TWIWTA (May 8th thru May 12th)

Date: 06/04/2001
From: CoolSlider

CS: Hello everyone! I’m CoolSlider.

Charles Barkley: And I’m NBA superstar Charles Barkley!

CS: What the hell are YOU doing here?

CB: *sob*

CS: We have a very special show for y’all today. Instead of having the show in our studio back home, today we’re broadcasting the show from Hawaii! In a studio that’s an exact replica of the one back home!

Crowd: Woo! Yeah!

Blinker [from crowd] Um…doesn’t that sorta destroy the purpose? 7:-D

Sliderseth: ah, quit your whinging.

CS: Um…yes, do quit your whinging. And here’s a message from our sponsors.

Announcer guy: The thought they were the only ones who could slide from universe to universe.

*various Sliders clips*

Announcer guy: They were wrong.

*Henry the Dog pops out of the vortex*

All: HENRY!

Arturo: Guys, I think we have a problem. I’m allergic to dogs.

Rembrandt: Sweet Jesus! The Professor’s going into a sneezing frenzy!

Announcer: Hang on for adventure!

Quinn: Look on the bright side, Professor, at least he’s not humping you.

Henry: woof!

Announcer: SLIDERS! Friday 8/7 Central on FOX!
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CS: And….we’re back. We’ve got a very special show for you today.

ThomasMalthus (from Crowd): You people tell us that every week, yet it’s the same show format! At least I’m creative and think of different ways to present my “look back” on posts.

CS: Okay, do not listen to that man. As always, with me is my guest host Kari Wuhrer.

KW: Hee hee!

CS: *sigh* Also with us is my double from an alernate universe…kEwLsLiDeR

kS: HELO

CS: And the Bboard’s resident X-Phile, MissingSliderRyan!

MSR: Hey, guys!

KW: So without further ado, THE WAY IT WUZ…TALKED ABOUT!

CS: Hey, that’s my line, you gutterslut!

KS: lol d00d!

MSR: Guys…the show?

CS: Yes, yes…and what caught your fancy on May 8th?

MSR: *sigh* Nick Lea…

CS: Uh…I meant bboard wise.

KW: Talk about your one track-min—oooh, flowers…

MSR: Hehe, sorry. Okay, I’ve got three things to say on sliderseth’s “Per Manum” post. 1. Talk about Sliders! 2. I liked Contessa’s reply and 3. If we had the actors' names and what role they played on The X-Files, then maybe we'd know who you were talking about. I think that's why ContessaM replied to you in that way. It's plainly obvious who she's talking about.

CS: Easy Slider Ryan…

KW: Well I liked Informant’s post on the Heated debate over the banning of Mother’s Day in a private school because it might be offensive to children whose parents are homosexuals. As you all know, I stand behind the homosexual movement 100 percent.

CS: Just because you played a lesbian craving for her BEST FRIEND SEXENGS in “Kate’s Addiction” doesn’t mean you’re a supporter of the homosexuality movement. It just means you’re an easy ho who was cheap and would put out in front of the camera.

KS: rotfl!

CS: Well, what about you kEwLsLiDeR? What did you like about May 8th?

kS: sldrQuin21 psted phat pst on “TEH OThERW0RLDZ d00d an I wuz like HUR HUR so I h@xz0red slidersweb.net and qball79 wuz pised off lol!

MSR: …

CS: …

MSR: Well…look on the bright side. He’s more coherent than her.

*looks over at Kari who’s catching invisible dust bunnies in the air*

CS: *sigh* That’s so sad. May 9th, anybody?

KW: Oh oh oh! The post gastrof made about the “nightmare” and it was, like, the Scifi Prime girl. That wasn’t scary at all. I mean, she looked normal. She looked like me.

CS: Y’know…I hadn’t thought of that before. Thank you very much. Now I won’t be able to sleep.

MSR: ContessaM's Who you gonna call? Sliders! That was neat!

CS: Yeah, it was wasn’t it?

MSR: I even came up with additional lyrics!

If you're all alone
Pick up the phone
1-800-dial-a-ho
Maggie Beckett!

KW: Ha! That’s great! You’re so clever, MSR. Ho. Maggie Beckett. Hehehehe…

CS: *cough* Anyhoo, I had lot of fun with Blinker’s Fun FOX Fact. I mean, the voice of a date-rapist over cheesy pop music advertising for Eggheads. Classic!

kS: inf0 psted sum shiznit on BUFY the VAMP SLYR ilik ed cuz I LUFFERS smg n I w@nt 2 slam crotch 1st in her HUR HUR

MSR…*slap*

KS: lol u r frisky

MSR: You know, CS…I think everyone one of your doubles has an extreme shortcoming in something.

CS: Huh? No…not me.

*Man walks in room*

slider3481: hey…im new here. What is TWIWTA? Oh, and what happened to the professor and wade?

CS: Hey…how about you get the *bleep* out of here before I *bleep* *bleep* you until you *bleep* so much that you’ll *bleep* until you *bleep* and then I *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* YOU!

Sliderbunchanumbers: *cry*

MSR: *ahem*

CS: WHAT?!

KW: Looks like, I’ll have to get the show going now. May 10th…MSR, thanks for letting me know about The X-Files fanfic contest! I came up with one where Mulder doesn’t want to investigate anymore so he does different things with paper files and sticks them on his body and then does the nasty with Scully! I called it “Divid” ‘cause it’s almost like a combination between my blockbuster film and “David” like David Duchovny.

