Date: 7/4/2000
From: darkslider

Well boys, this is a battle that is not new to either of you. Let's try for a repeat of the Qball79 war, eh?

SpaceTime:
Good Luck, monkeynuts.

SingularVisions:
You have proven yourself, stud. Here and in the Qball War. Which makes you're alright in my book. I want to see BLOOD, DEATH, and a hole lot of SPANKING. Let's see if you can beat Pappy within an inch of his lawn-knome molesting LIFE. Good Luck!

Hey, SpaceFuck...

Date: 7/5/2000
From: SingularVisions

Well, I notice that it's already sometime around 2:40 a.m. and you still haven't posted yet!!! You fucking wuss. Did the Flintstones Vitamins take too much out of you? Or are you still spreading your donkey-shit dictatorship from the rooftops? If not, and you're masturbating to that Britney Spears poster taped to the ceiling above your bed, stop jerking off that shriveled up 0.5" string you call a penis and join this battle.

You make me sick. You are a disgrace to all flamers. Here, and I quote from the Decla-Flamation of flame-dependence:

All flaming fucks must enter their battles within the first two hours of the day of the battle.

Well, Space Fuck -- it's 45 minutes after two and you still haven't posted. I can assume that because of your assinine shit-fucked post from earlier that you think you're King. Guess what? King's rule MONARCHIES, NOT Dictatorships you stupid pissant bottle-fucking rube. Oh, and for someone like you that can't TELL the difference between a Monarchy and a dictatorship, let me explain:

Dictatorship: Self-ruled. Sometimes someone can have a wife but she'd probably be an overweight transvestite with little interest in your puny, ungodly sex antics. Stop the animal sex, okay? It's not socially-accepted in case your unevolved fucked up brain can't figure it OUT!!!

Monarchy: Ruled by a King. More than likely there will be a Queen. Well, Spacey, you obviously, much like Oedipius, want to marry your mother and make her your Queen. That's understandable -- since you seem to hide behind the facet of admiration and adoration to hide that horrible incident when your daddy dropped you on your head. UNFortunately, that gives the human race yet another stupid assed piece of dog shit to get rid of.

It's a damn shame (naaahhh, no it isn't) that no one will be interested when you get shot and killed by an assassin with actual intelligence and a tendency to get what they want: Your insipid, boring, and fucked up life ended once and for all. Trust me, it will be a great benefit to the human race.

 

- SingularVisions

BBoard Etiquette

Date: 7/5/2000
From: SpaceTime

Apologies.

You see, despite having been a denizen of this ridiculous posting board for a couple years, I was unaware that, when someone tries to instigate a flame war with me, I should have the courtesy to reply in a timely manner.

How foolish of me.

But you see, while your fingers were furiously typing your expletive-laced missive against me at 2:45 in the MORNING (way to go, champ!), I was in the arms of a beautiful woman, watching "Simpsons" tapes and casually wondering to ourselves how peons like yourself manage to reproduce. Actually, that was the *last* thing from our minds... love was thick in the air...

Ever occur to you that there are better things to do at midnight than rush to your PC and start the flames? Well, it occurred to me. Hence the loving received on my end, and the carpal tunnel syndrome on yours.

So, I step into work and I'm greeted by your, well, lackluster foray into the battle and I'm reminded of something. Something... pointless. Oh, yes, I remember it now.

Cheat. Charlatan. Liar.

Those words... so angry, so bitter... so... ineffective. To the uninitiated, these words were used by SV in an attempt to make me his bitch. He failed miserably. This time is no exception.

I mean, seriously. Flintstone vitamins? Britney Spears? Ruminations on the difference between monarchy and dictatorship? 8 separate references to a bodily function?

Is this what we're reduced to?

Well, for SV, it's probably the pinnacle of his "flaming" career. Myself, I prefer something with a little meat on it. Something with substance.

Instead I'm treated to this travesty of text, this miscarriage of multisyllables.

This hackneyed attempt to become Darkslider.

It takes more than obscure references to 80s material and common household items to attack someone. It takes penache. It takes a familiarity with the intended flame-bait... a rapport.

The more expletives, the less effective the post UNLESS used as a double entendré.

SV, you've shown in the past that you aren't even worthy of my time. This recent post is no exception.

One last thing: if you're going to bag on me for not posting at the stroke of 12, don't make yourself even more of a fool by breaking the very rule with which you seek to condemn me. You initiated 45 minutes after your own two-hour rule. So sad. So... pathetic.

Take care,
ST

All right, then. No expletives.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: SingularVisions

SpaceTime - Being with Mommy doesn't count, bud. And y'know, there IS an old saying that goes something like this:

"Those who brag about sex usually haven't had any."

