Date: 7/3/2000
From: darkslider

Here's the post, to remind everyone of what's up later this week. Round II has been delayed to Wed. July 5th, due to some complications a few of the contestants have run into.

A few other things, since I have you attention, and most of my sanity thanks to a good night's sleep:

-The Rules are being worked out, and will be posted tomorrow.

-Death_Match will occur on Thursday the 6th, so be prepared RMS and Fish. If either of you have any conflictions, post here, or e-mail Poppa.

-If any of the Round II Players have any trouble with the 5th, let me know.

-RandomsEdge:
Tell you what, Lunchbox:
Another of your handles made it? Good for you. At least ONE THING that is in some way related to you will not be counted as a complete failure. Lord knows that your adventures in Phonics was not one of the great successes in YOUR LIFE, CHIMP. Maybe once you realize that the "funny letters" in your Dick and Jane book actually SOUND out to make the words, you'll be ONE STEP AHEAD. Then again, maybe not. Lord knows the atrocious grunts you make are in NO WAY related to ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES ENGLISH. Brand_S took those malformed grapnuts you call huevos and handed them to you, little partner. Your attempts at flames were not bad, but in the end, it was like your attempt at resembling human.

You claim to be someone else? Why not show us that you posess something other than a Pez Dispenser in your pants and reveal which of the contestants that survived is you...

You don't want to participate in TOPO? I care. My patience and understanding for you is about as great as your ability to stop chewing on the furniture, B.J..

-Stochi:
Me, getting soft?! Nah, just the insomnia and VAST amounts of medication doin the apologizing.

 

That's it. Like I said, on the 5th, Round II Starts. 12am Bboard time, and ends 12am on the 6th.

If any of you need to get ahold of me, post here, e-mail, or IM me.

Now, back to sleeping....

----------------------------------------------------------

Finally, I'm done. If you notice anything incorrect, post here. If you don't like anything, post here. If you think I'm an ass for taking so long EAT ME.

Before we get to anything let me say something. I SAID WAIT A SEC!! DON'T SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM TO SEE YOUR RESULTS DAMMIT!! STAY HERE!

Okay, first I want to tell you how friggin DIFFICULT this has been. You are ALL advanced flamers. ALL of you. I, in my infinite wisdom thought that I could make decisions on these a la solo. However, like the "almost real" synthetic Jubblies RJ wears around the house in order to feel "feminine" that was not the case. I recruited two judges to help me on the closer flames. I largely attribute this to your prowess and my inability to SLEEP for the WHOLE DAMN NIGHT. Lord, someone shoot me. I need rest

Next, I want to tell those of you who were DEFEATED. DO NOT call me an ass, try to kill my pets, or RAPE SPACETIME IN RETALIATION. All of you have another shot at victory. Unless you are dumber than a brain damaged starfish, you'll notice that the upcoming battles will be a tad lopsided, similar to SpaceTime's the melted JuJubies that he calls testicles.Allow me to explain...
--------------------------------------------
The Tournament of Pee-Ons(Defeated Battles)
--------------------------------------------
All of the defeated are placed arena style in ONE POST. The best flame written against the others moves on into the empty spot in the next tournament. This will occur once for the next round, as well as the proceeding round beyond that.

So! DO NOT QUIT, of you WERE DEFEATED. You can still win the tournament if you fight wisely!!!

If anything you have it easier. YOUR battle in the "Gladiator Arena" has one rule. PUMMEL EVERYONE IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. You guys have fallen from grace, and I want a chance to let you redeem yourselves. So, I'm going to allow ANYTHING to happen in the interests of giving EVERYONE an equal shot.

Slideking..this is were you start the flamin as well. Be ready!
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Those Who were unable to attend their battles
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Fish_Bone:
All I can say is....DAMN. The flame was KING, my man. But I simply cannot allow it, it just wouldn't be fair. But, with your prowess, I have a feeling you may not be down at all. We may see you in Round III or IV after all!

You, my dear FIsh_Bone are given an option. You can enter TOPO OR you can go into a separate DEATH CARD Match with the defeated member of Battle#VII. The winner nabs round III's empty place. The loser? Gets nothing NO TOPO and must watch the rest from the sidelines.

