Moral
of the Story -------> The Breeder!
Date: 05/10/2002
From: Blinker
SYNTHIA: So, how goes the tallying?BLINKER: Almost ready. Let's see, count an eighth-place vote for the SG archive... then there's a fourth-place vote for the caption gallery... all right, the ratings are complete! [signs off on official "What Should Blinker Do Next?" score sheet, licks envelope and seals the results inside]
SYNTHIA: How'd you handle it?
BLINKER: Oh, I did the same as SL... just averaged out everyone's replies. [tears open the envelope he just sealed a moment ago] And the undisputed winner... with nothing but first-place finishes... is... a... tie...?
SYNTHIA: A tie?!
BLINKER: "Me, of course," and "BJ and the Bear 2002."
SYNTHIA: I think your scoring system needs work.
MALLORY: Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard *that* one.
BLINKER: Well, I guess I'll do some Earth 69 next. In the meantime, let's dig into the most despised episode of the entire third season! 7:-P
=== PREVIOUS PARTICIPANT PRIZE PARTY ===
• SL4ever wins an "Episodes in Rear View Mirror Are Crappier Than They Appear" bumper sticker!
• TemporalFlux wins a syndication contract to draw "The Freshmaker"!
• ShatnerTurbo2000 wins the tape of "Sole Survivors" I finally made after four long years of missing it EVERY time it came on! (I'm really starting to wonder if the ep is cursed or something. 7:-O)
• IncredibleHK wins a contestant spot on Bob Barkido-San's "The Price Soo Desu!"
• Slider_Quinn21 wins a coffee table!
• MissingSliderRyan wins "Sliders: Captioned That!," a coffee table book collecting the best moments of everyone's favourite online humour game! Endorsed by Cannibals Anonymous chapters everywhere!
• Robin14334 wins a pen! There, now you won't have to use your own intestines if things get dicey!
• The_Seer wins a boxed VHS set of "Cry Babies," Rembrandt's best-forgotten 1980s Saturday morning cartoon!
• Recall317 wins a boxed VHS set of "Ho Hos," Maggie's best-forgotten 1980s Saturday morning cartoon!
• Joey_Starr wins the script outtake from "Somers of Love" that explained how Chrissy's unnatural pep was powered by the Helix cycle!
• Vigeant wins Chase Masterson in David Peckinpah's "Machine Gun Kelly Welles"!
• sliderseth wins Brad Linaweaver's "Survivor: The Episodes In The First Season" guide, which peters out around episode six and ends with "Anyway, Rich ended up becoming... affluent!"
• ThomasMalthus wins claimdude's Ronco Home Tattoo Kit! [Not responsible for permanent scarring, disfigurement, death, or that icky smell.]And out of a vast field of deserving candidates, the gold star goes to... Alternity_Orange! His short, hilarious reply just hit me like a tonne of gold bricks to the stomach. 7:-D
=== MORAL OF THE STORY: THE BREEDER ===
BLINKER: Well, wasn't *this* a fascinating entry. Okay, I learned what all reputable pseudo-scientists have suspected for years: it isn't wings, feathers or bone structure that enables birds to fly, but simply having worms in their stomachs. Maggie is living proof!
SYNTHIA: Woo Hoo!
BLINKER [satisfied]: I'm glad you approve.
SYNTHIA: Oh, sorry. I thought your last sentence said "Living Prof." Now THAT would've made this crapfest worth watching.
BLINKER [turning to camera]: More on that next time, folks.
SYNTHIA: Anyway, my lesson from "The Breeder" appears courtesy of Wade's way with words. Apparently, Quinn's fondness towards Maggie consists of a "thing" for her.
BLINKER: And you thought "The Guardian" was the only appearance of "Little Quinn"... What?
- Blinker 7:-P
http://slidersweb.net/blinkerMarge: It would mean so much to me if we could have just one nice family photo.
[shot of family photo with cross-eyed Bart]
[shot of family photo with Bart wearing a mustache]
[shot of family photo with an "I stink!" speech balloon sticker next to Homer]
Homer: Hey, I don't remember saying that!
It's
like soft porn on Fox. Wait...
Date: 05/11/2002
From: FogBoy
And the moral of the story is...If it's wormy and squirmy, Maggie will cram it down her throat.
The
Summer of 69...
