Tournament
of Pee-Ons Date: 7/12/2000
From: darkslider
Here it is Kiddies!
The Tournment of Champions...er sort of..
Here's the rules.
-KILL the designated opponent. DO NOT attack each other. The one who BEST defeats the opponent..given at the bottom of the post here, is the winner.
-All other rules are void. You can flame any way you wish, as many times as you wish. But you will be judged on your BEST ONE.
-Any questions, e-mail me..or post in "Ack!" above.
-ANYONE can enter..judges, TOP contestants, regulars, lurkers, Mothers, Yaks...whoever.You all have ONE DAY. Just like TOP. At the end, at 3am PROMPTLY, the fun ends, and I declare the winner..
Your enemy is.............
RandomsEdge.
Flame him into the ground, kids!
REMEMBER ATTACK ONLY HIM. All other flames will be voided, and looked down upon from Poppa. DeathSpank WILL be delivered.Oh and RandomsEdge? Eat a dick.
-darkslider
Prepare
thyself!
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Nobuyuki
RandomsEdge, how you amaze me. Your list of accomplishments, or complete lack thereof, is staggering to say the least.
Where, oh where, do I begin? Oh, yes, that's right, there was the time you auditioned for a part in "Smurfs on Ice". The casters couldn't believe their eyes when you tried to audition for Gargamel. Oh, the casters let you down easy, saying that you just weren't what they were looking for. In truth, their decision was based purely on the fact that you showed up for the audition painted blue, wearing a blonde wig, high heels, and brand spanking new F-cup implants you flashed in front of the entire production crew. Obviously, the casting assistants knew that it is impossible to play Gargamel when you look like a XXX hard core transvestite megaslut Smurfette that walks around like she's been fucked up the ass by every smurf in the village three times each for three days straight.
As for intelligence, your so dim that Inspector Gadget could catch you without the assistance of his dog Brain or his niece Penny. If you were an Immortal, you'd cut your own head off in a bizarre scene involving massive quantities of beer and attempting to give your sword a blow job. To top it all off, if Frankenstein's Creation were to stand next to you in a small European village, the villagers would stone you to death while serving the Creation tea.
God bless Sliders and anime, I'm going to bed.
<walks
into the arena>
Date: 7/12/2000
From: dellyone
In the center of the arena stands RandomsEdge. His enemies encircle him, chanting and making obscene gestures at him. Above him the crowd roars in approval at the bloodbath that would soon take place.
At the emperor's box, darkslider awaits for the carnage to begin. His eyes gleam as thoughts of the entertainment that would soon take place. He sees dellyone approach and calms down the crowd so that he can hear her.
She bows and asks, "Emperor darkslider, I wish to give the condemned a few things before the festivities begin."
He smiles, "What do you want to give him other than the bird?" The crowd roars in approval at his joke, but he quickly silences them.
She pulls out three items and shows them to him. "These, my Emperor. A ticket to the Artic, a ticket to the Antarctica and a timer with the coordinates to Ice World. He's going to fucking need them after his ass gets flamed so bad." Emperor darkslider laughs as well as the crowd.
"Very well. Throw it them into the ring."
dellyone does as he commands and throws them in the direction of the condemned. The tickets fall silently to the ground as the timer thuds and skids to RandomsEdge's feet.
"Let the games begin!" yelled darkslider.
The crowd as well as the gladiators in the ring begin to cheer and applaud.
RandomsEdge looks all around and exclaims, "Oh shit!"
dellyone
This
is not a flame
Date: 7/12/2000
From: sleepingtiger
I repeat: this is not a flame
tigger
<stretching
fingers>
Date: 7/12/2000
From: SingularVisions
RandomsEdge? BUDDY? (not). pffft.
I could go on and on with many original flames, attacking each orifice and crater in your poor excuse for a HUMAN body. Buuuu-uuut, Mr. Dickhead...you aren't worth that much of my time.
Instead, let me relate to you a little story. It has to do with the lion, a lamb, and a snake. You see, the lion ate the lamb and the snake. Not because it was hungry, but because the lion was sick and tired of the lamb's incessant, cries for undeserved attention. And the snake? A .5" garter snake that was known as the lamb's dick. The lion was sick and tired of it, too. So he ate it.
In light of your death (yes, you were the lamb if your puny little mind can't f***ing figure it out), if you don't mind, I would love to write an epitaph for you:
"Here lies RandomsEdge. There wasn't much to his life. If he wasn't butchering the atmosphere of the Sliders BBoard with his incessant cries for attention, he was at 7-11 attempting to pick up men. A poor excuse of even a transvestite hooker, even the men didn't want anything to do with him." RandomsEdge -- Transvestite Hooker for Hire. 07/11/00 - 07/12/00
I leave you now with a few words of wisdom that may help (or more likely; not help) you in your next pathetic life destroying the very fabric of the bacterial civilization: Try not to let people carry you by your dick. It hurts like hell (at least from what I've heard of your pitiful little whines between your...unintelligible posts) and it won't make you a better person.
Ta-ta.
