Date: 7/12/2000
From: darkslider

This one should be interesting...two TOTALLY opposite styles...

DMD:
You are...well KING! Your imagination is second to none, and you have posted some of the FUNNIEST flames I have ever seen! I look forward to seeing who is behind the mask...Good Luck.
__________________________________________________________

dellyone:
Your stories are considered the BEST in my book. Funny, imaginative AND effective, you have proven that spinning a tale is a DEFINATE must for a true artist in flaming. Keep it up! Good Luck!

........... ............. ........... ..............
BTW, your time is from roughly 2am today to 2am tomorrow,Bboard Time, on account of my punctuality rebellion.

Candid Camera

Date: 7/12/2000
From: dellyone

dellyone’s office
1:45 PM

dellyone is grading the writing journals of her creative writing class. A stack of ungraded assignments lay at the corner of her desk. A familiar knock on her door is heard before it opens. A man enters and walks to the television in front of dellyone’s desk.

dellyone: (puts red grading pen down) Did you get what I asked for?

Man: (amused) I did. Do you want to see it now? (takes out video tape from jacket pocket)

dellyone: (excited): Engage! (points like Captain Picard)

Man: (soft chuckle) Sometimes you’re a kid in a candy story. (inserts video into VCR, turns on TV and sits down in a chair next to her desk)

dellyone: (imitates ‘The Simpsons’ Mr. Burn’s mannerisms) Excellent. (taps fingers together)

The video shows the surveillance from Rupaul’s House of Fashion. DieselMickeyDolenz is modeling clothes in front of a tall blond man.

DMD: (falsetto voice) Look at me Dietrich! (spins around) Do I look good in this red slinky teddy or do you prefer the black one? (plays with pink ribbon in his hair)

Dietrich: (looks up and down DMD) Mmm… try the other black one, baby.

DMD: (complains) I already tried that one twice already. I like this one. (turns around and looks at mirror again)

dellyone: (leans forward on desk) Come on DMD, give me more dirt.

Dietrich: Keep on trying the black one. It makes you look hot. I want to be all over you like Popeye over a spinach patch.

DMD: (annoyed) Every time I want something, you want a different color. Why can’t I get this one? (turns around and pouts at Dietrich)

Dietrich: (angry) You’re my bitch and you’ll do what I say!

DMD: (mocking) Do the voice of KITT again, baby. I want to see you jiggle like a Charlie’s Angel. Let’s play with the Easy bake oven and Silly Putty. I want to dress up Ken in Dennis Rodman’s wedding dress. Put them daisy dukes on and ride the General Lee.

Dietrich: (enraged) Oh shut the fuck up, hoe! (moves near DMD)

DMD: (soothing voice) Listen to this honeybuns. Your Beret War story got a grade of 105.

dellyone: (surprised) Eh? That wasn’t DMD’s story. (angry) What the fuck? That bastard is trying to pull one over me. He’s going to pay for that shit.

DMD: Now now, Starbuck. Your viper is ready for launch. Ready for your mission?

Dietrich: (feigned anger) Zilch is what loving you’ll be getting tonight.

DMD: (amused) Is that really what you want?

Dietrich: (smiling) Shit no! Come here. (pulls DMD toward him for a kiss)

dellyone: Ah… okay. I’ve seen enough. Turn it off. This is a copy, right?

Man: (stands up and walks to TV) Hell, yea. That’s what you wanted. (turns off everything and ejects tape)

dellyone: Okay. Talk to you later.

Man: Everything is going as planned. (man leaves)

Take the first letter of the first word of dialogue. They spell DieselMickeyDolenz is a hoe.

dellyone

Correction to above post.

Date: 7/12/2000
From: dellyone

The last lines should read:

Take the first letter of the first word of each line of dialogue. They spell DieselMickeyDolenz is a hoe.

dellyone

P.S.
I want an edit function, dammit!

quick flame free hit

Date: 7/12/2000
From: sleepingtiger

dude...you are fast delly...

this is gonna be such a toughy....

tigre

dellyone little known facts...

