TWIWTAR!!

Date: 06/24/2001
From: SL4ever

TIP: I’m here for the Sliders Party.

SL4ever: Wait a minute. We only allow my kinda Sliders Fans in here. I need to ask you a couple questions.

TIP: Whatever.

SL4: Which Arturo Slid?

TIP: The wrong one.

SL4: Good. Is Kari hot or is Wade hot?

TIP: Wade.

SL4: Is JOC a traitorous abject moron who couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag?

TIP: Duh.

SL4: What do you think about Peckinballs?

TIP: He is a lying, scum sucking, weasel who dwarfs even SpaceTime in assholeness.

SL4: Good, good. Okay, one more question. Which was worse, Requiem or The Seer?

TIP: Oh, man, that’s easy! Ending the series on a poorly acted, plot weak cliffhanger? The Seer was worse!

SL4: WHAT??? You’re no kinda Sliders Fan I wanna associate with! Get the >:-# off my porch!



The Way it Wuz ... Talked About Replying!

SL4: Hello again everybody! I’m your fabulous host, SL4ever! And this is a special ep of The Way it Wuz Talked About while I try to get ten thousand things under control so I can do the contest between CoolSlider and Dellyone that I have been looking forward to doing! In this ep we diss posts completely and talk about some great replies we’ve had this month so far!!! But first, these messages!


“Man: Are you Darla?

Darla: Yes! Are you Stephen?

Stephen: Yes I am. But I thought you were five feet, ten inches tall!

Darla: Well, I AM ... when I stand on a ladder! When I wrote you about that I was standing on a ladder.

Stephen: And you said you were a Triple E cup!

Darla: Is THAT what you thought I said? LOL! Must have been a typo. Oppsie! That should have read "single A cup." 12A, to be exact.

Stephen: Um ... well, those things are to be expected when you start a romance over the internet, I suppose. But I can’t believe you lied to me about being human!

Darla: Hey! I spent a lot of money on a species change operation! I AM human! Now.


Announcer: Are you tired of trying to figure out what your online friends and associates REALLY mean? Have you been burned because you thought an email meant one thing when it really meant something else entirely? You need The Internet Translation System!! Let’s look at an average first email:


Hi there! I’m glad to hear from you! I am a fun loving woman who always has a smile on her face. I like to laugh and joke. I am of average height and have a curvaceous figure. I’m looking for a man who loves life, will treat me with respect, and knows have to have fun. Hope to hear from you soon!

Yours,
Carrie.


Announcer: Now let’s run this letter through in The Internet Translation System and see what she REALLY means!

Hi there! [I’m always happy to meet a new potential mark!] I’m glad to hear from you! [If you’re loaded.] I am a fun loving woman [Of course, my definition of fun is spanking a man’s swollen ass with a razor strop.] who always has a smile on her face. [I kinda HAVE to smile all the time since I have no lips.] I like to laugh [maniacally] and joke. [At other people’s expense.] I am of average height [average for frogs] and have a curvaceous figure. [Fat is technically curvy. I weigh 5,000 pounds.] I’m looking for a man who loves life, [So will plead with me not to end his. I adore it when they plead!] will treat me with respect, [Oh, you WILL treat me with respect!!!] and knows have to have fun. [Mmmmmm. Swollen asses. :-P] Hope to hear from you soon! [My last boyfriend has been six feet under for two weeks now! I’m tired of being alone!]

Yours, [Oh GOD, the price of me being yours!!!!!!!]
Carrie [Until I think of another pseudonym]

Man: I’m glad I ran that through the The Internet Translation System!!! Whew!!


Announcer: You can even use it on bboard posts to divine the real meaning behind what someone says!

SL4: I’ll post the next part in two days. [And by two days I mean two months! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!]

TemporalFlux: I’m not going to read any more of your replies. [I tried to reason with you, moron, but you haven’t convinced me you could comprehend a laundry list so I shall waste no further time on an imbecile like you. Oh, and btw, >:-# you!]

MSR: I kinda like Nic Lea. [Back up the truck full of bananas and crème!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-P~~~~~~~]

SouthernSlider: If you call them “a grit” ONE MORE TIME, I’ll reach down your throat and pull the grits out of your stomach!!! [If you call them “a grit” ONE MORE TIME, I’ll reach down your throat and pull the grits out of your stomach!!!]


Announcer: So call now and ask for the The Internet Translation System and never be misled again!”


SL4: We’re back, and let’s meet our panel. Our first guest is someone who replies a lot, mostly because she doesn’t have an original thought in her head so she is better off playing off other people, Kari Wuher !

KW: Hi everybody! Fabulous show.

SL4: Next up we have someone who never replies because he only listens to himself, JRD!!!!

Crowd: WOO HOO!!!

SL4: Our third guest is arguably the worst guest star in the history of Sliders, Jeffery Dean Morgan!!

JDM: I want to talk to you after the show about the article you wrote about me. >:-#

SL4: And finally, our current bboard guest star, a frequent replier, Recall317!!!

