Date: 7/12/2000
From: darkslider

RMScream:
You've made it back from the dead, man! Excellent. Your posts are funny, original, and a tad disturbing. Keep it up, and you'll do fine! Good Luck!
__________________________________________________________
Stochi:
Your style is stunning. You have defeated two very worthy opponents, and never cease to make me laugh. Imgination, humor, and a sense of style are your greatest strengths here. Keep em up! Good Luck!

..... ..... .... ...... .... .......

BTW, your time is from roughly 2am today to 2am tomorrow,Bboard Time, on account of my punctuality rebellion.

just wandering through...

Date: 7/12/2000
From: sleepingtiger

Stochi! Stochi! Stochi!

don't flame me RMS...she's a chick who can crisp her opponents....

plus...dude...she's an anarchist...gotta respect that.

<smile>

tigre

Similarities and differences...

Date: 7/12/2000
From: RMScream

Hello Stoker. Congratulations on making it to round III. May the best flamer win!

As you may or may not know, we have a few similarities between us. We have both advanced to round III, and we both prefer the feeling of a warm vagina to that of a cold hard cock. Also, we both dream that one day we will be lucky enough to have Sarah Michelle Gellar "sLAY" our respective "Vampires."

Unfortunately, the differences between us out weigh the similarities. I work at a movie theater, whereas you work at the "Pegasus Men's Club" as a waitress. You often wonder why Bruce, the waiter with the bare chest and the washboard abs gets all the tips when he goes topless when all you get is dirty looks and the whispers of "She needs a boob job and a leg waxing" behind your back when you do the same.

I like to go out on a Saturday night. You like to sit at home listening to John Tesh as you watch your footage of Henry the masturbating giraffe that you filmed on your expedition to the local zoo. You gained special access to all the animal cages after letting Stacey the tour guide tame your "Wild side" with a whip and a box of animal crackers.

Pizza is my favorite food. Your favorite food is oreo's with that special "cream filling" that was acquired through your cat's sexual "faucet."

I am currently single. You have a girlfriend named Manny, a mentally challenged, self-proclaimed minister turned whore, who walks the streets reciting verses to potential customers. Because of this, her only customer to this date is the wooden Indian that stands outside the cigar store. Needless to say, she doesn't make much money, and you wear the pants, both figuratively and literally, in the relationship.

It really is too bad that we have so many differences, but I guess that is just how it has to be.

-RMScream

Esteemed RMScrotum:

Date: 7/12/2000
From: Stoker_chick

Tigs, thanks for the snaps.

RMScream... I wish you all of the luck in the world for this skirmish. I look forward to the outcome.

Oh, and by the way, did I tell you that I don’t believe in luck, or destiny for that matter?

May the highest wattage win.

 

An excerpt from Fag Club

Back ground information: RMScream is the originator, sustainer, and a proud out-of-the-saprophyte-colony-and-decaying-corpse-infested-closet member of Fag Club.

RMScream has just stepped down from speaking with his fellow members of "Remaining Anally Active Transvestites Together" support group, consisting solely of Dr. Frankenfooter wannabes who have all been diagnosed with testicular cancer, raging cases of genital elephantiasis, and the acute lack of self control in the presence of any of the members of the Big Apple Circus, especially the male gorillas.

I myself am an irrelevant onlooker, seeing as I felt it necessary to research my opponent in preparation for burning his over-used-by-RandomsEdge’s-penis ass. The following is a true occurrence, which I must warn you is disturbing and unsettling. The names have in some cases been slightly altered to mock the guilty.

"RepressedMassochistScream cries because six months ago, his testicles were removed. Then, hormone support therapy. RMScream has tits because his testosterone ration is too high. Raise the testosterone level too much, your body ups the estrogen to seek a balance. Too much estrogen, and you get bitch tits.

"Around them in the Trinitrotoluene Episcopal basement, with plaid sofas reeking from years of *misuse* (i.e. excessive pre-ejaculation and masturbation by RMScream), are maybe twenty men (and obviously only one women, myself, observing with an impending depression and nausea due to the obvious appearance of the situation), all of them clung together in pairs, most of them crying.

"RMScream cries to his partner, ‘All my life, why I do anything I don’t know.’ RMScream was a juicer, he said. All those salad days on Dianabol and then the racehorse steroid, Wistrol. Before they were removed, he said, his testicles were each about the same approximate size as his incinerated-with-a-blow-torch-and-a-fifth-degree-chemical-burn-ed-out brain, more easily comparable to the size of the period at the end of this sentence if your imagination is as limited as RMScream’s. He wouldn’t know what I meant by that. Maybe only one of his *huevos* had ever descended, and he knew this was a risk factor.