Date: 7/12/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

What kind of person is dellyone?

Not many members of the Sliders online community know that dellyone has had some legal problems. I, personally, am not surprised. What did surprise me was the nature of the offense that she was actually arrested for. I thought for sure that using barbecue sauce with Lion-O and Panthro action figures as a means of pleasuring neighborhood pets would be illegal, or at least cause for a lawsuit. Here are the news reports:

------------

(Virginia) Sexual practices, drugs and donkeys dominated the evidence of Virginia Beach resident dellyone yesterday during her first foray into the witness box in her defamation case against the Richmond Gay News. The Sliders fan denied ever having been involved in whipping sessions, saying they were "not my scene" but admitted to orally copulating livestock regularly.

dellyone, who has recently undergone electrolysis to remove a goatee, was shabbily dressed for her first appearance, wearing a lime-green polyester skirt, a light purple blouse, dark purple tie, her First Wave lapel pin and a ‘Pedo Rights’ badge. Richmond Gay News is defending her defamation action brought over stories run in 1998 and 1999 that claimed that she had sex with underage boys and girls.

dellyone yesterday denied having ever gone to the nightclub Jail-Bait or the nearby McDonald's Play Place, places from which some witnesses have testified she picked them up, but agreed she did visit the Bottoms Up Bar. She said that she'd never used cocaine but had regularly used the stimulant amyl nitrate "in the sex act" - a practice she said was common in the pedophile community.

One witness, who said she had under-age sex with dellyone, testified that she saw a donkey at the plaintiff's home in 1997. But dellyone said it was not until 1998 that she acquired her first donkey as a birthday gift from her Uncle, Tony Danza.

Soon after, she bought another donkey because the first one was lonely, and she ultimately ended up with six.

---------------

(Virginia) October of last year, sewage truck driver dellyone was involved in an auto accident. She was pinned inside her truck, and the sewage tank ruptured, spilling the contents into the cab of the truck. She was there for about a half-hour before the rescue workers could convince her to allow them to pull her out.

---------------

(Washington DC) dellyone was arrested for graffiti vandalism on the Washington Monument. She didn't get the hint. She picked up a second count when deputies caught her writing fan fiction and her name all over the walls of the jail cell.

---------------

Nice going dellyone

Date: 7/12/2000
From: Vortex_Master

I liked that DMD is a hoe thing.
Real cute.

Oh, that explains it!

Date: 7/12/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

dellyone is sitting on her floor, scrawling on stacks of paper. Occasionally she zones out, only to snap out of it a few minutes later with a smirk on her face followed by a slight giggle and "Excellent!"

Our view pans up to a nearby window through which the sun can be seen shining and birds can be seen soaring in spectacular blue sky. As we close in on the window, we notice something peculiar about the glass. It has wire embedded in it, to prevent it from being broken. The view shifts to the outside of the window, which is a part of an ivy-covered brick wall. The shot pans back to show an old multistory building surrounded by grassy lawns and towering oaks. There is a sign at the building's entrance. It reads, "Gate Haven."

The shot now goes into the building through the main entrance, past a reception area, through myriad halls and security checkpoints until we see a man dressed in a white lab coat peering through the clear side of a two-way mirror. The man is wearing a badge with the name "Dr. Dolenz" printed in large, friendly letters." (The picture on the badge can be found here: http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21301) Dr. Dolenz is once again observing one of his most stubborn patients. Through the glass, we can see dellyone, still sitting on the floor.

The door opened in the observation area and another man entered.

Dr. Dolenz: Ah, Dr. Kimble. Thank you for coming.

Dr. Kimble: No problem, it this the patient you mentioned?

DD: Yes, patient dellyone. She has problems relating to reality. She's convinced that she's teaching a creative writing class in there.

Through the glass we see dellyone. She is now pacing about the room, lecturing to her 'class': a bed, a soft chair, a ball of yarn, two plants, stuffed animals, a Snickers bar, and several Marks-a-lot™ markers. Through the speaker system, the doctors can hear her berating one of the stuffed animals for handing in an assignment without first using a spell-checker. Occasionally she stops to sip from a cup filled with yellow liquid.

