TWIWTA (Early to Mid April) !!
Date: 04/18/2001
From: SL4ever
SL4ever: I wonder if anyone will notice that the first commercial is a repeat from last season?
PFKAS: Nah, you could rerun all the commercials and no one would know the difference, it was 9 months ago!
SL4: I’m only doing it because it sets up the second commercial, which is new. Plus, I got the most feedback on this commercial so it can be considered the most popular one.
PFKAS: Whatever, Jesus. I just came in here to heat up a poptart!
SL4Beaver <from doorway> : Will you two keep it down in there! Some of us are trying to sleep! >:-# Oh, and another thing, we didn’t have a single spider monkey reference in the last ep! Fix that!
The Way it Wuz ... Talked About!
SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your fabulous host, SL4ever! And this is The Way it Wuz Talked About, that show where we talk about the days that wuz and once in a great while look ahead to the days that will be. We have an exciting show for you today with an exciting panel!!! But first, these messages!
“<sound of knocking on the door> Junior?
Junior: Just a minute Mom!
Mom <opening door> : It’s time for the funeral –
Junior is at his computer. A enormous amount of books (with titles like Arcane References and Insults, Rogets Super Duper Thesaurus, 40 years of Mad Magazine Insults, 2000 Stupid Jokes, How to Hurt Feelings and Lose Friends, 15 Years of Internet Flaming, Be a Pseudo-Intellectual Without Sounding Like One in 10 Easy Steps!, Dennis Miller’s 5,000 Best References) were piled around him haphazardly. He was typing furiously, his fingers flying over the protesting keyboard. One leg was propped up on the desk to give him extra typing leverage. “Oh you >:-# >:-#-er! I got you now, you smegging bastard!”
Mom: Junior! Watch your F-ing language! Now get dressed! The funeral is in 45 minutes!
Junior: Godsmack it, Mom! This round of the tourney is today! I’m gonna lose if I stray from the computer!
Mom: You should have thought of that before you pushed your sister down the stairs. Now come ON!
Junior <clicking the post button> : Okay! Well, she shouldn’t have snatched my Harry Potter book before I was done!
How often has this happened to you? Annoying, isn’t it? Well, now you won’t have to sweat all 24 hours of the Flame Tourney! For those of you who have lives and actually have something called a JOB, you need help!
We’re The BBoard Assassins!! Too tired after a long hot day to flame the smegging bastard who insulted your post while you were gone? Send us the link and your credit card number and we’ll nuke them back to the stone age! Did someone imitate your handle and is a consistent annoyance and you’re tired of vain flames? Let us know and our crack team of bitter teenagers and mental patients with internet access will make their board lives a living hell! Don’t want anyone to know you’re less than the kind and sweet poster? Sic us on the person who pissed you off and they’ll be traumatized for life within a week or double your money not back and no one will ever know it was you who hired us!!
And now, we have a special Flame Tourney division to take up the slack while you’re busy during the big day! Call The BBoard Assassins now! You won’t regret it, but someone sure as >:-# will! :-D
Now with three price rates! Five Alarm Flaming, Extra Crispy, and new Three Mile Island flaming!”
SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. First, the ever popular Peckinbals!
Crowd: <snarling sounds, rude noises, and several shotguns being pumped.>
PB: Hello adoring fans!
Crowd: <sound of hammers being pulled back on pistols>
SL4: Next up we have Miss Thang, Kari Wuher!!!
Crowd: HEY! SHE WAS ON LAST TIME!!!!
SL4: Sorry, but Peckinbals wouldn’t cum without her. So we didn’t have a choice.
One person in the back of the crowd: Throw me your socks!
Kari Wuher: Eeeew!
<Crowd turns to look at the person in the back of the crowd.>
One person in the back of the crowd: What are you looking at? Do you think I *LIKE* being a freak?
SL4: Our third guest is the one who knew when to get out, John RD!
JRD: Can’t remember how my bizarre last name is spelled, can you?
SL4: And finally, the current winner of our random post contest, Temporalflux!!!!
TF: WHU-SSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP? :-P
Crowd: Woo Hoo!!
TF <to SL4> : You’re about two weeks late with this, aren’t you?
SL4: Woa, look at the time! We’ll be back after these messages-
TF: We just came back from commercial. You have to answer the question!
