Date: 7/4/2000
From: darkslider

Love STINKS. Destruction is nice. MASS Destruction is better. TOTAL Destruction where love resides is KING. Let's see who is Poppa in this relationship. Hunter? Or Stochi?

This is the battle of the sexes of epic proportions:

Hunter:
You pulled punches with TOM. I don't wanna see that again. I KNOW what you can do, and it never ceases to amaze me. DO NOT lose here. The stake of MEN ALL OVER THE BBOARD depend on you winning. Do it for the MEN,MAN!!! Don't focus on how pretty she is, the cute smile, or the way she ruffles your hair man!! KILL....and Good Luck!!!!

Stoker_Chick:
Your style is EXTRA-Ordinary. I like it, and am amazed by it. It's unique and damn funny. I know you and Hunter are involved, but I want you to forget that for now. I want to see you grab him by his weak spot and squeeze him till he drops. You're doing this for the ladies, and they will be VERY unforgiving if you let em down...Good Luck!!!

Damnit HomoE_Rection...

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Stoker_chick

<<... Why couldn't you have posted the intro yet? I can’t make it back to the bboard until 5-6 pm eastern tomorrow, so I swear I'm not chickening out or anything. Hunter, I'm sorry I had to put this in before your introduction (if you have one), but it was my only chance to get a word in. And ds, this whole cutting down on length might affect my quality: just a warning>>

 

INSTRUCTIONS FOR AN AUTO-EXHAUST FLAME THROWER, via HunterD_Rectum and his homosexual life partner, RandomsEdge.

All you need is a car, a sparkplug, ignition wire, a simple toggle switch, and beloved Hunter. Install the spark plug into the last four or five inches of Huntress’s impotent penis by drilling a hole that the plug can screw into easily. Attach the wire (latex or rubber insulated wire) to one side of the switch, and to the spark plug, which is to be placed up Hunter’s asshole. The other side of the switch is attached to the positive battery terminal and RandomsEdge’s lice-ridden pubic hair. With the car running, simply hit the switch and watch the flames!

 

Just giving you a preview of what is going to result from this insipid competition: your cross-between-a-thirteen-year-old-bull-dog-and-a-rat head scorching in uncontrollable flames.

Hope it wasn’t too vivid of a picture for your mind, which is parallel-to-a-five-year-old-girl-whose-mother-was-a-crack-whore-while-pregnant-with-you, but I’m sure that your flame retardant MAKEUP will at least suppress some of the scalding heat.

Oh, and do me a favor and say hello to ALF for me while his dick is still up your more-anemic-looking-than-an-albino-Colorado-teen-beauty-pageant-contestant-after-three-weeks-straight-with-a-sum-total-of-four-hundred-calories ass. And Charmed09 was wondering how much you charge to for head. So, if you have a chance, maybe you could go down to the pound (where you spend most of your nights looking for dates anyway) and let her know your rates. What were they again? A pair of ballerina slippers and a 98 Degrees poster for every hour, if I recall correctly from the last time you did ST?

If only you would COMPLETE that sex change operation, you could be hired by a real pimp. I’m sorry to have to break it to you Huntress, but only people like Enigma can be both male and female. You’re going to have to make a decision. Being half way between (as you currently are) is just fucking disgusting.

Oh, and it was so brave of you to come out of the closet as you did. At least now it is apparent as to why you prowled backstage at that Backstreet Boys concert. That mass homosexual orgy after the show must have been enlightening for you. Must be your way of proving "Man power" or something. I still can’t understand, though, why you’ve been wearing that florescent pink ball gown everywhere, though.

 

It’s too bad your arrogance has no validity. And I was almost convinced that you were worthy of your title. But then I realized that you could not flame your way out of a paper bag even if I gave you a lighter.

Don’t trip over any weapons (or slip on any of your own loose stool for that matter), on your disconcerted way out of the bboard. That’s so cute, that you think you can dignify yourself as being a vampire hunter! Well then, bring it on you dumb fuck. You’ll see that this vamp is not easily slain.

Stoker

P.S. Hunter, despite what you think/hope, SIZE DOES MATTER. And you don't got much.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Fish_Bone

Welcome everyone to tonight's main event! To your left, coming down the aisle, with three hookers, and looking like a cross between Sylvestor Stallone and the real Rocky, THE ROCK, is the king of sarcasm himself, Hunter...D...RAVEN!

*The crowd cheers*

To your right, walking down to the ring, with Eddie Guerrero, for some unknown reason, Stoker...Chick...RAVEN!

Hunter: Raven?