DK: So then her condition hasn't improved since we last spoke?

DD: Not at all, and I'm beginning to get concerned. She severely injured Nurse Hutaff last week during an attempted sexual assault. After the sedation wore off, she swore that she thought he was a "stuffed yak."

DK: And those two stains on the floor?

DD: Those were Twinkies, two of her former students. On separate days she, for lack of a better term, taunted each on and off throughout the day. Then a few minutes before midnight, she flew into a rage, flinging a barrage of insults and innuendoes at each before finally stomping on them.

DK: That is disturbing behavior.

DD: Yes, and now I fear for my own safety, as she has named the ball of yarn "Diesel Mickey Dolenz." It's an obvious reference to me. Now she's going on about how the ball of yarn is a transvestite and cheated on some sort of assignment.

DK: Should she even be allowed to have some of those items in there?

DD: I asked Dr. Gess about that. He didn't think she posed a danger to her self, so he suggested that she be allowed to keep them. We I did have to ask Jorge to remove the Lite Brite when she tried to play "hide the light bulb" with patient Buckley. She got a nasty burn before we could stop her. And I won't go into what she did when the potato she thought was a furby apparently started to get a little frisky. The orderlies were laughing about that for weeks.

dellyone was now ranting wildly. Goin on about video tapes and Garden Weazles. Whenever she addressed the Snickers bar, though, she seemed to "bleep" her own speech.

DK: Fascinating. I've only seen one other case of dementia this severe. A schizophrenic patient of mine called himself RandomsEdge or RandomJudgement. The only way we could find to calm him was to allow him to cover himself in his own feces.

DD: Ugh! Thank God dellyone hasn't come to that, but there's more. And it gets worse…

An urgent message

Date: 7/13/2000
From: dellyone

dellyone’s office
4:26 PM

dellyone just opened up DMD’s creative journal when her telephone rang.

“Professor dellyone,” she absentmindedly answered.

“Cassandra,” answered a man.

This caught her attention and she immediately hung up. She rushed out of her office, grabbed her purse and entered the password to lock her office. The drive to her destination took only a ten minutes, but those were the most nerve-racking minutes in her life. She rushed pass the employees and ran into the elevator, pressing the up button desperately. She paced back and forth as the elevator slowly rose to her floor. She ran through the slow opening doors, turning sideways and barely fitting between the doors.

“How is she!” she yelled down the hall, not paying attention to the shocked passerbys and employees.

She skidded to a stop in front of the observation room and threw open the door. She stared at the two-way mirror and saw Dr. Kimble, Dr. Dolenz and Dr. Gess in mid-conversation.

“How is she!” she demanded, fear in her eyes.

“Calm down, she’s doing better now that we gave her an Etch A Sketch. See for yourself,” said Dr. Kimble in a soothing voice as he waved her over.

“She was taunting the ball of yarn she called Diesel Mickey Dolenz and began to scream at it so we gave her the Etch A Sketch,” added Dr. Gess.

She slowly walked over to the two-way mirror, pressed her right hand on the mirror and eyed her twin sister dellyone. “Sis, hang in there. Just another week and finals will be over. I’ll tell the dean that you need a sabbatical. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“So no one has guessed that you took your sister’s place as professor?” asked Dr. Dolenz.

Cassandra turned her attention to him and answered, “No, not yet. I can last a little longer. Please inform me of any changes.” She turned back to her sister who was now unwinding the yarn. A single tear falls down Cassie’s face and she wiped it away.

“Yes, of course,” all three doctors replied.

“Thank you.” She gave her sister a flying kiss then left the room. She hurried back to her office to grade the creative journal of DMD.

dellyone

Interpretations by DMD

Date: 7/13/2000
From: dellyone

The following are excerpts from DMD’s creative writing journal. The assignment was to apply children’s stories to the student’s life.