SL4: Oh. Well, I’m making up for it with an extended ep. Okay. Let’s take the week starting with 4-2 first. Temp, what’s on your mind?
PB: Well, I liked Slidemania’s Great Smoking Debate. That’s why I replied five times.
SL4: First of all, I was asking Temp what HE thought, not you! You’ll get your turn. Second of all, you’re admitting that you’re phatboy_isthe_bomb?
PB: Um, nooooooooooo. Not at alllllll. Whatever gave you that idea?
Blinker <from the crowd> : He’s the only one who replied five times, you moron! But I don’t even need to be a handle detective to figure out that you’re lying! phatboy_isthe_bomb can actually form coherent sentences! 7:-P
SL4: Anyway, that was an interesting post, as it is an interesting debate. So it is worthy of mention. Now, Temp, what sticks in your mind about that week?
KW: I liked Temp’s Tomcats results post. I love to see Jerry fail! Giggle!
JRD: Yeah, your career is so much more vibrant than his. What’s the last movie you were in?
KW. I did part of a crowd scene in “Scanners XII” last year! It was Direct To Video but that makes it easier to see me because you can freeze frame it when the camera pans over the crowd. It’s the scene right before the 12 cheerleaders’ heads explode.
SL4: I have to admit that I love to see Jerry fail as well. And this was the post that won Temp his seat here tonight. Speaking of you, Temp, what did you like this week?
PB: Well-
TF <producing a blast gun and aiming it at Peckinbals’ head> : *I’ll* answer this one, thank you very much. I liked Hurrikain’s RS part 20. The funny thing was, right before I read it, I was just thinking about Raccoon!
KW: What are you talking about? You never read fan fiction!
TF: I never REPLY to fan fiction! That doesn’t mean I never read it. :-P I’m so busy that I only have time to read a couple. So if I replied to one or two and not the rest, people might be offended when it is not a critique of the ones I don’t have time to read, I just don’t have time to read them all.
JRD: So you’re a secret carnage fan? Who knew???
TF: You’d be surprised who else is! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~
JRD: Well, something I liked was the Sliders spinoff post by eZeSlider. That prompted some interesting ideas, and also some links to spinoff ideas people have already written.
SL4: That was pretty cool. I also liked Spacetime’s Syrup Wars post.
JRD: Mmmmmmmmmmm, syrup. :-D
PB: Well, I also liked CoolSlider’s Validity post. Of course season 4 is rare! I had complete control over it, and every ep was a masterpiece! You rarely see a series season this perfect.
SL4: Um, he was referring to the Ebay item for sale. The “rare” Sliders Pilot ep. What is not rare is that some moron paid $127 for a few alternate takes and scenes not present.
TF: As I said at the time, there was probably only 3 seconds of extra footage. The description was more vague than the trailers promoting the horrid movie “Unbreakable” ... and for the same reason. If people knew what was really in it, they would have avoided it like a TIP post.
JRD: Oh yeah, I doubt that eZeSlider was the seller, but I did find it amusing that he basically duplicated Coolslider’s post, which was only six posts up. And, even though I didn't believe it was true, I was also amused by what snackcakes said. Mmmmmmmm. Snackcakes. :-P
Dexibal_Lector <from audience> : No offense, snackcakes, but you’re asking for it with that handle! If it’s the last thing I do, I’m EATING you. :-P~~~~~~~~
SL4: Oooooookay! On THAT note. It’s time for a commercial!
“Poster #1: I’m bored!
Poster #2: I’m board of the board! Hey! I know! Wanna get toasted to a crisp? Let’s go >:-# with SpaceTime, Brand_S, RMScream, or Darkslider.
<next day>
Poster #1: Aw man, they’re too busy to properly flame us. And Temp has ALREADY said he is ignoring any further comments by us.
Poster #2: Hmmm. Who is left? Stoker Chick? Nah, she’s never around. Dellyone and Eust have lives. IT’S HOPELESS!!!
Poster #1: I don’t feel right unless someone verbally reams me out at least once a week. This is frustrating!
