Date: 7/4/2000
From: darkslider

Dec 10 Boyz, eh? Let's see which one of you is the Dec. 10 MAN. The man who is in charge, the MAN who keeps the other in line. THE MAN WHO GETS A BETTER GRASP ON THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BY LEARNING THAT AN "S" IS USED IN THE PLURALIZATION OF THINGS.

Jorge:
You've proven to be quite the tiger, my man. You are now warmed up and ready to KILL. Show your "pal" what you've got. Good Luck!

Sabre:
I know what you can do. You are damn good. Jorge's gotten a warmup, and you haven't, which makes leads to the quesion: who has the advantage. I'm sure you've been saving up, so lets see some BLOOD. Good Luck!

Sabre_Edge movie trailer

Date: 7/5/2000
From: JorgeCis

Sabre_Edge is starring in a new movie. I managed to sneak out a copy of a rather interesting trailer. Enjoy!!

 

(Enter Sabre_Edge, dressed in Dec-10 gear)

Sabre_Edge: You all remember me, don't you?

Narrator: You may have known him as Sabre_Edge, one half of the valiant Dec-10 Boyz.

Sabre_Edge: (takes off D-10 gear) Not anymore. I've always wanted something big...

Narrator: But he has given it all up...

Sabre_Edge: I've always wanted something hard...

Narrator: But he is walking away and never coming back...

Sabre_Edge: I've always wanted something enjoyable.

Narrator: He could have lived as a soldier of fortune...

Sabre_Edge: I've always wanted some excitement...

Narrator: He could have lived as a terror to all who haunts a b-board...

Sabre_Edge: I've always wanted something fulfilling. I found it all with D-10, but not the kind I was looking for...

Narrator: He left JorgeCis and Yeontoo for something else...

Sabre_Edge: I found the kinds of things I was looking for...only this time, they're the kinds I want...and beg for more...

Narrator: He used to hunt down his foes and take it to them...

Sabre_Edge: But now I take it...UP THE ASS!!

Narrator: He took off his combat boots for the last time...

Sabre_Edge: And now I put on the high heels!

(Enter big bald dude named Bubba)

Narrator: They met each other in prison...

Sabre_Edge: I was arrested for incest.

Narrator: They hated each other from the start...

Sabre_Edge: His boyfriend was bigger than mine.

Narrator: But then one day in the shower...everything changed...

Bubba: I dropped the soap...

Sabre_Edge: And I let 'em have it!

Narrator: He used to find Bubba everyday and give 'em hell.

Sabre_Edge: But now, I just give 'em head!

Narrator: They used to be bitter enemies...but now...

Bubba: (puts arm around Sabre) We're unseparable!

Sabre_Edge: (points at Bubba's crotch) And he's got everything I need...to suits my needs!

Narrator: See Sabre_Edge as you've never seen him before, in...

THE SABRE'S EDGE

RATED XXX

COMING SOON TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU!

Jorge

Bring it!!!

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

Pop Quiz Cumberry Smalldick

Who were the last three girls that showed any interest in Jorge?

a. Susie, the lice-infested-Retard with the cleft lip that Jorge swears enhances the experience of her oral bobbings.

b. Polly Ann, the seven foot one, 300 lb hog calling Redneck who thinks Jorge is the best squealing piece of fat ass she as ever hung upside down and castrated.

c. Little fourth grader Kimmy who thought that Jorge was the coolest guy she invited to her "I love Nsync" party when he went and fired up the only flame his crack riddled brain could think up.

Answer is: All the above, your love life is pathetic

Note: He does it at every elementary school party he attends on what he likes to call the "Young Pickin's Circuit". Firing a flame out of your ass with the assistance of a Playgirl sponsored Zippo lighter is not the way a college boy like yourself should be going after the tail!

How was JorgeCis able to enter Princeton?

A. Let's just say Jorge and Dean Horace Montgomery III have "special" late night study sessions in the Fencing Room. "Touche, Jorge! Touche"

B. Jorge got in because of a technicality where his unique pedigree covered many quotas. Being part Pygmy and Ewok, plus a hermaphrodite covers many quotas. But Jorge having that dead siamese fetus hanging from his skull is an extra bonus.

