Date: 7/18/2000
From: darkslider

"Il s'attriste me pour voir un de vous mourir Puisqu'il doit être ainsi, faites-au moins le sur vos pieds, comme guerriers."

------------------------------------------------------

Blinker:
Blinker?! Where have you BEEN?! It's good to see you enter this one...RIGHT AT THE LAST DAMN MINUTE! Your post on Re still has me laughing like a loon with a can full of nitris.

I've seen the chaos you are capable of and since I am such a schadenfreude, I will rejoice greatly in seeing this battle. Stochi is STRONG, be aware.

Bonne Chance!

_________________________________________________

Stochi:
Well, you wanted to enter and kick some guy ass. You have done just that. One more arena battle after this, and you will RULE AS QUEEN.
Your attacks are laudable, and will be immortalized in the HoF. Let's see if you can prove that a pissing contest is no longer for those who can write their names in the snow!

Viel Glueck

-darkslider

Thou shalt commence to expire

Date: 7/18/2000
From: Stoker_chick

<Good luck Blink [extends hand]. Hope you make an appearance eventually>.

His death was plotted by the bboard elite, as it was due time that his Ruefulness be relieved of his misery. It has long been tacitly known by all members of the Dominion bboard possessing at least a hint of intellectual capacity (depicting very few) that Blinker is only capable of conveying messages through antediluvian jocularity due to reasons beyond the common *good sense of humor*. There is a darker shadow carved by the form of Fink’s yellow-school-bus-full-of-the-bowels-and-regurgitation-of-RandomsEdge’s-and-TrapperBen’s-love-children body. The infamous aforementioned avias-corpus-antimorphogenetic-sterile-biohazardous-sloth, [genital] Blister, is truly, in fact, the almighty rig-hauling magnate of the underground race of closet SuperHicks. These unbelievably obsessive yokels have ridden our urban fortresses of solidarity and civility to the unendurable end of our lasso. The deed was performed by professional uncanny assassin, darkslider. His reward was the gift of an immense grant to rid the world of all clodhoppers.

The following is the formal Eulogy as delivered by Stochi, not long ensuing the demise of Blinker.

 

Friends, webmasters, sliderfans, lend me your screens. I come to bury Blinker, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Blinker, being there is none. Cremation is a wonder for those to burn in the infernal deserved abyss to which he has gone. The noble darkslider hath told you Blinker was ambitious. If it were so, it was a grievous fault, and grievously hath Blinker answered it. Here, under leave of darkslider and the rest (Brand_S, Mutant_X, Tigs, Y, delly, etc. . .)—for darkslider is an honourable man, so are they all, all honourable men (and women)—Come I to speak in Blinker’s funeral. He was my friend, however faith was long abandoned. He who hath hidden the truth of thy self will forever be tortured in favor of deceit. As blood and mutiny, all without cause, were born from his unrefined lips, all is lost. Such is due cause to accord, and not mourn for this sickly compromisor of the common urbanity. His playful jesters hath been exposed for their true souls, and disclosed Blinker’s lack of such thereof.

I am no orator as darkslider is, but as you know me all, a plain blunt femal, that hate my friend; and they know full well that gave me public leave to speak most honestly of Sir Blinkithis. And here is the will, and under Blister’s seal of sardine-and-olive-moldering-vomit-and-clitoris-discharge. To every Dominion denizen he bestows—

A stationery trailer home complete with Bill Clinton toilet seat covers and a set of thirty seven straw hats and coveralls (one of each for every member of the household).

 

To ease ourselves of Blinker’s slanderous loads, he shalt but bear them as his ass hole ceaselessly bears his thumb (even in death). Listen great things. How covert matters may be best disclosed, and open perils surest answered (at least for him). A cylinder of equal parts orange juice and gasoline are to be expelled over the dilapidated corpse post mortum. Thus, the napalm conjuncture will be lit aflame, and Finker, along with his 1,864 first cousins (actually, they are all his half brothers and sisters as well, oddly enough. . .) will subsequently meet their timely separation, rupture, and demise.