- SingularVisions
OH
DEAR wowys me
Date: 7/12/2000
From: RandomsEdge
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*THIS* is your big plan?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You send the insignificant little insincere self-pitying panty wipes on my way, and when I'm done with them, they'll be suffering from anticoaglation.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Singular, you just have goddess envy. You know you wish you were in my shoes, getting the sweet loving I'm getting. Go pester one of Dellyone's donkeys, I hear from Nobuy she has trouble keeping them all pleased all the time, and he can't do enough to help out.
Oh, and Dark? ROFLMAO! You joke of humanity, for the sake of Sabre's Sanity, what were you thinking pairing up those boyfriends?
<stands
in long line>
Date: 7/12/2000
From: dellyone
RE was tied to a stake in the middle of the arena. It was jabbering about nonsense and crying that no one understood it. Well of course no on understood it; there is no such thing as the southern gentleit translator. The southern gentleit language consisted of misspelled words, nonsensical definitions if that word existed in this language and was spoken by this thing that was whimpering like a puppy that got hit by a newspaper.
This wasn't far from the truth. In fact, a long line formed so that everyone could take a whack at this thing. Collectible unabridged English dictionaries were given to those standing in line. As each person took their turn slamming the dictionary into it and ranting about its misspellings and its stupidity, the preceding person got into another line.
After everyone got their turn spanking it, they were given Creativity Disruptors. ™ Each person got a turn using them for RE was a mimetic polyalloy just like the T1000, but a million times more stupid so it didn't use this power to escape. So each time it was blasted, its mercuric pieces melded back together for the next person to take a few shots. This continued for days on end.
____________________
It's spelled anticoagulation, not anticoaglation. Remember to check the correct spelling and capitalization of the names of the people you are flaming.
It's just pathetic that you can't copy the name of the person from their post. Just highlight, right click and click on copy. Move the cursor wherever you want then click right then click on paste. Easy, even a five year old knows that. Since you are an idiot as defined in the Random House dictionary you lack capacity to develop a mental age higher than three or four years old so cut and paste is way out of your league. Remember your quote below?
____________________________
QuoteI didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Um... this only proves that you are more stupid than anyone thought. Hell, you even flamed the judge. So go back eating that Elmers glue and running around with pointy scissors.
Just as fickle as a 3 or 4 year old. Remember this post?
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21829
You wanted a bonus match after your ass got kicked by Brand S in the first round and you posted that you might or might not participate in TOPO. So what happened? Changed your mind? No private bonus match? Make up your mind. You felt that the tournament caused negative feelings against you so why the fuck did you enter anyway? dark posted that if you took the attacks personally that it was your problem and your choice. Next time read the rules. Oh yeah, SORE LOSER SORE LOSER SORE LOSER SORE LOSER SORE LOSER SORE LOSER SORE LOSER! I bet you even complain after this round too.
____________________________
QuoteI repeat, I didn't break the rules.
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21719/13
_________________________Yeah, you did you break the rule of cut and pasting flames by my understanding, but dark is the judge and he ruled that you didn't. I respect his decision which is something you didn't do when he decided that you lost your round with Brand S. You don't respect anyone. You can't even spell their name correctly. So why do you think we should respect you? You just whine like a 3 year old brat saying that everyone picks on you when you don't get your way. Remember when you protested the decision against you?
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21791/20
When the hell did you have time to type your post up? Did your hand fall asleep again after a minute of pleasing yourself? Must have since you keep typing the same two letters over and over again.
dellyoneP.S.
That timer to Ice World is still at your feet.
Back
for another round.
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Nobuyuki
WARNING: The following flame contains various references to anime films and television shows you may or may not have heard of. Proceed at your own risk.
RandomsEdge is strapped to a chair in a bright room facing a blank television screen, masturbating as he usually does. Behind the television screen is a two-way mirror. On the other side of this mirror are Nobuyuki and darkslider.
darkslider: So how did you get him in there?
Nobuyuki: Oh, it wasn't too difficult. I promised he'd get to watch hermaphroditic porn.
DS: Oh. So what's your plan?
Nobuyuki unseals a metallic suitcase and removes a VHS tape labeled "End of Evangelion".
N: You know what this is?
DS: No.
N: Those who watch this movie with no previous knowledge of the Neon Genesis Evangelion series will have their synapses fry out. Hell, they might fry out if you've seen all 26 episodes.
DS: So?
N: Sit back and watch the little dweeb's reaction and thank God you can't seen the television screen from here.
Nobuyuki inserts the tape in a nearby VCR and presses Play.
*Flash forward to approximately 2/3 through the movie.*
RandomsEdge is cringing and making vain attempts to reach up and claw his eyes out, but he can't break his restraints. Screaming like a madman, the only intelligable thing he says is, "WHAT THIS? WHY ORANGE GOO? MELTING! MELTING!"
DS: He doesn't seem to be acting any different.
N: No, that's how people usually react to the film if they don't know anything about it. The movie is nearly over. Keep your eyes peeled.
*The movie is over*
RE is leaning into the side of his chair, gurgling from the mouth and twitching, screaming for several seconds at random intervals.
DS: Whoa.
N: You're damn right!
DS: Is that it?
N: No, I have one more trick here.
Nobuyuki pushes a button on the console in front of him. A door in the experimentation room opens and in walks HunterD_Raven, dressed in a dark, but really cool looking costume, complete with a really long samurai sword.