Are you tired of how hard it is to pick fights on the board these days? Not getting belittled and insulted enough? The Board Assassins have just opened up a Self Flagellation arm! Our highly trained personal attackers will study your bio and rip you a new >:-# anytime you’re in the mood! Go for our deluxe package and we’ll annoy your personal flamer all the previous night and hide their coffee in the morning so they will be an especially foul mood. Our personal flamers are so good you’d have to be flamed by 6 Tourney contestants at the same time to equal the mudhole that will be stomped in your >:-# by one of our professionals!
So they next time you’re bored and have nothing better to do than piss people off, just give us a call instead! It won’t hurt anything but your feelings!”
SL4: And we’re back. So what’s been turning you on or off lately, John?
JRD: Before we move on, I wanted to mention another post from the first week. I'm glad that QBall79 let us know about the return of Earth 71999. :-P The new ep was tasty. :-P Almost as tasty as syrup. :-D And speaking of fan fiction, I was also interested in Slider_Quinn21’s post on the subject.
KW: Is that why you replied to it 7 times?
JRD: That wasn’t me, you blistering idiot! That was the Wrong Arturo! In any case, I think that fan fiction needs more support to keep morale of the writers up. No one wants to spend hours working on something and just get a couple replies.
SL4: On the other hand, if you write for the replies you’re never going to be happy. Sometimes people are busy, or they forget to reply, or they just don’t like it. You can’t worry about replies or you’ll end up not writing it at all. Guaranteed. Look at Blinker! He gets fewer replies on average than TIP, who is the most annoying bastard one the planet except for Jerri of Survivor 2.
PB: I didn’t make the short list? Waaaaaah!
SL4: I mean, TIP, who is less amusing than anything except the video of Tom Green masturbating a horse that is floating around the internet right now, got 10 replies for his birthday post! When is the last time Blinker has gotten 10 replies for anything he’s done? If Blinker let it bother him, he would have hung himself with his tuft a long time ago.
KW: Some of those replies were TIP's own. Duh!
SL4: I wouldn't know, I don't go into his posts. <shudders>
JRD: What does your Blinker fetish have to do with anything?
SL4: I’m just saying that if you let a lack of response bother you, it’s a downward spiral. Don’t let the highs get too high, or the lows too low.
KW: You’re the one who’s high! Giggle!
JRD: Something else about this post. Coolslider had a good point that most of the Season Sixes out there involve the same arc. As he said it: “Quinn comes back, Wade comes back, they find the right Arturo, Maggie dies and the original Sliders return [home]” I’ve seen that in more than a couple Season Sixes. It is a tired formula. It doesn’t make it a bad idea. When I saw the first couple they made me happy. But it has been done now, so it’s time to do a different Season Six.
TF: Which a couple people mentioned in this post that they are doing. So it’s all good. This is starting to drag, let’s make fun of Peckinballs some more. :-P
PB: Woo Hoo!!!
KW: Another good post was the one by Slidersrocks asking what we thought happened after The Seer. Well, that’s obvious! *I* Became the star of the show! Woo Hoo! Remmy died, and I became the sole leader of the Sliders. We picked up a young lounge singer on the next world and he and I sang for our supper. I sang about shiny flowers and he sang about loving me and -.
PB: That’s good. Go with it. We’ll change the name of the show to Singing Sliders.
SL4: She’s making that up as she goes along!
TF: What about the timer? Remmy had the timer, you stoopid >:-#.
KW: The timer?
SL4: Moving on, I hate to admit this, but I was very amused by Spacetime’s homoerotic “I love Sabre Edge” post, and especially the replies. Spacetime had been in the closet for at least a week so it was great to see him come back out.
JRD: Jesus, how would you like to be a male and wake up in the morning and see a post from Spacetime “I love <your name>” and then a kiss. That’s a situation where you just turn off the computer and go back to bed! LOL! You could see Sabre_Edge wondering “how the >:-# do I get out of THIS?”
KW: On the other hand, Spacetime is tripping out on Coolslider and his SEXENGS. LOL!
TF: Everyone wants to know! What the *$#@)%)(&^%(*#&%(*^% is a “SEXENG” ????
SL4: I hope CS never tells, it is better this way. :-D
Coolslider <coming onstage and handing SL4ever a thick wad of bills> : Thanks for all the mentions, dude.