Recall317: Hey! You promised me Gillians Red! There wasn’t anything back there but Bud!!! Eeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

SL4: Okay. Now, it has been said, “there is nothing sadder than a post with no replies.”

JRD: Who has said that?

SL4: Um, I’ll get back to you on that. Anyway, this is a special show that will celebrate some of the best replies so far this month.

JRD <sniffs the air> : What is this I smell? A canned “special” show that could have been recorded two weeks ago so that you can take a month long vacation and not have to deal with current events?

SL4: You’re thinking of 60 Minutes. No, I already said this deals with replies from THIS month! Put the hoagie down and pay attention! So anyway, Rec, you fire first. What replies have amused, entertained, or informed you this past month?

R317: The thread started by Walkaways about who the real Arturo was has been all three for me. Not just because of the number of replies there were, but most people didn’t just write a couple words and move on. Not a lot of people invest very much time or energy into a reply, especially since I’ll bet only half the people who read posts actually go down and read the replies as well.

JRD: There has to be a grabber in the reply title to get me to go down there. If I see a reply title like “well...” or “you go girl!” or something like that where they spent two seconds pondering the title then I don’t even bother looking at it.

SL4: That’s easy for you to say! You don’t post here. Me, I’m so happy to get a reply that I don’t care if it is “You’re a bald >:-#-ed Spider Monkey!” There is no such thing as a bad reply!

KW: What if the reply is ripping you a new >:-#-hole?

JDM: From what I’ve heard about YOU, you’d like those replies the best! :-P~~~~~~~~

KW: Great, it’s become so fashionable to flame me that even peons with one tenth my filmography are doing it.

R317: :-O Wow, that was a really good comeback, Kari. I must admit that I’m shocked, especially at your use of a big word like that... hey! What’s that on your arm! You have some comebacks written out on your arm!

SL4 <peering> : “Nice one, SL4ever. You’re just mad because I’ve >:-#-ed more women than you have!” “Oh, go eat another whole live hog, John! Or would that be considered cannibalism?”

KW <jerking writing covered arms away and hiding them against her shirt.> : I don’t know what you’re talking about. ... Well, okay, someone took pity on my because of all the slings and arrows I’ve had to endure. So they provided me with some snaps for use against each member of this discussion panel.

SL4: Who was it?

KW: I’m not telling! But it’s someone you all know.

R317: Who was it????????????? Who is helping the Slut Goddess?

JDM: So, um, weren’t we supposed to be talking about replies or something?

JRD: I KNEW this was a canned show! So far, for all we have talked about, this could have been filmed three days ago!

SL4: Okay, I’ll prove this is an up to date show! On 6-16 ...

JRD <sighes>

SL4: ... there was a Qball79 post about the Tracy Torme chat. This is a classic example of what I love about how the bboard is setup and the clever way people play off each other’s reply titles and replies, etc. You can look at the reply list and see all you need to know (almost) about how the discussion went. Let me put this reply list on the screen for our viewers:

1. THANK YOU ALL!!!! MissingSliderRyan
2. Long, but pointless. FogBoy
3. Pointless? MissingSliderRyan
4. Well, FogBoy... QBall79
5. What exactly were you expecting Fogboy? Alternity_Orange
6. The short of it: FogBoy
7. The long of it Alternity_Orange
8. My reply to Fogboy... Informant
9. Nah, Orange... FogBoy
10. I agree with FogBoy SlidersRocks
11. *Feigns shock and surprise* QBall79
12. Hey, Q-ball. . . SouthernSlider
13. Something I noticed that might help... Slider_Quinn21
14. take a chill pill QBall79 SlidersRocks
15. Done and done! FogBoy
16. FogBoy, you fucking son of a... Brand_S
17. Arturo's illness... Informant

SL4: See what I mean? Fogboy says the chat is pointless, three people jump ugly with him about it, and we’re off to the races. I especially liked the “the short of it” followed by “the long of it” and then Brand_S’s prank near the end.

JRD: I think it shows the power of Sliders that we can still get so passionate about the show more than a year after its cancellation. How many people are still passionate about “The Profiler” ? It lasted almost as long, was never supported by its network, lost most of its cool supporting cast along the way, had a disastrous main character cast change, and then was canceled. But Sliders remains in our hearts to such an extent that we can still have heated discussions about it.

KW: This is all fascinating, but I’m not getting any yucks here. Isn’t this a comedy show?

SL4: Quit looking at your arms! I’ll talk about a special form of reply I like, right after this message.

“<Thunder cracks ominously.>

Woman: Oh great, now on top of getting bitten by a snake, going without a shower for a week, and starving to death, we’re going to enjoy a thunderstorm.

Man: Isn’t this great? I haven’t felt this relaxed in years! :-P

<Rain starts coming down, beating the tent like a rented mule. Water seeps inside from one window seam.>

Man: Woo Hoo!! This is roughing it, baby!