DS: Hunter's here?!
N: Yeah. I asked him to thrash RE a bit. He agreed after I promised to get him a Vampire Hunter D outfit.
DS: What's that on his left hand?
N: Ah, the sentient hand. I'm glad you noticed that.
DS: SENTIENT HAND!? Hunter agreed to this?!
N: Don't worry. The hand's a smartass, but Hunter can handle it.
DS: Uh, OK, whatever.
N: Check it out!
Hunter goes to work on RandomsEdge, opening a twelve-pack of whupass. RE collapses into a bloody pulp on the floor.
DS: Whoa!
N: You're damn right!
Hehe....
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Slider_Quinn21
Slider_Quinn21 rises from the ashes....and gives an evil smile.
I have died. And I have come back to kick your ASS RandomsEdge. Why? Because I hate your FUCKING FACE! I WANT TO SEE YOU DIE! I WANT TO SEE YOUR DAMN MOUTH STOP MOVING.
And I am the executioner...
You, RandomsEdge, killed this board. You, a CRACK WHORE IN TRAINING, are making one of my friends here leave. YOUR PUSSY IS MINE.
DAMN IT, RANDOM! GET YOUR FUCKING DAD OFF YOU AND LISTEN UP! DAMN! THAT'S DISGUSTING!
And to quote a famous group....
YOU'RE LIKE A BRAND NEW PUSSY AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET FUCKED! AND YOUR MOMMA AIN'T HERE TO SAVE YOU!
NOW LISTEN UP YOU FUCKING FAGAT! I know for a FACT that your ADD-stricken mind is FUCKING SWIMMING IN PAIN! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE READING! So I will recap...
-You are a dumbass
-You will die
-I will win
Now, to continue...
YOU ARE CRAP! AND CRAP IS THE WASTE THAT COMES OUT OF MY ASS AFTER I'M DONE KICKING YOURS!
DAMN! WOULD YOU STOP LICKING YOUR PETS FOR ONE FUCKING MINUTE AND LISTEN UP? FOR GOD'S SAKE! HOW SAD ARE YOU? ITS A FUCKING HAMSTER!
Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! THAT FUCKED UP ROCK THAT YOU CALL A BRAIN IS NOTHING BUT COW SHIT! AND THAT'S NOT EVEN YOUR BRAIN, YOU FUCK HEAD! THATS A TESTICLE! A DONKEY TESTICLE!
YOU ARE MORE SAD THAN EDDIE MURPHY DOING ANOTHER FUCKING NUTTY PROFESSOR MOVIE!
And speaking of that, Random....when Eddie plays an old Grandma, THAT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO TURN YOU ON!
FUCK HEAD! GET THAT DONKEY OUT OF HERE! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT BY "KICK YOUR ASS"! BUT I'M SURE IF I GOT MY BITCH SEWED YOU AND THAT DONKEY'S BRAINS TOGETHER, YOU MIGHT HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN POWER TO TURN ON A FUCKING LIGHT!
But I guess you're too busy turning on that Boy Scout, YOU SICK LITTLE FUCK! YOUR PERVERTED MIND SHOULD BE WIPED FROM THE FUCKING NORMAL GENE POOL!
DIE, FUCK HEAD, DIE!
DAMN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NOW? THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT'S FOR! GET THAT OUT OF THERE YOU SHIT FACE!
I leave you now...go make me a sandwich...
Quinn
"Facts"
about RandomsEdge
Date: 7/12/2000
From: slideking
I have some interesting things from an anonymous source about RandomsEdge that I thought I'd share with ya all! I've listed the Top 10 at the bottom.
10. Is attracted to Jerry O'Connell because of his "boyish looks, charm and wit".9. He occassionally enjoys playing Butt Darts with "the boys next door."
8. He was named Cock Jockey of the Year
7. He was also named Anal Atlhele of the Year (this is in regards to #9)
6. He is known as the Penis Pumper by his close friends
5. His next door neighbors refer to him as Old Frump (A Frump is an old chick who has never married/dated)
4. His IQ places him directly between a speed bump and a pickle jar.
3. Wants people to refer to him as the Anal Advenger (refer to #9 again)
2. His name in the Indian Guides was Dances With Men
#1. The lice in the slit between his legs have got more balls than he does!!!
Ah...what the hell! I didn't want to have to tell you this but RandomsEdge told me that he admires David Peckinpah and also conciders season three of Sliders to be the most well thought out, well-written, season of the five.
Stupid
shit...
Date: 7/12/2000
From: CoolSlider
Tell me first and foremost, what the hell does "wowys me" mean? Good lord, if you're going to counter-attack in anyway, shape or form, at least learn how to spell you dumbfuck. "Woe is me", is what I think you meant. I've got ass hairs that are more intelligent than you are. Go back to grade two.
Wait, don't go back to grade two. We know that you're a pedophile. Wouldn't want you spanking little Joey over there with the large building blocks.
All I have to say is, grow up you stupid cum-lick. You constantly fill this board with your shit and get this: NOBODY GIVES A FLYING FUCK! Now get the fuck off the board before I come down to wherever the fuck you live, and shove your head up Kate Mulgrew's saggy ass pussy.