The Announcer: You two aren’t married?

Hunter:....no...not yet.

Eddie: That last name should have been Guerrero!

Stoker: Shut up bitch! (Gives Eddie a kick in the bean bag)

Eddie: Ayyy! Mama Seta!

*Stochi throws Eddie Guerrero's happy ass out of the ring*

The Announcer: Lets light this fire!

The Hunter Replies

Date: 7/5/2000
From: HunterD_Raven

(First off thanks to FB for the intro part, since icouldn't do one myself)
--
Oh Come on, the BEST you can think of is Penis and Gay jokes? You sound like Silverguy
And the whole "insert word for gay in name" thing is older than Executives misinformation.
Let's not forget i saw your real record collection ogf Barry Manilow and Yanni, and your real wardrobe consisting of stuff that fits better in Clueless, Which is appearntly a name worthy of your flame style.
I mean you name yourself after one of the WORST episodes of the series and then the best you can come up with is Gay jokes?
To be honest that was the type of flame that i would not find worthy of a reply if this wheren't a contest.
--
SIGH, and here i was hopeing for some actual competition.
---
hunterD, Layin the Smackdown.

oops

Date: 7/5/2000
From: HunterD_Raven

I just skipped straight to the battle witrhout noticeing the new rules, so please ignore the mention of the gay flames being "As old as execs misinformation"
How about we replace that with "As old as Peckinpahs Pathetic Plots"
(Hey, do i get extra points for the Triple P?)

You think I’m pathetic, psycho boy?

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Stoker_chick

Well, lets just make a brief analysis of your multiple *handicaps* through the interesting way you have chosen to evince yourself in your wretched existence. Firstly, talking in third person is not a positive attribute. All it does is provide those of us that actually have intelligence, such as S, darkslider, and myself (as opposed to you, having an I.Q. inferior to that of the mutated amoebae currently swimming around in your small intestine) with a perception of you as being less favorable than a paranoid-schizophrenic-after-eating-seven-cans-of-beans-and-drinking-a-twenty-four-pack-of-Molsen-Ice. Your comatose personality is not concealed by your nauseating obsession with the Rock and professional wrestling either. And may I remind you that one of your many personalities, namely Jericho_Y2J, is the actual owner of that wardrobe of Clueless clothing and persona, but of course the almighty Hunter would not have known that. You probably thought that Y2J was your significant other until otherwise corrected.

And get it straight, just because you get an uncontrollable erection every time you see another human being (as rare as your tendency to make human contact is), that does not give you the right to try and hump them. You are a flea infested vermin that did not deserve to come out of the crack-cocain-addicted-transvestite-Elvis-impersonator-that-had-you, and may I remind you created a son of your *abundant* proportions. It’s too bad you’ll never actually get to meet me before your pitifully oversized head collapses in on itself, but I wanted to break it to you presently that I think it’s time you stop stalking me. I know you want me, but may I suggest that you lower your standards to a girl that might *actually* be attracted to you (perhaps someone who is blind, deaf, and mute, or the French poodle that lives down the block from you?).

And Hunter, was what you said actually supposed to be insulting? At least read what I write about you before judging it, you Michael-Jackson-play-toy-masochistic-COC-fantasizing-*closet*-ultra-conservative-George-Bush wannabe. Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot, the only things you’re capable of reading and actually comprehending are love letters from JOC. Just as long as you’re not drooling over me, I won’t say a word to anyone. Oh, oops! Too bad. Me and my big mouth. Just promise me that in the future, you will actually flame me instead of telling me I’m not worthy of your pre-Cretaceous-puke-colored-mold-like-smelling-worse-than-El-Socko-after-a-5k-race-in-one-hundred-degree-heat-around-a-compost-heap standards. I’m really upset. I would shed a tear, if only I wasn’t laughing hysterically in my remembrance of that last attempt to flame me, more or less posing itself as something more accurately described as a hard ass dud. Anyone who’s so soft that they can’t even flame a friend in a tournament which has obviously been declared as purely for entertainment purposes (as opposed to your inability to refrain from jerking of, which is for vital reasons seeing as you’ll never get any as long as your pitiful life continues) loses my respect regardless.