You can decline the DCM, which will put you AND your opponent into TOPO, and you WILL be allowed to try for both Round III and IV. Please post your decision here as a reply.

Time:
Where ARE you man??? What happened??
The same rule that hit Fish hits you. I can understand circumstances, but I must place ya in the other TOPO. My apologies.

 

Now, what most of you have waited for. Some will be a surprise, others..will be plain as that berry on Aaron Neville's face.
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Rulings on Round I
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I will go by battle with comments on each along with the Sass rating, and reasons for it's number.

Battle I Jorge vs. Prime2099
============================
Jorge,
The amount of fire you have is a scary thing, my man. You not only used a twinkie AND a tootsie-roll references, but also questioned his lineage in MANY ways.
The addition of a poem was creative, and unique.
Please remind me to never piss you off. EVER.

Sassrating.........8.

 

Prime2099,
Beautiful use of the doctor's note. Original. Jorge's porn attack rocked you a little, but you came back okay with the reference to his mother. Yet, your attack on his poem weakened you, as your retort seemed to show that the shock of what Jorge did stunned you to silence.

You are a worthy opponent, but Jorge's poem rocked you, and nailed your coffin on an otherwise very good battle.

Sassrating..........6.5

Winner....JorgeCis

 

BattleII: CoolSlider vs vance454
================================
Cool,
Use of phony AIM convo....nice!Funny stuff. Your use of family lovin was good as well. Overall, a nice set of flames.

Sadly, you AND JIMBO posted after the gun went off. Two VERY funny posts.

Sassrating..............6.5

vance454,
my GOD JIMBO. You let out the TIGER!! "Donkey raping shit eater" was a true piece of art. Kari Whurer reference? Nice. I didn't know you had it in you! However, originality beat those two flawless lines. I like you, and I expect to see you in the free for all, killing many.

Sassrating..............6.0

Winner......CoolSlider

BattleIII: dellyone vs. Nobuyuki
================================
delly:
Your story was great! To use his story against him was brilliant. Excellent originality and humor. I gave you a sasspoint on pure CAHONES. To give the judge 99% out of a DESERVEDLY 100 is downright living dangerously! :)
Use of Etch-a-Sketch...definite plus. You tore Nobu down without actually outright hitting him many times! Excellent!

Sassrating.................8

Nobuyuki:
Your flames were good stuff! Use of Sailor Moon? Good. Use of comic book hero? BETTER. A counter attack would have been good to delly's second attack, as allot of the first flame deflected much, but not ALL of her attacks on you.

Sassrating..................6

Winner.......dellyone

BattleIV: Sabre_Edge vs. Fish_Bone
===================================
Sabre....

Nice job. See you in round two!

Fish....
DAMMIT! See above

Winner....Sabre_Edge.

BattleV: SpaceTime vs. TimeFluxEMC2
====================================
SpaceTime:
Your arrogance, like your love of seeing old men naked knows no bounds.

Time:
Dude?

Winner....SpaceTime. His prize? A SWIFT KICK IN THE ASS!! Nice guy INDEED.

BattleVI: Stoker_Chick vs. KllyWlls
=====================================
Stoker:
Hunter's a lucky man. You attacks, although a bit lengthy were excellent. Your ENTIRE style is new and innovative. An example...."You are an arrogant psycho hose beast who tries to find yourself to be that much deeper than the Taco Bell Chihuahua, which is subsequently found to be by far your superior in every aspect of life" All I can say is..beautiful. Reconstruction of her name. FUNNY. DAMN FUNNY.

Sassrating..................9.5

KllyWlls,
Okay, first off let me say this. NICE JOB! Your attacks were disturbingly funny AND your potty mouth was Sassy. In any other battle, you would have decimated. What beat you was Stoker's original style and breakdown of your character. Please PLEASE fight in the battle to get into Round II. I look forward to seeing you continue!

Sassrating.................8

Winner..Stoker_Chick

Battle VII: DieselMickeyDolenz vs. RMScream
==================================================
This was the HARDEST one to do, as both of you are SUPERB Flamers. Both, I might add are newcomers. You both showed originality, creativity, and a hugely warped psyche. I was forced to get two judges in on this, as I had a vote of a tie. Both chose only one after MUCH debate.