See ya later, fucko!
CoolSlider
Silly
Faggot...
Date: 7/12/2000
From: CoolSlider
Dicks are for Chicks!
Check it out...RE had a session with me the other day. Yes, I'm a shrink in my spare time. Check the transcript out.
RE: Everybody hates me.
CS: Well, why do you suppose that is?
RE: ...because I'm a blind fucko.
CS: Ah, um okay, that's a good start. Why else?
RE: Well...I'm also a fat ass 340 lbs virgin who beats off to Sailor Moon. DAMN, that Darian is a HUNK!
CS: Okie...riiiight. Now why would people hate you because of that?
RE: You see, I also hang around this Sliders BBoard. And Once in awhile I get into conversations with people. But then guess what happens? Sailor Moon comes on. And then I cum in the keyboard and it fries making it impossible for further conversation.
CS: And how does that make you feel?
RE: Actually, it burns when I don't use lubricants. But the excitement you get from beating off is exhilarating! I tried using my left hand the other day. Hey, it actually feels like someone else is jacking you off.
CS: Actually I meant how does being turned off by bboarders feel you sick shit.
RE: Oh, well I don't really care. As long as I've got a free hand, 32 sticks of butter, Saior Moon, a tube sock, a ferret and a couple of Cabana boys, it's impossible to be not happy.
CS: ...well, would you look at the time. Looks like our session is over.
RE: Aw, but I didn't get to tell you about the time I looked at my dad's gay bondage porn.
CS: Good day, RandomsEdge.
See ya later, fucko!
CoolSlider
Case
File: RandomsEdge
Date: 7/12/2000
From: SingularVisions
Here's a little ditty I dug up from the Police archives. Didn't know you were such a killer, Random!!!
CASE FILE: RandomsEdge
Name: Miss RandomsEdge "PeeWee" Herman
Age: 0.000000000000000000000000000111111 milliseconds young -- Not even old enough to learn basic human manners and socially acceptable behavior.
Dick Height: Under 0.11111111". That has to be some kind of record.
Weight: 763 lbs.
Hair Color: White
Eye Color: No eyes available to see what he's posting -- which is pretty understandable given his...undeniably gifted way of writing illegibly.
Profile: RandomsEdge is quite cunning and devious - only when it comes to finding creative ways to relieve himself, that is. At other times, RandomsEdge is a complete moron, always attempting to create trouble and trying to find ways of gaining acceptance and attention from others.
When found for arrest for transvestite hooking, he was sucking on a...flute with some skin-like apparatus attached. RE's Dad was found in the next room with his head blown out and his penis cut off. From several eyewitn ess accounts, it seems Dad was a little disappointed in his...parenting abilities and couldn't live facing the fact that he could no longer get it up with RandomsEdge.
Mr. Mom was unavailable for comment.
(end case file)
- SingularVisions
**Really**
don't like to flame.
Date: 7/12/2000
From: DoctorQuinn
So, (I know this defeats the purpose)I won't take it to the extreme. I'll take it nice and easy.
RandomnsEdge...
Why are you here?
I don't understand what you are aiming for. I don't care for the problems you cause. And although I firmly believe you are looking for attention, I don't understand why you feel your presence is needed here.
Everything wrong with humanity is displayed within a single cell of yours. You are a nothing but a piece of scum that doesn't even deserve to have one of his superiors thrash him about in the most barbaric of fashions. Become an organ donor and make use of that waste of flesh and blood.
Lord only knows the extent of my hatred towards you. Normally, I think that much too strong of a word; I prefer the phrase "seriously dislike". I DESPISE YOU!
My little tidbit added to this already long list of insults won't make a real difference. It won't compare to anyone's impressive post, that I am sure. I'm still proud. And, yes, obnoxious.
I'll let the masters deal with you.
But the question still lingers in my mind.
The good doctordarkslider:
Alright, I know that itsy bitsy sad excuse for a flame won't get me anywhere. Don't even be polite by commenting on it. But **GOD** that felt good to finally say it! Please excuse me for taking up the space.
RancidEdge:
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Stoker_chick
The following is an actual scene from the movie "doMinATRIX."
Agent Stochi: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here at the Dominion bboard. It came to me when I tried to classify RandomsEradicate’s species. I realized that he’s not actually a Sliders fan. Every Sliders fan on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but RandomErection does not. He moves to an area, and he multiplies, and multiplies, until every ounce of heterosexual sanity is consumed. The only way he can survive is to spread to another area, like the gonorrhea-and-syphilis-infested-dehydrated-from-being-sucked-on-by-his-best-friend-Bob-the-Bolgna-king penis that he is. There is another organism on this bboard that follows the same pattern. A virus, as attempted to be written by the avias-corpus, dysfunctional-due-to-over-exasperation-from-having-to-figure-out-whether-he-is-a-hermaphroditic-blood-sucking-parasite-or-a-symbiot-from-the-dimention-of-No-Shit-Sherlock. RectalsEdge is a disease, a cancer of the Dominion, he is a plague, and the spiked anal probe he shoved up there himself with a Q-tip is not the cure.
