Date: 6/28/2000
From: darkslider

DMD:
You are one creative and talented SOB, my friend. You have the CAHONES to kill TEMBI AND myself while we were in the act of SSL. I anxiously await your attacks to see the prowess you have! If your flames are as good as your fiction, then you are truly a powerful adversary!! Good luck, man!

RMS:
I know you're new to this, so I'll give you a tip. Hit HARD AND USE THE CREATIVITY I KNOW YOU HAVE! I've seen some of your work on your site, and I KNOW that you are NOT a pushover! Good luck, and show em what you've got!

One day, team. At the end of today, I stop it and judge the winner. Flame was often as you want, and yada yada yada..you know the routine! Get to it!

Merv Monkey-puss

Date: 6/28/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

I'll make this simple for you RMSneeze: you have no business being on this board. You come here and spray your drivel all over the board and expect us to just lap it up. Well it ain't gonna happen on my watch.

I've had enough of the second-grade reading-level excrement that you like to call 'discussion.' I swear you've posted your last "favorite bovine sexual fantasy" poll in this life. So why don't you take your Jem and the Holograms bondage set and get back to your uncle-daddy?

I do have some pity for you. After all, it must be horrible to have your great-aunt teach you the "real" way to play Chutes and Ladders, and we all wondered just how "In Charge" Charles was with Gwendolyn, but the rest of us weren't curious enough to stalk Jennifer Runyon just to find out. Face it, Festus, you need help, but the bboard isn't your personal therapy group. And stop tellin' us about where you used to hide your Man-at-Arms doll when the other freaks in your neighborhood used to come over for "body cavity hide-and-seek."

Hugs,
Diesel
 Mickey
  Dolenz

Erratic truckload of raunchy carp guts..

Date: 6/28/2000
From: RMScream

Dear buddy Diesel,

I'm so glad you took time from licking the clitoris of a dead bee while watching reruns of "Eight is Enough" to participate in our little competition. Although Eight was never enough during the orgies that you had with your five year old cousin and his boy scout troop leader during your "Camping" trips. You called them sleep-overs, but none of you got a wink of sleep all night after you "Pitched" your own private tents and had a little fun. But I digress... I'm glad that even though you are busy with keeping up with activities at the Ted McGinley fan club while at the same time seeing how many golf balls you can stick up your ass you had the time to take me on in this challenge. It seems that although you have lost all control of your bowel movements because of dropping the towel one too many times as you did your "dirty dance" in the gym locker room you are a worthy competitor. I'll even forget about the fact that you regularly seduce your great aunt so she will cook up those "cookies" that you like so much. Hell, I'll even forget that you masturbate to a picture of Rick Rockwell every night, wishing that you were the winner of "Who wants to marry a multi-millionaire" so you could open his "safe" and stick your special jewels in it to grant you luck in the tourney. So, have fun during your sexual endeavors with Gary Coleman as you indulge in his "Different Strokes," but don't forget to post your comeback to this post, however pitiful it may be. Good bye for now.

-RMScream

Doogie, if that's the best you've got...

Date: 6/28/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

then maybe I ought to just save my material for the next round.

You might be RMScream if...