C. He never really did get in on his own merits. He is merely a sex slave to Thurston Horatio Vanderbilt Esquire. *Thurston* got in, Jorge is just along for the "ride".

Answer: Again, all the above!

What does Jorge do for fun when he isn't working (ie. cleaning Yankee Stadium toilet bowls with his tongue)?

A. Digs a hole in the sand, sticks his head in it, and lets the neighbor kids run up and punch him in his three testicles.

B. Jorge gets on his back, takes out his Star Wars action figures and plays Sarlacc in the Great Pit of Carkoon with his immensely obese belly button. BTW, have you been able to dig Chewbacca out of there yet?

C. Jorge finds a hammer, a nail, and a treestump. He nails his scrotum to the stump, then propells himself backwards in the hopes of doing his part for the gene pool.

Answer: Damnit Man! If you don't see the pattern, you are more stupid than I could even imagine!

Saturday Night with Sabre_Edge

Date: 7/5/2000
From: JorgeCis

Despite being a D-10 member, it's still hard for Sabre_Edge to get any girls. Take a look at a typical Saturday night for him at the local night club:

9:00 P.M.
SE: Hey baby, haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl 1: Yes, which is why I don't go there anymore.

9:05 P.M.
SE: Oh, honey, where have you been all my life?
Girl 2: Hiding from you.

9:10 P.M.
SE: Is this seat empty?
Girl 3: Yes, and so will this one if you sit down.

9:15 P.M.
SE: If I saw you naked, I'd die happy.
Girl 4: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

9:20 P.M.
SE: Hey sweetie, wanna ride my Mercedes?
Abby: Oh, baby...
SE: Yeah, honey! Who's Poppa?
Operator: Sorry, but you're time with Abby, the phone sex goddess, has expired. Please hang up and dial again.

 

Jorge

What really went down Saturday Night

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

Obvious Jorge didn't let you in on the WHOLE conversation, which is understandable cuz his mouth is perpetually hooked up to the opium pipe.

(BTW, your timeline is a little screwed up, your Hello Kitty My-First-Watch seems to be running a little slow... remember the big hand is for the minutes and the little hand is for the hours.)

9:00 P.M.
SE: Hey baby, haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl 1: Yes, which is why I don't go there anymore. I prefer to go straight to your bachelor pad where you rock my world all night long!
SE: Baby, the door is always open for a fine piece of ass such as yourself.

10:45 P.M.
(after returning from his pad, the Edge of Ecstasy)
SE: Oh, honey, where have you been all my life?
Girl 2: Hiding from you. Your incredible love making skills are too much for me! I screamed my head off and lost my voice and ability to walk for a month! I've been to Nirvana and I'm not worthy.
SE: All fine ladies are worthy of the Sabre, lets go show you Valhalla again.

11:37 P.M.
(again, returning from the Screaming Halls of Pleasure)
SE: Is this seat empty?
Girl 3: Yes, and so will this one if you sit down. I swear to God if you sit down I'm going to jump into your lap and ride you like a Thoroughbred!
SE: It looks like your in for a ride baby, saddle up.

12:24 A.M.
(leaving Girl 3, panting for more...)
SE: If I saw you naked, I'd die happy.
Girl 4: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing. I would come to the realization that Jorge's three inches are no way comparable to your well endowed vehicle of love. I would have to laugh myself to death knowing I believed Jorge when he said he was the best that would ever come around.

2:34 A.M.
(after delivering the poor girl to the hospital, she really did laugh herself to death when she realized that Sabre was right and Jorge was... "short" in his skills.)
SE: Hey sweetie, wanna ride my Mercedes?
Abby: Oh, baby...
SE: Yeah, honey! Who's Poppa?
Operator: Sorry, but you're time with Abby, the phone sex goddess, has expired. Please hang up and dial again.
(Over the recorded message) Abby: I'm sorry I had to work tonight, I'll be over in two minutes. Thank you for calling me at work. I am so hot and bothered by your sexy voice! I need to see you in person right now!