Burn in void, you piece of narcissistic rectal fart. You don’t deserve to suffer the human condition. No medieval torture tactic could provide you with the pain that you deserve to endure for your endless insipidness and relentless genital irritation which you have bestowed on RMS. I cast you unto oblivion, dark and silent and complete. A hell less bearable than your daily pathetic nonexistence.
Live short and fester.
Stoker.
RandomsEdge
is a rap star now!
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Fish_Bone
RandomsEdge is a now a big rap star! Listen to his big hit song, "The Real RandomsEdge". It's really a parody of Eminem's Real Slim Shaddy. I still think he did a good job!
-------
RandomsEdge: May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please, will the real RandomsEdge please stand up, I repeat will the real RandomsEdge please stand up.....we're gonna have a problem here.........
Ya'll act like you never seen a Pixie Dick before, jaws all on the floor, like me and Michael Jackson just burst in the door, and started whooping my ass worse, than before we first had intercourse, throwing me over furniture (aaaaaah!)
It's the return of the..."awww..wait, no wait, you're kidding, he didn't just do what I think he did, did he?"
And Doctor Quinn said...nothing you idiots, Doctor Quinn's dead she's locked in my bassment. Feminist men love RandomsEdge. Fucka, fucka, fucka, RandomsEdge, "I'm sick of him, look at him walkin' around, picking his you know what, blowing you know who" "Yeah, but he can give good head though".
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my ass, making it loose, but no worse than what I did to a pig in my parents bedroom. Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just fuck a goose, but cant, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose. My bum is on your dick, My bum is on your dick and if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little lick, and that's the message that we deliver to little kids, and expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is. Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is, by the time they hit 10 years of age, and are in the 5th grade they've seen me in animal porn, haven't they? I ain't loved nothing but animals, and in some cases, camels. I also like to fuck big cantelopes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes, then there's no reason that I and another man can't elope. But if you feel like I feel, I got the antedote. I wear pink pantehose, sing the chorus and it goes....
(Chorus)
I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating. So wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
Cause I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating. So wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
Brand_S don't got to cuss in his flames to get respect, well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. You think I give a damn about a slammy? Half of you judges can't even stomach me, let alone stand me."But RE, what if you win, wouldn't it be queer?"
Why? So more guys can just rape me in the rear? So you can sit me here next to BillyShears, shit, SingularVisions better switch me chairs so I can sit next to Silverguy and Poppa Smurf, and hear em argue over who I gave head to first. Little bitch! No one can suck dick like me! not even Pam Lee!
"Yeah, she's cute, but I think RandomsEdge gives head the best, tee hee"
I should go one on one with her on a Cum Guzzling Contest and show the world how I gave eminem a milking (aaaaaah)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is intentionally flash me, so I have been sent here to sexually harass you. And there's a million of idiots just like me, who cuss like me, who give head like me, who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me, and just might be the next worst thing, but not quite me....
(Chorus)
I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating, so wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
Cause I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating, so wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
I'm like a head trip to listen to cause I'm only givin you things you joke about with your friends inside you livin' room, the only difference is I don't got the balls to say it in front of ya'll, so I say it behind your back like I'm a big fat scared cat. I just get on the keyboard and type it, The way a 3rd grade kid would write it (riiip).
I just talk shit better than 90% you rappers out can, Lord forbid I get in a real fight. It's funny,cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty, I'll be the only person in the gutter fucking rats like butter, pinchin my nipples when I'm jackin off with jergen's, and I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of viagra isn't working. In every single simpleton there's a RandomsEdge lurkin'. He could be workin at burger king, jerking on your onion rings, or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I can go potty now" with his windows down and his system up.
So will the real RE please shut up, and put 1 of those fingers on each hand up, and be proud to be genitalia slime and a dimwit fuck. And 1 more time, loud as you can, how does it go?....
(Chorus)
I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating. So wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
Cause I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating. So wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
Cause I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating. So wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
Cause I'm RandomsEdge, yes, I'm the real idiot, all you other RandomsEdges are just imitating. So wont the real RandomsEdge please shut up, please shut up, please shut up.
(Talking)
RandomsEdge: haha guess there is a RandomsEdge in all of us....
SpaceTime: No, only in Morons
RandomsEdge: Fuck it, lets all shut up!
darkslider: Lets all beat your pussy ass!
Fish Bone
><)))'>
I
drink my own genital discharge!
Date: 7/12/2000
From: CondomsEdge
I just wanted to admit to everyone that over the past year or so, I have been responsible for every act of ruin and sabotage on this bboard, as well as many other world wide events.
Firstly, I would like to get off my chest (the hair on which has been analyzed by the top geneticists in the field to have identical DNA to that of the hair growing on Daisy, the dog faced boy’s, disfigured balls. Of course, the hair on my chest is bright pink, as opposed to Daisy’s blue tint) that I am the imbecilic, tumored mind behind the following handles:
RandomJudgement
TrapperBen
Consecutive (I did not say Executive deliberately. D’oh!)