SL4: Hey, I don’t intend to mention one person a million times when we sit down to do the show, it just works out that way if they’ve done a lot of funny stuff recently.
KW: Yeah, right. Hey CS, show me what a SEXENG is after the show, willya?
CS <leaving> : I wouldn’t touch you with Quinn’s >:-#.
SL4: Before we take a break, I want to mention how good some of the debates started by Slider_Sarah, Informant, and HunterD_Raven have been. I haven’t always had the time to add my own thoughts, or my thoughts were already expressed, but I’ve enjoyed the debates. Now, since this is a special extra long ep, we have another commercial.
“Hello, my name is Vince Defellow. Have you ever been so irritated by a commercial by you wished you knew who wrote the >:-#-ing thing? Let’s say you’re watching the millionth take off on the WASSSSSSSSSSSUP :-P commercials and if the writer of the series was in the room you would cheerfully rip that jutting tongue from their mouths and wipe your >:-# with it. Or maybe you’re still incensed by the two decade run of the those hideously annoying Budwiser frog ads. By the way, what is it about Bud that inspires such irritating commercials? Maybe there is CRACK in the beer, I don’t know.
Perhaps for you it is that insipid and gratuitous Brittany Spears commercial that promotes people ignoring their jobs at the peril of others and company property.
Whatever commercial it is that really gets under your skin, I have the information you need. Just call me at 1-800-IWANNABEATTHEIRF-ING>:-# and I will tell you who wrote the commercial that is so retarded it makes your hair hurt. For a small additional fee I’ll include their home and work addresses so that you can hunt them down like a stag and beat them to within an inch of their lives while screaming “Singing Dog Puppets are NOT FUNNY!” over and over.
All this for the small small fee of $100! Think about it! For just $100 you can get the satisfaction of whaling on the moron who has so annoyed you.
So call now and you can be beating them with a wooden chair by tomorrow!”
SL4: And we’re back. So, Temp, what other recent posts have you liked?
PB: Well, I lik-. <sees TF reach for the blast gun again and closes his PIEhole.>
TF: I liked Tigs’ Krack time party/census. It was fun. :-P
PB: And delicious. Much better quality of CRACK than I am used to. As for me, I was immediately drawn to NudeBlue’s post about the "best case" because of the word “nude.” :-P~~~~~~~~
KW: Um, that was a post about the best CAST.
PB: Oh. Should I be scared when YOU have better reading comprehension then me?
SL4: The only thing about it is that I believe 99% of the Sliders fans who watched the show from the beginning, and didn’t come in after changes, would agree that the best cast was the original four. So that is an obvious answer. I think a more intriguing question is who was SECOND best cast. You might immediately say Quinn/Remmy/Wade/Maggie because there were three of the original four, but the chemistry between Maggie and Wade was awful so that is not a sure thing in my mind.
KW: Hey! I get along with everyone except for annoying, shrill little >:-#s!
SL4 <sighing> : Well, this is a quick and dirty coverage of the past two weeks, up to the 16th. Now that I have more time I can do these closer together and be more comprehensive.
TF: That’s it? Two jokes, a couple brief mentions of three posts, a couple more gratuitous shots at TIP, and we’re outta here? You got me out of bed for this?
SL4: Did I mention our guests get Vertigo’s Death and Dream action figures?
TF: Woo Hoo!
SL4: And spank you, Peckinballs and Kari, for joining us! Here’s your action figures.
JRD: Where’s mine? They look cool.
SL4: We’re out of time! Join us next time when some cool people and whoever writes the post the square root of 2304 divided by 12 down from this post will be our guests! Goodnight everybody!
“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you by the ToFGaL! Give us a year and we’ll give you a Tourney!! By Stephen King’s ‘Dreamcatcher’! If you wanna hear pages and pages of exquisitely detailed descriptions of farts, this is YOUR BOOK!!! And by Slappy the Adult Clown, let Slappy show you how to REALLY clown around!!”
“Everyone wants to know! What the *$#@)%)(&^%(*#&%(*^% is a “SEXENG” ????”
SL4Beaver: Where were the >:-#-ing spider monkey references??????
Dexibal_Lector: Now YOU'RE the loudmouth waking us up! SHUT YOUR >:-#-ING pieHOLE!
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/25560
Nominated by Blinker