"ReMasturbatingScreamer whimpered about his post-operative hormone therapy. A lot of dildo-obsessed gigolos like himself, shooting too much testosterone, would inevitably get what they called bitch tits. He said how the cure for bitch tits was for the doctor to cut up under the pectorals and drain any fluid. He said he lived for that feeling, and that while he was getting it done, he would often have an erection due to his uncontrollable urges to jump the 68 year old decrepit specialist. He imagined that that would be the best sex he’d ever have.

 

 

I couldn’t help but cry. It’s so inconceivably sorrowful that a human being would have to fucking painfully continue (that is only if you, RMisaStripper actually have the ability to comprehend what human emotion is) in such a miserable and wretched existence as yourself. I pity your porcine, chlorine-and-lie-addicted-with-a-full-body-fur-coat-thicker-than-your-pubes father for having to live with the fact that his genes, when combined through wild, bestial sex with a thumb tack, created a creature as low on the food chain as yourself.

The sad part is, that same thumb tack is your current *significant other.* Would you at least stop going on about the sex, though. I’ve heard of guys (I’m saying *guys* loosely in your case, but for another time. . .) who enjoy pain and bondage in their sex. . . but duct taping yourself to TrapperBen’s Xerox machine, pasting the thumb tack to the bottom side of the cover, and having your soul mate, darkslider’s last shit, poured down your throat while CharmedClass2005 slams the machine’s cover, thumb tack, et al down on your plastic-fork-prong-after-being-chewed-on-for-eight-hours-by-RE penis is just ridiculous. And disgusting if I may say so myself.

Oh, and don’t worry, that kerosene I just poured all over your body is just to cover your incarnate rancid stench. It’s purely the initial advent.

Live short and fester.

Stoker

 

P.S. . . please excuse my tardiness, the explanation is in ds’s "Moribund" higher up on the page. And also, ds, I apologize for the length, as it is my style, and I hope that the content makes up for that.

Take that damn dildo out of your mouth!

Date: 7/13/2000
From: Stoker_chick

You sick, necrophilic bastard!

Since you’re obviously hiding underneath the five ton rock from whence you came (which was barely able to conceal your mire-affectionate-arthropod-butt-crack-sticking-out-with-loose-remnants-of-last-night’s-guacamole-mayonnaise-and-goat-cheese-sandwich-and-all incommensurate dimensions), I’ve decided to give you the benefit of the doubt to that little splash you attempted earlier. Seeing as you obviously have no concept of the word flame whatsoever, I’ll assist you in your pre-Hominid state of mind. It is apparent anyway that your writing skills are those of prehistory (in explanation: nonexistent. . . for your necessary sub-special-education-from-post-traumatic-sucking-your-pet-gerbil’s-dick-syndrome. . . no history = no writey).

Flame (verb). a.) To burst or break out violently or passionately. b.) To send an angry, hostile, or abusive electronic message. c.) To sear, sterilize, or destroy by fire.

For you, it’s too bad that you’re already long since sterilized (ever since you castrated yourself with that scalding metal hanger), but I’ll give you a head start in the a.) and b.) arenas (not! You fucking gullible knave). Firstly, trying to pretend as though you can analyze any similarities between us just proves even more as to your obscene ignorance. We have nothing whatsoever in common which you can realistically have the liberty of exalting yourself to my level of being. As far as anyone on this side of the multiverse is concerned, you are too low of a commodity to even breath the same air as any member of this bboard, including RE.

You wish you could even conceive as to what the feel of a warm vagina is like. Yeah, I have one, and I’d prefer the feel of it to your bald pussy. The scar tissue alone would make me throw up for days. Just do me a favor and don’t lick up the vomit as you do with the many farm animals you fuck nightly.

And actually, I switched that oreo stuffed with my cat’s jiz with the one in your "I love Tom Jones’ Monkey" lunch box. I hope you didn’t eat that pizza though. I know that your favorite toppings are DariaTeen’s fungi-plagued-toenail-clippings and diced round worm, but you must understand that the medical consequences are even worse than that of your irate cases of various venereal disease.

