TWIWTA (05/03 thru 05/07)

Date: 05/14/2001
From: CoolSlider

Spotlight on CoolSlider in center stage. Music cues, and a bunch of dancers in silver costumes come onto stage.

CS: My name is CS and I’m here to say
‘I eat my Fruity Pebbles in a major way’

So here I am rhymin’ like Dr. Dre
To review Bboard posts in the month of May.

With posters like Chaser, Sl4ever and Blink.
After readin’ this board you’ll need a shrink!

Here I am yo’ with the news
Goddamit I really f****ing hate Tom Cruise!

So it back, chill-ax and smile because
It’s time for you to watch The Way it Wuz! Talked about. Chillin’. Word. Uh.

L’il Bow Wow: Bow wow yo, yippi –

CS: What the hell are YOU doing here?

L’il Bow Wow: *sob*

CS: HELO HELO and welcome to The Way it Wuz…Talked About! SL4ever is gone away to Kentucky for the week…y’know, cause bestality is still allowed there and all.

*meanwhile out side the studio*

SL4ever: *knocking on door* guys….guys?

*back in the studio*

CS: So I’ll be your host! And here with me tonight is your ever-so-lovely co-host, SABRINA LLOYD!

SL: Hi all!

KW: WHAT!? I’m the ever-so-fugly co-host!

CS: Not tonight you aren’t!

KW: But…but…I have a contract!

CS: And I have an AK-47.

KW: Touche.

CS: But before we get on with the show, a word from these, our sponsors.

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CS: And, we’re back.

SL: Yes we are, and did you know that The Way it Wuz Talked About took home the award for best talk-show series at the Ruby Emerald awards?

Crowed: *applause* woo!
CS: And how did we manage that?

SL: Well, they only give these awards to shows that don’t use words like ‘retarded’.

CS: That’s retarded….and queer.

SL: *scowls at CS and throws the award out the window* Anyway, we’ve got a real nice show for you tonight. He’s the author of Resident Slider and producer of the upcoming film, “Enter the Duck”. Please welcome HurriKain!

Crowd: *applause* Woo!

HurriKain: Thanks!

CS: Also on the show tonight, we’ve got an ultra-special guest. Creator of Sliders and son of the legendary Mel Torme, please welcome Tra—uh.

*Looks at cue card. The words TRACY TORME are scratched out and are replaced with KARI WUHRER above it*

CS: *sighs* Never mind folks. Kari, just get your gutterslut ass up here.

KW: Woo hoo! Hi hunny!

Kari sits down next to HK. He in turn moves his chair two spaces to his right.

SL: So, without further ado, let’s check out what happened this past week at the Sliders Bboard. May 3. Anything stick out in your mind from that day, HK?

HK: Requiem MSTed 9 ¾! FINALLY the MSTing of that horrible episode reaches
a crescendo! Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough to cover my ears from
Mallory's last... er... "quip". <Hurl!>

SL: Clean-up on aisle six please!

Sliderseth walks onto the stage in a janitors uniform with rubber gloves and sawdust.

Seth: where’s the mess?

CS: HA HA! You’re a JANITOR! You’re so uneducated.

HK: *wiping off mouth* Actually CS, custodial workers make a fair amount of money and are very useful to society.

Seth: Actually, my only job is to clean up people’s vomit.

HK, CS and SL burst into laughter.

KW: Heh heh…he said ‘puke’.

HK: Actually, he said ‘vomit.’

KW: Awww…you’re so cute. *tries to run fingers through HK’s hair. HK moves another 2 spaces over*

SL: *ahem* moving right along, May 3rd…hrm, well I’ve gotta say I’ve been enjoying Blinker’s daily Peck facts. They’re always amusing. Brings me back to the days where I actually worked for that idiot.

KW: That’s just because you could never get in his pants, and I could.

SL: *shudder* Anyway, yeah. Keep those facts coming Blink, honey! CS?

CS: I dunno. I was too busy thinking up a stupid Star Trek Voyager plot line to come up with and act like an idiot in UnstuckSlider’s post.

HK: That only took you as long as it does the Voyager script writer’s to come up with an episode.

SL: And how long is that?

CS: Five minutes…but still. You must realize I live in Canada. The window to get on the internet is only open once a week and you have to trade whale blubber to get get a good ten minutes online.

Crowd: Really? Wow? Hummer hummer hummer.

CS: *sigh*, Americans.

SL: So, May 4. What was the dillyo on the board then?

CS: Well, mate, the fling didgery doo scat sliderseth told us to stop our whinging and look to the future of sliders and stop the constant Bboard bickering. To put is subtle seth, I really, truly hate you.

HK: That wasn’t subtle at all.

CS: Okay…uh, seth you’re a jizzbucket.

SL: Neither was that.

CS: Whatever. HK why don’t you tell me what you thought of May 4.

HK: Requiem MSTed 10!!!!: WOO-HOO! The ep. that defies batardizes and
butchered a beloved character is finally done and riffed. Though I can go
without the final thought about the flowers.

