloyd and Kari Wuher on the same night? Watch them go at it! :-P
DL: Oooooooo. Who would win that one?
SS: I’d pay money to find out! But you know that women with big breasts can’t fight a lick. They give themselves a black eye just trying to swing their little fists. Sabrina is a lock to win.
SL4: Um, no. We’re not doing that. We had most of the principals twice last season. It’s a new season, time to branch out in a new direction.
SLB: I’ve got it! How about season 1 Quinn and season 4 Quinn? It would be a contrast in styles. It would reveal in a biting way just how much he changed.
SL4: That’s a well known fact by now. What is the point of belaboring it?
PF: It would give us twice as many Quinns to make fun of. :-P
SL4: Maybe. But who could we get for the third guest?
SS: How about Maggie?
SL4: Kari again, eh? I don’t know...
SS: Not Kari, mendicant, MAGGIE. And since she changes every six eps, we could show all of her manifestations throughout our episode. Season 3 Maggie could come on and make a post comment, spit out some pea soup, that kind of thing.
PK: Yeah, and then, without remarking on it, early season 4 Maggie could come out and make some hard boiled offensive comments. Then late season Maggie could be all in love with season 4 Quinn and fawn over him.
SL4B: And then season 5 Maggie could be alternately sweet, patronizing, hard boiled, leaderish, a whining quiter, and annoying in her commentary ... just as she evolved throughout season 5!
SL4: That’s a lot to pack into one TWIWTA.
SS: Look at it this way, if the audience isn’t laughing we could have her swing her arm and black her own eye.
SL4: Um, I just don’t think this is a good idea. You guys are scaring me. Maybe we’re not ready yet for a new direction. It’s been 9 months since last season’s finale, that’s enough time to keep the same formula for now. People won’t get tired of it for a while.
PK: Fine.
SL4B: Idiot.
SS: Almsman.
DL: I’ll eat you for this.
PK: Oh, and SL4ever?
SL4: Yep?
PK: You do know that people who have elaborate conversations with themselves are insane, don’t you?
SL4: Oh my, look at the time! The show’s about to start!
The Way it Wuz ... Talked About!
SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your fabulous host, SL4ever! And this is The Way it Wuz Talked About, that show where we talk about the days that wuz and once in a great while look ahead to the days that will be. We have an exciting show for you today! This is the season premiere so we’ve lined up an excellent panel!!!! But first, these messages!
“Do you sometimes forget that you’re not online?
Woman: This is a nice fabric. Give me one bolt please.
RandomEdge <walking by> : Yeah. That’s the kind of woman I like, a >:-# who knows her place. Buy that cloth to make some clothes, girl.
Woman: Excuse me?
RE: You heard me, *#%&^#&^&*$)^@&!!!
<***SMACK***>
RE’s head <laying five feet from his body> : Oppps. I forgot that out here offline I can’t insult people with impunity.
***
Woman: Hi honey!
Man: Hey sweetie.
Woman: I got my hair done today and it looks absolutely fabulous!
Man: Um, it looks the same as it always done.
Woman: Whoops! Got you confused with my online boyfriend. You can actually see me. Sorry.
***
Then you need new Net Alert™!!! It fits on your wrist and notes whether or not you’re online. If you start to act in one environment the way you should in the other, it will buzz you and alert you to where you are! Try Net Alert™ today!
Man <typing> : I think you have a valid point, my dear-
Net Alert™: Buzzzzzz!
Man: Oh >:-#!!! I’m on the internet! I can be as rude and obnoxious as I want to because no one can kick my ass! <typing> but you’re just a woman and #(*&%*%#%(* and (*&##^&% and then the dingoes came and &^#%&*(&(*^&$)*&(*_#~_*&!!!!!!!! That was fun! Thanks Net Alert™!!!!!!”
SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. First, the ever popular, ever hot Sabrina Lloyd!
Crowd: WOO HOO!!!! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SL: If there is ONE head joke I’m outta here.
SL4: Keep your head, I would never make any inappropriate jokes like that.