DMD,
All I can say is: "Dude, Man-at-Arms doll? You scare me. REALLY SCARE ME."

Your attacks are SUPERB as well as CREATIVE, and unparralled, save for your opponent.

Sassrating........SASSTASTIC..10.

RMS,
I know you personally. And I must say that your surprised even MY expectations! You're bee analogy was.....odd and had me laughing AND seeking to block your from my AIM account out of fear! You are an OUTSTANDING FLAMER.

Sassrating.........SASSTASTIC....10.

Judge's votes.....DMD.

RMS is given the option of Death Dual with Fish_Bone. If he accepts, he will be allowed to fight Fish for a chance to take the first empty seat in Round II. If he loses...he has to watch from the sidelines. If he should chose to decline the offer, he goes to the TOPO to try his chances for Round III AND IV.

It's up to you man. Either way, it'll be one HELLUVA FIGHT. All you have to do is reply here. I'll take care of the rest.

Damn. That one was tough.

 

Battle VIII: RandomsEdge vs Brand_S
====================================
RE,
Let's face it. We don't like each other. I think you're a dyslexic man/sea anomie half-breed. BUT, I have to give credit where credit is due. You ARE DAMN good, and save for want of a dictionary, you are a worthy opponent. BUT, you attacked the judge, which was TOTALLY off-topic, AND you're posts were not in an original style.

Sassrating.................8

Brand_S,
Son, you did Poppa proud. Your flames were ALL over your opponent like ugly is on RJ. You posted in not two but THREE different flames! Superb work, and truly the sign of a master. Quick paced, and funny to read. You are KING, man.

Sassrating........SASSTASTIC...10

Winner....Brand_S.

Battle IX: Slider_Quinn21 vs. SingularVisions
===============================================
Quinn:
Not bad. The attacks were adequate, but it turned into a sort of S5L/Hate argument. The attacks were well put together and thought out, but not enough humiliation. You left SV standing. However, you have ALOT of potential, and given the right opponent, you could be more deadly than anyone.

Sassrating........................6

SingularVisions
Again, the attacks were eloquent, but too much S5 shit. Not so much an attack on each other, but on the show. You DID add insult ladended info which was sassy, AND you did attack Quinn in creative ways. You've proven yourself once again!

Sassrating..........................7

Winner..SingularVisions

Battle X: HunterD_Raven vs. TheObseleteMan
============================================
This one had potential. You are both superb flamers. SUPERB. Yet, the punches seemed to be pulled for some reason. Maybe it was just the judges and myself, but the general expectation was a complete BLOODBATH.

This fight was nice to read, but alot of ego was involved. While I admire arrogance, it seemed a bit much.

Hunter
Your flames were good stuff. You attacked with gusto, breaking down TOM's flame which is a plus. It did the trick nicely, but again you seemed to be saving something for him...or your next opponent.

Keep in mind, both of you, the respect for each of you has not faltered. I'm just calling it how we saw it!

Sassrating..................7.5

TheObseleteman:
When I learned you were EPT, I was a little befuddled. I thought, and still think (No offence DMD) that you and Diesel were the same guy. I also expected DMD's and EPT's level of carnage. I was not too disappointed, but something was not there. I have a feeling it might have been rage.
Your attacks were funny, but not super devistating. Hunter's counters adequately broke them down and delivered them back to you!

Don't leave though! You've still got a shot at Round III and maybe IV depending on Fish's and RMS' stuff!

Winner......HunterD_Raven by judges ruling.

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That's it. I hope no one is pissed, as I called em how I saw them. No more, no less. If you wish to contest, go right ahead. I have thick skin and can take your attacks as well as have a discussion with you all!

The Tournament of Pee-Ons OR Death_Card will take place depending on what Fish and RMS choose will happen on July 5th, so we can get a winner and get the ball rolling for the last rounds.

I am revamping the rules. I am also revamping a bit of the grading system and acquiring one more judge to aid me. I am also looking for ANYTHING. ANYTHING that will allow me to SLEEP.

The rules and revamps will be posted on Monday, so keep your eyes peeled!

