Date: 7/4/2000
From: darkslider

Well, the arenas are going to be setup a little early this evening, as Poppa's not going to be home until MUCH later than 12am Bboard time. DO NOT START THE BATTLES UNTIL AFTER 12am, though. ANY POSTS ENTERED BEFORE WILL NOT BE COUNTED.

Some ask why I chose the 4th. Maybe it's my sense of Patriotism to my country. Maybe I figured everyone would have TIME to flame since it was a holiday. But the real reason?

Because I can. I can do whatever I want, DAMMIT!!!

The New Rules are simple. Plain. And straightforward.

I.) No use of the name Executive, Exec, or any other term used for our favorite hermaphroditic wonder. I know it's funny, but it's getting to be like beating a dead horse, something Exec himself is used to as that is the only thing he CAN actually show ANY display of dominance and power over.

II.)The use of the terms "sassy" is killing the word. It's humor is receding faster than Matthew Perry's hairline. Please. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE, STOP. Just.....STOP.

III.) Although lengthy flames CAN be sasstastic, too lengthy can cause problems. Try to keep them within 500 words. You CAN go over, but for the sake of MY PRECIOUS SANITY, keep em short. Need a gauge? Take Space's vocabulary and CUBE IT. THAT'S about the length I'd like to see.

IV.) DO NOT DO THE FOLLOWING. DOING THESE WILL RESULT IN YOUR LOSS OF SASSPOINTS, AS WELL AS RESPECT FROM POPPA:
1. Do not post in another's arena. If you see a rule being broken, POST HERE. If you wanna comment on any one of the battles occurring POST HERE.
2. Attacking the judge is about as logical as nature giving RandomsEdge reproductive organs. You wanna want some from ol' dark? Bring it on when you win the tournament. Till then KEEP YOUR BIG YAP SHUT. Failure to do so will result in loss of points and a strong PIMP SLAP from PoppaBear.
3.If you get into a "story war" with your opponent, Creativity Disrupters(tm) can be used AS YOUR FINAL ATTACK. Namely, if it's say 11:50, and you've got ten minutes, do as much carnage in the story as you can with the Disrupter. Till then, your opponent can come back and deliver some blows.

V.) Flame any way you want, as long as you do NOT copy the flame word for word without any commentary. It's just plain tacky. De-constructing your opponent's flame is more than welcome.

VI.) No sissy shit. DO NOT pull punches. I don't care if you are in battle with your wife, husband, kid, or your one eyed grandmother. The point of the flame is to DESTROY, NOT coddle.
-And be arrogant if you wish. Call yourself the GODDAMN KING OF CHEESE for all I care. JUST BACK IT UP.

That's it for the Rules. Obey them, you're KING. Disobey, and......
========================================================
Death_Match Contestants,

Fish and RMS. You both have one day to relax and watch the carnage. Your day is on Thursday July 6th. BE PREPARED. AS I said before, the winner goes to Round III, the loser...well, he gets a great view from the sidelines.

TOPO Contestants:
Your day is will come next week. You get a spot in Round IV. All I'm gonna tell you now is that the Gladiator stuff will happen with a twist. For now, just sit back, relax and enjoy the bloodshed.

Non-Contestants:
Enjoy the battles. Try not to post in the arenas. If you do, I pity your poor ignorant souls.

For those who want to comment, complain, or whatever, POST HERE. It's the best way for me to keep track, so...

That's it. Now, let's see some killing!

-darkslider

Gimme a shot, chief.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: FunnyManJake

Hey there DarkSlider. Kinda new to the bboards here, but thought I might be able to get in on the flaming action. I'm guessing I would take part in the TOPO area, if I'm able to that is. So yeah, there ya go, get back to me if you can, and in the instance that your reply is in the resoundingly positive, I will issue forth in great flaming glory, spitting obscenities at anyone who crosses my path. Thank you for your time.

Odelay vato,
FunnyManJake

Oh bloody Hell!

Date: 7/5/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

I posted before reading the rules. I used the name Executive and my post was probably more than 500 words. Sorry, Poppa. Guess I loose points for that. Damn, I think I'm gonna need 'em, too.

Diesel
Mickey
Dolenz

My bad, Poppa

Date: 7/5/2000
From: dellyone

That first one was definitely more than 500 words. I didn't think about splitting that one into more than reply until now. Damn insomnia. I'll keep the next ones short or split them into separate replies.

dellyone

Hey DS, the kitty wants in

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Sliderkitty

I really want to know if I can survive the battles. Hope you can put me in.

P.s. keep the battles coming!

Catch you later

Kitty

who is Darkslider?

Date: 7/5/2000
From: RandomsEdge

I will post where I please, how I please, when I please.

As for TOPO, I'm ready.

RandomsEdge

Date: 7/5/2000
From: dellyone

I doubt you can please anyone including yourself. Your hand fell asleep after five minutes.

dellyone

Sorry, man.

Date: 7/5/2000
From: Stoker_chick

And now I'm getting fucking apologetic. But seriously, I gave you the deal with my schedule, seeing as not even insomnia is my problem, just lack of time. But still, I've done the best I could do. I know I was kind of drunk out of my mind last night writing the first one, and today's is not much better, but I guess the best I can do is ask to be excused if only that I realize you would like flames short and sweet, however I thrive in long and slow torture. I did my best to edit them down to size (I think 530 and 690), but my situation is not exactly favorable.

Thanks for understanding.

These look fucking awesome so far, I guess no severe can be acknowledged disappointments as of yet. I assume that every one expected RE to illustrate his unavoidable diarrhea of the key board anyway.

Peace out.

Stochi

No need for apologies...(AND ALL READ)

Date: 7/5/2000
From: darkslider

And I'm right where you, Brand_S, and Space are. My hed feels like CalTrans is having frequent stops through it. I need a little of the "sweet nectar" to help end the pain...

Oh! And has anyone else had trouble posting??

-darkslider

ALL READ DAMMIT!

Date: 7/5/2000
From: darkslider

It appears that some of the flamers are unable to post in their arenas due to "technical difficulties". Even Poppa has had some trouble. If you HAVE had trouble, e-mail me. OR Post here whenever you can post again.

-dark

Alright, last time, eh?!?

Date: 7/6/2000
From: FunnyManJake

Please, I grovel at your feet one last time, okay?? In the TOPO round, I want you to fix it up so that KllyWlls and I go head-to-head in an all out girlfriend-boyfriend grudge match!!! I think you'll like what you see. Think about it.

FunnyManJake

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21878
Nominated by darkslider