Another thing, who the hell do you think you are ridiculing my name? Firstly, you don’t even fucking know whether or not I chose it due to the episode. Secondly, you know that every time you see Wade in her Stoker outfit you stain your tutu. Just to let you know, I look better in the dress than her. Thirdly, you can’t even pick a name and stick with it, schitzo boy, so stop fucking manifesting the fact that you are a hypocrite in every aspect of your being, especially your fucking poser rants! No one give a fucking shit in hell about what the fuck your RJ’s-nipple-after-being-pierced-by-a-rusty-hanger-you-used-to-castrate-yourself sized brain can put together on topics covered nightly by every newspaper and late show imaginable. The least you could do is at least be original, rather than rip off the ideas of every fucking possible cliché’s gothic teenager in the US. Personally, I think you just do it for the makeup and the tights, but who am I to judge?

One last thing: if your *flames* (said loosely again, seeing as they were about as hot as absolute zero at the final extent of our shit-hole universe) are too fucking bad to even score any points out of pity, don’t fucking suck up to darkslider. He doesn't need to get head from losers like you, he actually has some fucking class. Anyway, you don’t have a fucking chance in hell of winning, and your unjustified macho arrogance is about to come to a deserved halt. ds is way too fucking intelligent and dexterous to fall for your bull shit.

Don’t wet yourself on the way to the bathroom to get a tissue and look into the mirror only to find that you’re a clone of Shmendrick, the festering fish boy who talks out of his ass.

Have a nice evening, as it will be your last one before the burn scars are too severe to be capable of healing in an eternity.

Stoker.

ooohhh

Date: 7/5/2000
From: HunterD_Raven

Wow, more gay jokes. Origional really.
incase you can't tell given your complete braincell count of 2 16ths of a cell, that was sarcasm.
See unlike you i don't have to resort to old sex jokes. I mean the only people on here who can make sex jokes sound funny or origional are Darkslider and EPT.
The "Third person Speak" is a part of what one calls "Humor" let's face it to get noticed, one needs a gimmick, and talking in 3rd person became mine. I don't need to do it, but hell it's fun.
Unlike you who's "gimmick" was immediately latching onto one of the more popular people here....me.
See you are a newbie who is trying to flame and just sounding like SonGoku200 or magnafluxs flames.
I mean really all you do is "Gay and Sex, Gay and Sex" i mean EVERYONE knows how to flame with sex jokes....even RadomEdge can do that. But it takes a manner of intellect to flame without the basic use of curse words and sex jokes. It takes style, it takes substance. Something you appearntly have yet to grasp.
Your flames are as empty as your brain, i mean if you have to rely on Sex jokes why do it in the boreing way. Why say "penis" when you can say "Purple headed trouser trout" or "bald headed thorn" i mean if you HAVE to rely on basic sex jokes, ATLEAST make them origional.
fantisizing about COC...yeah, that's about as origional as batman having pointy ears.
--
D

Shit, man! Exposing the real HunterD.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Stoker_chick

I already told you, at least fucking read my posts before criticizing them, you brainless-sac-of-dehydrated-larvea-after-sucking-out-the-only-chance-you-had-left-of-impressing-even-your-retarded-diagnosed-with-acute-lack-of-genetic-information-to-create-a-half-a-mench-father. The only reason that I used any sex jokes in the first place is that it is almost impossible to avoid your complete lack of means for such, and I was only trying to make you look good as compared to the implicit truth. Too bad you can't see assistence when you see it, I'll just have to point my criticism towards your comically horrible judgement and taste, as well as your mishap in assuming that you are more intelligent than myself. At least learn to spell, puncuate, and employ simple fractions correctly if you are going to try and call yourself even remotely as bright as myself.

"Origional"

What is that, your fossilized-and-disintegrating-trilobite-after-being-driven-over-by-multiple-monster-trucks-carrying-the-summation-of-the-entire-WCW-and-WWF-franchises-while-telling-you-that-you-are-not-worthy-of-immitating-any-of-their-member-no-matter-how-insipid quality of imagination's interpretation of a hybrid between the HunterD_Raven (i.e. Random, as in Edge and Judgement. Yeah, you know you're all schizo aspects of the same fucking person, and if not, then you're at least related through incest for damn sure) species and the O'Connell gene pool? I don't know, I would have just quessed that it would conclude in the same outcome as splicing Eric Cartman with a four assed monkey.

And at least I come up with my own fucking flames. I haven't seen you even flame me yet other than working off of my own material. Get a brain, you fucking waste of bboard space. You should go bow down to your superiors before we beat the crap out of your jello and elephant shit excuse for a body and ego. I wouldn't fucking latch onto you if you were the last blind-and-rotting-through-your-pathetically-vulgar-return-to-your-original-state-of-degenerating-paramecium, which would be an obvious improvement on your current status.