it takes you two hours to watch 60 minutes.
you wanted to be a pharmacist, but couldn't figgure out how to get those little bottles into the typewriter.
your front porch collapses and more than 3 dogs die.
you publicly insist that your employer recognize your chronic body odor as a disability.
you enthusiastically pleasure yourself whenever Charlie O'Connel runs.
you approach people randomly and ask them to smell your index finger.
you refuse to zip your fly because your "little friend" is claustrophobic.
you wash your hands in the urinal.
at parties, you flatulate loudly, fan it toward your friends and ask them to guess what you had for dinner.
you sniff your underwear to see if you can get by just one more day without doing the wash.
you repeatedly call the police complaining that the guy in the mirror keeps following you.
you think Silverguy, Executive, and TemporalFlux1 are the only intelligent posters on the bboard.
you have a David Peckinpah inflatable love doll.
Sliders only got interesting for you after that Professor guy died.
you've printed "TGIF" on your shoes as a reminder that "toes go in first."
you watched "Family Ties" just to catch a glimpse of Irwin "Skippy" Handleman.
you celebrate finding Waldo in almost every picture.
that chick on Murder, She Wrote really turns you on.
you wanted to sell pizza by the slice, but kept dropping those triangle when you tossed them.
you've watched a Kari Wurher movie marathon because "she's just so interesting and intelligent."
in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Maggie do?"
you think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
your family tree looks like its been braided.
you ever stopped to think and forgot to start again.
you've ever wanted to be "merged" with Robert Floyd.

Now why don't you put down that copy of "My Dog, My Lover" and post something worth reading.

Flame On!
Diesel
 Mickey
  Dolenz

Interesting post...

Date: 6/28/2000
From: RMScream

I'm glad to see that you have improved your flaming skills. It's good to know that the hours in front of the TV watching "The Jeff Foxworthy Show" while yearning for ten minutes of "play time" with Jonathan Lipnicki have finally paid off. But, it could have been better. Maybe if you spent more time thinking of decent material instead of "spending time" with Dan Rather during the 7:00 news while at the same time listening to Bachman Turner Overdrive and thinking to yourself that you definitely can "Take care of business" you would have a shot against me. And Please, stop watching "Ghostbusters" every Tuesday night hoping that your own Marshmallow man will "Stay Puft" for you. It's pathetic. And if I catch your assistant manager with you in his office while Listening to Weird Al Yankovich and screaming at him to "Eat it" even harder, while the whole time you are wishing it was Weird Al playing with your "Instrument of Love" I will deem you as pathetic. In closing, Please stop trying to stick your penis into an electrical outlet for the "Shock value" that it will cause when your step dad sticks it into his "outlet o' Lovin'" and please try to be a gracious loser.

-RMScream

A day in the life of RMScream

Date: 6/28/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

I know I promised to keep this a secret for you, but war is war and the public has a right to know....

----------

RMScream was having a good day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, "El Sid" was playing on the VCR and his new "Guy Smiley proctology kit" had just been delivered. Using the safety scissors his Aunt Mommy had let him keep he opened the package and got down to business. He was digging for gold when he heard Uncle Daddy get home from work. He reluctantly put the excavation equipment and his hard won "pot o' gold" under the "Chester the Pig Molester" sleeping bag and pile of "decorated" underwear that served as his bed. It wouldn't do to let the old man know he was being cheated on.

Uncle Daddy pounded on the door harder than RMS pounds himself into his Keith Damron "Mouth of Love" doll. RMS quickly opened the door, stopping only to first lick the "sweet nectar" off his fists and wipe the drool off his chin. In walked Alan Thicke. He wasn't really Alan Thicke, but that's whom RMS liked to picture in his mind during their nightly "sessions." And besides, he just loved the sound of that name, Thicke. "Thicke, Thicke, Thicke" is what he craved. The thought made his mouth water.

But today, "Mr. Thicke" had something special in mind. He pulled out a blonde wig and an "Eastland Academy" skirt and blouse. RMS's face lit up like it does when he manages to contort himself in just the right way to get a mouthful of his own "special sauce." "You mean?" asked an aroused RMS. "Yep. It's Facts of Life night. You get to be Blair and I get to be Mrs. Garrett," replied Uncle Daddy as he slipped off his clothes to reveal a granny bra and a pair of scuffed flats, his Colin Mallory tattoo glistening with sweat. Unable to control himself any longer, RMS descended upon Mrs. G like David Peckinpah on a bad plot. Yes, it was a good day for RMScream. It would be an even better night.

---------------------

I don't know why you felt the need to share this with me, but I'd appreciate it if you'd keep it to yourself the next time.