The Hare and the Tortoise

The hare boasted that he could beat anyone in a race and challenged anyone to race him. The tortoise agreed to this challenge while the hare mocked him. A race was set and the hare quickly ran off. In his arrogance, the hare stopped and took a nap since he doubted the tortoise would win. The tortoise slowly made his way to the finish line while the hare slept. When the hare awoke, he was too late as the tortoise reached the finish line.

The moral: slow and steady wins the race.

Finally, I figured out what Jennifer, my first girlfriend, was talking about. You see she always complained after sex that I was the hare but she wanted me to be the tortoise. Hell woman, why didn’t you tell me that? Anyway, I liked those quickies since it was better for me. I could sleep right after a couple of minutes. That must be why she bought that vibrator and told me to wait until she was good and ready. Man, I hated waiting for half an hour. Well, I got a lot of sleep before she called me into the room. I can’t help myself and I refuse to go to a doctor. Those rubber gloves just turn me on and I was trying to be faithful to Jennifer. Jennifer was a freaky girl, always wanting me to dress up as a sheep and she would be Little Bo Peep. Man, that shepherd’s staff reached good and deep. It was very stimulating. That’s why I love it when Dietrich plays Little Bo Peep and I dress up as a sheep. Just writing about this turns me on. Dietrich taught me to be slow and steady as the tortoise. Now I know what I was missing. I thank him with a morning and evening blowjob. What happened to Jennifer? Dunno, but I have her to thank for introducing me to cattle prods also. They are so stimulating when placed in the proper places.

I thought she was talking about hair so I shaved every single one off except for my head. I was hairless as the Taco Bell chihuahua saying “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” to get her into the mood, but that only worked half of the time. So I started impersonating animals and suggested that she was Doctor Dolittle. She absolutely went wild about the idea and we role-played for months. She kicked me out after I couldn’t do a decent camel. You know the one with two humps. So I left and have been fascinated with the zoo animals ever since. I’m glad Dietrich always takes me there. The monkeys and the lions are the best to be with at night. He’s such a good pimp too. He never lowers my rate below five dollars for the entire night.

___________________________
The Ugly Duckling

The ugly duckling was ridiculed for being different, but later he grew up to be a beautiful swan.

Now this is my life story. When I was five, the other boys would be out playing with their balls, but ridiculed me for having small ones. It’s not my fault that I was born with undescended testicles. They finally came down when I was ten. I was so happy that I went out and flashed my friends at the McDonalds playground. Man, did the manager get so pissed that I was banned from all of them in the entire state. Mommy had to dress me in a pink dress to so I could play there. I still have that little frilly dress somewhere. I even paid a seamstress to make me one exactly like that one except for a bigger size. That’s Dietrich’s favorite dress.

When I was seven, I went to camp and those children were mean to me. I fell asleep and some of them threw ketchup all over my pants. I woke up and the camp pitbull bit off most of my penis. But I showed them, I rolled the camp with toilet paper that I found it in the outhouse. The rolls were perfectly fine according to me. That’s the kind I had at home – brown and sticky. I don’t know why everyone was covering their mouths and noses when they came out that morning. Oh, well I did a good job.

When I got older, I took a job as a male stripper at Jumping Julia’s Male Extravaganza. I was buffed and raring to go. I dressed up as the sailor to pay homage to the Village People. The ladies went wild with my number until I only had my thong on. Then they booed me, threw balled up socks on stage and yelled “Pencil dick!” That really hurt so I ran off stage and complained to the manager. He told me that the temperature inside was 50 degrees to enhance the performances, but I didn’t like it since it was too cold so I quit that job. I later went to Hollywood to audition for a bit part as a member of William Wallace’s forces. Mel Gibson played the character of Wallace in the movie ‘Braveheart’. Those people were so mean to me when they laughed for an hour when I did the mooning scene. I ran out of there in tears. I later auditioned for the part that was later won by Mark Wahlberg in ‘Boogie Nights.’ Now I have a prosthesis. Dietrich loves to impersonate Hans and Franz, saying “I want to pump you up.”

dellyone

Poetry Time

Date: 7/13/2000
From: dellyone

Cassandra, impersonating dellyone, approached the podium and recited this poem that she wrote for DMD. Queen’s ‘Dust in the wind’ was the background music – one of her favorites that she played during poetry time.