By the way, you were the first one to claim me, I purely responded to your rants as anyone else did. The second you heard I was a quasi-goth, and had been called anorexic (by the hypocritical wasp assholes at my school which you so somewhat resemble, only I see you as perhaps three steps lower than them on the food chain), you jumped to claim me. And of course, you would be too fucking stupid to realize anyway that the only way to genuinely make it anywhere in the modern world is to destroy the tracks of the glass cieling wannabes that came before you. You think that the bboard respects you, that your asinine *Third Person Speak* grasps their attention? Well, you are deathly fucking wrong. You put up a veil of your true poser self, when in fact you are the opinionated equivalent a ninety-seven year old grandmother. Next, I can see you writing, "And when Hunter was your age, he used to walk five miles to the hog ranch everyday, just so that he could stick his porcine face into his beloved slop."

To be continued, don't worry...

Stoker.

By the way, you tiresome ignoramus.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Stoker_chick

I don’t believe you could distinguish between a post by myself and SonGoku200 if we fucking pointed out every aspect of our contrariety. Your dull wit thwarts your judgment too severely to allow you to even judge the difference between your severed dick (which I assume is presently scalding hot) and your little donkey’s-ass look alike brother. You know what I mean, you sick petafile.

And additionally, I just wanted to enlighten your brain (which has really been lacking of oxygen for way too long now, I do not believe that twelve hours is normal for that) to the abomination I feel is well equitable against your "Third Person Speak." I don’t believe that your putrefied-horse-radish envious reading capacity has allowed you to concern yourself (be as overwhelmed with the basics: breathing, eating, sleeping, and for you flatulence, as you are) with a book as of the level of 1984, but I see a connection between your attempt at conquest of the favor of the bboard and the irony of the book. Accordingly, your "Third Person Speak," can be very accurately seen as parallel to "Newspeak" in the novel. As you have endeavored to remove the complexities of natural human thought, you have additionally attempted to conform the system to a means willing to worship you. Likewise, you seem to believe, that as you have somehow managed to bring many other posters into your cultist perception of the world (along with many of our countries most obvious drones, such as bubble-gum boy band and professional wrestling worshippers) that you are actually superior to those whom you arrogantly use to exult yourself. However, you are in fact, and undeniably, inferior to void.

You will die before you see me give in to your way of thinking. I do not worship you, I bring you down from within. I weaken you through false visions of hope and an optimistic future, until you realize that you have no future. You will die a decrepit old man with no one to love you, and no one to care any longer. You have failed to realize the true meaning that you have been placed on the planet: to be another sheep in the vapid flock in which you so perfectly belong.

Stoker.

<Stochi blows out the candle>.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Stoker_chick

As I am entirely unable to return to complete that which I would have liked to say tonight, due to forces beyond my control, here is all that I can leave you with. If you have, as evidently seen, not read anything else I have written, I ask that you at least attempt to comprehend what I am about to say:

You think that you can devise my descent. You think that I will give in as others have to your attempt to sound as though you are so much greater than every one else. But I do not forfeit so unequivocally. I treasure the manifestation of truth and realization, which you periodically have attempted to destroy. I see through your mask of contempt to the world, into the eyes of a child too dumb to know what is truly out there. You think this is all a game. Well, you are wrong. Your life has been a waste leading to this point. Behind you has followed a trail of superficial abhorrence and a shallowness more distinct than that of the insensate bird which flies more freely than you can ever imagine. If your preaching held any amends in my mind, then I would at least give you a chance as a human being, however your entire vitality has been inexorably based on things which you could never understand. Come clean now to your reprehensible conceit and corruption, and perhaps you will one day be able to behold a world that is based on actual reality, as opposed to the fate which will impel itself upon you if you continue to wallow in denial.

Stoker

----------------------------
So I can finish this manifestation; and God only knows if I shall ever begin another. If I do, or if I even open this again, it will be to deal with different people and different themes; for here at the end, where the romance of my life is told, ere I go back to take up the thread of my lifework, I say sadly and without hope "finis".
--Bram Stoker.
----------------------------

Post flame...where did you go?

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Stoker_chick

Hunter, I was hoping that you would take at least one last blow, did you have problems with your computer as well? I just got back to the cafe and saw that you never responded after your second. I realize that my first post itself had numerous mistakes that you more than likely would have torn apart, why didn't you take the shot?

Anyway, good match, for the sake of sportsmanship. Although it obviously seemed to be truly missing something vital. I guess it was still all in good humor. Your style's unique and anti-canned quality never ceases to amaze.

Peace out.

Stochi.

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21881
Nominated by darkslider