Date: 05/11/2002
From: ThomasMalthus
BT was on more LSD than it is now!!...and no, that's not a Peckinpah episode title that was scrapped (to my knowledge). What it means is that we'll be treated to new episodes of Earth 69 by Blinker! Woohoo! I knew getting JermachesMolaudian to vote would put it over the top!
JM: Does this mean I can go back to waging the war effort against Lesion?
TM: Not in this lifetime, pal.
JM: B'oh!
What I learned from "The Breeder". Hmm...from Quinn's insistance that Maggie not be left behind and his nonchalance that they left the creature there attacking the scientist that helped them, I learned that you should only help people who are hot. I think they got that from the passage in the Bible about the Undersexed Samaritan.
Also, I learned that the drugs Peckinpah took during Season Three to make him think that episodes like this made "Sliders" a family show must have been really strong.
ThomasMalthus
Every
body needs somebody sometimes
Date: 05/11/2002
From: Recall317
...or at least their body parts.I learned that it is not only wrong to harvest people's organs without their consent, but it is also politically insensitive of me as well. Thank you Rembrandt and Quinn, for showing me the error of my ways.
R317
The
moral of this story is...
Date: 05/11/2002
From: LiquidSunshine
that beginning text is bad.And you should never go to the gym, because you might be infected by an alien in the sauna, but at least you would have good hair.
LS -- "Not the drug of Peck's choice (that would be LSD)."
Ah
yes, "The Breeder"
Date: 05/11/2002
From: The_Seer
Proof that morals do exist ...
... but not in the people that created this drivel.
The moral of this story is that if you meet a woman in a bar or club named "Kari" and she turns you down then there are only 2 possible explanations for it:1) She is being used as a host by a parasitic worm who needs to mate with men with a specific body temperature.
or
2) You are the most repulsive looking guy on the planet.
As
Aesop once said...
Date: 05/11/2002
From: HurriKain
"I've never met a BT I actually liked."
Acyually, it was omething like never trust a woman with a worm coming out of her mouth instead of one going in... wait, a minute... I think it's when she isn't choking... oh no...
Um, that's all for today about the teachings of Aesop.
HK
Steam
room etiquette.
Date: 05/11/2002
From: DieselMickeyDolenz
Beginning Text has me steamed.If you meet an attractive (in a whoreish sort of way) woman in a steam room, and she has an extra appendage, it might *not* just be a recreation of "The Crying Game."
DMD
The
Moral of The Story
Date: 05/11/2002
From: Vigeant
Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwah
...Vig: I don't remember anything about the Breeder, except that it has Maggie with the maximum amount of allowed nudity!
Bob The Pervert: And that's all that was worth remembering.
Vig: Well, pretty much. I mean, let's take a look at this chart here which helps explain my theory that Kari's Silicon Implants out acted her in this episode, as well as the next several episodes, and mainly the rest of the series.
Bob: Really?
Vig: Well, let's take a look at the ratio of meaningful lines to her exposing wardrobe! On one side we have a few meaningful lines, but here we have roughly 40 tank tops, and other various things, such as this still wet tee shirt from 'This Slide of Paradise' and the revealing native clothes from 'The Other Slide of Darkness'!
Bob: Wow.
Vig: In fact, we have some research that says the caliber of the silicon in there could make some pretty awesome microchips. I mean, we're talking premium implants.
Bob: That's incredible.
Vig: Isn't it just?
Bob: What about the moral?
Vig: Oh yeah! Um, the moral of the story of Breeder is that if you can't act and want to get a sucessful career in Science Fiction.. get a boob job!
Vigeant
"In short, the Scientology commercials running during the breaks were more believable than this story." The Cynic on The BreederThe Incredibly Exciting Humor Site
http://www.greenghoulie.com/humor
Hmmmm....
Date: 05/12/2002
From: Slider_Quinn21
The Breeder. The Breeder. The Breeder.And the moral of the story is...
That there actually CAN be too much T&A in one hour!!!!
:eek:
Timer
misalignment circumvented
Date: 05/12/2002
From: MissingSliderLogan
That damn mime kept screwing up so I had to send him to KFC World.
The use of pantomime would have saved the story greatly. It would have saved me from hearing Maggie's slutty lines.
Logan
Original URL http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/27900