DariaTeen
CharmedClass2005
Charmed07
Cuffyboy
Sliders_Final_Four
Dorky
jlbanker
pitdroid25
12_monkeys
McHenry
slidersJ
Lexxfan
SonGokou2000Also, I just wanted to give you all the deserved satisfaction of being aware that it was my stupidity that has been the cause of all of the recent NASA disasters with the Mars probes, hehe. I said probe. Hehe. (I stole one of the one million dollar ones and recently had my lover, Pubert the Tiny, shove it up my ass with a kitchen knife. Oh yeah!)
Other things which I claim for fame include the Diablo shootings (it was all a mistake. I farted in the next room, so everyone who took part in the whole fiasco was permanently scarred), that whole terrorist problem out east somewhere (I made some prank collect calls telling some guy named Stan Paki that my balls are bigger than him. Who’d of thought that he’d have so insulted?), and to tell you the truth, I am Elian’s real biological father.
And last but not least, I just wanted to tell the whole bboard that I think you are poopy heads, but I’ve really wanted to have a mass orgy with the Triple Threat for quite a while (that whole Yeontoo thing was a cover up for my suppressed, yet raging homosexuality. I was fearful that my true self would have lowered your opinions of me, as opposed to how you have currently exalted me for being an acclaimed biased-yet-penta-sexual-racist-macho-pig-who-bathes-in-his-own-bodily-fluid, preferably vomit, herpes infested plasma, and diarrhea). I can be big and tough too! At least, that’s what my alcoholic’s-anonymous-addict of a father told me when he had a hard on down my throat when I was two and a half years old. I don’t know why, but after I bit down he chopped off my dick. I guess that’s why my voice is so high.
Eat pigmeat, losers!
RandomsEdge
(aka CondomsEdge, seeing as I can no longer fill up a whole one)
<<care of Stochi>>
Elf
Fucker!
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Fish_Bone
Let me give you a little advice. When your done asking your mom "Can fat people go skinny-dipping?", go outside and jump off a damn skyscraper! It would do the world a big favor! No cares for you. You hide when you hear water running in the tub, you camel abusing, bunny rabbit stroking, pus-sucking, sexually confused, pervert! I bet your so stinky, your shit is glad to escape. Your job involves you to wears knee-pads and yell "Curb Service!".
Fish Bone
><)))'>
The
TOPOlogy of RandomsEdge
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Blinker
Q: Why did RandomsEdge cross the road?
A: To work the other side."Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"R.E."
"R.E. who?"
"R.E. up, Charlie O'Connell's giving blowjobs across the street!!"Q: How many RandomsEdges does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: C'mon, *this* is just too easy...You know, you inbred COCsucker, I don't really *have* to flame you. For anyone who's perused your inane dribblings, the conclusion that you're an IDIOT follows as doggedly as the trail of syphilitic chipmunks you've left across America.
Why, then? 'Cause it's FUN, dammit.
=====
Few Americans are aware of just how gigantic (to say nothing of gynandromorphic) the self-proclaimed "person" RandomsEdge really is.
The folks on Easter Island are, though.
Or WERE, until Edge's Madagascar-sized left buttock cheek obliterated them from existence.
RandomsEdge, so named for his mother's method of conceiving him (beyond description, but it involved a fire hydrant, a vomit-stained copy of "Lady Chatterley's Lover" and a hydrocephalic walrus) is in fact SO FUCKIN' HUGE that the National Geographic Society has motioned to have him designated the eighth continent.
The US government, for its part, is too busy considering him a THREAT.
What follows is a classified topological report on the world's most only exponentially expanding landmass...
- THE FOOTHILLS -
Covered with semen and excrement from RE's adventures in babysitting. The sick little nematode had some very interesting methods of physicalizing nursery rhymes with the use of his toes:RE: "This little piggy went to market... this little piggy stayed home... and THIS little piggy stuck itself ALLLLL the way up your Ollie Hopnoodle Haven of Bliss."
KID: "Waaaaaah!! I want my mommy!!"
RE: "We *all* do, my friend. We *all* do."
- THIGH-VILLE, EAST AND WEST -
It's surprising what hanging outside a plastic surgery clinic with some used syringes, begging for cast-off cellulite to use in bulking up for the "Miss 400-lb-and-over Rhode Island" pageant can get you... namely, gangrene. Turns out short, green and mouldy really *isn't* a great look, unless you're tryin' to land a night of "hot dildo lovin'" with Big Mama Cass's Big Mama Ass.Unexpectedly, our subject had no complaints.