And there is what REALLY happened.

Curious, I wonder how Jorge knew how a Phone Sex Connection worked in the first place... Jorge, have you been supplementing your income by being on the 900 number rotation?

Enough about my Sat. nite, here is JC's

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

at the "Cis" House...

Mr. Cis: Yes! That makes 9 cockroaches smashed tonight!

Mrs. Cis: Muy Bien! You are such a killer, honey.

Mr. Cis: Ahhhh, it was nothing. Just throwing a shoe at the wall will guarantee squashing at least 2.

Jorge: MoooOOOooom, I finished my Cat in the Hat reading and my 2's times tables. Can I go out with my friends to the roller rink?

Mrs. Cis: oh mi hijo. You know that I can't let you out to do something dangerous like that. Remember your hemophilia?

Jorge (downcast): ...yes mom.

Mrs. Cis: and your fecalphilia

Jorge: ...yes mom.

Mrs. Cis: and your necrophilia

Jorge: ...yes mom.

Mrs. Cis: I just can't have you out and take the chance that me and Papa will have to go down to the station and keep them from throwing you back into the Asylum.

Jorge: ...I know mom.

Mrs. Cis: Tell you what, mi pez feo. If you hurry up and use your Barbie Sparkling Smile toothbrush and get into your Pikachu feetsy pajamas, you can stay up and watch Matlock and Murder She Wrote with mama and papa.

Jorge: REALLY! Thanks MOM! You are the greatest! This'll be the best night ever!

Mrs. Cis (watching Jorge stumbling over trash and human excrement on the way to the dixie cup that serves as a toilet AND sink): Remember! The toothbrush goes in your mouth!

Well isn't this pathetic?

Date: 7/5/2000
From: RandomsEdge

Come on Boyz! Turn up the heat! Is this the best you got? Then go on home, and quit using up board space.

You dudes going to be on AolAim tonight?

Jealousy is so unbecoming of you RE

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

Now get yourself a big glass of SHUT-THE-HELL-UP and get back to work in Sewage Treatment plant. I hear the filter is broken so they need you to strain the sludge with your teeth, again. God only knows why you relish that job.

Oh by the way, how does the splinters in your ass feel from sitting the bench, bitch? I feel sorry for your pathetic Shrink-E-Dink excuse for a body in the Pit, you are the pathetic target of everybody's flames now, and in the TOPO you will be everyone's favorite red-headed step-child. Have fun Slapnutz, I'm going to laugh my ass off seeing you roasted.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Your lord, master, and Idol,

Sabre_Edge

Very funny, Sabre.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: JorgeCis

I'd tell you to be a comedian but you do a better job sucking dicks.

Yes, the girls are right when they say I have a fat ass. Maybe if your mother didn't cook so damn good every night I go over, I'd be able to lose weight. I keep trying to work it off afterwards during sex, but alas, I can't. Man, if I were your father, I'd be so satisfied with your mother.

The strange thing, though, is that she gave me her work phone number one day. It was 900 number for some reason. She told me she liked to role-play and make noises with whips and paddles, and usually goes under the name of Abby. She said that this deranged dude named Edge keeps calling her. She said it reminded her of her son. Hey, wait a sec...

Jorge

The Anatomy of JorgeCis

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

This is what happens when you let a horny ring-tailed lemur run loose in a Bring Back Hee-Haw Love Orgy Rally. The result is living after birth called JorgeCis.

*A full length pull down white screen lowers. A digital projector kicks on to display JorgeCis in all his horrific "glory"* Oops sorry, I forgot your hideousness was that large, silly me. *Two more extra large screens lower on either side of the first* There that is better.

This here, *he strikes the screen with a metal pointer*, is Jorge's hair. Yeah, I know it looks like a stringy, greasy tangle of lice Valhalla, but that is the look he is going for. Go figure.

These are his eyes, yes, one is missing. It happened in an unfortunate marble sphincter clenching contest. He clenched so hard thinking it was John Goodman's love muscle that the marble shot out like a bat out of hell taking 3 pigeons, 2 wharf rats and a bottle of Mr. Bubbles bubblebath that he had waiting for his victory celebration before it embedded in his eye. Don't call him Ace, he hates that.