Kari: Maybe we can smell some flowers together, baby. :-*

HK: <shudders>

SL: I know that I enjoyed reading ThomasMalthus’ fanfic. He’s such a great writer! He never had my character raped, beaten and then put my head in a tube of water. Thanks, TM! Come up here!

TM walks onto stage, turns to the crowd and waves. SL hugs TM. TM blushes.

Crowd: awwwwww.

CS: Okay, you can sit back down, TM. I can’t see down that girl’s top when you’re standing there. Thanks. Anyway, May 5th…

KW: You haven’t yet asked me what I thought!

CS: …May 5th…

KW: But what about me?

CS: Fine, Kari…what did you think about May 5th?

KW: I dunno. I don’t usually read the board. Hee hee.

CS facepalms.

KW: Well, I’m too busy in the studio nowadays…

HK: God help us.

SL: So…May 5th?

HK: 5: Maddening Peck Fact: Although I thought I have spawned a monster with
that "Fun Sliders Fact" post, I did find it quite amusing when Blinker posted
the BIGGEST PILE OF @#$% DAVID PECKINPAH HAS EVER UTTERED!!!!! DUMB ^@*$#&#(#
^@#*(^#*^$(*$^@)*$^*$^*)^$*@)(^)$^$)^$* MORON!!!!! "more thought provoking
stories" MY >:-#!!!

CS: Whoa there, cowboy. This is a family show.

HK: But you said “jizzmop” earlier.

CS: I…uh…um…hey, shutup!

SL: JRD’s birthday! Happy Birthday, big guy! From me, Sabrina Lloyd and TWIWTA.

CS: And from my pulsating man-rod! I LOVE YOU, JRD!

HK: Okay, Vinnie…

CS: Well, while we’re talking about May 5th, I’ve gotta make an editorial about my Bush Is Gonna Die post. It was meant as a laugh. I wasn’t really being serious about anything. You know me by now, I’m a goofball. So in the future, try not to be so critical *cough* Real_Slider *cough*. So, I’m sorry.

HK: No you’re not.

CS: shhhh. I’ve got them eating out of my hand.

SL: Okay, the last two days in review when we come back from these messages!

Music video of girl dancing around.

Generic Pop-Culture Chick: Hey, girls! Want some fly tunes for you and your girlfriends to get jiggy to? Then buy the new CD from the next pop superstar Brittany Cleary, featuring her hit single, “I.M. Me”! It’s like, totally kickin’!

*music video*

Generic Pop-Culture Chick: On sale everywhere! Visit www.brittanycleary.com for more info. And also, don’t forget to check out Kari Wuhrer’s new album, coming soon! Dig it!

HK: *shudder*

CS: Back again, y’all.

SL: “I.M. Me”…that’s a nice play on words. Girls should love that.

CS: Yeah, especially the ones with downe syndrome.

SL: *smacks* CS.

HK: Um, I’ll take the spotlight here. May 6th…<Waves>: I like it because I'm glad to see Chaser back... Though I think
he should POST MORE! :-)

SL: true, true.

CS: That was such a fun day. Milennia posted a very thought provoking post that day. I want to see more like that. No, wait a minute, what I meant to say is that I want to see Millennia aquire syphillis by performing sexual acts with a grapefruit. Sorry, got a little confused there.

SL: You’re such an ass.

CS: And you can’t get enough of me.

KW: I like ass.

Everyone: *sigh*

SL: Anyway, coming to an end here… on May 7th, I must say that I liked the new “Enter the Duck” trailer. Looks to be the box office smash of the year, HK!

HK: Thanks! I enjoyed Fun Peck Fact (5-07-01): Peckinpah has struck again! Now as a moron
acting like a dinosaur. Maybe he was chasing them with is pants down... no,
that'll make the cast laugh at him.

KW: I'll say.

SL: Well, looks like we’re about done? Anybody wanna say anything.

HK: I hate Kari!

CS: I hate seth!

KW: TemporalFlux posted something neat-o on the 7th. I never knew there was any relation to the Spinning Topps and Four Topps at all.

SL: Okay then. Next week on the show, CS and MSR return to duke it out, SL4ever comes back to host again and we get a review of Kari Wuhrer’s stunning performance in “Vivid”

KW: You could say I’ve sniffed some paint chips in my days.

Everyone: Good night!


Announcer: The Way it Wuz…Talked About is brought to you by Nike where a Pakistanian boy can make you a twenty dollar shirt AND get whipped AND be attacked by rabi coyotes…all at the VERY SAME TIME! And Slappy the Adult Clown. He’s got a few tricks up his sleeve, if you know what I mean.

Outside of the studio…crickets chirp.

SL4ever: Guys?….guys? So…very…cold.

PSA: Sorry, it's kinda rushed guys. But you know the circumstances. Maybe if SL4ever lets me do this again (I hope he does, even though I posted this real late. SORRY!) I'll do a better job. Later!

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/25835
Nominated by Blinker