Date:
4/30/2000
From: nole9
<Announcer voice> Ladies and Gentlemen, of
The Sliders BBoard Community, welcome to the Beret War II Awards
Gala live from New York City's Radio City Music Hall. First,
will everyone please rise as Cleavant Derricks is here to sing
our National Anthem.
Cleavant "I never got to sing it in the pilot, so here
goes"
As he finishes, the crowd erupts into a standing ovation.
Cleavant "Thank you, thank you for always having faith
in the show, in my music career, thank you!"
<Announcer voice> And now, your host for the evening's
festivities.....Chris Rock.
Chris Rock "Wow, a Sliders gig. Sliding was what we did
back in my hood to get away from the cops." "Okay,
that bombed, I guess we'll go straight to the awards" "Here
to present Best Non-Sliders Bboard Guest Star are Charlie O'Connell
and Brooke Langton."
COC(reading from the teleprompter)"I was a Sliders guest
star. I played Quinn's childhood sweethart who moved away."
BL "How many times do I have to tell you that's my line.
I played Quinn's childhood sweethart."
COC "Oh yeah, I'm sorry. My brother got me this gig. He
always tells me I'm his lil' sweethart."
BL "Whatever, the nominees are Matthew Perry, Tembi Locke
and Airwolf."
COC "Airwolf rocks, I had a huge crush on Jan Micheal Vincent
when I was young."
BL "The Golden Vortex goes to..........Matthew Perry"
Matthew Perry makes his way to the stage, dodging various bottles
being thrown at him from the Legion of Booze table.
Matthew Perry "I'd like to thank the great dedicated Sliders
fans for voting for me. The same Sliders fans who saved their
show from cancelation twice. Now, if all of you can turn your
letter writing prowess to my show. We are locked in a great
salary debate, and with your help we can each get the one million
dollars per episode that we deserve. Thank you."
Chris Rock "Wow, I'm so sorry that a sister like you had
to lose Tembi, maybe I can make it up to you after the show?"
<A voice from the LoB table> " Don't say another
word Rock or I expose the Punky Brewster/Smurfs pictures"
Chris Rock "Who said that? Uhhhh, those don't exist? On
to the next award"
"To present the Golden Vortex for Best Feud, it's two posters
who know all about feuding, Temporal Flux and the Executive."
TF steps up first
"First things first, Exec and I are not a feud. A feud
connotates equality. There is nothing equal between us. It isn't
even close."
Exec " Once again, you give yourself too much credit Flux.
All you have done is uncover lost scripts, research the physics
behind the show, and keep coming back to he bboard to share
your information, despite the nitwits. If I wasn't so busy,
I could have done all of that and more."
TF "That's all I've done?"
Exec "Besides we all know the reason for Sliders cancelation
was the.....
Blinker starts chanting to himself...Daniel_2..
.Daniel_2...Daniel_2...Daniel_2...Daniel_2
Soon the whole crowd is repeating along with him.
TF puts his hand, stops the crowd and announces "The Golden
Vortex goes to The Dec 10 Boyz vs. The Legion of Booze."
"In order to keep the peace tonight, we have decided to
present these awards seperatly at each of their respective tables."
"Giving the Award to the LoB are Jenna Jameson and Jasmin
St. Clair."
"And to the Dec 10 Boyz and Yeonto is Mr. Beveladere(sorry
for the spelling)."
Chris Rock "Wow, I'm glad I didn't mess with those legion
guys, send over some 8-ball to their table on me."
<Announcer voice> "Now we would like to take the
time to announce some awards that were handed out earlier in
the day."
"Best historical reference went to the LoB for bringing
up the assassination of the Archduke Ferdinand."
"Best Quote went to Eustislider"
"Biggest In Joke went to the LoB with their use of Lolita"
"Best name went to GOCUB, Vigeant accepted the Golden Vortex
on their behalf."
"The Golden Vortex for reporting went to HurriKain"
"And the best attempt to stuff the ballot box went to Yeontoo
for her record voting total of 10 emails."
"And now, here to present The Golden Vortex for Best Kiss
are Jerry O'Connell and Sarah Michelle Gellar"
JOC "Best kiss, what an honor. This brings back some good
memories Sarah. Remember the time..."
SMG "How many times do I have to tell you: WE NEVER KISSED,
NEVER DATED, NEVER DID ANYTHING!"
JOC "Come on, I'll never forget that night we spent together."
SMG "You locked me in your bathroom."
JOC "but...."
SMG "The winner is Spacetime and Slider Sarah."
Slider Sarah makes her way up to accept the Golden Vortex from
Jerry.
JOC "Hey, you're a Slider........Sarah, get it Honey? I'll
be at room 12 of the motel 12 after the show, if, you know,
you want to go for a slide."
Slider Sarah "What are you going to do, lock me in your
bathroom as well."
JOC "If you like it, sure."
Chris Rock(to SMG)"How in the heck did they get you to
appear here?"
SMG "That @#&^$#*@, he broke into the girls locker
room in high school and took pictures, been blackmailing me
ever since."
Chris Rock "Tough break."
Chris Rock "This keeps getting stranger and stranger."
"Now here are Robert Floyd and Kari Wuhrer"
Kari comes out nude.
RF "Wow, it's been a while since I've, ahum, seen you Kari.
KW "Me too Robert, how's the career been going?"
RF "Well, I did a guest spot on VIP with Pamela Anderson."
KW "I hate that show, it degreades women. I prefer to go
for roles that allow me to stretch my acting talents."
RF "Let's just get to the nominees for Best Geust Star
from The Sliders Bboard Community."
<Announcer voice> " The nominees are Spaz119, Logan91,
1013shan, and Britslider."
KW "Before I announce the winner, please all of you go
see my new movie, it's called The Plant. It's about a woman
whose only friend is a plant, then the plant gets sick, and
the woman(me) has to nurse the plant back to health. It's some
of my best work to date. Did I mention it is set in a nudist
colony? It will be in theaters tomarrow."
Everyone in the balcony rushes to get in line.
RF "I'll be sure to check it out Kari. But for now, the
winner is Britslider."
<Announcer voice> "Britslider....Britslider...Please
come pick up your award."
Chris Rock "Just mail it to him this thing is taking way
too long anyway. My contract says I et a break every ten awards
anyway. I'm leaving."
<Announcer voice> "We will be taking a fifteen minute
intermission, please get the drink of your chosing. The next
award up is Best Use of a Yak, presented by David Peckinpah
and Lunch Boy."
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