And one last thing, I just had to let you know that although you are mistaken, if I were you I wouldn’t be commenting on who’s wearing who in the relationship. We all know that your thumb tack is the male of the relationship, obviously, seeing as it has significantly more *equipment* than yourself. However, that muumuu you wear out every day to attempt to cover up all 2046 lbs of your ass seems to look a lot more like a dress than pants.

Get down on your hands and knees and fucking kiss the feet of your superiors when you’re told to, you worthless piece of recycled toilet paper.

Don’t die or anything on your way into the cauldron.

Stochi.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Date: 7/13/2000
From: Stoker_chick

I must digress, as I have to be up for work this morning at 3:30 eastern time (speaking of which, RMS, the guys at the Pegasus Men's Club all say "hi", and they also said that you had mistaken me for that male lap dancer you hire every Thursday night: unsightly body hair and growth night, right where you fit in. I’m the bar tender with the long black curly hair, the tiny waste, and the big boobs. The mistake’s understandable, though, seeing as that nest of pigeons residing on the top of your head were bound to obstruct your vision sooner or later.).

I just wanted to sign off making it clear that you have been the most unworthy opponent plausible. Even RandomsEdge’s one comment in TOPO was more infernal than your attempt. And if you think holding out until the last minute and pretending that I was a no-show will work as well, then you will purely prove my point that you a the physical equivalent of a salmonella-hosting chicken after I have now painfully convoluted and bluntly sawed off your shriveled head, and you are running around aimlessly, much like the span of your entire life. Mentally, you are yet another story all together. Perhaps your thought capacity can most easily be compared to that of the symbiotic organisms within the pungent mites crawling under the edges of your putrefying fingernails.

Although your torture deserves to be much less punctual and more agonizing, the time which you no longer have the brain capacity to conceive of telling is coming to a close, and mine is beyond limited.

Oh, and RMScream, not that there’s anything there to be covered, but…

YOUR FLY IS FUCKING OPEN, YOU RETARDED PIECE OF REGURGITATED GUANO

Die slow,
but expire soon!
Relieve the rest of us of your excruciating presence.

Stoker.

Nice try...

Date: 7/13/2000
From: RMScream

Well, Stochi, couldn't you have done any better than that you repulsive, overbearing piece of repugnant carp. You should have just stayed away from this whole tournament and went back to sucking the tiny penis of a frog. You do this because you claim that it tastes just like chicken, but deep down you really just like to do a little "sucky-sucky" on kermit. I know you are in denial of your sexual addiction, but if I catch you with a dilldo up your ass as you scream for Tom Sellick to nail you with his "Magnum P.I." I will be pissed. Come on, there are only so many times you can shove a grapefruit up your "tunnel of love" for pleasure before it gets old. It's time for you to get your monkey lovin', kiddie porn watchin', Andy Dick fuckin' ass out of the gutter and enter society! I know, I know. I shouldn't say that about you. You recently have also had fantasies about Ted McGinley as you "jump his shark" and show him you can truly give him some "happy days." Seriously, I have had enough. Maybe if you wouldn't get aroused every time you see Max Weinberg on "Late Night with Conan O'Brian" I could tolerate you. But I am through with you.

-RMScream

What Celebrities think of Stocker Chick

Date: 7/13/2000
From: RMScream

Well, this is my last post. So I'll make it good.

Here is what a few celebrities think of the Chimpanzee fucking Stochi:

Andy Dick: Seeing her naked one more time will scare me so much that I will never smoke crack again! There are only so many times you can view a woman's hairy ass before you get frightened!

Gary Dell'abate: DAMN! And I thought *I* had the mouth of a horse!

Madonna: If she breaks into my house one more time demanding that I give her a lap dance and sing "Take a Bow" one more time I'm going to have Guy kill her.

Charlie O'Connell: She's the one person on the planet that I can be compared with where people will think I have the better personality.

Ray Charles: I'm friggin' blind and I can still see how ugly she is. And that smell! Damn, it's like she just rolled through a pile of wet elk shit!

Beetle Juice (from the Howard Stern Show): I banged that bitch so hard that I ripped the hair out of her anus.

Guy Ritchie: I don't care what madonna says, she can have my "Lock," my "stock," and my "two smoking barrels" anytime!

Jay Leno: One time, she broke into my dressing room. I did her, with my chin! She said it was the best sex she ever had.

Anne Heche: And I thought Ellen was an ugly lesbian!

Well, that is all, as posting time is almost up.

-RMScream

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/22052
Nominated by darkslider