This is Jorge's nose, he prides himself on his tracking ability. He loves to brag that he can smell a dirty tuna fish fat ass poontang from 10 miles out. He'll even demonstrate if you ask by sprinting to the "target" and not stopping till he buries his head in 10 inches deep.

This is Jorge's teeth. They were used for straining Sewer Sludge at the treatment plant, but RandomEdge forced him out of a job. I gotta admit, it was the only thing he could do, but Jorge never liked this job, at least he had enough brains to recognize a shitty job unlike everyone's favorite genetic mutation of a large Mouthed bass and a sundried raisin.

More on Jorge's anatomy if I can stomach looking any lower than his rolling hills of sweaty chins. We still haven't found the first cartographer that tried mapping that wonder of the world.

Sabre Rap

Date: 7/5/2000
From: JorgeCis

<JorgeCis>
We once were called December Ten,
But then he wanted a few good men.
He didn't want to do the deeds,
He wanted a man to fill his needs.

<Darkslider>
Despite D-10 and all its hype,
None of the girls were Sabre's type.
And even though he saved the day,
He got no girls and got no play.

<SpaceTime>
He gave up money, he gave up fame.
Now all he screams is Bubba' name.
He gave up girls, he gave up sass.
Now all he wants is Bubba's ass!

<Sabre's Prison Groupies>
Sabre, Sabre, he's our man!
He sucks that dick like no one can!
He drops his pants and scares us all!
By showing his cock that's really small!

 

<Yeontoo>
He was my buddy, he was my boss,
But then a fight gave him a loss!
Without a penis but just a scar,
He cut himself a bit too far!

<SpaceTime>
He got arrested and went to prison,
He couldn't keep his secret hidden.
In place of a cock he had a stitch,
So all the men made him their bitch!

<JorgeCis>
He used to be the man on wheels,
But now he just wears pink high heels!
He used to fly the killer jet,
But now he's Bubba's little pet!

<Sabre's Prison Groupies>
Sabre, Sabre, he's our man!
He sucks that dick like no one can!
He drops his pants and scares us all!
By showing his cock that's really small!

<Sabre_Edge>
None of the girls thought I was grand,
So I solved my problems with my hand!
I don't need them, I got my hoes,
I suck their cocks and suck their toes!

<Sabre_Edge>
No more fighting in a bloody haze,
I've turned around, I've changed my ways!
Now I spend my time in jails,
With my man Bubba and all those males!

<Sabre_Edge>
I've finally ended all my strife,
I've got the big man of my life.
I make sure Bubba is quite well fed,
And then I give him loving head!

<Sabre's Prison Groupies>
Sabre, Sabre, he's our man!
He sucks that dick like no one can!
He drops his pants and scares us all!
By showing his cock that's really small!

<JorgeCis>
By showing that cock that's really small!

<Darkslider>
By showing that cock that's really small!

<SpaceTime>
By showing that cock that's really small!

<Sabre_Edge>
By showing this cock that's really small!!

 

Jorge

Very good play man

Date: 7/6/2000
From: Sabre_Edge

You were a great opponent. Which ever one of us doesn't go on, it won't be because we didn't try. Nice fight JC, I think we had the best back and forth volleys.

Congrats on well played bout. *SE shakes JC's hand*

<Shakes hand>

Date: 7/6/2000
From: JorgeCis

Sabre_Edge,

I'm proud to share the same birthday as you do. Very good fight, pal!! You were a very tough opponent! Great comeback on post #4!

Have a good day, and good luck!

Jorge

<applauds both contestants>

Date: 7/6/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

Damn, Poppa has his work cut out for him with this one. You two kept me rollin on the floor all day. Remind me to never piss either of you off!

Diesel
Mickey
Dolenz

<wipes tears from eyes>

Date: 7/6/2000
From: dellyone

ROFLMFAO! Excellent work guys. I haven't read anything as funny as those in a long time. Glad I'm not judging this one.

dellyone

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21879
Nominated by darkslider