Woman: What is that sound? Is that the sound of 10 foot wall of flood water descending on our camp?

<The next sound they hear is the tent door being ripped open. A Grizzly Bear pads in and settles on the floor between the two sleeping bags.>

Grizzly: Man! That is the storm of the century brewing out there! I’m glad at least two morons ignored the weather reports and decided to stay! Nice tent, btw.

Man: Now THIS is REALLY roughing it!

Woman <to Grizzly> : Are you hungry? Eat HIM first, please.

<The rush of water reaches them, submerging the tent.>

Man: Glug, glug. (Translation: Woo Hoo!!)

Woman: Glug, glug. (Translation: I hate you.)

Announcer: Are you tired of spouses or parents dragging you on tedious camping trips? Is there someone you know who loves to “rough it” ? Is starving, being eaten by bugs, sleeping on the ground, enduring storms, and being generally funky NOT your idea of relaxation? Get retribution on your annoying family member and satisfy their roughing it urges while you stay at home in comfort all at the same time! Call now and receive our “Ruff The Moron Up!” vacation packages brochures.

Pick the “Ruff The Moron Up” package that best suits the person who has made your last six vacations a living hell!

Right now we are offering a special camping package! First we’ll load his or her backpack with potted meat, Spam, Vienna Sausages, cabbage soup, and anything else totally nasty that we can think of! Your loved one is also provided with a paper mattress, paper towel sleeping bag, water logged matches, insect attractant, and Dr. Martins boots, the most uncomfortable footwear on the planet! To further their hell, either Lisa Kudrow, Kari Wuher, or Rosie O’Donnell will accompany our male guests. Spike Lee, Tom Green, TIP, or any other hideously annoying bastard you can think of will accompany our female guests! Your loved one will then be dropped into Death Valley with a backwards map and a canteen filled with baby diaper laundry water!

When we get done with them, your loved one will be willing to take normal, civilized vacations that sane people might enjoy! If they still feel the urge to rough it after we’re done with them, we’ll give you a full refund and give them a Navy Seal brochure.

Call today and get the revenge and attitude adjustment you’ve been longing for!”


SL4: And we’re back. I have a weakness for gag reply titles like the one Brand_S did above. The best idea I ever had for one was where I told Blinker his story sucked and said <END> and then inside told him what I really thought about it. Which brings me to a chestnut I’ll never tire off. I’m talking about when people hide clever things underneath an <end> in the reply title.

JDM: My favorite recent one is when Coolslider said “Sorry if I'm not dyslexic. (END)” back on 6-11 in a SpaceTime post and then inside he said-.”

SL4: HEY! This is a family show!

KW: Ooooo. I remember what he said! I love that word! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~

JDM <leering> : I’ll bet you do!

SL4: Anyway, you’re right, I ALWAYS look at Coolslider’s (END) replies because he almost always has something amusing inside.

R317: I found the Blinker [nt] reply in the aforementioned Walkaways post amusing. He said “The wrong Arturo slid. Period. |n/t|” and then inside he sneaked this: “Just to 7:-# off Brand_S. Hee hee!” LOL

KW: Well, as you know, I’ve ALWAYS had a crush on Qball79 so I thought his reply to Temp’s DVD update post was cute. He said: “Thanks for the postage! (end)” and then inside had this: “POSTAGE: associated with or referring to the act of keeping someone posted."

SL4 <checks Kari’s arm> : Okay, good, you actually came up with that yourself. Any final thoughts before we push off? I have to be in the MSTing theater in ten minutes.

JRD: There is one other kind of reply I’d like to mention. I am a huge recurring gag fan, so these gag handles like Consecutive and his ilk who keep doing the “never announce you’re ... etc” replies kill me every time. :-D

SL4: Those are cool. I also like the people who have special handles for replying or posting about certain topics.

JDM: Speaking of those, I was amused to learn that “Admonitio” is Latin for “careful advice or warning.”

JRD: It’s pronounced Admonitio, you blistering idiot! And that’s where the word “admonish” comes from! Any three year old knows this!

Crowd: WOO HOO!!! <Hundreds of lighters flicker into action.>

JRD: Thank you! Thank you! I'm here till Thursday! Try the veal!

SL4: Oh my! Look at the time! That’s all the time we have today! Tune in next time when CoolSlider and MSR go toe to toe for all the fabulous prizes I mentioned before PLUS a new, even fabulouser prize! Until then, let’s keep replying!

“The Way it Wuz Talked About is brought to you by the new Broadway production, “Sliders Producers” !!! Featuring the hit song, “Springtime ... for Wade’s head!” By “Big Sister”!!! The new unreality show where sisters DON’T compete for each other’s boyfriends! And by Slappy the Adult Clown!! Four out of five freaks say that Slappy has the best hot clown action in the country!!”



"TIP: associated with or referring to the act of keeping someone annoyed."

Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2326/26166
Nominated by Blinker