Live short and fester!

Stochi.

ds: Je pense qu'il y a un probleme.

Date: 7/18/2000
From: Stoker_chick

Je n'ecris [ou parles] pas francais tres bien, mais j'esserai. Je pense que Blinker ne viendrai pas. Alors, je ne veut pas parler plus pas avec il. S'il n'y a pas une response d'il, c'est la vie. Il n'est pas necessaire pour moi combatte plus pas avec une adversaire. Est-ce qu'il une lache?

Merci pour le commentaire anterieur. :)

paix dehors. (hehe)

Stochi

<rushes to computer>

Date: 7/19/2000
From: Blinker

[Best of luck right back at ya. "May the best sentience win."]

Stoker_Hick dreamed.

The dream was the same as it had been the last four nights: Blinker's death. The man who Choker_Stick's subconscious knew would ALWAYS be her superior in the ways of the flame.

The man who, if his inhumanly large member were to be straddled, might possibly pass on some of his skill from beyond the grave.

She readied her buzz saw organ and...

I should backtrack here.

You see, my esteemed predecessor RMScream was wrong. BrokeHer_Dick is NOT a lesbian. She is in fact an *octosexual.* Someone whose crotch resembles a Swiss army knife. Someone with eight reproductive organs, ironically none of them female.

Three of them are power tools.

No-one even *knows* what the eighth one is, but it secretes whatever-the-hell-that-was-that-Season-Five-Wade-was-floating-in while while humming the Internationale.

More_Makeup_Than_Jack_Nicholson_As_The_Joker_Chick moaned.

There were many things that Sexually_Inflamed_By_Al_Roker_Chick had yet to learn. That after appearing as Sam in "Easy Slider" and deciding *not* to use "Smoker_Chick" as her BBoard handle, she could have picked something a *bit* more respect-inspiring than a tribute to a work crappy even by Season *Three* standards.

Make that *NIGHT COURT SEASON FIVE* standards.

That searching for bizarre subliminal messages and mythological allusions in "The Prisoner," "Nowhere Man" and "Marathon" is indeed a worthy pastime, while doing so with "Sesame Street Presents: Grover Goes to the Library (ages 2 and up)" is less so.

That searching for new ways to masturbate using the pop-up illustrations in said work is least worthy of all.

That when people said she was constantly 'on Edge,' they *weren't* referring to jumpiness.

But most of all, that BLINKER'S CORPSE WOULD NEVER BE HERS.

The buzz saw entered a final spasm of frenzied spinning, as her fevered, mumbled, not-quite-pentametric eulogy increased in pitch.

The earth trembled.

Finally satisfied, Lusting_After_Danny_DeVito's_Eight_Inch_Red_Hot_Poker_Chick's wet - well, actually, sawdusty - dream of necrophiliac congress subsided.

My oppugnant opsimath blissfully envisioned Harry Potter caressing his tongue along the "Hogwarts" that encircled HER "Chamber of Secrets."

Even as she churned in bliss, Toker_Hick could not help but long to possess a more traditional "Goblet of Fire."

~ fin ~

- Blinker 7>:-P
http://welcome.to/gate_haven

DAMMIT

Date: 7/19/2000
From: Blinker

So does that count, or what?

- Blinker 7:-I
http://welcome.to/gate_haven

<sigh>

Date: 7/19/2000
From: Stoker_chick

Whether or not your flame will be accepted, it was, in my trivial opinion, very well done. Good luck, if so. If not, my hand goes out to you.

Just one question, though. . . why does everyone assume that my handle is after the Sliders episode. I've had that handle in other networks for years before that episode actually aired. In all honesty, I've been called Stoker by my family and the kids at school since I was a little kid. My ex boyfriend used to call be Stoker Chick as a joke, so it stuck as well. Gees, my whole life does not revolve around one dreadful show.

Peace out.

Stochi
stoker_chick@hotmail.com

Original URL http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/545/22176
Nominated by darkslider