Reflections

As I stare into this mirror
I see a face I do not recognize
There is a mask where I should be
Who is this man staring back at me?

He is not the true me
But the one I show to others
The eyes betray the truth
Long hidden like buried treasure

Unlike buried treasure
There lies sadness, shame, guilt and doubt
Long ago, others mocked me
So I put on this mask
To protect me from them

I wish I could
Drop this charade
But I fear them
Their opinions
Their judgments
Their feelings

Do they not know?
That a heart beats
Beneath this mask
That I am alive
That I have feelings
Feelings that I can not express
Hidden from their view

They do not know me
For I am a clam tightly shut
So I stare at my reflection
An empty gulf between us
Of what I am and what I wished to be

dellyone

Assignment #1013

Date: 7/13/2000
From: dellyone

DMD’s house
6:21 PM

The doorbell rang and DMD walked over to the door to answer it. He smiled at the visitor in front of him. Luckily, Dietrich had cleaned the house before he went to work at Twisted Tommy’s Transvestite bar.

He led his visitor to the kitchen table full of notes, books, pens and notepads. “Yeontoo, glad you could make it. I really need your help doing this assignment. That bitch is crazy thinking that we can do all these assignments and still keep up with the rest of our classes.”

Yeontoo smiled back, as she put down her heavy backpack. “You’re right she is, but I like that class even though she swears like a sailor. Anyhoos, I’m glad the university provides Swear Words Be Gone ™ translators. So let’s get cracking on this assignment. Time’s a wasting.”

DMD opened up various books to use for reference. “So true. How come no one relieved dellyone of her tenure?”

Yeontoo thought for a few seconds, “Hmm... she probably knows someone at the top. So the crazy bitch wants us to do a paper on Thoreau's use of allusions in his book 'Walden Pond'."

"Exactly. I had to fight everyone for this book," said DMD as he picked up a thousand page annotated text of 'Walden Pond.'

The two quickly got to work. After an hour, they were finished. Yeontoo said her good-byes and left.

Lecture hall
10:29 AM

Cassandra, impersonating dellyone, walks away from the podium and goes to her desk. She sits down and pulls open the bottom left drawer, moving three small plastic bags aside. She places the poem she wrote for DMD in the now empty space. She thought to herself. *No one makes a fool of me by passing off someone else’s work as their own. *

dellyone

Damn, d1. You do like to stay up late!

Date: 7/13/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

And you got me pretty good. I read the stuff you posted around midnite. I even started to write up a reply. The quality was shit-poor so I never hit the 'send' button. Congratulations. I haven't seen dark's scores yet, but I'd venture that you won.

Diesel
Mickey
Dolenz

<extends hand to dellyone>

<shakes hand with DMD> & an explanation

Date: 7/13/2000
From: dellyone

Good job, DMD. I really liked that asylum angle. May the one with the best flames win.

I believe an explanation is in order. The post "Poetry Time" contains a poem that I wrote for DMD. That was a poem in Memory of DMD. That's the reason why there wasn't a real flame in that post. The song playing in the background - "Dust in the Wind" is a clue that DMD was already dead. That song is from 'Highlander: The Series' and was played when Duncan recalled the times he and Tessa had before she died.

In the reply "Assignment #1013", Yeontoo goes over to DMD's house, but that wasn't her since she called dellyone a "crazy bitch". This contradicts her statement that she was happy that the university has translators to bleep out the swear words. Yes, that was dellyone in disguise. She blasted DMD with the creativity disruptor. This was a flashback from the night before if you remember the time I posted before that section of the post. The three bags are the dust left from Nobuyuki, CoolSlider and DMD after they were hit with the disruptors. Yes, these were subtle clues. That's the reason for the number 1013. This is Chris Carter's (Exec. Prod of 'The X-Files') production company. So the truth is in this reply if you look at it hard enough.

dellyone

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/22053
Nominated by darkslider