CS: Words can’t describe how much I want to slap you right now.

MSR: Um…okay. Good luck with that, Kari. As long as we’re talking about fanfic…darkslider's Coupe de Grace

Interesting concept for self glorification. Just
kidding, it's an awesome idea. This is one where I
can't wait to read Blinker's story. :-D

kS: and coolCiderz HOT HOT CORPSE SEXENGS lololo like haley joe osmand liek “I SEERS DEAD PPL” b lik “I DOOO DEAD PPL!” rotfl

KW: Reminds me of that movie I did where I tied up my boss and made him watch me get it on because it helped me ‘get it on’ with my husband!

MSR: How is that ANYTHING LIKE NECROPHILIA?

KW: Ne-cro-phil-ia?

CS: ARGH! Okay…cool it, CS…cool it… so, from the “Wow, I’m Shocked!” file, Qball79 let us know that Mark Burnette admitted to having shot some scenes of Survivor with stand-ins. I mean…who DIDN’T know that before he addmitted it.

KW starts to raise her hand.

MSR: …just, don’t bother.

KW slowly puts her hand down.

kS: OKY so d0nER sez he COLEG grad n0w on gay 11th HUR HUR I wuz lik gay butt it wuz MAY.

MSR: Hey, it’s pretty bad when HE’S the one to get us back on track with the show. Umm…the bboard picked up in activity on the 11th. So much fun stuff…Blinker's Electric Twister CRACK Test [CW - 5/11]

What's next? The many joys of The Chasm, The Breeder
and Slither? Why yes, Kari is in an understated role
as the female hero/victim. The viewers were the
victims here. I wonder how many went to psychiatric
facilities after one exposure to these three "gems".
It'll take CRACK, TYLENOL and CYANIDE to get me to
watch the entire episode of The Chasm.

As for ETAT, it's so bad that I couldn't even stand
watching and capping the screen captures for more than
ten minutes let alone watching the episode. I still
haven't watched the entire episode. I do want some
thread of sanity left. What was that - Wade strapped
into a chair and dunked into the river? What the hell?
Was this practice for her future existence in a
fishtank? They thought she was a witch? Or was that
some primitive mating ritual? Or was that just the
beginning of Peck's plan to get Kari on board?

It's got Corey Feldman, it's got to be good.
Hahahahahaha That's like saying that the movie is good
since Kari's playing a virgin sacrifice.

KW: Virgin?

CS: Oh, on the 11th, SL4ever told someone to hug SpaceTime. Come up here for some CoolSlider LOVELOVE, hun.

KW: Um…commercial?
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Announcer: Ever wondered if you have what it takes to be the executive producer of a Scifi/Drama television show? Then all you have to do is head on over to http://www.amipeckornot.com! Just go to the site, post your story and a picture of yourself, and then people from around the world can decide if you’re CRACKilicious or if you’ve got Too Much Torme’. Head on over to http://www.amipeckornot.com and see if you have what it takes to be a Pecker-head!
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SpaceTime goes back flustered and sits down in his seat.

MSR: Do you realize how disturbing that was?

CS: Jeez…I gave the guy a hug. Who knew people were so bent on man on man LOVELOVE.

KW: Reminds me of the movie I did where there was a giant snake and I went to South America to find the snake but we ran into some drug lords and they took us captive and they made us watch them make out.

CS: JIMMY CARTER ON A KAISER BUN! That didn’t happen, you dumb CRACK ho! Jeez…why do you…EXIST?

MSR: Cool it, CS. Maybe it’s God’s way of saying “You get what you give” for being so mean to newbies.

CS: Listen, shut up for a second. We have to finish off the show.

MSR: Fine. May 12th. HK's Fun Kari Fact (5-12-00)

>>>I mean, the producer listened to my demo tape and
told me, `The music sucks, but you were hot on "Remote
Control." So sign here.' So if he saw a chicken roasting over an open fire
while sucky music played, then he'd sign the chicken
because 'The music sucks, but you were hot on the
spit!' Kinda like "Your acting is wooden, but I like your
impressive facial expressions, sign here, Jerry for
'Tomcats'. No acting is necessary for this movie."

CS: And I liked TommyMalthus’ TWIW…Haikued About. I DO have to give you credit, TM. You DO make your reviews interesting and original. I mean, you’ve always got something new. Keep up the good work.

KW: And I like flowers.

kS: band_s psted aboot TLG and I luffers TLG and u know whois SCULYS BABIES FATHER? ITZ DEEP THROAT. HAHA JUST KIDDING butt I liek phtaboy slim heis kewl and TLG rulz.

CS: I’d say that wraps up the show for today. Tune in next time as your host Blinker brings you a brand new episode and then after that, SL4ever returns…I think. So, this is CoolSlider saying “ALOHA! From Hawaii!”

kS: BYEBYE FAGIZ

MSR: *waves*

KW: Huh?

Announcer: The Way it Wuz…Talked About! Is brought to you by Lunch Boy. All lunch, all day! Even in the morning! And by…kEwLsLiDeR cuz he iz BOMB LOL u got H@XZ0reD! LOLOLO….dammit, I’m such a fool.

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/26007
Nominated by Blinker