- THE RIVER INTESTINE -
Advisory: RADIOACTIVE. Edge don't eat those depleted uranium pellets for nothing; he's trying to emulate LEXX's Giggerota by mutating a ringworm into a sort of prehensile-tongue-weapon. Its intended use, which would require the presence of Rupert Everett, a jumbo tube of "Aqua-Fresh" translucent children's toothpaste, a Lithuanian with gigantism, a tractor, the cast of "Hypernauts," and four brain-dead ostriches, is another report altogether.- THE TWIN PEAKS -
Much like the series, but with far more pictures of Kyle Maclachlan. Random's "man-jubbly zone" is home to so many tattoos, piercings and insectoid parasites that it resembles Harlem's Lower East Side as designed by H.R. Giger. Most disturbing: the notation expressing RE's ULTIMATE AMBITION... to "slide" right up the Middletown Ice Cream Lady's "Chasm."- HEADTOWN -
Mostly harmless... unless you're a nearby giraffe's testicles. Watch out for the smeared cattle dung residue, a memento of the night that inspired Edge's would-be hit single: "B.S., I Love You."- THE VALLEY OF GENITALIA -
Technically male, though inverted - yes, *concave* - ever since Random decided to act on the churning feelings inside him brought forth by the long-lost lesbian porno ep that put the "lactic" into "Battlestar Galactica." When the chicks at the local dyke hangout were through with him, ol' Edgy had a cattle-prod shaped indentation where his admittedly miniscule "rod of Lorne Greene-induced EXCITATION" had always made its humble abode.There's also an amusing story about how RE once tried to imitate "American Pie" seconds after the baked good was out of the oven, and upon asking a passerby what to do with his rapidly immolating organ of pastry-driven tumescence was directed to a burn ward, which he somehow mistook for Robin on the 1960s "Batman" -- BURT Ward -- ...but no-one has ever heard it and LIVED.
My recommendation, General? Tactical nuclear strikes. Hit hard, and hit fast. Like Randoms in a bar with Haley Joel Osmont.
Osmont escaped by invoking his trademark line "I see dead people," causing a demented one-man stampede on the part of our favourite nympho-necrophiliac.
Without prompt action, the world may not be so lucky.
- Blinker 7>:-P
http://welcome.to/gate_havenSTINGER: "Wowys me." We understant 'wowys' (pronounced WOW-wiss) to in fact be the medical term for Random's unique 'ingrown' male member.
'Twas
the night before Easter...
Date: 7/12/2000
From: SingularVisions
'twas the night before easter, when all through the whorehouse
Not a creature was stirring, not even Random's mouse
Rows of dicks were hung from the honor bar with care
In hopes that St. Daddy would soon be thereMarshmallow creme and cum were strewn all over his bed
While visions of rape danced through his head
And sister in her nudeness, and RE in his nap
Had just settled down for a long night of crapAway to the bathtub, he flew in a flash
Tore open his asshole and let his shit dash
When out from the bathroom emerged such a smeller
While sister yelled "I'll never fuck you again, you disgusting shitter!"The moon on the breast of his sister in law
Gave him turn-ons you hope you never saw
When what to his wondering eyes should appear,
A miracle happened -- "OMIGOD, my dick has appeared!"And thus ends our pathetic story
While RE ends up ogling his sister and getting horny
I hope you've enjoyed this little interlude
Now I have to go and hope to God he doesn't streak nude.
- SingularVisions
Randoms,
Randoms, Randoms...
Date: 7/12/2000
From: Vance454
How do I count the ways that I loathe the? Well, sphincter boy. About you are and you shemale friends. I have had it up to here with you comming around to my door and asking for a good old fashioned FUCK. And another thing about the "no raincoat policy" I DONT WANT AIDS! Ugh- I can't do this. I'm too tired, and I never should have entered this thing in the first place. I have no hope of winning. Good night.
Vance454
vance454 on aol im
Brand_S
kidnapped?
Date: 7/13/2000
From: EustiSlider
Yes, bboard denizens, I don't normally flame but this is something I thought you should know. Earlier today Brand_S was kidnapped. The plot was led by rdwebster using RandomsEdge and his goiter-removal-gone-horribly-wrong, RandomJudgement. After duping an unsuspecting Paul McCartney into inviting S to a jam session, our inbred trio managed to push S into a van and take him to their trisexual love den.
rdwebster needed to leave to get some lovin' from his fuckbunny, DonProc. He instucted the Puffalump twins to guard S while he was getting his needs filled.
............
rdwebster: Make sure that Brand_S doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
RandomsEdge: Not ... to leave the room ... even if you come and get him.
rdwebster: No. Until I come and get him.
RandomsJudgement: *hic*
RandomsEdge: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
rdwebster: No ... You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.
RandomsEdge: ... and you'll come and get him.
RandomsJudgement: *hic*
rdwebster: That's Right.
RandomsEdge: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room.
rdwebster: Leaving the room.
RandomsEdge: Leaving the room ... yes.
rdwebster: Got it?
RandomsJudgement: *hic*
<rdwebster starts to leave>
RandomsEdge: Er ... if ... we ... er ... <picks nose>
rdwebster: Yes?
RandomsEdge: If we ... er ... (trying to remember what he was going to say)
rdwebster: Look, it's simple. Just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room.
RandomsJudgement: *hic*
rdwebster: Right?
RandomsEdge: Oh, I remember ... can he ... er ... can he leave the room with us?
rdwebster: (carefully) No .... keep him in here ... and make sure he doesn't ...
RandomsEdge: Oh, yes! we'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to leave and we were with him.
rdwebster: No ... just keep him in here.
RandomsEdge: Until you, or anyone else ...
rdwebster: No, not anyone else - just me.
RandomsEdge: Just you ...
RandomsJudgement: *hic*
RandomsEdge: Get back.
rdwebster: Right.
RandomsEdge: Okay. Fine. We'll remain here until you get back.
rdwebster: And make sure he doesn't leave.
RandomsEdge: What?
rdwebster: Make sure he doesn't leave.
RandomsEdge: Brand_S ... ?
rdwebster: Yes ... make sure ...