SL: Okay. But I’m warning you.
SL4: Next up we have porn star Kari Wuher!!!
Crowd: Woo Boo!!!!!
One person in the back of the crowd: Throw me your panties!
Kari Wuher: Who said I was wearing any?
One person in the back of the crowd: In that case, throw me your chair when you’re finished sitting in it!
SL4: Our third guest, in honor of tonight’s new X-Files episode, is the man who played Ryan from the Lottery ep. I can’t remember his name.
Dellyone: Nicholas Lea, you moron!
Nicholas Lea <smiling> : Hi y’all.
<Dellyone faints>
SL4: And finally, the current winner of our random post contest, Nobuyuki!!!!
NY: So how much is this going to hurt?
Crowd: It will sting a little at first, but tough it out and you’ll have an okay time.
SL4: Okay. Let’s talk about the last week. Anything stick out in your mind?
NY: Well, I don’t post anymore, but I still lurk. And I like Eustislider’s “this day in history” posts.
KW: So you’re the one who likes those. They are getting fewer replies than someone posting in Sanskrit would. There’s not even anything to them except a little comment and this long line of gibberish.
SL: That’s called a “link.” And he is getting replies on his website, where the posts actually reside.
KW <looks confused, then angry>
SL: What is it?
KW: You promised to stop using big words around me and making me look stoopid.
SL: Mallory made you look stoopid. A 50% retarded chimp could make you look stoopid. *TIP* could make you look stoopid!
KW: Hey, hey, HEY. I think you just crossed the line with that last one.
SL: You’re right, sorry.
SL4: Any comments about the past week on the board, Nicholas?
NL: Just one thing in general, but not necessarily this past week. A lot of people have been saying in the past month or two, in essence, “Hey, I’m an asshole but at least I admit it.” As if admitting it make one awful thing they have said any better. Admitting you’re an asshole changes nothing. It doesn’t make it cool to be one, and it doesn’t excuse anything.
SL: Well, at least they DO admit it, unlike other assholes. <eyes SL4ever> You have to give them something for that.
NL: I give them nothing for it. It’s like saying “hey, I’m a child molester but at least I admit it.” Does that make what they did any better? All one of them admitting it does is tell us who to shoot in the head! Do they give murderers who confess any slack? >:-# no! Confessed murderers strap to the electric chair just as easily as ones who didn’t admit it but were convicted anyway.
SL4: Hey, hey, this is a comedy show, can you tone it down a notch?
NL <holding up prosthetic arm.> : Do I look like I’ve had a good time in life? You invite Nicholas Lea on your show and you should know what you’re gonna get.
KW: Wait a minute. Ryan didn’t have an arm cut off, that was Krycek.
NL: Hey, the X-Files special effects budget wasn’t always huge. They had to do it for real to make their budget for that ep. Doing location work in Russia is expensive!
SL4: Anyway, getting back to the point, you would rather assholes just be themselves and stop trying to lighten the blow by making a lame admission to what everyone already knows they are?
NL: I didn’t say anything like that, but it will do. Or do something real, like Brand_S’s post today. I think that took some guts. It is a lot easier just to snap at people and bite their heads off at the slightest provocation. The problem with flamers is they are so thin skinned and tend to overreact to the slightest thing. But Brand_S waited, took a deep breath, and posted what seemed to me to be a heartfelt apology. That is a lot better than “hey, I’m an asshole, what did you expect?”
SL: I agree. I thought that post was cool.
KW: I would have rather he stripped naked, leapt on a table, and sang “Tight Pants.” That always works for me when I’ve pissed people off.
SL4: Thanks for putting that image in my mind. Of you OR him doing that. That’s our cue for a commercial!
Announcer: Has this ever happened to you?
First man: “Excuse me sir. May I ask you a question?”
Second man: “I suppose.”
First man: “Why on Earth would you leave the house smelling as awful as you do? I mean, you smell so bad that there is no way you could not be aware of it.”