Round II Begins on Tuesday July 4th.
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The Battles are:
-------------------
Sabre_Edge vs JorgeCis
SpaceTime vs. SingularVisions
HunterD_Raven vs. Stoker_Chick
Brand_S vs. DMD
CoolSlider vs. dellyone

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Now, I'm gone. Any questions, e-mail me OR post here.

-darkslider

Well done all of you.

Thanks, poppa.

Date: 7/3/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

The 4th was gonna be tough on me. I was preparing to flame blindly without even having time to read my opponents volleys. At least on the 5th, I'll be able to read and respond accordingly. The fireworks will NOT end the night of the 4th.

Oh and Random, if you're trying to take credit for my work, don't. I may not be the only mystery poster here, but my dog licks more intelligent shit out of his ass than the pablum you spew here.

Now it seems to me that you want the board to believe that you are actually someone who is respected here. I don't buy it. There's a way to earn respect on this board. I hope I've done it with both the handles I use here. When you figure out what that is, find another handle and do it. Otherwise, fuck off.

Diesel
Mickey
Dolenz

Thanks dark for the extra day and

Date: 7/4/2000
From: dellyone

as for you RandomsEdge/RandomJudgement don't take fucking credit that isn't yours. No, you're not DieselMickeyDolenz. I do know who he is and sadly it isn't you. How do I know? Here's how. DMD wrote a brilliant Beret War II post, a fanfic post. You on the other hand, posted this on Mychand's "Little project Part 2"
________________________
Quote

no, I don't do fanfic

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21256/36
________________________

Well, ladies and gentlemen of the bboard, when TOPO rolls around, I'll post RE's piece of shit fanfic for all of you to see. I'll even post what I wrote about it. BTW RE/RJ you can't deny that you wrote this since at least a dozen of the posters already have a copy of it so don't even bother deleting that post just like that crap you deleted earlier.

Dammit, will you read the questions before answering them and get a DICTIONARY? It's spelled November.

These were Mychand's questions:

1. How long have you been posting on the bboard?

2. Who do you hang out with off the board on AIM etc?

3. How old are you and are you male or female?

4. Do you have your own webpage? If so, do you link to all of your friends?

5. Are you in college, out of college or too young for college?

6. Is there one particular poster that you feel keeps things interesting here?

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21133

__________________________
Your Quote

1. Since Novemeber 1998. I have used multiple handles.

2. I have AIM, and I talk to everyone mentioned here, but under a handle that is better known.

3. I love females, ages 13-65

4. no

5. no

6. Me, I'm on Qballs side about the Jorge and Yeontoo thing too

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21133/54
___________________________

Okay question #3 asks if you are male or female and you answered I love females, ages 13-65. So this makes you neutered then, hence you posted earlier that a handle named 'it' won it's match. So stop calling yourself a gentlemen when you clearly say you are not.

___________________________
Quote

I have more than one handle, and it won its match.

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21791/20
___________________________

Question #5 asks if you were you in college, out of college or too young for college and your answer is no. This is not a yes or no question. You were given choices here.

For question #6, what the fuck are you talking about? Qball who? Dammit, if you were talking about QBall79, then spell it right. Another thing QBall79 didn't answer this poll so where did 'Qball' as you call him give this reply?

Now did you get negative feelings from me? Well, you better have you cowardly yellow-bellied chicken. Check this post out from the supposedly "Perfect Southern Gentleman". A gentleman has honor unlike you. Besides you already said you were an 'it' meaning gender unknown.

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21829

__________________________
Quote

Female Poster -

Judgement: Insignificant. I don't remember your name. Do you think I don't know what I posted? I don't make war with women, I make sweet loving with women. You are beneath any further notice.

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/19002
____________________________

RE/RJ now you know that isn't true. BTW it's nonexistence not nonexistance. GET A DICTIONARY!

Read this for a laugh. I guess that last part about me not swearing doesn't apply anymore.

http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/18985

So RE/RJ get your flaming ass to the nearby ice cream store and stick it into the vat of tutti fruiti. Better yet, go to Antarctica or the Artic and stick that flaming ass of yours into a four square mile glacier. That should put out the fire. BTW, the ice cream man called and said that he isn't coming over anymore since you're more frigid than a penguin in Antarctica during the winter.

dellyone

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21851
Nominated by darkslider