Diesel
 Mickey
  Dolenz

You beat me to it...

Date: 6/28/2000
From: RMScream

I was going to do something similar to you, but your Thundercats panty-wearing ass beat me to it. So, I'm going to do a variation, and it will better your post, just like all my other ones have. I'm not going to do just one day in life, I'll explain what your daily routine is.

Note: All times are approximate.

8:00 AM: Wake up and take advantage of your morning wood as you stare at the Jason Priestly poster that is taped to your ceiling fantasizing about the "very special" episode of 90210.

8:15 AM: Get out of bed and watch reruns of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," while wondering how big that bulge in Shredder's tights really is.

9:00 AM: Get into the shower after an unsuccessful humping of the towel rack.

9:20 AM: You call for your obese, Mexican maid named Miguel to join you in the shower.

9:27 AM: Miguel finally gets there after the five minutes it took him to walk his fat, meat-packing ass down the stairs, and an additional two minutes to strip down. He finally jumps in and you gleefully greet your Latin lover.

11:00 AM: After your "cleaning" session, you and Miguel both come out of the shower covered in a liquid that is not water...

12:00 PM: You go to McDonalds for your lunch. You order your food as every employee in sight tries to conceal their laughter.

12:07 PM: You wonder why your Big Mac is so nutty and weird, yet so familiar tasting, and why your orange drink looks yellow. Little do you know that Employees added shit to the ground beef of your burger, and pissed in your orange drink.

12:35 PM: You determine that this was the best meal that money can buy, and you can't wait for tomorrow's dose of the "Shit Mac."

12:45 PM: Arrive at the gas station. You feel the urge to pee from that great orange drink you just downed.

12:46 PM: You do your business, then buy a few three-year-old condoms from the coin machine in the men's room.

1:00 PM: Drive to Walmart and unsuccessfully try to hit on a middle-aged male cashier with no teeth.

2:00 PM: Return home and take your nap. During this, you dream of being stuck in an elevator with Stephen King as you try to get him to show you his "Bundle of Fright."

5:34 PM: You wake up from your slumber, wishing you could go back to your dream.

5:35 PM: You take advantage of your wood again, only this time fantasizing about David Hasselhoff and him driving his "Night Rider" into your "garage."

5:50 PM: You command Miguel to cook dinner for you.

5:55 PM: You change your mind about dinner after your uncle stops over and you eat his "hot dog."

6:20 PM: Your uncle leaves after his "dessert," and you ponder the reason why your family doesn't give you the time of day unless you give them head.

7:00 PM: You try calling all of your "friends" to make plans for the evening, but they all decline. You then wonder why your friends won't give you the time of day unless you give them head.

8:03 PM: You watch an episode of "Survivor" (live on Wed., your tapes every other night), and Dream about Richard, the gay member of the Tagi tribe, hoping that some day he ram his "spear" into your "fish."

8:05 PM: This arouses you and you take advantage of your wood yet again.

8:30 PM: You continue to watch survivor, wondering just how tasty a "love train" consisting of Rudy, Richard, and yourself would be.

9:04 PM: You log onto the internet and try to talk to people on AIM. You wonder why no one IMs you unless you give them cyber head first.

10:30 PM: You log off and go up to bed.

10:32 PM: You grasp your teddy bear in a loving way and start to hump it. You put the hole you tore in it to good use, and maximum pleasure ensues.

10:46 PM: Sex with your teddy bear tires you out, and you fall asleep.

These steps are repeated every day in almost the exact order.

Regards, you fuck master,

-RMScream

An honerable fight <offers hand>

Date: 6/29/2000
From: DieselMickeyDolenz

May the hottest flame win!

Diesel
 Mickey
  Dolenz

Good Competition...

Date: 6/29/2000
From: RMScream

Excellent contest, my friend. It was great having you as an opponent! <shakes hand>

-Ryan

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21727
Nominated by darkslider