First woman: “I was wondering the same thing. My baby once ate six cans of pumpkin pie filling and its >:-# didn’t smell as bad as you do.”
Third man: “I had a dog once that slept in a mud puddle for an hour, got up and rolled in cat >:-# then added a roll in the drunk next door’s vomit and THEN stood outside in 100 degree heat for over an hour ... and you make how it smelled seem like a rose garden.”
Second woman: “A sperm whale’s >:-# doesn’t smell as atrocious as you do.”
Fourth man: “Elton John’s breath doesn’t smell as vile as you do.”
Third woman: “Brad Pitt’s armpits smell better than you do.”
Fifth man: “Madonna’s >:-# smells better than you do. I meant the singer, not the mother of the baby Jesus.”
Sixth man: “You smell like a dumpster full of cabbage and fish that has been left in the sun for a week.”
Second man <taking a whiff of himself> : “Whew! Jesus, I thought I could go another day but you people are right! Good lord!”
Announcer: Don’t let it ever happen again! A shower a day keeps the insults away!
“Showers! It’s the right thing to do!”
Brought to you by the “We all share this planet together” foundation.
SL4: And we’re back. So Kari, I’m almost afraid to ask this, but what stuck in your mind this past week?
KW: How come you never tell us what posts you like?
SL4: Um, well, I kinda DO if you think about it.
KW: How so?
<SL4ever is at a loss for words so Sabrina leans forward and whispers> : He writes our lines, you imbecile.
KW: Oh. Why are you so mean to me? If it wouldn’t black my eye I would swing my little fist at you!
SL4: Anyway, I guess if I had to pick something, I would pick the excellent DianaDavis reply to my Slideageddon story.
NL: I’m shocked. Ego God picked something that had to do with him.
SL4: Aw, come on! It was great! I would have replied but that would be giving away too much from the sequel I’m writing.
NL: Oh God, I’m gonna be sick. You get a bunch of replies so all of the sudden you’re going to do a sequel? Sequels always get lessor ratings! You’d be better off leaving well enough alone.
SL4: It’s not about the replies, I am an ar-teeest. I had always planned on sending Murphy into the hell that is the Farscape board for part 2. Then in part 3 something else crazy would happen.
SL: Well, I don’t know about all that. But I do know that as far as replies go some of the funniest this week were in response to the question of whether people would watch the movie “Tomcats.” That kind of question was bound to inspire some hilarity! And it did. LOL!
KW: I liked RMScream’s review of that movie as well. Even someone as stoopid and slutty as me couldn’t like something as awful as “Tomcats.”
NL: I loved Hurrikain’s “lost review” post. I had no idea that anyone could create such pain on a CD as Kari did with this album, so it was good to see someone trash it like he did.
KW: Hey! I’m sitting right here!
SL: He knows that, dear, your implants are blocking the stage lights and casting shadows big enough to hide Arturo’s ego.
SL4: I guess we had better wrap things up before little fists start swinging! We’ll try to actually get around to talking about posts next time. So start posting interesting, comment worthy, or hideously lame posts today so we’ll have something to talk about!
NY: Aw, we’re leaving already? I only got a couple lines! Some prize this is! I got ripped off!
SL4: Opps! We’re out of time! Join us next time when some cool people and whoever writes post number 19240 will be our guests! Goodnight everybody!
“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you by Dellyone’s Name That Slider Scene poem! Give me a thousand guesses and I’ll be able to get one right! By The X-Files! Dragging out 120 seconds of David Duchovny footage over an entire season! And by Slappy the Adult Clown, you haven’t a balloon shoved up your >:-# until you’ve had Slappy host your party!!”
“KW: I would have rather he stripped naked, leaped on a table, and sang “Tight Pants” though. That always works for me when I’ve pissed people off.”
PK: So how are we going to >:-# with him tonight? :-D
SS: Let’s wait till he’s asleep and come out and take off his boxers and replace them with a cummerbund.
DL: Heh, heh. That’s gotta hurt.
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/25406
Nominated by Blinker