RandomsEdge: Oh yes, of course! I thought you meant him! (he points to RandomJudgement and laughs to himself) You know it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard ...
rdwebster: Is that clear?
RandomsJudgement: *hic*
RandomsEdge: Oh, yes. That's quite clear. No problems.
<rdwebster pulls open the door and starts to leave the room. The morons follow.>
rdwebster: (to the Randoms) Where are you going?
RandomsEdge: We're coming with you.
rdwebster: No, I want you to stay here and make sure S doesn't leave the room until I get back.
RandomsEdge: Oh, I see, Right.
..........
Needless to say, S escaped with minimal difficulty after exclaiming "Hey, look. It's Rainbow Brite & the Color Kids. And they're naked."
The Randoms immediately went into orgasmic spasms, during which S made his exit.
Just letting you know that if these guys weren't so damn stupid, they'd be dangerous.
--Eusti
Fuk
is mee.
Date: 7/13/2000
From: CondomsEdge
I just got head at the supermarket and you didn't!
I swear I did. I went all the way down town in my imp-mobile. Aren't I the neatest gigolo here in Tawnee, Kansas? And I got head at the super market, and you didn't... nah, nah nah poo poo!
Okay, okay, in truth, I really just went to the store to buy a head of lettuce so I could say I got head at the grocery store. I had you tricked, didn't I. I'm just such a clever lichen-envious lower lifeform. You know better than to believe I would allow anyone other than Buddy to give me head anyway, and he's at the White House.But you can't say I was lying about getting head at the supermarket!
<fart>
<burp>
<gurgle>
<burp>
<gurgle>
<fart>
<splerge>
<slurp>
<gurgle>
<SNAP!>CondomsEdge
Am I supposed to be in so much pain after than?...
Why is there puss?...
It won't stop!
Help!!!
<<as he drowns in a pool of his own years-old festerng mucus and vomit from just too much experimention with bodily functions and fluids. His over-sexed body from so many nights humping the dead oak tree down the block have left helpless and imobile, as well as probably the most rank smelling organism (said loosely, much like his light-green colored diarrhea) this side of Alpha Centaury.>>
Round
3...FIGHT!
Date: 7/13/2000
From: Nobuyuki
I'm not through yet, RE! RE, R...E? Where have I heard those initials before? Oooh, that's right. Resident Evil, which is a term that could easily define you. As anyone here could point out to you, the zombies and monsters in the video games are by far your superiors in everything from looks to intelligence. Nemesis could pick up more chicks than you could! Remember, that's NEMESIS. N. E. M. E. S. I. S. Can you spell it, dumbass?
RE: M. 1. F. U. C. D. O. G.
I should have known better. Now listen up you fungus wannabe. Take that April O'Neil Ninja Turtle action figure you've been masturbating with nonstop for the past six years and stick it down your throat. The painful lack of oxygen will be temporary, I assure you, but believe me, it will hurt you a lot more than it will the rest of us.
Alas, poor RandomsEdge, I knew ye well. As a matter of fact, far too well and the sooner you sufficate, the better.
--Nobuyuki Wins...Flawless Victory.
Hmmm....
what else can I say?
Date: 7/13/2000
From: dellyone
Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________Quote
I didn't cut and paste from Sabre's post. I wrote it down and retyped it, just so it wouldn't be "cut and paste".
http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/21728/9
____________________________I believe that says it all. Yes, I know how to cut and paste. Like I said, a five year old can do it, but sadly you are and idiot with the mental age of three or four.
dellyone
P.S.
I smell something burning. Golly gee, it's your ass aflame. The timer to Ice World is still at your feet.
the
wind up...
Date: 7/13/2000
From: TeddyRuxpin
Hello you illiterate fuck (Godm you can't even spell in your own reply, how sorry is that). since you are repaeating the 2nd grade for the 22nd time in a row, I think it's time for Teddy to let you know on a few things...First of all, and it's pretty obvious, YOU'RE STUPID! God, I never seen someone as pathetic as you. How many times people has been telling and pleading with you to buy a goddamn dictionary, or maybe a thesaurus or... wait, I forgot you're not ready for those BIG words yet. You stupid jackass.
SO how are you? Still masturbating to Richard Simmons, huh? Jeez, no wonder you have all his tapes, you sick fuck. If you stop licking your dad's balls for a second and get yourself into... well i don't know... a BOOK, maybe your post may have a bit of coherence. How's your mom, by the way? Still the main attraction at the walrus exhibit, i see?
I heard you're dad is still pimping you around, huh? Yeah, you always liked it when he was shoving his "fire hose" in your "tunnel of luvin". Maybe it's because you remind him of is wife: easy, stupid, and ugly.
Remember that Speak-n-Spell you stole from school one day? Still couldn't get those words right, huh? DUMBASS! Ho wlong have you had that thing? 10 years? Have you tried pressing the "Hint" button... oh yeah, you don't know what that word mean. You illterate cunt.
Teddy has spoken, and he's damn tired!
TeddyRuxpin
Judgment
Calls
Date: 7/14/2000
From: dellyone
RE/RJ you are still an idiot coward.
dellyone
Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/22055
Nominated by darkslider