So you're going to lead me (and the rest of the bulletin board) to believe you were actually with a woman last night? Hmmm? Better rethink your flaming strategy here.

Oh, and on another note, I got an email from your Mom (outrageous that she figured out my email, no?) trying to protect her son. Perhaps I should reiterate it here:

 

From: MommyOfST@aol.com
To: SingularVisions@aol.com

SingularVisions, you horrible brat!! Stop hurting my
cuddily-wuddily sexually satisfying son, you hear?
I'll thwap you upside the head if you do it again!

Sincerely,

ST's Mommy

Clearly, you relying on Mommy to help (not to mention for your own sexual satisfaction) win a flame tournament doesn't really make you much of a flamer at all, wouldn't you agree, ST?

You said you wanted substance, right? Well, here's some more substance to this flame:

Maybe you could relate your story to the BBoard about how you went behind the backs of the Sliders community? Calling us all idiots while pretending to be such a great contributor? Who's the idiot that went and stole Expert's great content and used it on your own site without permission? Who is it that had to take over a year of hassling just to put up decent copyright notices, HMMM? Oh, I guess it couldn't have been YOU, right? Since this is the great, big egotistial pillar-of-the-community SpaceTime we're talking about here!

Your problem is penis envy, my friend. Trying too hard to make a name for yourself (like others have) while relying on the hard work of others to get the job done. It can all result in a poor, but very malignant problem known as incompetent premature ejaculation.

But, since your Mom (not to mention that pimp of yours) is so protective and understanding of you, that shouldn't be much of a problem.

 

 

- SingularVisions

JUDGEMENT

Date: 7/5/2000
From: darkslider

Since the Admins here are GESTAPO SCUM, it appears that SpaceTime has been muted, and possibly erased. Brand_S is going to post Space's flame-UNALTERED-so that he can still be in the running.

Anybody have a problem with that? GOOD.

-darkslider

Amend.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: darkslider

Scratch the Gestapo. They are not to blame..this time..It appears that this is Bboard WIDE, and may have affected ALL Battles. Here's the post UNALTERED:

The title is: A Bold counter-insurgence

The FLAME:
Bold in the sense that it'll take that extra-strength detergent to wipe the mudslinging I threw towards you off your clothing.

I must say, I think I hit a nerve.

Never in my career as a veteran shit-tosser have I wounded someone so badly in one post that my opponent is reduced to "Your Momma" jokes in retaliation. And bad ones at that. Wait, are you saying I slept with my mother? In *two* consecutive posts? And I thought the FIRST time was original...

It's a funny thing.

See, along with your "Mommy" joke, you also managed to throw in another tired cliché, that boring, uninspired take on my sex life. The woman was there, as our humble judge can testify, seeing as he called me while she was, *ahem*, there.

"How ironic. My crusade against television has come to end so formulaic, it could have spewed from the PowerBook of the laziest Hollywood hack." - Sideshow Bob

I can't think of anything else to write.

Jubblies.

- ST

What a BIG Disappointment!

Date: 7/5/2000
From: SingularVisions

It took long enough for you to reply, SpaceTime! What happened, ST? Couldn't find a good enough flame to counter my last one? Is the great big King-Of-Flames ST finally running out of its Fuel?

You think you hit a nerve in me? Never. A "Your Momma" joke? Hardly. You know something? A Your Momma joke goes like this:

Your Momma's so FAT that her ass is known as the beach!

Obviously, that shriveled up prune that you call a brain couldn't tell the difference between a well-crafted flame and a Your Momma (a.k.a. Yo' Momma) joke!! On TOP of that, you have to rely on someone ELSE to help you write a flame; claiming something happened with the admins?!?! ST, I am VERY disappointed in you. You're supposed to be King at this and all you do is whip out puny little words that mean nothing to me. So far, I haven't seen a flame come from you that has been worthy of my own attention.

And, as an even greater insult, you have to resort to a quote of a statement made by a character on the SIMPSONS?!?! Jesus CHRIST, ST. The toxic fumes coming from the oil spill you call your piss are really taking a toll on your (sarcasm) undying creativity (/sarcasm), aren't they?

Don't bother replying unless you can come up with a decent flame.

Jackass.

 

- SingularVisions

P.S. And don't EVEN attempt to respond with "Something really DID happen with the admins!!". If something really DID happen, Mr. Shriveled-up-excuse-for-a-flamer, you wouldn't be posting your Executive War story!!

Good work, man!

Date: 7/6/2000
From: SingularVisions

You were great, ST. It will be tough for me to win this battle!

<shakes ST's hand>

Good luck to the both of us and may the best flamer win. =^)

 

- SingularVisions

:-)

Date: 7/6/2000
From: SpaceTime

May the best man win, SV! :-D

- ST

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21880
Nominated by darkslider